damned_institute | DAY 23: BREAKFAST

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DAY 23: BREAKFAST

That hadn't felt like an entire night.

And his goddamn head hurt. Pounded, even. Enough that he wondered if he was going to end up playing another round of "Christen the nurse" this morning.

Maybe it was because he'd spent so much time and energy trying to find Nowe. That could be the reason behind both those problems. Just the thought of it made his stomach turn, made him want to fucking choke something.

Still, there was shit to do. He forced himself out of bed to put away his pens and the other leftovers from the adventures that didn't happen last night. He'd have to try to talk to Sora today, to see if they could just do tonight what they were going to do last night... and to see if the kid was doing alright.

...he just wished his head would stop hurting. That was probably the result of just how badly he'd overreached himself the previous morning.

The nurse that showed up to get him was cheerful. He grunted at her, listening to her with only half an ear until she mentioned all the excitement, about someone pretending to be a patient, all that crap that Landel had mentioned.

Renji gave her a narrow-eyed look. "Dr. Landel is a goddamn lying coward, and he's lying about that, too," he said. Whether it was true or not, there was only so much good cheer he could take on a shitty morning. "I hope he chokes on a cock." No matter how much venom he put in that statement, it wasn't enough.

Then he had to listen to a lecture about language and gratitude for the rest of the walk to the cafeteria, so maybe it wasn't worth it after all. She dragged him through the breakfast line, and he ended up with granola and toast and tea and a cinnamon roll, because not even a shitty fucking night could ruin his sweet tooth. Though that thing was looking a little too sweet.

The cafeteria was pretty much empty; he had his run of the place. He sat himself about as far from the doors as he could get, and proceeded to stare at his breakfast.

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"...no, I don't think there is a way to forgive myself, nor to make up for what I have done, but I thank you for the sentiment." He weakly chuckled, trying to smile as she had requested. All he could do was fight, that much was very true; perhaps, if he fought long enough and hard enough, he could finally be free? It was a hope, at any rate.

As for that last part? The German nodded, completely agreeing with that. "I have to get out of this place. I have a little sister waiting for me when I get back home; we're the only family each other has, and I hate to think what might be happening without me there for her."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better - which it probably won't - there is probably a 'you' with her." Rukia frowned, trying to explain. "You see, when I came here, I remember many more things than Renji does, even though he was with me all along. It's like... like somehow things diverged. There was the world as I knew it, with Renji in it. And then there was also his... reality, when he showed up here. Weeks passed in between what he last saw back where we are from, and what I last saw. So your sister probably still has you there with her." She shrugged, frustrated. "Does that make any sense?"

"Ah, as for that... the way that I have been told, and what I can best understand, is that this place takes people from different iterations of the same world, where different things did or did not happen." Adelheid leaned back, thinking about that before speaking again. "There are some people I know, whom have 'died' in their world, and the people they know are fully aware of their death, and yet they are still alive here. In addition, there are, as you said, realities in which those from different times have met up, as well."

"This would explain the apparent discrepancies between accounts, and also further explain why those from the same timeline can remember events differently. And as it is clear that there are many different worlds than my own, it makes sense to assume that there may be variations of my world, or of any other."

Though, when he thought about it, he had to offer a soft laugh, "I must admit there is a bit of wishful thinking involved. In my world, cloning has been perfected; I do not wish to think that my sister has a version of myself with her, nor do I wish to think about what will happen to the two versions of me when I am freed from this place."

Rukia listened, trying to wrap her mind around the problem. She was only mildly successful, but Adel had succeeded in impressing her. He was also a smart kid, it seemed. Finally, she just said, "Huh," and took a bite of the granola thing on her tray. She chewed, swallowed, then said, "I don't think anyone could fool your sister with a clone." Her gaze drifted over to Renji again, as he made his way back to their table. "You can't replace family."

Renji felt marginally better, if only because he'd moved around a little. It didn't change anything, but he was so used to being active that it helped him get things back under control, at least.

He set his now-filled cup of tea on the table and resumed his seat next to Rukia. He thought maybe he should answer the question that had driven him away from the table in the first place. Because damnit, he had to be honest with himself, and he was trying to run in a pathetic way.

But maybe he didn't need to any more. He'd see if anyone brought it back up.

He took a sip of his tea, trying to pretend he was still relaxed.

"I wonder." That was all Adelheid said in response to Rukia's statement; he just had to wonder. Though, if anyone could tell the difference between himself and a clone, it would be his sister.

Then Renji was back, and Adelheid offered a slight smile. "Welcome back," he said, but was otherwise quiet. It wasn't his place to pry too deeply, not on such a personal and painful matter.

Wishing Renji would stop looking like he'd just drowned a puppy, Rukia put on a hurt expression. "What, no tea for me? And none for Adel, either! This is terrible service, Renji!" She elbowed him gently, trying to cheer him up.

