damned_institute | NIGHTSHIFT 28: M31-M40 HALLWAY

"I don't know. I suppose... because those are personal things." The idea of simply sharing such close things so easily was one that made Valyn slightly envious.

"Though I reserve the right to think you're completely mad for your feelings. I'm sure there's someone more suited for you than me."

"I'm not completely mad," she protested. "Do you tell Shadow he's mad for liking you? Why is it so hard to believe? And this whole conversation is personal, so of course my answer would be that way."

"I don't constantly fight with and frustrate Shadow," Valyn pointed out. "And Shadow isn't my sister. The situation isn't the same, and you know it." They couldn't be compared. There were too many differences.

"I'm not used to having personal conversations."

"That's because he's more used to you." And because Shadow had more patience than she did, and the tact to keep his mouth shut. Which she really needed to work on. "He's your cousin, though."

"That's because you get all prickly."

"Cousin is different than sister." More acceptable. Valyn shifted, settling onto his back next to Shana.

"I don't get prickly."

"Still related," she countered with a rueful look. "You just share a grandfather instead of a father."

"You do get prickly. Very prickly. And you get that look on your face."

"It's not as close a kinship." And it wasn't. It was more far removed. The generations went back further. It wasn't as... wrong.

"It's not prickly. I can't speak on personal subjects, Shana. Not without a great deal of difficulty."

Shana opened her mouth to retort and then firmly shut it once more. Just because he was being stubborn didn't mean she had to, too. They weren't going to agree. To him, this made a huge difference, whereas to her, it meant little. Then again, Valyn was much more concerned with the whole 'related' revelation thing than she was. She wondered if he'd pulled these same excuses on Shadow? She'd have to ask the other halfblood, and then ask how to get around them. Kissing him sadly hadn't worked, as she'd hoped it would.

"You're speaking of them now. Sort of. You have all day."

"Not really." Valyn shook his head. He hadn't said one word about what he felt. There had been a great deal of discussion about what he thought, but not about what he felt. Those words wouldn't come.

It had all been rather shallow talk, regardless of the subject matter.

"It's difficult to explain."

Shana wasn't sure you could get more personal than telling someone you liked them, that you were in love with someone else, and that you were siblings - and not consider it personal.

"Try?" she asked, peering up at him as she carefully rolled over to curl up on her side, watching him as she pillowed her cheek on the back of her hand.

"I don't have the words." Valyn reached out, brushing his knuckles across her cheek and shaking his head, sadly. "I can recite facts and give you my opinions, but I can't express how I feel. I want to, but I can't. All those things you said to me... I couldn't say something like that to you. I can tell you what I think of you, but not how I feel about you."

"Is what you think of me and how you feel about me so very different?" she asked curiously, leaning into the touch, lifting her hand to rest over the back of his, liking the warmth and the gentleness of his touch.

"Very much so. Isn't it always?" He thought a great many things about her - not all of them flattering. But what he felt was something altogether different. They were two separate things.

They were venturing into dangerous territory again. What was taking Shadow so long? Or was this part of his plan? Leave them alone until something happened....

"Not really," she replied. "What I think is tied to what I feel about you. I don't just feel one thing all the time. When I think I'm annoyed at you, I feel annoyed. You have to admit, you can be horribly aggravating. Then again, so can I, so I've not much room to talk. But then again, even when I am annoyed at you, it doesn't change the deeper feelings, so I suppose in a way you're right."

"Maybe our problems stem not from our differences, but our similarities." They were there. Valyn wasn't keen on the idea of analyzing his flaws, but for every one he found, he saw it mirrored in Shana. Had she been raised in Elven society, how different would she be? How different would they be then?

"Do we have any?" Shana blinked at him, looking surprised. She didn't think she had all that much the same as him. He was confident and clever - which could also be occasionally arrogant and manipulative, depending on her mood - but he always seemed so sure of himself, and always so right. Shana never felt like that.

"We're both stubborn, irritable, temperamental, defensive and set in our ways." Valyn said it with a small smile, at least. But it was true.

"Oh," she sighed thoughtfully, sounding pleased about this despite the lengthy list of faults he'd just spouted off. "I guess we do, then."

"Those aren't exactly compatible traits, you know." Not for lovers. It was no wonder they constantly butted heads. "Though I suppose we'll manage."

"Manage what?" she asked curiously, glancing up at him again, still looking pleased despite all this. "We've managed so far, haven't we? Sort of?"

"Manage to get along like people who like one another." And they hadn't managed very well. Not particularly. One day with only a few fights was still a day they couldn't go without fighting.

"Not everyone who likes one another always get along," Shana countered logically. "Liking someone doesn't mean you'll always agree or never butt heads over something. Keman and I do. Shadow and I have. Even others in the Citadel or the Kin that I liked, I didn't always get along with. That didn't mean I didn't like them."

Valyn decided to refrain from pointing out the obvious. That it wasn't a matter of them sometimes not getting along, it was that they more often than not didn't get along. They did butt heads, nearly every time they spoke.

He sighed and shifted, folding his hands behind his head as he lay on his back on the bed. He swore he heard a thread of something....

Maybe it was just his imagination. Maybe.

Shana mistook his sigh for another reason and bit her lower lip in agitation. Feeling more and more sleepy as the night wore on and the day caught up to her, she rolled over, curling up against his side and slipping an arm over his bare waist and resting her head atop his (still bared) chest. He was warm and comfortable, and her head hurt almost as much as her leg. It had been a confusing and upsetting day and Shana wondered if even falling asleep and waking up again would make any of it better. How would things feel tomorrow?

"I'm sorry I'm too stubborn, Valyn," she murmured softly, only half-aware that she was doing so, her mind slowly drifting closer to the edge of sleep and therefore not controlling the admission slipping past her lips. "I wish I could be what you wanted."

"It's alright, Shana." He tensed as she moved closer, though he was a bit distracted. Had he heard something? He was weakened from his own depletion of magic, drained nearly completely as it was.

He was tempted to wriggle away, out of Shana's grip, but he supposed there was no harm in letting her sleep on him. They'd wake up apart.

"Don't apologize, you're being silly." Shadow had been gone a long while. Too long. Now worry was creeping in, gripping him.

Re: M36

hamenleai.livejournal.com - 2007-12-14 02:47 (UTC) - Expand