ninelivesonce: (aow: halt not)
ninelivesonce ([personal profile] ninelivesonce) wrote in [community profile] damned_institute2011-12-18 02:24 pm

Nightshift 60: F01-F10 Hallway

Taura felt like herself again. Her skin fit over her bones, and while her shoulder had fresh bandages and wounds that still reached into muscle and restricted motion, it was hers.

Which was kind of unnerving if she thought about it too much. This body might have belonged to a young woman who hadn't asked to be replaced -- or it might not have, and Katherine Jackson might have been entirely a flight of fancy, but either way, it wasn't her body.

Maybe tonight they'd find out more. She'd hoped Okita still had Homura's key; now she knew he did, and she wanted to get a better look at that room.

Which meant there was no time to waste. She was packed by the time the intercom switched on, and out the door as soon as it opened.

[to here]
idolism: (eugh keep your retardation away from me)

Re: [F10]

[personal profile] idolism 2011-12-24 10:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Her plan was still the same the second time she explained it, making him narrow his eyes further.This was what she had wanted to tell him all day?

“You don’t have the slightest clue what you’re saying.”

Sasuke was not fundamentally opposed to donating his blood, that much was clear. But the one time Aidou had seriously needed it for himself had been due to dire straits, not because he was relying on Sasuke to keep him fed. He wasn’t relying on any one person to keep him fed! He was not… he was not like the ex-humans. Like Kiryu, or Alucard, or Kyon. His repulsion was instinctive, because Aigis’ suggestion put him in league with them, and that…

No. He could be a lot of things, but not that.

She moved toward him and Aidou’s first thought was to step away from her, but he bottled that urge and held his ground. Her “solution” was so absurd given all that he had done to ensure his livelihood up until now that he didn’t immediately know how to combat it logically. He didn’t need anyone to pity him.

“I refuse!” the noble shot back, crossing his arms across his chest.

Re: [F10]

[identity profile] no-dont-go.livejournal.com 2011-12-27 10:34 pm (UTC)(link)
"Indeed I do," Aigis responded blandly. It seemed he was going to be stubborn on the matter. Very well. She would only be stubborn right back.

"You leave me no choice, then," Aigis said wearily, bringing the Evoker out of her pocket and raising it to her temple. She didn't pull the trigger immediately. She would only summon Athena if this one last plea didn't work, but if necessary she would take that action.

"Either you will voluntarily drink and be satisfied for another few days, or else I will force your hand in the matter." Athena's might could be very convincing to those who did not possess such skills. She was loathe to use violence against another patient, even a dangerous one like Aidou who was only doing what he must to survive, but his attitude called for it. "I am not 'kidding you' if that is what you are thinking. I will do what I must to protect the rest of the institute's population. My own health is not of any consequence."
idolism: (don't forget i'm not human)

Re: [F10]

[personal profile] idolism 2011-12-28 03:14 am (UTC)(link)
No, she didn’t, and the fact that she was trying to “force his hand” as she so aptly put it made him glare, letting his banked fury show. What a stupid girl! Was she trying to threaten him like that? The stance she adopted wasn’t any more logical than the first time she had taken it up, but Aidou’s less rational side couldn’t see any farther than the provocation.

Last night it had been so much easier to call up his powers, and although he didn’t want to expend the energy doing so with the suppression back in place, he would. If only to soothe his temper.

“You should take this lesson in vampire diplomacy: coercion is never a good tactic.” He didn’t shift his stance, but he was ready to move when he had to, whether or not that entailed violence on his part. She certainly seemed to believe that whatever she had up her sleeve would be enough to contain him; the simplest thing to do was just assume that she was prepared to kill him and proceed with a willingness to do the same. When it came to problematic obstacles, that was the easiest way of permanently removing them. “You’ve got the wrong idea, besides. One doesn’t need to convince a horse to drink when it’s thirsty. But your solution has some very serious holes. For one, you really have no idea the effects my bite might have over a span of time. Why, it might kill you, among other things. And then who would protect your precious prisoners then? Assuming it doesn’t have any regrettable consequences, you’re still letting a dangerous entity close. What makes you think you’ll walk away with your health intact? The blood loss alone could render you useless.”
Edited 2011-12-28 03:18 (UTC)

Re: [F10]

[identity profile] no-dont-go.livejournal.com 2011-12-30 06:00 am (UTC)(link)
"Asking does not seem to be effective either. Pray tell, what tactic is necessary to get a working compromise, then?" She knew she was being flippant but Aidou wasn't helping his own situation either. If he wasn't going to offer a solution then what else could she do?

