damned_institute | Day 23: Lunch

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Day 23: Lunch

The second the intercom sounded, while the man on the intercom was still talking, Ashton pulled himself off the couch in the Music Room and slowly made his way to the door. He walked, glided even, as if he were a ghost in a dream. The nurses had already filed up to escort the patients to the lunchroom, and one bustled over to walk Ashton those few feet from one room to another.

"You're not looking very well, Mr. Pritchett," she said cheerfully. "Didn't you enjoy your shower?"

Ashton replied with a small, forced smile, then shook his head. He didn't feel like talking now. Though the nurses were pushy and downright annoying, he figured he owed this one at least a little explanation. They didn't know - or didn't believe - what went on after dark, but he owed them the benefit of the doubt. "Bad day," he decided on telling her.

Bad day indeed. The showers and the music had done nothing for his nerves. But then again, what could get that graphic image out of his head?

He glided ghostily through the taco line and settled on two chicken and bean tacos, with chips, a scoop of guacamole, two churros on the side, and a glass of apple juice. He wasn't used to this sort of food (save the juice) and he wasn't even sure he'd eat it, but the chances were high that he'd be able to pass it off on someone.

He was on the verge of tears again, too. What he would have given to just sit down next to a barrel and eat a hamburger.

Thank goodness the cafeteria was bare just now, too. It left all the corner tables open, the tables that shouted 'Don't talk to me, I'm brooding over here.' He sat at one, pushed his food a little away from him, and buried his head in his arms.

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"Sorry, it didn't work out last night. If I find anything, I'll let you know. I'm already looking for my camera, my roommate's phone, and a pink bunny - so picking up one more thing won't kill me." He hoped. Who knew what would be between him and their stuff? At the mention of the bulletin board, he nodded. "You were looking for someone, and I commented. Where in Japan are you from?"

When Miku asked how his night went, Ritsuka sighed and picked up his glass of milk, slumping down in his seat. "It was lousy. I mean, being with my brother was great, but..."

Small hands clenched around the glass as he remembered how useless it had all been. After all the work of getting out there, that stupid monster had caused them to turn back almost completely empty-handed. This place was so frustrating! Ritsuka was terrible at hiding his emotions sometimes, and now was no exception. "But I messed it up and we didn't find anything in the end. I'm hoping to try again tonight and not screw up."

"I'm sorry to hear you weren't lucky either," Miku said and sipped at her milk - it was the best thing for spicy food!

"But, don't worry about my camera, if you have so many other things on your mind. I've got intent to continue making the map I was given." She nodded, and thought of the precious slip of paper in her journal.

She sighed a bit and remembered his first question, picking off a bit of tortilla to nibble on. "I live outside Tokyo, but, it's a small, out of the way little town. And you?"

He relaxed slightly, putting the glass down, and used the half eaten churro to push things around his plate. Mexican food was definitely going on his list of foods not to try again.

"I don't have many things on my mind, really." He was such a liar, and a really bad liar, too. He hoped she wouldn't notice. Ritsuka perked up at the mention of the map, however, sitting forward in his seat for once. "You're making a map, too? I have one, but it's small. I wrote it on my hand last night, but it was scrubbed off this morning. I rewrote it in my journal though. Want to see?"

He slipped the item in question out from beneath his tray and held it up for Miku to see. Maybe they could compare notes! That would certainly help him out at least. Hopefully it would help Miku out, too. "I live near Tokyo, sort of in the suburbs. It's kind of boring actually."

She didn't look like she quite believed him, but she kept her opinion to herself as he brought out the map. "I don't have my map with me, though I'll be happy to help with yours."

She took a bite out of her second half with obvious amusement and swallowed before speaking. "You have a bit more than I do of the second floor. Food abandoned, she walked around the table to join him. "This part leads off to a Laundry Room, and a bigger hall, there's a stairwell over here, and... it goes down to the first floor."

There was something to be said about being a photographer - you remembered everything.

Ritsuka ignored her disbelieving look and kept a smile on his face. Having more people worried about him here was useless after all. It really wouldn't do to have people know about his condition or they'd think he actually belonged here. He listened carefully, etching in the new directions as Miku told him. This meant that later on he could skip the Laundry room at least. This was good to know. "Thanks, that helps actually. Here, let me copy what I have down for you. Hide it and you can use it later."

