Day 50: Chapel

[full-score.livejournal.com]

The last thing Claude heard was the Head Doctor's voice faintly filtering into the corridors of the ship before he found himself tucked beneath the sheets of his bed. It took a moment to register he'd even changed locations, but then he he abruptly sat up, fought the wave of nausea that washed over him, and felt the blankets beneath his fingers. The room. He was back in his room now. Under different circumstances, he might have wondered if last night had been some horrid dream, but the sharp pain in his eyes gave him a rude awakening. Hissing through his teeth, Claude buried the heels of his palms against his lids, only to discover two cold compresses had been taped over them.

"Good morning, Thomas," he heard the nurse's cheerful voice from beside his bed. Her sudden presence nearly made him jump out of his skin, and he sharply turned toward the source of the greeting, heart beating rapidly in his chest. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well today, but hopefully you can still enjoy some of the activities we have planned."

'Not feeling well' was a bit of an understatement. His hand hurt, his stomach kept turning with every movement, and it felt like someone had dumped a bunch of sand into both eye sockets. Right now, Claude just wanted the nurse to leave him be, but it didn't look like that was an option. Taking his uninjured hand, she gently tugged him out of bed, despite his protests that, no, really, he just wanted to stay in and sleep, please.

"I think getting out of your room a little bit will do you good," she told him. "I'm sorry your eyes are probably hurting, though. If you're ever feeling uncomfortable, don't hesitate to ask one of us for some pills."

"What about eye drops?" Claude asked tightly.

"Oh, no, too much of that could damage your eyes," she cautioned, and the sheer irony of the situation hit Claude so hard that it would have been laughable if he didn't already feel like crying right then. The nurse was as oblivious to it as always, however. "I know you usually go into the chapel during this shift. Would you like to go there again?" Claude didn't answered immediately, but that didn't deter the nurse. "Yes, I think that sounds best..."

In truth, he probably should have requested the sun room -- it was closer, for one, which meant the nurse didn't have to lead him as far of a distance. For another, lying down on one of their sofas sounded like a good option. But by the time Claude came to that conclusion, he was too stubborn to say anything, and he made his way up to the second floor, his footing slow, but steady.

The nurse deposited him on one of the central pews, next to the aisle, before leaving him to himself. Thankfully, it was still early in the shift. As he paused to listen, the room was mostly silent, save for the footsteps and hushed voices of the occasional staff member or patient who trickled in. But it was probably only a matter of time before others came. For some reason, the thought of being stuck in a crowded room made him tense, not necessarily because he thought anyone would pay him any mind, but because he simply didn't want it right then.

Somehow, the full implications of what happened last night hadn't sunken in: experiments, healing himself, the issue of whether he could actually go home after this, not being able to see, the ship, father. Instead, he just felt saturated with all of it, paralyzed by the horror of what they'd done to him, and the uncertainty of what it all meant beyond this moment. Claude took a shuddering breath, uninjured hand balling into a fist in his lap.

[For Guy.]

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[oftemptation.livejournal.com]

"I'm not feeling well. I...I want to sleep longer, please...I was having such a pleasant dream..."

"Peyton. You can't stay in bed all day. It's not very healthy. Besides, there's a great big wide world out there. You can't simply live in a dream."

That made Endrance sit bolt-upright in bed, and he clenched his hands into tight fists as he tried not to raise his voice. Instead he turned away, taking a look at the closet.

"If you're feeling chilly, you can get a sweater, but I'm going to have to insist you get up and out of bed."

With a heavy sigh, Endrance stood, took a sweatshirt from the closet - and then he noticed it. The sword - the 'Lost Weapon' Haseo had talked about. It was there, and that was enough for the moment. Everything else could wait.

"Why don't you take a few moments in the chapel? I know you usually favor the sun room, but a change of pace might do you good."

Before Endrance had a chance to argue, the nurse had taken him by the arm and begun marching him up the stairs.

"I..."

"You're going to be fine. Now, have a good morning, dear."

She left, and the Blade Brandier stared up at the ceiling, remembering the night the walls had turned to blood. He could only hope the same thing wouldn't happen during daylight.

[free.]