Renji stared at Rukia for a moment. He was torn between figuring that she was just fucking with him, and wondering if she'd been talking to Adel about something and... whatever. He wasn't in the mood to think about it to hard.

He picked up his tea and put it back down in front of her, then stood to go get more. He could get a refill for Adel, too, while he was up.

Well that... was a bit baffling. "You don't have to get any for me, I should stretch my legs anyway," he hastened to say, standing up to get some tea for himself. Hiring servants to do the job was one thing, but he wasn't about to impose on a friend; that would be nothing more than improper manners!

Though he did have to wonder what was eating at the back of the man's (spirit's? ghost's?) mind. There was some guilt there, and yet Adel knew it wasn't going to be pretty, revealing all of it.

So he started moving off, guessing that if Rukia was willing to use physical force before, this would likely be the time she would use it again. And, as a fellow man, Adelheid did want to spare Renji's dignity as much as possible. 'As possible' being the key phrase.

Rukia ground her teeth as Renji started to walk away, then flung the half-eaten granola thing at him. To her credit, it hit him in the back of the head, little bits raining to the ground in a wholesome shower. It hadn't tasted good anyway. "I was kidding, you jerk."

Then, remembering that the nurses might not take kindly to people throwing food, Rukia cast a guilty glance around the room.

Renji calmly brushed the granoa out of his hair and off his shoulders, and calmly walked back to the table. Then he grabbed Rukia by the front of the shirt and lifted her out of her seat, ready to just shake her like a ragdoll because goddamnit what the hell did she WANT...

He cast a sidelong glance at the nurses, suddenly remembering that their normal manner of interaction would not work here. Which just made it more complicated, because he had no idea what to do and he couldn't just yell at her either.

But he did calmly set her back down, taking a moment to smooth the collar of her shirt where his fists had rumpled it, and sat.

Rukia's eyes went wide when Renji grabbed her by the shirt. In the back of her mind she realized her stomach was showing, so tried to pull the shirt down, which really just stretched it out even more. The rest of her mind, though, was preparing for a good throttling. Renji looked really angry, which was probably good, considering how much she'd been harassing him.

Then he set her down. She blinked up at him, then stood there like an idiot while he fixed her collar, of all things. When Renji sat down, Rukia burst into laughter; the whole situation was just so absurd. Nearly doubling over, she managed to get a few coherent words out between laughs. "You..you even fixed my collar...Renji...oh, my stomach hurts..." She leaned one elbow on his shoulder, wiping tears from her eyes and still snickering like a fool.

Renji gave her a supremely disdainful look, then, with great deliberation, took his cup of tea back and glared in to it. He really wanted to shake her, now. "I just don't feel like spending the rest of breakfast face down on my goddamn plate," he growled. Not to mention a good portion of the rest of the day. He'd tried the getting drugged thing once. He wasn't intending to do it again any time soon.

He resisted the urge to move his shoulder out from under her. That was a little too childish, even for them.

But in spite of just how pissed off he was feeling at the world, he had to admit that it was also good to hear her laugh, really laugh. He'd wondered if he'd ever hear the sound again; it'd felt like all her joy had just vanished, when she was adopted. But now she was laughing, again, and he doubted he could really take the credit for it.

Rukia plopped down next to him, ignoring the dirty look. "Ah, I feel much better now. Headache's almost gone." Resting her chin in one hand, she looked at Renji, her expression more serious. "I think I should fill you in on the stuff you... don't know about. Back home." A lot had happened since Renji had been cut down by Aizen, and if he didn't even know about it, well, that would just make things more difficult.

At least she'd finally recovered. He could pretend it was the healing power of laughter, or something equally lame.

"Go for it," he said. He still wasn't sure how he felt about hearing stuff that was going to happen in his future, and everything it implied, and...

The time shit just made his head hurt too much. Best not to think about it.

Taking a deep breath, Rukia began when Renji and Ichigo were taken down by Aizen. A soft, sad smile came to her lips when she told him about her brother saving her. She emphasized Byakuya's reasons in particular, telling Renji about the vows he had made to both parents and wife. She hoped her friend would understand.

It felt strange, telling the story again, but in such a different setting. The last time she had told Renji all of this, he was lying in a hospital bed on the Fourth Division grounds, still recovering from his nearly fatal encounter with the traitors. He had been bitterly angry then. She wondered how he would react now.

She paused for a moment, licking her lips. "And then my brother... he apologized to me." That was somehow very important to her.

Renji listened silently as she spoke, still taking an occasionally sip of his tea. Really, the only signs that he was listening to a story he found so utterly painful were small ones - the way his shoulders got tighter with each passing moment, his posture got stiffer, and the hand that he rested on the table curled into a white-knuckled fist.

