damned_institute | DAY 23: BREAKFAST

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DAY 23: BREAKFAST

That hadn't felt like an entire night.

And his goddamn head hurt. Pounded, even. Enough that he wondered if he was going to end up playing another round of "Christen the nurse" this morning.

Maybe it was because he'd spent so much time and energy trying to find Nowe. That could be the reason behind both those problems. Just the thought of it made his stomach turn, made him want to fucking choke something.

Still, there was shit to do. He forced himself out of bed to put away his pens and the other leftovers from the adventures that didn't happen last night. He'd have to try to talk to Sora today, to see if they could just do tonight what they were going to do last night... and to see if the kid was doing alright.

...he just wished his head would stop hurting. That was probably the result of just how badly he'd overreached himself the previous morning.

The nurse that showed up to get him was cheerful. He grunted at her, listening to her with only half an ear until she mentioned all the excitement, about someone pretending to be a patient, all that crap that Landel had mentioned.

Renji gave her a narrow-eyed look. "Dr. Landel is a goddamn lying coward, and he's lying about that, too," he said. Whether it was true or not, there was only so much good cheer he could take on a shitty morning. "I hope he chokes on a cock." No matter how much venom he put in that statement, it wasn't enough.

Then he had to listen to a lecture about language and gratitude for the rest of the walk to the cafeteria, so maybe it wasn't worth it after all. She dragged him through the breakfast line, and he ended up with granola and toast and tea and a cinnamon roll, because not even a shitty fucking night could ruin his sweet tooth. Though that thing was looking a little too sweet.

The cafeteria was pretty much empty; he had his run of the place. He sat himself about as far from the doors as he could get, and proceeded to stare at his breakfast.

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Tsuzuki was surprised to find that one moment he was kneeling next to Hisoka, ready to stop the red-haired man if he tried to hurt his partner; and the next moment, he was waking up in his bed. Was it all a dream? No, it couldn't have been. He was still in the building...this prison, hadn't his roommate said?

And speaking of his roommate, Tsuzuki could easily see that he was here as well. And he didn't want to have to explain his actions last night to someone that just simply towered over him. And people thought he was tall...

Getting out of bed, Tsuzuki pulled on the slippers that were nearby and hustled out of the room, only to be intercepted by a nurse along the way. He gave her an odd look when she called him Mr. Reeves, but allowed himself to be escorted to breakfast. After all, there was nothing better to brighten his mood than cinnamon buns! Except maybe that chocolate cake he had last night...

Tsuzuki was delightfully giddy at the prospect of food when he entered the cafeteria, and decidedly not when he suddenly saw Hisoka sitting alone at one of the tables. It was morning now, so was it safe to approach him? Did he remember anything that happened last night? Would he be mad for it? And for Kyoto?...

The questions had Tsuzuki's stomach twisted into knots by the time he reached his partner, but he still managed a smile. He could always manage a smile, no matter how much he was hurting of the inside. "Hey," he called out when he was only a few feet away. "Are you alright?"

He had forgotten a pen.

It had taken a few minutes of trying to figure out why he was staring at the notebook for to realize it, too. Oh well. Hisoka couldn't really remember his reasons for taking his journal with him anyway...

Perhaps he'd think of it later.

"Hey." A small shake.

"Hey, are you alright?"

The shinigami was suddenly tempted to crawl under the table in attempt to escape. Wasn't he just lucky to have Tsuzuki be the first one to approach him that morning? Hisoka bit back a sigh as his head began to ache.

"I'm fine."

He should have stayed in bed that morning... The boy straightened a bit more to prevent himself from slumping over on the table and ignoring the world.

Tsuzuki's smile slipped for a moment at the sound of Hisoka's voice, but he caught it and reinforced it. He was pretty dense sometimes, but even he couldn't overlook that Hisoka wasn't fine.

He moved a little closer, tempted to rest a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"You sure? I mean, it's ok if you are, but I just wanted to make sure.." he trailed off, feeling a little awkward. He wasn't used to dancing around subjects like this. It was so much easier to just say what was on his mind, but with this... It just wasn't so easy.

"I was worried about you..."

He really did sigh now. That idea of slumping over was beginning to look even more tempting...

"Yes, I'm sure."

He really should have looked up and said it to Tsuzuki's face rather than to his journal, it would have been far more convincing... Hisoka had to admit it though, his partner's second comment hurt like a blow to the chest.

"You shouldn't have been."

Tsuzuki shifted uncomfortably. Hisoka wouldn't even look at him... He couldn't tell if the boy was tired or upset or anything. He felt a little hurt by Hisoka's comment, too.