Taking his pen, he did a quick, albeit not terribly good drawing of the hallways he knew about. He hated that he didn't have his camera. It'd be so much easier than drawing it all out. He tore the page from his journal, folded it up, and handed it to Miku. "I hope it helps you. There wasn't much in the training room, but the pharmacy is promising. I don't know much about the locker rooms other than to be careful there. Things live in them."

"They live down in the entry way too - shadowy things." Miku shuddered. "That's where my stairwell leads, to that room."

She went back to her side of the table and smiled, she could see Alfons from across the way and waved at him, still very thankful for his intervention the night before. Miku tucked the piece of paper into her pocket. "Thank you, I'll add it when I have a moment." Hopefully, that moment would occur before the hospital changed.

"Shadowy things?" Ritsuka made a note of this in his journal as well. There was an entry way on the first floor and shadowy things there. Two stairwells, this was also useful. He scratched out a few more notes and then closed the journal, tired of writing so much so quickly. Just as he raised his head, he saw Miku wave to someone and turned to see who it was. A blond boy and a white-haired man were sitting across the way - her friends, he supposed. Turning back to face Miku, he smiled at her pleasantly. "Your friends?"

He hoped he wasn't keeping her from more important things.

"Yes, they have tendrils, and drain all the... desire from a person. It leaves them feeling blank." Miku frowned, the look unnatural on her chipper face.

When Ritsuka questioned her. "Not quite, more like knights in shining armor, sort of. They protected me last night when another would've used me for something... not so good." The gratitude in her voice could be felt in volumes. "I should go over and thank them properly, I wasn't able to because of my condition last night."

So, that was what got him! He'd have to remember what they looked like so he could avoid them later. He hated the idea that that thing got him, Tamaki, and now Miku as well, frowning at the thought of it. He especially hated it if the very thought made her normally bright smile disappear like that. "So that's what they look like. I had the same thing last night. It must've been a holiday for them or something... But hey, they're gone now, right?"

He was glad that someone had been there to help her and he nodded, waving her to go. His smile returned, cordial as ever. He was good at smiling on cue. "Go on. I'm not going anywhere."

"That's right. And if they come back, I'll run." She grinned at him and looked back over at Alfons and Vergil.

"I'll be just a few minutes, maybe Alfons and Vergil know a little more about the layout of this place." The boys had spoken so much she'd gotten lost before she'd woken up.

[[Slipping this way (http://community.livejournal.com/landels_damned/90002.html?thread=5403282#t5403282)]]

"Running seems like a good plan," Ritsuka replied, giving her a small smile. He nodded as she slipped off, taking note of her mention of the other men. He debated following her, but decided against it. Private conversations shouldn't be interrupted by outsiders after all. He knew he should probably talk to them as well, but he could always borrow try to ask Miku later since she was also making a map.

Really, he was just growing apprehensive that his brother was still absent and didn't want to move in case Seimei was coming. More and more people were filing into the cafeteria, but not a single one of them had cat ears. What if he'd been taken away while Ritsuka was in the Music Room? If he'd failed his brother this soon after finding him again, Ritsuka didn't know if he could take it. The fear of Seimei disappearing again knotted in his stomach and he felt like he was going to be sick. Finally giving up on his food, he shoved the tray aside and put his head down on the table, watching the door closely.

Seimei entered the cafeteria, having taken a bit longer in the shower than he should have, but he felt as if the dirt never really came off, that somehow showering with others made him less clean. He saw their eyes on him, knew they wanted to shove him up against a wall and have their way; they were men, and men's blood ran hot with need and desire.

He ignored the offering of food; he wouldn't eat in front of others. Normally, he would be asked to taken back to his room during this part of the shift. But now there was Ritsuka to consider.

He spotted his sibling immediately and crossed to him, putting on a smile for the other.

The worry and fear dissolved as soon as Seimei appeared at the door. Ritsuka knew he shouldn't get so apprehensive when his brother wasn't nearby, but he'd been having nightmares for a year about losing him and at least for the first few days, he wanted to keep him close by. He just needed to know that the nightmares weren't true, and that they wouldn't be coming true ever again.

Ritsuka sat up as his brother approached and returned his smile. His brother wasn't eating again. He never remembered Seimei being so adverse to eating in front of people, but then, his memory wasn't something to be trusted. He knew that. Still, this made three meals that Seimei hadn't eaten...

"So how was the last shift for you?" he asked when his brother finally reached him.

