Dayshift 62: Sun Room [Third Shift]

[avengingfists]

Last night had been a nightmare. That had to be what it was, but Ilia couldn't deny reality. In her anguish, Ilia had slept through the first half of the day plagued by nightmares. In her dreams she saw Rose's broken body all over again with Gamzee standing over her, his club raised to strike again. Somewhere, she could hear Martin Landel laughing.

Much like the battle last night, Ilia was overcome by her powerlessness. Was she really so useless? Why did it have to be the children who suffered pain and death? Why was she left alive here? She didn't wish for her own death, but if she could have given up her life to save Rose... But nothing could be done now

Ilia had failed to save an ally in need. If only her Captain could have been here, then just maybe his uncanny luck and drive might have saved them. He had a miraculous touch that could solve anything. Ilia now understood why she would never be on equal footing with him.

Miserably, Ilia roused herself at her nurse's insistence that she come eat. She didn't take a moment to brush her hair or wash her face. She just followed along as directed, trying to ignore the hallow feeling in her chest. Ilia wasn't hungry, but she took one of the bags offered to her and trudged to the bulletin. She addressed a few notes then added one herself. It wasn't the prettiest note, but Ilia couldn't produce the level of prose that Rose deserved. Instead, she wrote it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid. Short. To the point.

Her task done, Ilia found seat in the corner and sunk down into the cushion. Burying her face in her hands, she concentrated on breathing. She couldn't face the sun today.

[For her children Claude and Anise]

Comments

[girlsandgadgets]

Edgar crossed his arms, thinking. He'd never really put much thought into how the magic worked, exactly- it wasn't like a machine in his mind, with parts that all connected to make a whole. It was something mostly beyond his comprehension, which both frustrated and fascinated him.

"More intuitive, I suppose. It's knowing how to focus your energy and calling upon the spell by name, more or less. Though I've seen people do it without even that much."

[overlimit]

Intuitive, then. That wasn't Rita's specialty, but she could take a stab at it.

She finished swallowing the last bite of her sandwich, then offered, “Any chance it could be influenced by your state of mind?” Rita sure as hell wasn't a psychologist, but she'd caught a few hints suggesting Edgar wasn't all that comfortable with his power. And with the way he talked about the Magitek infusion process, she could venture a guess as to why.

“Say, for example... if you're afraid of the effects of the infusion, and that fear interferes with your ability to smoothly access and control your power.” It was possible that Edgar would take offense to Rita's suggestion, but if that prevented him from understanding how to use his own abilities, it was his problem.

[girlsandgadgets]

Edgar nodded, no offense apparently taken. He had to trust she was the better of the two of them to make educated guesses- she couldn't help him otherwise, especially if he didn't allow her to do so.

"I would not be surprised if it is, to be truthful," he admitted. "The Espers themselves are no strangers to emotion. They can be compassionate toward their kind, fearful of the unknown, and enraged as easily as any human. And when that happens..."

He shook his head and thought of Terra, unable to control her powers; he remembered the destruction of Vector, of their truly awesome power and the consequences of what happened when they lost control. "In the hands of someone with an unstable temperament, it is truly terrifying. I know that from experience. Thankfully, I'm not known for making rash decisions or jumping to conclusions. While I can't say this place has been good for my mental health, I like my chances on learning to control this."

[overlimit]

So it wasn't just the infusion, but the power itself that was worth worrying about. The knowledge of the kind of disaster that could result from losing control...

“What it all boils down to is, you have to keep in mind that this is your power, no matter where you got it from.” While Rita rather disliked the wishy-washy psychological approach, it was the only way to really approach that kind of magic. “If you doubt that you can control it, then you won't be able to control it.”

Rita felt fortunate to have a style of magic that would work precisely as designed every time, regardless of her own mood. The only times her magic had ever failed, there was an observable cause that could be investigated and dealt with.