[feartehreaper.livejournal.com]

Morning came and Haseo's awareness returned to him, but even so it was something like ten minutes before the intercom went off, and twenty minutes more before the nurse finally arrived. During it the Rogue barely moved beyond rolling over to stare at the texture of the wall by his bed. He had never really had too much of a problem with mornings, but with the fading of night and the return of the daily routine of institute life, he had a distinct interest in staying in bed. Ideally, asleep, and unconcerned with the mess his life had turned into since a week and a half before.

He knew the moment he was awake that he'd been once more reverted to the same state he'd always been in at Landel's. He might have still been in the body of his player character, but it definitely wasn't the same, and he... really didn't get it. He, Endrance, and Leon had been given the chance to wander the streets of an abandoned Lumina Cloth at their leisure. It was a glimpse of what it was like to actually be back in 'The World', and seeing that huge city with its ornate amphitheatre, filled with screens and flashing lights... Haseo might have been confused and notably irritated at being there at the time, but right now he would have given almost anything to be back. By the time the door opened and those overly-nice words from his nurse began ringing in his ears, he'd almost managed to fall back asleep, and on top of that, work himself into a pretty low mood.

The woman must have asked him four or five times where he wanted to go that morning before he finally deciphered that he wasn't just going to be herded toward the cafeteria again. He'd heard the announcement, but honestly, hadn't realized it was Sunday again and hadn't really been paying attention. Eventually though, he gave enough indication that he'd prefer the chapel, got dressed, and half-stumbled out the door. Despite the odd experience he'd had there before, it wasn't quite as bright as the sun room normally was. It seemed appropriate for other reasons, too- he wasn't religious or anything like that, but it just did.

At least there was no fog of drugs to bring him down even further this time, and no Twin Blade to chastise him for things she found wrong with this or that. He subconsciously attempted to put his hands in his pockets as he entered the room, but then realized it didn't quite work as he wanted and sighed irritably as he looked for an empty place.

Of course, Endrance was admittedly hard to miss, and though the Rogue approached him readily enough, he felt awkward as he loitered nearby. Finally, he just slid in near the Blade Brandier without saying anything. He wasn't sure if there was anything he could say that wouldn't sound phony.

[oftemptation.livejournal.com]

Endrance didn't speak for a long moment. He nodded, acknowledging Haseo's presence, but....what could you say that sounded sincere? The questions of 'are you all right' and 'how are you feeling?' had obvious answers of 'what do you think?' and 'like crap.' There simply wasn't any need to ask them, not when the answers were so clear.

There was a half-second's debate of whether to reach for Haseo's hand or not, but in the end, he decided simply to leave it lying open against the wooden pew. If he needed it, the support was there. If he didn't, it would still be there. He realized that as much as he wanted to speak in poems and cryptic statements...it wasn't the time just then. There would be all the time in the world for that.

In the end, Endrance settled for a simple statement. "We...we weren't just dreaming. We were in The World. I know, because...because that Lost Weapon was in my closet when I woke this morning. I don't know how, but...it's there."

He paused for a beat, then continued.

"If it's...if it's too soon, you don't have to tell me, but...there's a story behind it, isn't there? You didn't want to say it last night, and it's fine if you're still not ready...but I'd like to know."

[feartehreaper.livejournal.com]

Haseo felt tired. Listless, even, and it showed in his demeanor as he settled for laying his arms across the back of the pew in front of him and staring at what he could make out of the floor in the lower lighting. He didn't really care for keeping up appearances at the moment- it wasn't like Endrance hadn't seen worse already, after all. Honestly, it was hard to even be angry at that point. Not impossible, but definitely more difficult than it normally was.

He looked back when Endrance told him about the sword though, shaking the long hair around his face away as his expression turned to confusion. However, he remained silent still, wondering why on Earth they'd be thrown back to 'The World' just to be dragged back with nothing gained except, apparently, a weapon that had no right existing in reality.

"Seriously? Weird...," he finally muttered, lost in thought, but then immediately felt awkward as Endrance continued to pursue his slip-up when talking about the Lost Weapons. Why hadn't he just told him before to forget it when he'd had the chance? He sighed, brow creased as he looked away. He'd implied he'd tell him though, right? So...

"I used to talk to this other player named Phyllo a lot. When I first started playing," he said after a long moment, keeping his voice low and neutral, deliberately hard to overhear more than a few feet away. "I guess he was pretty sick though, even though he didn't really tell anyone... when he died, he made sure I'd be able to find where the Lost Weapons were locked away later on."