He seemed to think he would get to her by mentioning the possibility of her death or uselessness. Of course there was the possibility she would not be at the top of her game after losing blood, but she didn't care. She would still be saving someone else. Why did he not understand?

She was tired of this. Tired of this game of words with no action. She held the Evoker more firmly against her temple, her finger coming to rest on the trigger. "Aidou-san. I do not care if it does kill me. Even if I have a mortal body here, I am still just an android. I have no family but I have friends. For their sake I can do this." She took another deep breath, enunciating her next words very clearly. "I am expendable."

What more could she do? What more could she say? Nothing. There was no more to negotiate on. "You have a choice to make, Aidou-san. You are the only one standing between yourself and a free meal." The words that came out of her mouth were cold and controlled. Robotic. The most robotic she had sounded since Minato had disappeared. "Strike now, or I will do so myself."
idolism: (something unheard of)

Re: [F10]

[personal profile] idolism 2012-01-01 08:58 pm (UTC)(link)
How could anyone be this foolish? For that matter, how could anyone delude themselves into seeing logic where there was nothing but irrationality?

The noble had no satisfactory answers to her questions, because frankly, there were none to give. Her “tactics” didn’t deserve a response from him for how insulting they were. So her solution was to press him into a confrontation? It was ludicrous. How low did she expect him to sink? Him, of all people? The thought made him sick, and the disgust in his demeanour couldn’t have been more obvious.

A fool’s martyrdom, that was all this was.

“Shut your mouth, you stupid girl. Don’t shame you or I any more than you already have. You want to die so badly? Go throw yourself in some other creature’s path. But don’t you dare pretend you’re doing it for your friends’ sake--it speaks only of your own selfishness. If you died tonight, it would only hurt them. You might stop me from feeding from someone, but tomorrow those you protect are vulnerable again. And the next day, and the next day, and all the months after that. The night I’m hungry again, what then? Or the night a worse vampire comes along who kills every one of his victims? Or the night Landel decides to make the morgue a permanent home? There’ll be nothing you can do when they actually need you because you’ll be dead. When they fall because you let yourself fall first, that’s your failure.”

Someone who couldn’t even see that didn’t deserve to call themselves a protector of anything. They certainly didn’t deserve to taint his name with such misplaced righteousness.

"If you think you're going to absolve yourself of responsibility by provoking me, think again. I have far more integrity than what would allow that."
Edited 2012-01-01 21:08 (UTC)

Re: [F10]

[identity profile] no-dont-go.livejournal.com 2012-01-02 05:50 am (UTC)(link)
The finger on the trigger quivered, then slowly the gun in her hand lowered to her side as he continued to throw his retorts at her. She lowered her gaze and her chin tucked down as she hunched slightly. Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper. "Selfish. Yes, I am very selfish. I have never once been a selfless being."

She took a ragged breath. Swallowing back a thickness in her throat, she spoke again in that quiet voice. "I can only do what I know I can do. I can offer blood. And I can do this..." She raised the Evoker in her hand to her chest, cradling it with her other hand.

She took another breath, the breathed out a shaky, wet sob. She hadn't even realized when she had started crying, but the tears in her eyes now were obvious. Gritting her teeth, she tried to fight back against the burning sensation behind her eyes. "I do not understand! Why is this happening?"

She couldn't answer the rest of his questions. Distracted by her own tears, she wiped away at her eyes as she sobbed. Tears were supposed to be a sign of sadness but this was not sadness she was feeling. It was unusual and annoying. Frustration was the emotion she felt right now, along with a good helping of confusion and stress.

What did he want her to do? How could she make this work? She didn't even know anymore.
idolism: (don't forget i'm not human)

Re: [F10]

[personal profile] idolism 2012-01-02 07:03 am (UTC)(link)
If Aidou had had sympathy, it had been steadily trickling away over the course of his acquaintance with the girl. Sometimes he felt as though he could tolerate her, but more often than not he felt that if he did kill her, it would only be of benefit. Where selfishness was concerned, Aidou couldn’t deny that he was selfish, too; to all non-vampires, he was selfish. It wasn’t anything that could be changed, it was just a state of being, a biological imperative. He could act superior because he was. He could show disdain toward others not like him because he had the right. When he felt the deep cut of an insult, he could stand unmoved in the face of someone’s tears because he didn’t have to have compassion.

