damned_institute | Day 23: Lunch

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Day 23: Lunch

The second the intercom sounded, while the man on the intercom was still talking, Ashton pulled himself off the couch in the Music Room and slowly made his way to the door. He walked, glided even, as if he were a ghost in a dream. The nurses had already filed up to escort the patients to the lunchroom, and one bustled over to walk Ashton those few feet from one room to another.

"You're not looking very well, Mr. Pritchett," she said cheerfully. "Didn't you enjoy your shower?"

Ashton replied with a small, forced smile, then shook his head. He didn't feel like talking now. Though the nurses were pushy and downright annoying, he figured he owed this one at least a little explanation. They didn't know - or didn't believe - what went on after dark, but he owed them the benefit of the doubt. "Bad day," he decided on telling her.

Bad day indeed. The showers and the music had done nothing for his nerves. But then again, what could get that graphic image out of his head?

He glided ghostily through the taco line and settled on two chicken and bean tacos, with chips, a scoop of guacamole, two churros on the side, and a glass of apple juice. He wasn't used to this sort of food (save the juice) and he wasn't even sure he'd eat it, but the chances were high that he'd be able to pass it off on someone.

He was on the verge of tears again, too. What he would have given to just sit down next to a barrel and eat a hamburger.

Thank goodness the cafeteria was bare just now, too. It left all the corner tables open, the tables that shouted 'Don't talk to me, I'm brooding over here.' He sat at one, pushed his food a little away from him, and buried his head in his arms.

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He was like a finely tuned instrument only Seimei knew how to play. Ritsuka was shocked, and more than shocked, he was devastated. Broken. He'd broken everything. In one day, he'd already destroyed everything. His mother was right was the only thing he could think of when he saw the change in Seimei's face. He wasn't the one Seimei wanted either. This new him, the one he'd become, was horrific even to his beloved brother - the one he'd mourned and cried for, the one he'd sought revenge for, the one he'd defended all this time... He felt shattered and worthless and Seimei never even had to raise a hand.

Eyes wide and frightened, Ritsuka tried to reach out to Seimei, but his hands stopped midway there. Would his brother push them away? Would he turn away like Ritsuka was some disgusting creature? Ritsuka knew he wouldn't be able to handle that if he did. "Seimei, no -- I -- that's not what I meant..."

Fear, pain, worry, loneliness. He felt lonely. He'd always thought his brother would be there, but now he was pulling away. The world was colder than he'd ever thought possible. He risked it and caught his brother's arm in both hands. "Seimei, don't please... I didn't mean it like that, really. I just wanted to find someone for you in case these people took me away. I didn't want you to be alone. I never want you to be alone..."

"There's no one else for me. Do you understand?" Like a hero turning at the last minute, embracing his beloved instead of wandering off into the sunset to fight another day. He let the relief flood his face, show outwardly in the shining of his eyes. "There's only you. There will only ever be you. I cannot be loyal to anyone else, ever. I cannot love anyone else."

He leaned close and rested his brow against his brother's. "I am ashamed, for you are all I want. I must seem greedy to you. I must seem horrible, to want you to myself. You cannot understand how great my devotion is to you." He placed a kiss upon Ritsuka's brow. "I love you."

"If you vanish, then so do I."

Seimei was perfect - every action planned and every word chosen in just the right way to spin a web that Ritsuka could never leave. Not that he'd ever want to - not until Seimei let him go. He thought he'd grown while Seimei was gone, but really, Ritsuka hadn't changed much at all. Relief pushed all his dark thoughts away when Seimei looked at him that way. All fear and loneliness gone in an instant.

"Don't scare me like that," he said quietly as they touched foreheads. He didn't want to let go of Seimei, he couldn't. He'd walked so long hand in hand with him that the idea of letting go now was beyond terrible. "You're not like that at all - I don't think you're greedy or horrible. You're my brother and I love you."

Taking Seimei's hands in his, reassuring himself that his brother wouldn't go away or hate him, Ritsuka looked up into his brother's eyes. "If I go anywhere, anywhere at all - I'm going to come back to you. Maybe it'll be the old Ritsuka and not this one, but I'll come back, I promise. So don't you go anywhere, okay? It's selfish of me, but I don't want to think of a world without you in it anymore."

Seimei was pleased. He'd gotten exactly the result he wanted. Every so often he would do this, rein in his brother and made sure the bonds were still as tight as ever, winding around and around the other's very soul.

He rewarded him with a quick peck to his lips and a playful nuzzle. "I am happy, Ritsuka." It was all that needed to be said to complete this little play; it had been as easy as always to tug on the boy's heartstrings, to touch on old fears and act as if he were the wounded one. "I've been so lonely. No one ever wants to talk to me here."

For all the times Ritsuka said he hated people who were used - the ones too stupid and too weak to get out from the thumbs of others - he was inordinately bad at noticing it happening to himself. It was like Seimei was a blind spot in his better judgment. The bonds were tight and growing ever tighter.

