damned_institute | NIGHTSHIFT 28: M31-M40 HALLWAY

Shana thought about that for a long moment, then gave a quiet sigh, leaning her cheek back against Valyn's shoulder. "I don't think I'll ever get any of this right," she admitted, a wistful tone to her voice.

"Any of what?" Perhaps Shana was having some other conversation, in her own mind. Ancestors knew what drugs that affected the mind caused.

"What I'm supposed to do. What I'm not supposed to do. I never get it right. Back among the dragons, if there was a disagreement, almost everyone knew about it. They never kept it secret because it wasn't seemly. Fire and Rain, most of the time, half the Kin would not only know but get involved."

"Shana, you and I come from two different societies." Valyn had adopted that overly-patient tone he had used so often back home. "Of course you aren't going to react or act in the same way I would. Or Shadow would. I don't expect you to understand the intricacies of elven etiquette." Though things would be a great deal easier if she did.

"We're very different, you and I. Maybe too different. I don't know."

"Is that bad, though?" she asked, turning her head to peer up at him once more. "That we're so different? Does that mean we'll never get along?"

"I can't predict the future." Valyn sighed, heavily. "But I know we get on one another's nerves more often than not. Not because we mean to, simply because of who we are. We frustrate each other. There's no helping that. But obviously we're capable of getting along." He looked down at her, gaze moving over her face to settle on her eyes.

"And I do like you, Shana."

Her cheeks heated at his words, her gaze searching his face in return now that he'd turned to watch her. Their faces were so close, she could feel his breath against her skin.

"Do you?"

"I thought I'd at least made that much clear." Valyn patted her hand again. This was...uncomfortable. Wrong. She was so close, so very close....

"You're my friend. And I don't have that many of those, you know."

"You're getting more," she countered, her gaze dropping to his lips as he spoke. She wondered what he tasted like? It was an odd thought, but there all the same.

"Maybe." Acquaintances. Allies. He supposed Renji was a friend, and Raine. The others? People he spoke to, people he could trust. But not people he'd consider friends.

"They think of you as friends," she replied. "So do we. I've always thought of you as a friend. I like having you as a friend. I never had many of those either, before."

"But we aren't just friends, are we?" The words were spoken quietly. There was no denying that. They were brother and sister. And there were... other things between them as well. It couldn't be avoided.

How much easier it would be, if that was all there was. Just friendship.

"No," she replied, her voice slightly breathless as she met and held his gaze, the words just as soft as his own. "No. Not just friends. But I don't know what we are."

"Neither do I."

Maybe they never would know. Maybe this, this awkward tension, would be all there ever was. Ancestors knew. He certainly couldn't figure it out. And this was all there ever was, even now. Even laying together in bed.

"I want to find out, though," she admitted, still speaking softly, still watching his face. "I'm a little scared to, but I still want to find out."

"I don't think it's anything we can find out, Shana. It just... is." This wasn't something he could talk about easily. He felt suffocated and on edge dancing this close to it.

"That doesn't mean that we can't find out about it, does it?" she asked, her gaze dropping to his lips once more. She was tempted - he was so close. She was fascinated by the movement of his lips and it heated something deep inside her, something that filled her with a wild anticipation.

"But it doesn't mean we should try, either." He offered her a small smile, weak and apologetic. "Somethings... sometimes are best left alone. Or best left to be explored in their own time."

"And sometimes you need to stop making excuses against the inevitable," she informed him.

And then she gave into temptation and leaned in and kissed him, the brush of lips curious and tentative, tasting him like she'd wanted. She had no idea if she was doing this right - she'd never done this before, after all - but at least she'd tried.

"Shana!" Valyn froze, tensing at the touch. He didn't pull away from her or push her away, but he remained still, not returning the kiss. Ancestors, it was nice, and a part of him jumped at the brush of lips on lips.... but she was sedated, not in her right mind.

"Not like this," he said softly, turning his head a touch, resting his forehead against hers. "You aren't thinking right."

It was the truth. She wasn't. But it also gave him more time. For what, he wasn't sure.

"I'm thinking perfectly fine," she replied, even if she wasn't. She pressed another tentative kiss to the corner of his lips. "Why does this require thinking? You've done endless thinking and gotten nowhere."

"No you aren't." Valyn shook his head, reaching up to stroke her hair. "It wouldn't be right. You're in pain and on some sort of poppy drug...."

Damn it all, he wanted this. But it didn't matter. He had been honest with her - all the things between them, he couldn't just ignore them. His own physical wants and desires were secondary.

"I can't, Shana. Not like this."

"How, then?" she asked, pulling back just far enough to stare up at him. She wasn't in pain. At the moment, she felt perfectly amazing. And her lips were tingling. She wanted to kiss him again, but she wanted an answer first.

If only he weren't so cursed stubborn!

"I don't know." Thank the ancestors she'd stopped. He left his hand in her hair, hoping that small, chaste touches would be enough for her. "But not like this. Not...bleeding and exhausted and drugged in some stranger's bed."

Her gaze narrowed. "You're just saying this in hopes that I forget all about this tomorrow, aren't you?"

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