They were better, and that made all vampires selfish on some level. It was why the sharpness in his gaze didn’t soften when she started to break. She was like a baby just learning its first steps, and he had given her hard lessons, but the flicker of pity he felt was miniscule in comparison to the chunk of ice encompassing his chest, sealing away his heart.

At an ideal time when he wasn’t a prisoner in a deranged mental hospital, Aidou might have been less content to throw himself on the mercy of his own detachment. But not that night. It was an advantage to be more cruel than kind. To remember that his honor and his freedom were the only things that truly mattered.

But it was honor that was at question here, wasn’t it.

The mindless beast fought, killed, and took its meals where it could--what she had expected from him from the very beginning. Aidou could hurt the girl if he had to, but not rashly. Not because he was less than she or her human companions were. Proving otherwise was the only reason he paused before bothering to address her again, giving both of their thoughts time to settle.

“I don’t care if you’re incorruptible or not, if you’re scared or courageous. But I hate people who can’t understand themselves. And I hate people who try to put blood on my hands that doesn’t belong,” he said. “Listen, you’re not “offering” me, you’re commanding me, and I’m no animal for you to demean with your insinuations. You won’t lower me to the level of something that jumps at blood just because you present it. If I have to depend on one warm body I’m--” like him, like Kiryu, “--no better than a kept pet. I’ve sustained myself the way I have because that is not what I am. I can choose. That’s what I can do. If you don’t understand anything else, understand that.”

Re: [F10]

[identity profile] no-dont-go.livejournal.com 2012-01-02 08:26 am (UTC)(link)
Humanity was such a strange thing. Emotions and hormones ruled a body, warring with the logic of the mind and the instincts of the gut. Heat and blood rushed to different areas of the face and torso when stimuli overrode neutral masks. Aigis could never understand it all in just the little time she had been given to adjust to the body. It wasn't her fault she was this way. It was the an unfortunate fact of the matter.

She looked up when he started talking again. The tears were still making their way down her cheeks but she had stopped sobbing, they were only silent tears. She sniffed once and then, perhaps for the first time, really listened to what Aidou had to say. She still felt she misunderstood much of what he might be trying to get across, but she was starting to realize one very important thing. She had been treating him like a creature fully inhuman. In a sense, he still was, but that did not mean that he didn't have feelings and emotions all his own. The culture was different but the reasoning was there, and that meant that she had to approach this differently.

She had approached him like a non-human before. Now she had to approach him like a human, but one who she could not make snap judgments about. She took a deep breath, but her voice remained hoarse if controlled. "I... believe I am finally beginning to understand, Aidou-san. Forgive me for my previous insensitivity."

She bowed at the waist to augment her apology. When she straightened up she gazed at him with the same sincerity she generally held, but perhaps this time there was a bit more of a light of understanding in her eyes. Even Koromaru she had treated like a comrade back home. He hadn't been a pet, so how could she treat Aidou as such?

"I understand this was foolhardy and dangerous, but I would like to ask you one more time if you could please at least consider drinking from me tonight." She raised a hand to delay him from sneering at her request too quickly, her eyes begging a further moment of indulgence. "I am not asking this to keep you here as a pet, but I would ask that you at least leave off hunting tonight and just take what I have to offer this time around. I... will not interfere afterwards, I promise this. I still wish I could have found a way to sustain you and leave the other patients with their blood intact but I have obviously not thought this through enough."

She nodded her head, another small apology. "I really should have not demanded to come up with a solution myself. I should have... asked you your opinion on the matter."

Aigis took another breath, then put the Evoker in her pocket and placed a free hand against her chest earnestly. "I still have confidence I will not die tonight, even if I were to lose more blood than I should. I would like to show you why I have such confidence after, if you would permit, Aidou-san."
idolism: (and you've only got yourself to blame)

Re: [F10]

[personal profile] idolism 2012-01-03 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
Insensitivity… honestly was an inadequate term in these circumstances. Not necessarily in regards to Aigis’ behavior; even at the height of his resentment, the vampire wasn’t oblivious to her struggle. Was his need to dictate his own survival at her expense insensitivity? In those terms, they were probably closer to equals. He was insensitive, she was insensitive, Landel was insensitive… Ultimately, the description applied to everything and everyone connected to the Institute.

