Day 51: Breakfast

[thatdamnedninja.livejournal.com]

Yuffie Kisaragi, indomitable bouncing ball of sunshine and unfathomable ebullience, was tired. It'd been a long night full of gibberish and getting nowhere fast.

"Can't I—"

Plucky, who had been busily loading a plate full of French toast and bacon, tittered. "I'm afraid not, Hanna, darling. A chat over a nice, hearty breakfast would do you a world of good, don't you think?"

"Aaaaactually—"

"Come on, let's find you a seat. Plenty to choose from this morning!"

For a long moment, Yuffie seriously considered doing something—anything—to act out. Punch her nurse, rub jam in an orderly's face, climb a wall and hang off the ceiling, jump on a table and parody Loveless… A ruckus like that would definitely jolt her back into gear, right? Sedation aside. And it'd turn Plucky's good day right on its head, which was always a bonus worth shooting for.

But, by the time she'd reached a decision—and it was an epic decision, a really awesome one; everybody'd appreciate the genius, she was sure—she was already alone. Her breakfast tray had been set down neatly by the nurse, who had left with an infuriatingly winsome smile.

"Wow," Yuffie muttered. Shaking her head, she picked a chair at random and threw herself into it. She kicked back, one arm slung across her eyes, to wait. For what, she wasn't totally sure. Some moron to decide that she looked like good company? That was how it usually went.

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[ofyulia.livejournal.com]

His body language spoke of an explanation being mentally constructed, to which Tear waited for with patience. She could not help but frown at the need for time to come up with a clarification, but she also understood he likely had a good reason. Luke was not the type to lie. This pause was his way of attempting to expose a complex situation to another, not to muddle it further. That itself, however, was the crux. It meant she had stumbled into a circumstance of great difficulty, perhaps more complicated than the theory she had formed in her mind.

What actually came, however, defied logic altogether, to the point Tear had to backtrack multiple times to grasp at basic comprehension. Though Luke confirmed the nurse's earlier words, he also brought up an entirely new factor. Another world? Outside of Auldrant, then. A place called Earth. But that was impossible. Though no one could confirm or deny the existence of life outside their planet, technology was such that there existed no way of finding out for certain. It was beyond Tear's understanding that somehow, somewhere, someone had decided to drag her to an entirely new civilization.

Not just her: Luke, Guy, Anise, Natalia, and Sync as well. The last on that list being an improbability himself. Sync had fallen into the core; there was no way he, much less anyone, could have survived. Especially to be imprisoned like the others. Also, what about the rest of their group? Where were they? Tear was tempted to say that they were probably back home, but according to Luke, they could be here, just not in the confines of the facility.

And that was the strangest part of the explanation. Luke claimed that Tear had been a patient before and that she had been released and brainwashed at some point. But she couldn't remember such memories. If the soldier was the type to be forgetful or out of touch with reality, she might have entertained the possibility. And again, that was impossible. Tear was not someone to carelessly forget, especially being here. Residing in another world. All logic screamed for her to brush aside Luke's words as folly. There were more reasonable explanations for their current situation.

She might have done just that. She might have thrown off the explanation if the speaker had been anyone but Luke. With him, however, Tear could not simply cast aside the idea, as illogical as it might be. Luke would not lie about his perceptions, at least the Luke she was coming to know. He would not ask for her belief with such conviction if it did not matter. This fact alone caused the Melodist to waver, hesitant silence filling her end for what seemed like hours.

Finally, her lips flattened into a line, as though Tear had come to a conclusion regarding the matter. "I'll believe you, Luke," she said quietly. "This is...a little new for me, though. So..." She trailed off, for once lacking the grounding feature in her voice. She needed to think on this for a moment.

[replicatedorder.livejournal.com]

Guilt surged inside of him as he watched her process the information. Some part of him wished he brought his journal, because despite the confessional nature of his words, he could give her a greater understanding of everything that happened. Tear deserved that. But he also knew there was a chance that things would be confusing. Still, she didn't ask why he was alive, and she didn't seem surprised to see him. This wasn't the same reunion for her as it was for him, twofold. That was probably for the best, though. Tear didn't need to know that their inevitable separation in this place after he saved everyone would lead to a complete separation outside of this place.