"Why not? You were hurt, and you wouldn't wake, and everyone was angry..." There he was dancing around the subject again. But he couldn't just come out and say 'oh, and you were firing a gun at innocent people and you might have killed a woman'. Except that she was sitting right over there... Tsuzuki paused a moment to stare in relief before looking back to Hisoka.

"I'm supposed to worry about you, though, aren't I? You're my partner."

"I was pretending," Hisoka stated simply in response to Tsuzuki's initial words. Not that he wasn't wounded, but from what he could remember, he was plotting to release another set of attacks. In Hisoka's mind, this did not warrant him deserving of worry.

The boy turned his head away from Tsuzuki, his partner was worried for the wrong person...

"And I told you," he continued after a moments pause. "I'm fine, now leave me alone."

Raine remembered what had happened the previous night before she'd even opened her eyes; if she'd been alone, she probably would have just curled up under her covers and cried, but before she could so much as move a nurse came in and started chattering away at her. It took effort not to hit her; somehow, Raine managed to get up and do as she was told without a word--well, almost (consequently, the nurse gave her quite a scolding for being rude, nearly all of which Raine completely tuned out). She needed to learn a few things about this place before she started acting out, but she didn't care what the staff thought about what she had to say.

Once in the cafeteria, she started to look for someone she knew, preferably Reinforce--and then she saw him. The boy from the night before. The fact that he was with his partner didn't even register; she didn't stop to think, she just acted. One moment she was standing near the door to the cafeteria, and the next she was at Hisoka's side, and not even remotely out of breath.

She didn't punch him like she had Zelos--she was more than angry enough to, but that wouldn't get her what she wanted. Instead, she leaned over to look right at him, eyes blazing; she was beyond furious and in no state of mind to be reasonable.

"What do you know about my brother?" Short, simple, and to the point; if his response was anything but, he would regret it.

Hisoka's words stung. Tsuzuki couldn't deny that. He was only worried for his partner's well-being. That was how it worked, wasn't it?

In reply to the rebuke, Tsuzuki was about to leave, but then one of the patients from last night came over. It seemed he would have to brush aside his hurt feelings for now... It was weird to be playing damage control for someone else for once... Hisoka, of all people.

Without thinking, Tsuzuki edged towards the space between Hisoka and this woman, holding up his hands defensively. "Whatever happened, it wasn't his fault," he said, hoping to preemptively tackle the issue that had the woman so apparently infuriated. He knew what it was like to be controlled, and while he still held himself accountable for his actions during that incident, he didn't hold Hisoka accountable at all.

Tsuzuki was big on the double standard.

Hisoka knew he was being a bit harsh... but Tsuzuki was an idiot when it came to others and nothing short of telling him to go away could prevent him from doing something stupid.

And if his partner didn't go away he just might do something idiotic and start crying in front of the older man.

The woman's sudden arrival jolted the boy from his thoughts, somewhat startling him by her completely unannounced presence-- damn empathy-- and burst of complete rage.

It took only a moment to recognize the voice to realize it was the woman from the night before, the one who he had told Genis was dead.

Hisoka felt the pounding in his head worsen. Tsuzuki's intervention did nothing to help. Tearing his eyes from his journal, the shinigami turned his dulled eyes to his partner's oddly gray back-- he looked much more fitting in black.

"I only know his name and a few other details..." the boy replied to the woman, as for Tsuzuki... "Don't be an idiot, Tsuzuki, it was my fault. Now get out of the way."

The last thing he needed was for Tsuzuki to end up with a black eye…

"Is he alive, though?" Raine demanded. She didn't have much experience with telepaths, but it made sense to her that he would be able to access her memories.

The real question was, would he be able to see something she had forgotten? She honestly didn't know, and wasn't going to waste time wondering when she could simply ask the boy in question. There was always the possibility he would lie to try to save her feelings (or his own skin), but it was a little late for that. With so many nurses around, she wouldn't be able to do much to him before she was stopped, but it was plain to see she was VERY willing to hurt him if he didn't tell her what she needed to know. After what he'd said and done the night before, it was the least he could do for her.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she noted how depressed he was, but for the moment she was beyond caring. She would calm down after he told her what she wanted to know... unless, of course, his answer was what she feared most. In that case, she didn't know what she would do.

Reinforce crossed the room quickly, eyes locked on her roommate. She understood well enough that Raine had been wounded emotionally by the boy, Hisoka, but she'd heard enough times about the brainwashing of patients not to blame him. She knew what it was like to betray against one's will ... Hisoka hadn't even killed anyone. She couldn't allow Raine to harm them, for her sake as well as theirs.