Of course, that was leaving out a lot, namely his behavior during that time, a good deal of guilt over the whole thing, and Antares' extended involvement, but... it seemed enough without further prompting. Regardless, his hands tightened on the pew in front of him, haunted by the onslaught of memories on top of his already present stress.

[oftemptation.livejournal.com]

There was a bit of comfort in the silence, rather than awkwardness. There was no sense in forcing conversation. If it happened, it happened, and if it didn't, that was all right, too. Forcing it wouldn't help anything.

"It is...I can't imagine why I'd still have it, but it means I can return your weapon to you tonight. Thank you for letting me use it..."

Endrance listened in silence as Haseo explained what the story was behind the Lost Weapons, then reached out and put his left hand on top of the Rogue's right. It wasn't taking it, not exactly, but the physical gesture seemed like the right thing in the moment. The action spoke more than the words.

"I...I wish I had a way to thank him. There aren't words for how much it means to me. I feel a little stronger now, if that makes sense at all...I may not have everything I would in The World, but...I have you. And I have 'her'. That's all I need."

[feartehreaper.livejournal.com]

At that, Haseo couldn't help but close off slightly, realizing belatedly that once again he'd somehow let Endrance get inside that emotional wall he tried so hard to keep up most of the time. He looked down at the hand over his own, at a complete loss of words while he waited for his brain to kick back into order again. It wasn't even embarrassment that caught him, rather than not knowing what to do with the sensation of being exposed so strongly. It reminded him of another time or two, albeit ones he... preferred trying not to think about in his current state.

"Hn, back then, I guess it was hard for me to tell who was really trying to look out for me," he said slowly, still low. It was something he continued to only half-understand, but knew had to be true, especially when those like Shino and Tabby came up. Of course on the opposite side there was Ovan, who he'd thought he could trust for much longer than he was convinced he should have. A lot of good that had done him.

The Rogue paused, mind seemingly trying to jump between multiple topics at once. At least he recognized they'd both be a little better off- although it had been a necessity Endrance was armed, not having both of the short swords actually put Haseo at a severe disadvantage. That was why he'd had the second one made in the first place, after all.

"The sword... that's good," he said, trying to sound like he meant it past the awkwardness of a statement like that, scrambling to match that little confidence. "We'll need it if we're going to bust out of here." However, he blinked again tiredly, scanning the others in the chapel then.

"... Right now, I just hope nobody bothers us, you know?"

[oftemptation.livejournal.com]

Endrance nodded once, not saying anything immediately. He couldn't say he had felt exactly the same way, but close enough, particularly during that confusing time right after...right after Mia had gone away the first time.

It was still hard to think about that whole incident, even years later. There were so many emotions mixed up in the whole thing...everyone he was sure was a friend had betrayed him, and it seemed like an alliance with a known enemy was better than doing nothing. It was the wrong decision in the end, but...he could understand that feeling.

"I...I don't know exactly what that feels like, but...I understand that feeling like you can't trust anyone. I've been there...it's really...it's hard."

Endrance was just about to say something else about the sword, but that last question tossed all thoughts of that right out of his mind. His hand felt a whole lot warmer, and he was sure his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. There weren't words enough for the feeling.

"I...I feel the same," he answered, trying to keep his voice low. "I like this...being like this. I feel like I know you better than I did, and that...it means a lot, Haseo. I..."

[feartehreaper.livejournal.com]

Trust was indeed a strange thing. Hard when you didn't have any, harder still to pull oneself out of that state of lacking. Haseo half-heartedly scoffed, but if nothing else he knew one thing was clear: he couldn't trust the institute in any way. Therefore, all he literally had was the trust in the friends he had alongside him.

He needed to get out, though, for their own sake and that of unfinished business. It had been practically habit to focus on them for a long time, and although his scope was wider now and his motivations had transformed over time, he refused to let his goals escape him.

"Chasing a dream," he said quietly, echoing something he'd heard once, albeit from a person he no longer cared anything for. He glanced over at Endrance again, not sure how he was supposed to be feeling with the taste of bittersweet memories still so strong in his mind. However, he'd have to take what he could get, so... at least until the shift changed again, right now that was enough.