damned_institute | NIGHTSHIFT 28: M31-M40 HALLWAY

"I know you do." Valyn patted her hand, awkwardly. "You'll have to forgive me if I prefer you when you aren't under the influence of poppy."

"I wasn't sure you preferred me at all," she countered, sliding sideways a bit until her head rested against his uninjured shoulder. She felt very... very relaxed. Not sleepy. Just kind of... she couldn't think of the right word, but Valyn was comfortable and warm and she liked it.

"We're not talking about this while you're under the influence of strong medicine." Valyn could only imagine how he'd upset her when she was even less rational than usual. But he sighed and shifted so his arm was loosely around her shoulders, letting her rest against him.

"We don't have to talk about it," she agreed amicably. Then she smiled. "You make a nice pillow. You're warm."

"Don't...get used to this, Shana." He hated to say it, but the words were out before he could stop them. He was only being kind because she was hurt and under the weather.

"I won't," she said softly, staring at some distant point across the room. "In the morning, you can tell me it was all a dream, if you want."

"I won't tell you that." Valyn closed his eyes, tilting his head back. "It would be without a point. We both know it's happened. Besides, Shadow would be cross with me if I did."

"Why?" she asked curiously, tilting her head to peer up at him through dark lashes, his face so close now that they were side by side - his head against the headboard and hers against his shoulder.

"For a variety of reasons." She was so close. They way they were laying... Valyn cleared his throat, looking away quickly. It was too close, too intimate. He should move. Extricate himself and remove himself from a situation that had far too much potential to turn badly.

But he didn't.

"What reasons?" she asked again, not moving away, merely watching him in curiosity as she pondered the meaning of his words. "Shadow doesn't get cross with you. Not often."

"It doesn't matter." Valyn shook his head, not wanting to talk about it. Not now, not with Shana. "And yes, he does. And I get cross with him. We have our difficulties, like anyone else. We just don't fight or argue where other people can see. It's not seemly."

Shana thought about that for a long moment, then gave a quiet sigh, leaning her cheek back against Valyn's shoulder. "I don't think I'll ever get any of this right," she admitted, a wistful tone to her voice.

"Any of what?" Perhaps Shana was having some other conversation, in her own mind. Ancestors knew what drugs that affected the mind caused.

"What I'm supposed to do. What I'm not supposed to do. I never get it right. Back among the dragons, if there was a disagreement, almost everyone knew about it. They never kept it secret because it wasn't seemly. Fire and Rain, most of the time, half the Kin would not only know but get involved."

"Shana, you and I come from two different societies." Valyn had adopted that overly-patient tone he had used so often back home. "Of course you aren't going to react or act in the same way I would. Or Shadow would. I don't expect you to understand the intricacies of elven etiquette." Though things would be a great deal easier if she did.

"We're very different, you and I. Maybe too different. I don't know."

"Is that bad, though?" she asked, turning her head to peer up at him once more. "That we're so different? Does that mean we'll never get along?"

"I can't predict the future." Valyn sighed, heavily. "But I know we get on one another's nerves more often than not. Not because we mean to, simply because of who we are. We frustrate each other. There's no helping that. But obviously we're capable of getting along." He looked down at her, gaze moving over her face to settle on her eyes.

"And I do like you, Shana."

Her cheeks heated at his words, her gaze searching his face in return now that he'd turned to watch her. Their faces were so close, she could feel his breath against her skin.

"Do you?"

"I thought I'd at least made that much clear." Valyn patted her hand again. This was...uncomfortable. Wrong. She was so close, so very close....

"You're my friend. And I don't have that many of those, you know."

"You're getting more," she countered, her gaze dropping to his lips as he spoke. She wondered what he tasted like? It was an odd thought, but there all the same.

"Maybe." Acquaintances. Allies. He supposed Renji was a friend, and Raine. The others? People he spoke to, people he could trust. But not people he'd consider friends.

"They think of you as friends," she replied. "So do we. I've always thought of you as a friend. I like having you as a friend. I never had many of those either, before."

"But we aren't just friends, are we?" The words were spoken quietly. There was no denying that. They were brother and sister. And there were... other things between them as well. It couldn't be avoided.

How much easier it would be, if that was all there was. Just friendship.

"No," she replied, her voice slightly breathless as she met and held his gaze, the words just as soft as his own. "No. Not just friends. But I don't know what we are."

"Neither do I."

Maybe they never would know. Maybe this, this awkward tension, would be all there ever was. Ancestors knew. He certainly couldn't figure it out. And this was all there ever was, even now. Even laying together in bed.

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