Ritsuka sat back in his chair, relieved to see that things were going back to normal. Still, the fact that so few people spoke to Seimei angered him. He frowned and looked away, unable to keep his annoyance hidden. "They're just stupid, that's why." He perked up a bit and leaned forward, taking Seimei's hand. "I'm here though - we can talk, right?"

"Of course we can, little brother." Seimei said with a slight, close-lipped smile, his fingers folding around the younger boy's hand. "Now that you are here, I need never be lonely again. Not as long as I can keep you by my side."

"I have been aimless thus far in my time here." He said slowly. "I do not have much to offer, I'm afraid, and that makes me useless in their eyes." A glance to the rest of the cafeteria in reference. "They only want what is beneficial to them."

Allies were only allies when you had something to offer. It did make sense, even if the entire principle of the exchange didn't set well with him. Ritsuka looked down at his journal and the map hidden within its pages. He supposed he'd been doing the same thing - trying to find someone to help him understand this place. Turning his eyes back to his brother, he smiled faintly. "But we have a map now - we're starting one anyway - won't that be useful to others? You could use that, if you wanted."

He wondered if they were useless because they were both Sacrifices. They didn't really possess any powers of their own (not that he knew of), so he supposed they would be rather useless to people here... Would people abandon them when the going got tough then? Shaking it off, Ritsuka smiled at his brother reassuringly. "I'll be here, right next to you - I promise."

"I just want you to understand, Ritsuka..." He turned to the other, leaning in to kiss his brow. "That we're not here to make friends. You can't get distracted trying to cultivate relationships. You can do that once we have left this place. We must focus our energies on using what we can to escape."

"We cannot simply remain idle and hope that others come up with a solution." He brushed the hair back from the boy's face and smiled warmly. "That is my only intention, speaking this way as I do. I don't mean to frighten or upset you. But this isn't our home. We cannot be lulled into believing this is anything but a prison."

We're not here to make friends.

Ritsuka nodded and sighed slightly. He never wanted to see that look in his brother's eyes again - the disgust and hatred - so he had no choice but to do as he was asked. It wasn't like he would be lonely if Seimei were here, and these people had their own friends to worry about. He couldn't push himself on them and hope that they would become his and Seimei's allies. Seimei was right - they needed to focus on escaping, not getting buddy-buddy with people. It shamed him really, to think of how he'd lost sight of the goal so quickly. "Then maybe we should start finding a way outside instead of my camera tonight."

This wasn't home. It could never be home. He didn't want it to be home. He didn't know what to do about the other people he'd met here, but he did know one thing - he and Seimei were going to get out together. Determination setting his jaw, he looked up at his brother for guidance. "Should I keep going with the map or abandon it then? The girl I told you about earlier, she's gathering a more complete version and she's willing to share. It'd give us a better idea of what's here, at least..."

"I wonder what would happen if we tried to sneak upstairs now. I mean, what's worse to deal with? An irate nurse or a monster?" Seimei glanced around, noting the placement of the staff. "But they'd probably grab us as we exited the cafeteria... there are an awful lot of them. Unless someone else made a distraction and we slipped out during that."

"But it seems that we're all relatively placid this afternoon." He mused, slipping an arm around Ritsuka. "If their map is useful, we'll use it. But we should also keep going our own way."

"Monsters, definitely. Even if the nurses do their worst, they're nothing like that spider we saw last night. But, there is a lot of them and some of them are annoying," Ritsuka quipped, remembering his own nurse. He took a quick survey and couldn't see any openings that would provide them the opportunity. "I think it'd be best to wait until another fight breaks out - breakfast seems ideal. There were a lot of fights this morning, at least. Or, even better, get them to take us out for a moment? Make an excuse to go the bathroom and sneak out?"

The little brother settled against the older and weighed their options. He had already talked to people on the bulletin board who said they wanted to meet. He wasn't sure what to do about them after what Seimei had said. Still, the map was a priority and an important commodity. "Apparently there's a gathering of map-makers during the next shift in the Sun Room. While I'm in the showers, maybe you could check it out? Tonight we'll start again - first or second floor?"

"Or we could just sit here and enjoy the quiet while we have it." Seimei pointed out, resting his head against Ritsuka's. "After all, there aren't many times where we can just sit like this and enjoy each other's company. We'll have to work hard tonight if we want to get anywhere, I imagine."

With their newly acquired supplies, hopefully tonight would be a little safer as well. The thought of fighting the creatures living in the walls was still unsettling to him, but he knew it was also unavoidable unless they ran from everything. Ritsuka leaned against his brother, content to feel Seimei's solid weight next to him. "Yeah, and perhaps tonight we'll be able to find something really useful like--"

Ritsuka was cut off as the intercom clicked on and the Head Doctor's voice told him that their time together had ended. Time for the showers then... Out of the corner of his eye, Ritsuka could see his nurse coming over as quick as ever, and he sighed heavily. "I'll try to get my shower done quickly and come out to join you again, okay?"

He gave Seimei a quick but tight hug, as if to say 'Don't go anywhere while I'm gone,' and then his nurse came and took him off toward the shower room.

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Day 23: Lunch

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