"Uneventful." Seimei replied, sliding into a seat beside Ritsuka and putting an arm around him. "It's better now that I'm with you." He declared, giving the other a nuzzle. Seimei smelled like soap and shampoo; his hair was still a bit damp.

He'd always downplayed his revulsion at certain foods when he was around Ritsuka; he didn't ever want to alarm the boy, so he'd give excuses that he'd already eaten or wasn't hungry to deter any suspicions.

"What did you do, then? Get up to any mischief?"

Mischief? Hardly. Other than talking to Hisoka and playing a bit on the bulletin board, he hadn't done much of anything. He moved closer to Seimei, the clean smell of soap and shampoo refreshing. It reminded him that he needed to take his own shower soon.

"Didn't towel off in the showers, I see," he said as he flicked at a wet strand of Seimei's hair. He sighed slightly and leaned back in the chair, thinking back on what he'd done while Seimei was at the showers. Information gathering was like schoolwork really - boring but necessary.

"I talked to someone in the Music Room who said he knew you - Kurosaki Hisoka ring any bells? Talked a bit on the bulletin board... Ah, and I met a girl - Miku - who had a bit more of a map done." Ritsuka motioned behind them to where Miku was talking with the two other men. "She's over there with her friends - apparently they know more about the layout, too."

"Ah. That one does not like me much." Seimei said, remembering the boy he encountered during the night shift. "I know you will not like to hear this, Ritsuka, but I do not think we should depend much on others. They could vanish or turn against us at any time. It is better if we rely only on ourselves; that is how I have managed thus far."

He looked to his brother, putting on his best pleading face. "I need only you in this place; I know together we will be stronger than anything that dares come against us."

He'd never understand why people didn't like Seimei. Everyone he'd met had been trying to turn him against his brother and he hated it. He hated how people judged Seimei when they didn't know him. "I noticed. He has an interesting power though - not like Fighters at all. He said he sees memories..."

Ritsuka paused when Seimei said they shouldn't depend on others and frowned slightly. While he wanted to rely only on Seimei like the old days, there were things much scarier than their mother's violence lurking here. It couldn't be that bad to make friends, could it...? He dropped his head slightly, knowing that what Seimei said was true, but not knowing what to do about it. "...but what happens if I disappear or if you disappear? I can't stand the thought of you being here alone again..."

He'd already started making some friends here, or at least, he would have liked to think so. No one he'd met so far seemed like the sort of person to betray him (except maybe Aidou, but he was more teasing than actually malicious). It was evident that Ritsuka didn't agree, but he couldn't find a concrete reason to refute what Seimei said. He didn't know why he was trusting these people other than the fact that they all seemed to be in the same predicament. "...I guess so."

And then Seimei gave him that look - the one that always got him right in the heart. He gave Seimei his best reassuring smile and took his hand in his own. "I trust you - I know we'll be okay together."

Still, he wanted to prepare like Seimei had when he was killed by the Seven Moons. Ritsuka had to find someone to take his place in case something happened to him and, like the people posted on the bulletin board, just disappeared one day. Seimei had to be protected - at all costs. He hated keeping secrets from his brother, but this one... he'd have to be absolutely quiet about. He was certain it would upset Seimei to learn that Ritsuka was thinking about such morbid possibilities.

"It's fine if you need others." Seimei said, looking away to a point in the middle distance. "I'm simply saying that I don't. You're better at making friends than I am. I've been alone here thus far... and I'll manage if I am alone again."

The words were carefully chosen, soft with just the faintest hint of pain. "It will be hard, though. It is good if you have others to depend on..." Bitterness rose up like bile and he wanted to push Ritsuka to the floor and walk away, cursing him for spreading his loyalty so thin it could be ripped with one careless swipe.

He hated him for that. Hated him and it was poison in his veins. He added the cherry to this angst sundae. "I just want what's best for you."

He was like a finely tuned instrument only Seimei knew how to play. Ritsuka was shocked, and more than shocked, he was devastated. Broken. He'd broken everything. In one day, he'd already destroyed everything. His mother was right was the only thing he could think of when he saw the change in Seimei's face. He wasn't the one Seimei wanted either. This new him, the one he'd become, was horrific even to his beloved brother - the one he'd mourned and cried for, the one he'd sought revenge for, the one he'd defended all this time... He felt shattered and worthless and Seimei never even had to raise a hand.