After all, all too easily he recalled her anger with him when he wanted to die with the replicas. Even so, he went on. It meant she would hate him, but he knew what he had to do. Now, it would be the same. He figured she would eventually piece it together. Eventually, Tear would realize Luke was glad to see her, but this would be their last time together. His willingness to free them would only be seen as another sacrifice.

But the others would realize that, too. Perhaps more easily. He knew Guy wouldn't accept his acceptance that this was not a second chance. He knew Anise wouldn't, either. Asch's anger at Luke's confession that he didn't think he had a life outside of this place also lingered in the back of his mind. None of them wanted him to die, but he already faced it time and time again. It was hard to hold on to hopes and promises when he understood what needed to be done.

Luke offered her a nod—consolatory more than anything—while he provided an idle poke to the piece of paper before him. His address to everyone would have to wait. What he needed to do more than anything was talk to Tear, and ensure that she was comfortable in this place. Passing up the opportunity to speak to her, to see her reactions and hear her voice—that would be unwise. He just knew he had to stay on task.

Even if seeing her made him feel like everything could work out. Even if seeing her made the base of his stomach fill with a pit that he hadn't felt in a while. He couldn't let himself get distracted. No matter what he felt, Luke knew that especially now, he couldn't act on it. Maybe one day she would realize he felt the same in return, but especially here, it wasn't fair to let her see his feelings.

"I bet you have a ton of questions, don't you?" he asked. "It's hard to cover everything at first, but I want to do my best to help you." Luke thought about stopping himself, but he pressed on, anyway. "I'm really glad they brought you back. I feel bad, because this place isn't good for anyone. They make people act, and there are monsters at night. There are experiments, too. I'll do my best to help you." His features shifted a bit into a cross between serious and hopeful. "But now that you're here, I really feel like I can do anything that I need to do. Because you'll be watching me."

[ofyulia.livejournal.com]

Even with her promise to trust his words, Tear could not disregard the growing unease, the multitude of factors that were not right. Belief did not spell the end of problems. If anything, being trapped in a mental institution in a foreign land only compounded the steps required to reach a resolution. Thankfully, it helped eliminate other potential roads and allowed her to focus on a single line of threats, and yet...

Okay. She heaved an exhale, as though willing herself to concentrate. Keep calm, and take things one step at a time. Eventually, she would make sense of the situation and offer the sought-for confidence. Because, yes, Tear had said as much: she would watch him. No matter what Luke did or where he ended up, she would see how far he changed with his actions.

"I do," confirmed Tear, "and thank you, I appreciate it." She was fortunate in the sense to have run across an ally; if the place was anything like his descriptions (and they might as well be counted as fact), she probably would not have gotten a single straight answer from that woman. "I'll try not to overload you with too many questions." They had plenty of time to exchange information. In addition, Luke needed to eat. Forcing the young man to sacrifice his meal on the account of her ignorance couldn't be accepted.

For now, she would lay down her most pressing concerns. First, her previous presence. Tear had yet to move away from the sheer surrealism of that detail. "About me being here before... Do you remember when I first arrived? How long did I stay here before I was 'released'?" she said slowly. Depending on the answer, she could either match up the account to her existing memories or question the nature of one or the other.

Hopefully, it would be the former. Hopefully.

"Also," she added, prepping the other for her second most immediate concern, "from what you just described, this place sounds more like a prison than an asylum. Are they taking their own patients and forcibly conducting experiments on them? Why would we be involved if we're mentally sound?" The last question especially made no proper sense.

[replicatedorder.livejournal.com]

As for her first question, Luke realized that he wished that Guy or Anise had given him more information about her time here before. It was difficult to divulge every piece of information, but he still regretted not asking them. The time had never been right. This place didn't make it possible, with them needing to share about their previous encounters, the immediate information they required, or the time they spent in Baticul together. Despite how hopeful he could have been, he realized he had been somewhat defeatist about seeing Tear back inside of the institute again. Everything told him that there was a slim chance of that, even if he and Asch both managed to make return visits.