"Raine." She called the girl as she came to a stop behind her. Her tone was kindly, calming, but the hand she laid on Raine's shoulder held her firmly.

"I can't do that, Hisoka. You know I can't. It wasn't your fault, and nothing you say is going to change my mind. You don't blame me for the incident with Sagatanasu, right? So why should anyone blame you for this? What's so different about it?"

Again with the double standard, but Tsuzuki could easily brush it aside when he was trying to prove a point to someone else. In his own mind, he was something less than Hisoka. Something inhuman, and not only for being a shinigami. If others could forgive him of all people, why not forgive a more deserving person like Hisoka?

Tsuzuki looked back up at newcomer, recognizing her from last night. For a moment, he was a little afraid that she would join in with the other woman, but he noted the hand on her shoulder for the restraint that it was and gave a grateful smile. At least not everyone was seeing red this morning.

"I don't know..." the boy replied to Raine. "I only saw your thoughts and their worries attached. I told you he was dead to weaken you."

"...What's so different about it?"

That asshole...!! Hisoka clenched his hands into fists as his exhaustion and depression bubbled into rage. That moron didn't see that his possession was different, he had no choice, this... this...!!

This was all his fault! If he had been stronger he could have struggled more, he could have maybe gotten away! Why couldn't he understand that?!

"You know nothing!" Hisoka raged. "It was my fault because I allowed them to do it, I let them put the damn needle into my skin and I let myself pull the trigger! Don't you dare say otherwise!!"

The boy shook with rage, eyes narrowed and burning. Tsuzuki was a fool!!

Raine stood a little straighter for a moment, then her shoulders slumped and she leaned forward to support herself on the table. "I see..." she said quietly. Honestly, she should have known, but--Genis was the only family she had. How could she not worry when someone claimed they knew he was hurt or worse?

Though she'd glared when Reinforce first took hold of her, now she didn't even look back at her. The woman could let go now; Raine wasn't about to hurt Hisoka or anyone else.

Which was likely more than could be said for the boy, who was at least as angry as she had been a minute ago, but she just didn't feel like moving just yet... maybe she'd have the energy in a moment.

Reinforce's hand fell to her side but the tension in it remained. How could he say things like that? The stridency of his denial alone told her he'd fought. Failure was regrettable, that he'd hurt people was regrettable, but claim that he hadn't resisted...

Surrender to hopelessness, refusing to act because she believed herself powerless, had been her greatest crime. Whatever his reason, she could not bear to see another claim it. Only the thought that confronting him here and now might well lead to another fight staid her tongue.

Tsuzuki shrunk back from the shouting, feeling a touch of verbal whiplash. He hadn't meant ill...He'd only wanted to make Hisoka feel better. It wasn't his fault!

Still, Hisoka sounded really mad...and the thought of his partner hating him made his stomach twist sharply. He didn't want to lose Hisoka, too... Tsuzuki could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, but he kept the pain inside and tried to recover the smile that he had dropped.

"Sorry, I just wanted to help. I guess I'm still not very good at it, am I? I really am an idiot..." He laughed a small bit and rubbed the back of his neck, as if making some joke on himself. He grew a little more serious when he spoke again, though. "If you really want me to leave, I will...but I'll be around if you do need me. Ok?"

He didn't wait for a response, merely giving Hisoka another smile before reluctantly taking his leave.

Hisoka watched his partner leave, his anger dissipating from him like the air out of a punctured balloon. That was perhaps the most idiotic thing he could have ever done... Although Tsuzuki's words were ignorant, he shouldn't have taken his anger out on his partner...

Especially since it wasn't his fault and even more so when Tsuzuki was only trying to help.

The boy quietly sighed, his headache no less than it was before. He knew he should go apologize, but doing so right now-- when everything was chaotic and painful-- would only be far more disastrous.

Hisoka rubbed his eyes furiously-- he would not cry!!-- He would have liked nothing more than to sleep right now...

Daytime was boring. The same old routines. Zelos hid his sword (that kid had been damn lucky he hadn't used it), casually flirted with his nurse, and grabbed whatever looked good for breakfast.

He spotted Raine almost right away, along with the boy who had attacked them last night. Wandering over to them, he recognized the watery look in the boys eyes.

"Hey," he said loudly, just as he reached the table, "What are you crying about, kid? You damaged my perfect skin! I'm the one who's upset."