Eyes wide and frightened, Ritsuka tried to reach out to Seimei, but his hands stopped midway there. Would his brother push them away? Would he turn away like Ritsuka was some disgusting creature? Ritsuka knew he wouldn't be able to handle that if he did. "Seimei, no -- I -- that's not what I meant..."

Fear, pain, worry, loneliness. He felt lonely. He'd always thought his brother would be there, but now he was pulling away. The world was colder than he'd ever thought possible. He risked it and caught his brother's arm in both hands. "Seimei, don't please... I didn't mean it like that, really. I just wanted to find someone for you in case these people took me away. I didn't want you to be alone. I never want you to be alone..."

"There's no one else for me. Do you understand?" Like a hero turning at the last minute, embracing his beloved instead of wandering off into the sunset to fight another day. He let the relief flood his face, show outwardly in the shining of his eyes. "There's only you. There will only ever be you. I cannot be loyal to anyone else, ever. I cannot love anyone else."

He leaned close and rested his brow against his brother's. "I am ashamed, for you are all I want. I must seem greedy to you. I must seem horrible, to want you to myself. You cannot understand how great my devotion is to you." He placed a kiss upon Ritsuka's brow. "I love you."

"If you vanish, then so do I."

Seimei was perfect - every action planned and every word chosen in just the right way to spin a web that Ritsuka could never leave. Not that he'd ever want to - not until Seimei let him go. He thought he'd grown while Seimei was gone, but really, Ritsuka hadn't changed much at all. Relief pushed all his dark thoughts away when Seimei looked at him that way. All fear and loneliness gone in an instant.

"Don't scare me like that," he said quietly as they touched foreheads. He didn't want to let go of Seimei, he couldn't. He'd walked so long hand in hand with him that the idea of letting go now was beyond terrible. "You're not like that at all - I don't think you're greedy or horrible. You're my brother and I love you."

Taking Seimei's hands in his, reassuring himself that his brother wouldn't go away or hate him, Ritsuka looked up into his brother's eyes. "If I go anywhere, anywhere at all - I'm going to come back to you. Maybe it'll be the old Ritsuka and not this one, but I'll come back, I promise. So don't you go anywhere, okay? It's selfish of me, but I don't want to think of a world without you in it anymore."

Seimei was pleased. He'd gotten exactly the result he wanted. Every so often he would do this, rein in his brother and made sure the bonds were still as tight as ever, winding around and around the other's very soul.

He rewarded him with a quick peck to his lips and a playful nuzzle. "I am happy, Ritsuka." It was all that needed to be said to complete this little play; it had been as easy as always to tug on the boy's heartstrings, to touch on old fears and act as if he were the wounded one. "I've been so lonely. No one ever wants to talk to me here."

For all the times Ritsuka said he hated people who were used - the ones too stupid and too weak to get out from the thumbs of others - he was inordinately bad at noticing it happening to himself. It was like Seimei was a blind spot in his better judgment. The bonds were tight and growing ever tighter.

Ritsuka sat back in his chair, relieved to see that things were going back to normal. Still, the fact that so few people spoke to Seimei angered him. He frowned and looked away, unable to keep his annoyance hidden. "They're just stupid, that's why." He perked up a bit and leaned forward, taking Seimei's hand. "I'm here though - we can talk, right?"

"Of course we can, little brother." Seimei said with a slight, close-lipped smile, his fingers folding around the younger boy's hand. "Now that you are here, I need never be lonely again. Not as long as I can keep you by my side."

"I have been aimless thus far in my time here." He said slowly. "I do not have much to offer, I'm afraid, and that makes me useless in their eyes." A glance to the rest of the cafeteria in reference. "They only want what is beneficial to them."

Allies were only allies when you had something to offer. It did make sense, even if the entire principle of the exchange didn't set well with him. Ritsuka looked down at his journal and the map hidden within its pages. He supposed he'd been doing the same thing - trying to find someone to help him understand this place. Turning his eyes back to his brother, he smiled faintly. "But we have a map now - we're starting one anyway - won't that be useful to others? You could use that, if you wanted."

He wondered if they were useless because they were both Sacrifices. They didn't really possess any powers of their own (not that he knew of), so he supposed they would be rather useless to people here... Would people abandon them when the going got tough then? Shaking it off, Ritsuka smiled at his brother reassuringly. "I'll be here, right next to you - I promise."

Day 23: Lunch

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