He shook his head regretfully. "I don't remember," he explained. "This is my third time here. I'm sure I saw you before, but no matter how hard I try, I still can't come up with anything." There was a moment of hesitation as he considered telling her about his previous times here. He considered telling her about the experiment with he hyperresonance, and about the fact that he and Asch managed to agree to work together once, but this wasn't the time. Luke knew he wouldn't be able to hold back the words later on, but now, she needed clarity. "Mieu came to visit me, and he said I'd been going back home, but I kept coming back. Apparently I just don't get better." That would confuse her, and he regretted his words, but she could ask for more clarification in a moment if she wanted.

Being able to explain these things to her only made Luke realize how many half-formed pieces of information he had. It frustrated him, the fact that he had so much, but he wasn't able to act on it. Maybe that would change soon.

"And you're right," he pressed on, nodding his head forward. His head remained bowed, strands of red hair falling forward. "This place is a prison. That bastard Landel ..." Anger crept its way into his voice, and he stopped himself to hold off the words. "Landel is the doctor here. They do take us, their experiments, back, but at night, all the pretenses drop. Landel doesn't bother to pretend like we aren't here for his amusement."

A part of Luke wanted that to simply settle in, but he lifted his head up and met hers. The most difficult part came. He didn't know if he would ever have the chance for her to know, but here they were, and he needed to be honest. "They brainwash you into believing it. You don't even think it's wrong that you want to hurt people. For me—" his words cracked, and he let out a shaky breath. "—For me, I thought I was helping people by attacking them to get them to go back to their rooms. It was ... really similar to that mindset I had before, and there was nothing that could stop it." No surge in the back of his mind, nothing that told him that it was wrong. This wasn't a gradual contrast, either. The solemnity of his words was displayed through his features, and though Luke felt uncomfortable and wanted to look away, he couldn't.

He couldn't look weak or guilty about what he had done. That wouldn't help anything.

[ofyulia.livejournal.com]

His third time? The memory issues Luke had supposedly held were long since disproved after Akzeriuth. Therefore, if he could lose recollection of his time spent in Landel's Institute, it would not be a far stretch to assume the same had happened to Tear. No matter how disconcerting the revelation, if she was going to rely on Luke and his words, she would have to go on the basis that she, too, had arrived, been brainwashed into this world's society, and now had returned.

"But how?" she mused, eyes glancing down at the food in front of her. "They must have some way of wiping out precise memories. It's like no extra time had passed since we were in Belkend. In fact, I'm pretty sure last night I was on the ship to Ortion Cavern." One would have expected a hesitate sigh at naming her destination, but Tear supposed the gravity of the current situation meant her personal affairs came in second. "Did it feel like any time had passed for you?"

Her eyes widen at the mention of Mieu as well as the following statement regarding "getting better". "Mieu is in this world?" Tear questioned. She leaned forward as if to emphasize the inquiry. "How is he-- No, where is he? And what did he mean by going back 'home'?" Back to Auldrant, then? But that itself did not make sense in conjunction with Luke's previous words.

Yet, he wasn't finished. Before Tear could properly place the logic of the last explanation, the other continued, laying detail after detail. Elaborating one complication after another. She managed to catch that Landel was the supposed mastermind, but the length and the severity of his work proved both unnatural and confusing. There existed no practical reason for such an elaborate setup. Right now, she couldn't even begin to rationalize why anyone would kidnap one from another world to conduct what sounded like inhuman experimentation. Furthermore, Luke had--

Luke had...what? "Wait." The signature calm in her voice faltered momentarily. "Slow down. Tell me what happened. Why were you forced to attack other people?"

[replicatedorder.livejournal.com]

When she did ask him to slow down, Luke fully realized the extent of his bombarding her with information, and he felt guilty about it. "Sorry," he slipped in, and then he began sorting out her various inquiries about what he had to say. Better to hit them all as simplistically as possible, especially since he now knew what she remembered last. Ortion Cavern. That was a long time ago, in comparison; it wouldn't do to inform her about her future yet.

