damned_institute | Dayshift 62: Sun Room [Third Shift]

Last night had been a nightmare. That had to be what it was, but Ilia couldn't deny reality. In her anguish, Ilia had slept through the first half of the day plagued by nightmares. In her dreams she saw Rose's broken body all over again with Gamzee standing over her, his club raised to strike again. Somewhere, she could hear Martin Landel laughing.

Much like the battle last night, Ilia was overcome by her powerlessness. Was she really so useless? Why did it have to be the children who suffered pain and death? Why was she left alive here? She didn't wish for her own death, but if she could have given up her life to save Rose... But nothing could be done now

Ilia had failed to save an ally in need. If only her Captain could have been here, then just maybe his uncanny luck and drive might have saved them. He had a miraculous touch that could solve anything. Ilia now understood why she would never be on equal footing with him.

Miserably, Ilia roused herself at her nurse's insistence that she come eat. She didn't take a moment to brush her hair or wash her face. She just followed along as directed, trying to ignore the hallow feeling in her chest. Ilia wasn't hungry, but she took one of the bags offered to her and trudged to the bulletin. She addressed a few notes then added one herself. It wasn't the prettiest note, but Ilia couldn't produce the level of prose that Rose deserved. Instead, she wrote it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid. Short. To the point.

Her task done, Ilia found seat in the corner and sunk down into the cushion. Burying her face in her hands, she concentrated on breathing. She couldn't face the sun today.

[For ~~her children~~ Claude and Anise]

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Talking with Lingormr had helped Rita to sort out a few of her thoughts on recent developments, though it hadn't left her feeling any more optimistic. If Landel was going to make good on his threats... they really didn't have much hope.

The mage spent the second shift of the day alone with her thoughts, but when lunchtime came, she remembered she had an appointment to keep. Since she and Edgar had agreed on a time but not a place, the Sun Room was the logical place to meet at.

Rita seated herself in an armchair near the bulletin, where she was sure she'd be plenty visible. There, she opened the lunch bag she was given, and started taking bites out of a peanut butter sandwich produced from inside.

[Edgar]

Edgar took his sack lunch without question, kicking himself for not having thought to ask Rita where they would meet. Of course, he hadn't known they would be given free reign of certain locations for the meal shift rather than being confined to the mess hall, but that would have been all-too convenient. That in mind, he decided to try the Sun Room first, as it was a central location and one in which the nurse didn't seem opposed to him spending the shift.

Thankfully, his instincts hadn't lead him wrong- one look around the room, and he found Rita easily. "Milady," he greeted as he approached, giving her a polite nod. "My apologies if I kept you waiting."

Rita looked up from her sandwich to see the blond approach. Since she hadn't been waiting too long, she supposed there wasn't any need to give him a hard time about it. Straight to business, then.

"You wanted to talk more about your magic abilities, right?" she began, skipping anything that would resemble pleasantries. Once her sandwich was finished, she set her notebook on the arm of her chair and flipped it open to the notes she'd made the morning after their previous encounter. Magitek infusion, Espers... the specifics were all coming back to her.

"Now, where were we?" she asked, looking to Edgar. He had seemed interested in getting Rita's expert advice, but she figured she could first give him an opportunity to add anything he didn't have the chance to before.

Edgar dropped the pleasantries as he seated himself opposite of Rita, his look taking a serious turn as he gave her a nod. Right to business it was- he could appreciate that approach, having often wished there was less pomp and circumstance in politics, the formalities taking up far too much time when there was little to be had and a lot to be discussed. It was only one reason discussions often accomplished very little.

"I don't recall, exactly," he answered honestly. "It's been a trying couple of days. It's hard to tell if it's the infusion affecting my mind, the stress of this place finally getting to me, or a bit of both." He had a feeling it was the last one.

Rita supposed it was understandable if Edgar didn't recall exactly. The way nights ended with abrupt blackouts didn't help, either. She'd keep the possibility of infusion side effects under consideration, however.

"Well, by my recollection, we were just getting into the part I might be able to help with: casting." Rita expected no objections to her jumping straight to that part. This was the part that would benefit Edgar the most, assuming she could offer some kind of useful advice. "So first of all, I want you to tell me how you cast spells. It doesn't look like you have any tools, but is there any incantation or formula involved? Or is it more intuitive?"

Rita was considerably more familiar with the precise, scientific approach, but she fortunately had some second-hand experience with more natural magic as well.

Edgar crossed his arms, thinking. He'd never really put much thought into how the magic worked, exactly- it wasn't like a machine in his mind, with parts that all connected to make a whole. It was something mostly beyond his comprehension, which both frustrated and fascinated him.

"More intuitive, I suppose. It's knowing how to focus your energy and calling upon the spell by name, more or less. Though I've seen people do it without even that much."

Intuitive, then. That wasn't Rita's specialty, but she could take a stab at it.

She finished swallowing the last bite of her sandwich, then offered, “Any chance it could be influenced by your state of mind?” Rita sure as hell wasn't a psychologist, but she'd caught a few hints suggesting Edgar wasn't all that comfortable with his power. And with the way he talked about the Magitek infusion process, she could venture a guess as to why.

“Say, for example... if you're afraid of the effects of the infusion, and that fear interferes with your ability to smoothly access and control your power.” It was possible that Edgar would take offense to Rita's suggestion, but if that prevented him from understanding how to use his own abilities, it was his problem.

Edgar nodded, no offense apparently taken. He had to trust she was the better of the two of them to make educated guesses- she couldn't help him otherwise, especially if he didn't allow her to do so.

"I would not be surprised if it is, to be truthful," he admitted. "The Espers themselves are no strangers to emotion. They can be compassionate toward their kind, fearful of the unknown, and enraged as easily as any human. And when that happens..."

He shook his head and thought of Terra, unable to control her powers; he remembered the destruction of Vector, of their truly awesome power and the consequences of what happened when they lost control. "In the hands of someone with an unstable temperament, it is truly terrifying. I know that from experience. Thankfully, I'm not known for making rash decisions or jumping to conclusions. While I can't say this place has been good for my mental health, I like my chances on learning to control this."

So it wasn't just the infusion, but the power itself that was worth worrying about. The knowledge of the kind of disaster that could result from losing control...

“What it all boils down to is, you have to keep in mind that this is your power, no matter where you got it from.” While Rita rather disliked the wishy-washy psychological approach, it was the only way to really approach that kind of magic. “If you doubt that you can control it, then you won't be able to control it.”

Rita felt fortunate to have a style of magic that would work precisely as designed every time, regardless of her own mood. The only times her magic had ever failed, there was an observable cause that could be investigated and dealt with.

Dayshift 62: Sun Room [Third Shift]

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