If there was ever a time that language failed to fully reflect the grave nature of reality, it was now. Tears were, in their own way, more telling than words.

As she bowed, Aidou released a breath and reminded himself that displacing the wealth of his anger onto her was just as much a mistake as trying to force him to betray his own character. It was doubtful that she fully understood him--how could she?--but she had backed down, and that was enough for him to do the same. No more, he told himself. A battle of perspectives won’t do anyone good. There was still a lingering sting, though, and it kept a frown on his lips.

“Not to mention offensive to all aristocrats,” he said when she raised the issue of how foolhardy her suggestion was. But unsurprisingly, she wasn’t about to let it go. He shifted in the door frame, still uncomfortable with the notion of taking blood that was acquiesced so clinically. More so with the wetness on Aigis’ cheeks. It wasn’t like he enjoyed menacing females and making them shed tears. Doing so and then proceeding to burden that same person with his hunger opened the gates to guilt, guilt that he had wanted to avoid.

And when she abandoned her arguments and surrendered to his wishes, it was enough to make him want to squirm. Having her fight him every step and grant him a clear conscience when he fought back was almost easier than… this kind of victory. Having respect for him as a vampire was one thing, but it was another to let one abuse other people when she was clearly still afraid for the prisoners’ well-being.

The noble released another breath, looking away for a moment. “You should know… that I understand your intentions. I see what you want and if there was a way to keep what I am separate from the populace, I would. I don’t choose hunting because I like it. I have no interest in harming others. But what you‘re asking comes with its own problems.” Things were infinitely easier when he had only himself to answer to. Admitting his fears and his regrets was like admitting weaknesses. Finally, he flashed her a glance, the discomfort of the situation muddying his thoughts. “Just stop crying. I can’t look at you when you’re like that.” Stepping closer he pulled out the pocket square he kept folded in the inside pocket of his blazer and held it out to her. “As little as you understand my kind, your sacrifice hasn’t gone unnoticed.”

With that, he really had no choice but to let the sting from her slander go.

Re: [F10]

[identity profile] no-dont-go.livejournal.com 2012-01-03 09:02 am (UTC)(link)
The mention of aristocrats gave Aigis a moment of pause. She tilted her head a little, but now was not the time to question the more personal side of Aidou's life. He seemed to have forgiven her indiscretions, or at least allowed himself to look past that for now.

She studied him a moment, noticing the way he held himself rather rigidly and shifted every now and then. It was different and Aigis wasn't sure how to interpret his movements. Was he still weighing his own feelings on the whole affair? Or was there something else going on in his head? He turned away and that really perplexed her. Protocol typically called for serious matters to be discussed with full eye contact. She listened closely and was surprised by what she heard.

She shouldn't have been surprised, she realized after a moment. He was basically stating that he did have a conscience, too. She had to have been blind to have ignored that for so long. It surely must have been difficult for him these past several weeks, spreading himself thin so he wouldn't have to hurt too many while also justifying his meals so he didn't think too hard about the person he had to hurt to survive. If anything, the thought caused more silent tears to wend their way down her face.

She didn't know what to say. His offer of a handkerchief was unexpected but she took it and began to mechanically dab at her eyes in what she hoped was the expected way. "Thank you." Her voice still sounded hoarse, but with their close proximity he probably could hear her. She repeated her thanks again, this time to show her appreciation that went beyond receiving the handkerchief. "Thank you, Aidou-san."

She didn't know where things were supposed to move from here. It seemed like such a rare moment, one where she couldn't be 100 percent objective without seeming pushy again. So, instead, she took another breath to steady herself and finished wiping at her eyes, choosing a slightly less painful topic to soften the mood. "I do apologize for my tears. They started on their own though I was not feeling 'sad.' I am not sure why they began at all..."

Was she rambling now? Aigis didn't ramble, but her words were not furthering their objectives at all. It was obvious that now that they had come to an agreement following through was a lot harder than just talking about it had been.
idolism: (a thing of dark imaginings)

Re: [F10]

[personal profile] idolism 2012-01-03 11:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Aidou didn’t believe he was deserving of her thanks, but what could he say? The best response was silence.