Or about Van's death. She didn't need to know about that, or her part in it, just yet. He realized that even more than Anise not knowing about his death, Tear would take that the hardest. It wasn't his place to tell her. Of course, that was part of her resolve at the time, but Luke didn't care. He didn't feel he had the right to inform her about that choice he decided to make.

"It didn't feel like time had passed," he explained, but he didn't go on in details. It wasn't necessarily lying, but it was hard to explain that he felt like he was waking up for the first time since dying. Lorelei's voice was still fresh in his ears and mind at the time.

"As for the rest, I guess ... I should explain. Most of the people involved in our journey have appeared here at some point. Mieu wasn't supposed to be involved, but I just found out he was. Only now that he's in this world, he looks ... well, he looks like you or me." Human was the term for it, Luke was pretty sure, but he couldn't count on it. "I don't know how, but if Landel's able to do that to Mieu and brainwash him on top of it, I figure he can do things like that to our memories."

It also made him wonder what Landel could do to other people. He recalled his efforts on Dist and how Dist was changed as a result of the experiments. If that occurred, then Luke knew his own circumstances with the hyperresonance were purposeful. No, he didn't remember them, but he doubted his friends would simply exclude information.

"As for the rest, I can't really tell you. At night, they come to take you from your room and you're brought up to the third floor. It's the only time anyone's able to get up there. I don't remember anything afterward, but I was brought down to the Sun Room—that's where the bulletin board is, you'll know it well enough soon—and I thought I needed to attack people to protect them. If I knocked some sense into them, they'd go back to their rooms and wouldn't be exploring the halls." Explaining it like that made it sound utterly unbelievable, but it was the truth. Guilt was present in the way he said each word, but he threw them out quickly. Word after word after word—it was an onslaught, but he didn't want to hesitate.

[ofyulia.livejournal.com]

According to Luke, no time had passed for him as well. More and more, the chances of tampered memories being a concrete possibility seemed plausible, the fact coming as both concern and relief. The latter in that her condition wasn't to blame for her failure to recall. The former in that those responsible for their current plight had the ability to manipulate memory at will. It meant she and Luke could have stayed in Landel's Institute multiple times without knowledge of their previous stay. It also meant all of their memories were up for change at the whim of this Dr. Landel. No one with an attachment to their mind would be okay with these circumstances.

Furthermore, with the "transformation" put upon Mieu, they also had the power to adjust the physical makeup of a living creature. How wasn't a necessary question; Tear understood that if replications can be made in her world, adjustments were more than possible in others. The why, however... She would have thought Mieu's cheagle attributes would have attracted more attention than placing him in human form. It simply didn't make sense. Much like how Van's initial actions failed to hold sense.

Suddenly, Tear felt the familiar prickling of a growing headache, and a hand slid to her forehead as if to stave it off. "This is unbelievable..." she muttered. Not Luke's words--her promise was still intact. Just the entire situation was a mix of the familiar and the completely bizarre. "Has anyone else appeared?" Then disappeared. She had a feeling the list of people would grow given his earlier statements, but it wouldn't hurt to check for certain.

His account regarding the brainwashing proved more stable than the last, but it was no less severe. With it came several noteworthy details, which Tear was carefully to take and stow away for future reference. First, the institute consisted of at least three floors, the last of which was inaccessible except for such occasions. Second, the brainwashed (or in Luke's case) were set to patrol an area and send patients back to their rooms by use of force. One of the stranger reasons for guarding, but this wasn't the time to question the motives.

Finally, there was guilt evident in Luke's voice, despite the fact he was not actively blaming himself. He felt bad for whatever happened, and this settled uncomfortably in Tear's mind. Her brother might have manipulated Luke into destroying Akzeriuth, but Luke had also willingly done so. In this case, he couldn't control his actions; he was acting accordingly to a set of conditions forced upon him without his consent. Of course, he shouldn't be happy about the fact, but something about it called for some assurance. Or clarification, given this was Tear.

"It sounds like whatever happened then," she started quietly, "was different from what happened in Akzeriuth. You know that, right?" You believe that. Right?