Placing his tray down, he sat right down beside Hisoka. "This is an offense I don't take lightly, you know."

Raine twitched, starting to go tense again; going from furious to depressed didn't count as relaxing in any sense, and the last thing she needed was the Idiot Chosen's presence.

She still had no idea what had happened to her little brother, but she could guess--he'd more than likely fallen into one of the many traps in the Tower, just as she had. Just as Zelos had planned. So, he was the LAST person she needed or wanted to see right now.

Leaning over, she told him in a low growl, "There are more important things to worry about here, if you somehow haven't noticed. No one cares how you look."

In a better mood, she might have noticed that Zelos was actually trying to get them to lighten up, but again, somehow she just didn't care what his motivations were.

Reinforce glanced sideways at the newcomer. "He was forced to, Zelos. I..." There was a brief pause. In truth, she didn't know Hisoka's heart. Though what he'd done and some of his response reminded her of her experience as the Book, she couldn't from that expect to know what he felt or what would help him accept it. Her experiences were not those of a human...

"...don't think you should make light of it." Not the strong condemnation she'd originally planned on giving, but she felt some was in order. She'd have killed him for saying something like that back then.

To be truthful, Hisoka had not expected either of the two women to sudden rise to his defense-- if that's what there were doing... The boy had expected... well, he did not know what he expected, but it wasn't that.

Without bothering to reply to any of the other's comments, the boy turned his gaze back to his journal and quietly worked on clearing his thoughts.

No thinking. Back straight, shoulders back...

Hisoka fought back all remaining traitorous urges to cry. He was fine now. He needed nothing. He wasn't sick. He'd be fine.

Fine.

Zelos has heard rumors around the bulletin board about people being forced to attack others. So that's what had happened with this kid.

Still, walking on eggshells wasn't going to make anyone feel better.

"What? I'm totally serious! Although..." He looked over at Hisoka, grinning widely. "A nice burn mark might turn the ladies on! A lot of girls like roughed up guys, right? I'll be even cooler and get more chicks!"

Laughing merrily, he picked up a hash brown and started eating.

Raine blatantly ignored Zelos (it was a good habit to be in) and looked at Hisoka--though not completely willing to forgive him just yet, she did know enough about being controlled to realize, at least intellectually, that what had happened wasn't his fault. As upset as she had been, now that she knew he had been lying to her about Genis she was at least a little calmer; anything was better than what he had told her. Anything.

Despite that, Zelos was not helping... how she had gone so long without punching him more than once, she didn't know.

Raine knew more than a little about emotional turmoil, though, and it was obvious that was what Hisoka was going through. He was just a teenager, dealing with the aftermath of shooting several people while under someone else's control, and yet still there. She couldn't say she knew how it felt... but if she was here long enough, she might. "Hisoka, is it? If you're still hurt, I can help... I'm a healer." She didn't want to wear herself out before breakfast was even over, but it was early enough in the day that she should recover from any one spell before Nightshift.

She hadn't forgiven him, but it would hardly be the first time she had done something for or with a former enemy.

"Hmph. Scars of valor, perhaps." Reinforce scoffed at Zelos' flippancy. Not that she was any kind of expert. Her judgment in any matter beyond the very limited scope of her life experience was usually born out of the odd mixture of Belkan traditionalism and Hayate's preferences, and combining the whims and philosophies of a long-extinct martial culture with those of an eccentric little girl gave atypical results, to say the least.

Her voice dropped to a near-whisper as she returned to the conversation Hisoka had interrupted last night. "You didn't tell me where that sword you have is from."

The woman's offer-- he would have to figure out her name eventually, he supposed…-- dragged Hisoka back to a slight physical state of awareness, his shoulder and chest throbbing suddenly as he thought about it. He had not realized the wounds were still there, he supposed that answered the question about his healing abilities. Regardless, the shinigami did not move his eyes from his journal. In a way... the red-haired man reminded him of Tsuzuki...

Act like a fool, smile, flirt...

It hurt to think of it right now, he pushed the thoughts away and reached out with his empathy-- or what was left of it-- in attempt to see the other three's motives. There was no way he could trust any of these people. Although they so far showed no incentives for violence, the boy was not a fool. He had attacked them last night and blood shed only led to further blood shed. He was getting sick of the smell.

Yet despite his efforts, the boy could hear nor feel nothing, finding himself come against the equivalent of a brick wall in his mind. His head only pounded more with the effort too, so much for that. It was truly silent now...

Still not looking up he shook his head.

"I'm not wounded."

DAY 23: BREAKFAST

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