Although they had retreated from the precipice of violence, he still felt a substantial amount of uncertainty over what had brought them to this point to begin with. Blood was at the heart of everything. But the truth remained: he didn’t want to take blood from her even though he needed it. Rationally, if she was indeed willing to leave the matter be, feeding from her this one time was better than wasting more time finding someone else after they parted. But something in him continued to resist the idea.

She was not someone he wanted to make a habit of biting, and she was emotionally fragile now, whether or not she comprehended it herself. Preying on the weak was, by itself, a reprehensible concept…

“You don’t have to apologize for that. You’re… emotional.”

The Institute had that effect on people, himself included. Could anyone really stay detached in the face of this nightmare? Even Aigis, who claimed to be more machine than person, couldn’t escape the grey moral landscape they were imprisoned in. Black and white was simple, but like most things, Landel had taken it away. What was left was this… permanent discomfort. For Aidou, here and now, it was navigating the boundaries between vampire and other that bogged him down. For her, it was the fear of failing her friends that bothered her. And doing what she could, whatever that meant in the Institute’s terms.

“Don’t spend time worrying you haven’t found a solution, either. Landel’s made sure there isn’t one. That’s just how it is. But… do you actually mean you won’t stop me obtaining blood when I have to?”

Hunting was an accurate term for it. However, being a kept pet was also an accurate term for what the alternative would be: him sticking to one person for the foreseeable future. Who exactly would be the “pet” in that scenario was up for debate, though. At any rate, it was an attachment Aidou wanted to avoid if possible.

Re: [F10]

[identity profile] no-dont-go.livejournal.com 2012-01-06 10:20 am (UTC)(link)
Perhaps letting her own hackles down had softened him, or else she was just now seeing another side of Aidou that Aigis had never allowed herself to notice before. He seemed much more understanding, kind even. Warm, though he still had not smiled yet. Aigis wondered if she would ever see him smile.

"Emotions are strange things. I am still unused to them." She finished blotting away her tears and held the kerchief out to return it to Aidou. She bowed her head again. "I thank you, Aidou-san."

The biggest issue was that she still felt compelled to find an issue, an answer, that would not only keep the patient body safe from the blood-letting but also relieve Aidou from having to stoop to attacking his fellow patients. An empty fist tightened at her side and frustration showed in the furrowing of her brow. "I... no. I will not stop you anymore."

It was almost physically painful to admit, but Aidou was right. Landel was always the one to blame in these matters and he had made it impossible to find a proper solution. He could never be forgiven. Even so, Aigis couldn't help herself. "I want to think of something..." But to what end? Could there possibly be a way to satisfy both of their objectives efficiently?
idolism: (introducing your blood suckers)

Re: [F10]

[personal profile] idolism 2012-01-09 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
The vampire sighed again. Ultimately, this whole mess was more wearisome than anything. In truth, he didn’t have the energy to sustain his anger toward Aigis and her earlier behavior; it tiring enough having to explain the intricacies of his blood drinking to another person. Aidou liked Sasuke’s response the best. The boy probably knew what Aidou was up to, but he hadn’t bothered to ask any questions.

If only all the prisoners could be that way.

“To have no emotions at all is almost enviable,” he said dully, taking the cloth back from her and stuffing it back into his pocket. If neither of them cared, they wouldn’t be here, now would they? Her face wouldn’t be streaked with tears and he wouldn’t have a monstrous headache. “I can’t tell you they’ll get any easier. Just remember they’re rarely rooted in rationale for next time, okay?” he added. “I don’t want to have to divert you from suicide.”

But whatever her internal conflicts, where Aidou was concerned, she had relented. That was a plus. Having someone else embroiled in his problems was not ideal--it felt awfully conspiratorial--but he should have been happy she wasn’t set on throwing herself in his way, right? Objectively speaking, it was an obstacle out of his way, and one he hadn’t had to kill to remove.

Aigis saw things differently, though. Her surrender hadn’t changed that.

“You want to think of something, but there are no easy fixes,” he said, concluding her sentence. “I’ll be honest: taking your blood wouldn’t hurt you aside from the blood loss, and I know better than to take too much. I was just testing you before. But although that sounds like an excellent plan, you’re clearly underestimating what it’d be like to be a vampire’s long-term sustenance. Unless it’s a mutual attraction, you’re just asking for trouble. Blood and emotion go hand-in-hand, and you can already see the problems emotions raise.”