In a way, maybe he could understand Byakuya's actions. Renji himself had said and done some fucked-up things because he was angry, and...

Maybe we just have different way of dealing with our pain.

But it didn't escape him, what a role that those bastards who were supposed to be Rukia's family had in this affair. If being noble meant valuing honor over family... well, he was glad he was scum. And it made him angry, very angry, because in her story he could hear a world of hurt and rejection, and it centered around them.

And she'd told him all of this here, where they were surrounded by other people, which was bad enough, but there were also the nurses, watching them.

He swallowed down all the anger as best he could, but there was only so much he could do. Nowe was gone, and now he'd learned... all of this. And seflishly, there was a part of him that hated Byakuya for saving her when neither her nor Ichigo could do it, and... it was all too complicated, and he couldn't deal with it right now.

He wondered if all this business with Byakuya, with him apologizing, was what had gotten Rukia to really start laughing again. Or maybe that had all started while she'd been missing those two months. Either way, he'd had nothing to do with anything that had saved her. He hated himself, for being angry about that. He wasn't that important, and he was being selfish, and goddamnit it wasn't fair, but life never had been, for either of them.

"I see," he said, his voice tight. His face felt frozen. He stared straight ahead, at the cafeteria wall. Later, he could be calm, even happy that everything had turned out, that things were going better for her. Right now, he just wanted to hit something, or scream, or preferrably both at the same time.

Caught up in her own remembered pain, Rukia didn't at first notice her friend's growing tension. The tightness in his voice brought her back to the here and now though. What was she doing, telling him this story, with all these people around? For Rukia, the events she had recounted were weeks in the past, and time had started to heal the wounds. But for Renji, it was as though the attempted execution had been only a few days ago. Somehow Rukia kept forgetting that.

Suddenly remembering Renji's reaction the first time she told him this story, Rukia cringed. The soft smile faded from her face, replaced by a wide-eyed look of concern. Hesitantly, she rested a hand on Renji's forearm. "Oh, I... I'm sorry, Renji. I shouldn't have told you all this here." Rukia glanced around, wishing they could go talk somewhere more private, then turned back to Renji. "Can we talk somewhere else, do you think...?"

His arm jerked when she touched him, but he didn't look away from the wall, muscles of his jaw working as he clenched his teeth. "No," he said, firmly. And I don't want to, anyway. Why tell me this, and now?

A very uncharitable part of his mind had to wonder if she'd done this on purpose, because she wanted to screw with him for some strange reason. But no, that really wasn't her style, and she seemed to be regretting it now.

Not that it made a goddamn bit of difference.

He stood, so abruptly that it knocked his tea cup over, spilling the dregs out on the table. He didn't want to talk any more, and he definitely didn't want to listen. Picking a fight with anyone was out of the question - he needed his wits about him for whenever his opportunity to corner Ichimaru arose. He glanced at Rukia - he didn't really have the willpower to look at her. "Don't worry about it."

The guy that Adel had looked at, the one that Renji was pretty sure had offered to make him a sword, didn't seem that busy. He'd get that taken care of - it gave him something else to think of, and it needed to be done.

He walked away.

(to here)

Rukia just watched for a moment, somewhat shocked, as Renji got up. Her immediate reaction was to hit him, or scream at him, but that wasn't going to work so well here. And, really, she deserved this. She had told him things that were really painful to him, just because she had pretty much gotten over it all. That's what she told herself, anyway.

She opened her mouth to say... something. But there really wasn't anything she could say that wouldn't make it worse, so she shut her mouth, and watched him walk away. Why was Renji so good at making her feel like an idiot? Jerk. Her shocked expression turned to a scowl, and she sunk down n her chair, arms folded across her chest.

Glancing around the room, she looked for a familiar orange head of hair, but Ichigo was nowhere to be found. Rukia caught sight of Rangiku, but the last place she wanted to be was near Ichimaru. She shivered, hunkering down in her chair more. Stupid Renji. Why did he have to make things so difficult? She looked over at him, but he was already talking with some boys. He would probably just ignore her, or get mad at her, if she tried to follow him. And normally she would have followed him anyway. Then they could have had a good shouting match, and things would be fine. But here, with the stupid nurses around, Rukia knew they couldn't do that.

Scowling more, Rukia figured she should be doing something productive. Leaving her tray where it was, she walked over to a nurse and asked the woman to escort Rukia to her room for a moment. Rukia put on as cheerful of an expression as she could manage, and even kept up some polite conversation on the way. Once in her room, she picked up a pen, and the notebook, then let the nurse take her back to the cafeteria.

[Going here (http://community.livejournal.com/landels_damned/87510.html?thread=5111766#t5111766)]

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DAY 23: BREAKFAST

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(Renji declares fair escape and spams FLEE)

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