damned_institute | Nightshift 45: West Wing, South Hall 1-A

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Nightshift 45: West Wing, South Hall 1-A

[From here]

Tyki headed through the double doors into the next hallway, still not seeing anything or anyone around this place. The area was still as empty and boring as ever. He'd almost wish for the head doctor to switch around the lay-out of the place a bit, if only it weren't for the fact that figuring out what was where would be a real pain. Especially on the rare occasion he would need to be somewhere, and considering the guy's excellent sense of timing...

[To here]

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[From here (http://community.livejournal.com/damned/753420.html?thread=62393868#t62393868).]

Addison smiled at Shinji as though he was feeling better. He was, in a way, but none of his questions had been answered. He only felt better because he was being allowed to avoid the problem. As a human, naturally he would do so. That was their nature. His nature. Avoid pain. He didn't believe that Shinji, nor Sean, would ask either. Talking about the past, what they remembered or did not, only upset him.

And yet, it was something he needed to know. Addison's stomach felt uneasy as he remembered Shinji's panic attack earlier that day. He told himself that if it looked as though Shinji was excessively distressed, he would drop the subject.

"What was I like?" He was surprised by his own voice, calm and feathery and nothing like his torn up mind. "The me that you know."

Shinji trailed after Kaworu, still casting occasional, uneasy glances into the dark. He still couldn't shake the feeling that the whole building was watching him (and only him) and that at any moment, it was simply going to swallow him whole. He'd been sorry to see Asuka go, but just the knowledge that she was here and she was safe (well, relatively) buoyed his spirits. He fell back for a moment and then hurried to catch up, falling in next to Kaworu as the question finally registered in his mind and he tried to think of way to answer.

His brow furrowed for a moment as he remembered. How much had he really known about Kaworu? Not much. He didn't even know where he was supposed to be from, what he liked (aside from music), what his dreams were, what he would have liked to do, if there hadn't been the small and annoying detail of Third Impact. He glanced over at Kaworu nervously with a compulsive shrug, "I... well... you were..."

He tried to find the right word, "...nice. You treated me like a person. You..."

You said you loved me.

"You talked with me. I... I guess you were a bit strange- in a good way! I mean... I felt like..."

He shrugged again, awkward. This was a bit roubling. He didn't like talking about how he felt, but Kaworu had asked, "...I feltl ike you could just look through me sometimes. Like you knew what I was thinking."

Addison looked down, but his smile grew more sincere. He still wasn't convinced that the person Shinji spoke of was him. And yet, he enjoyed it. He appreciated the words, though they weren't actually for him. It was a selfish act, but it calmed him.

"It's not what you say that tells me," he exhaled, looking back at Shinji with his own shrug. He really could see all of the other boy's emotions laid out in front of him. It was in his face, his posture, his voice. But now there were nuances he missed that perhaps Kaworu would have seen.

"You hide yourself from others," Addison ventured, "and yet you are expressive. There are things you cannot or will not say, but they exist regardless, and escape in other ways. Everyone desires to be understood and to be seen."

Addison paused in consideration, steps slowing slightly. "At least, I want to understand you. But you don't speak, and words are deceiving. So I look for other things."

Shinji watched Kaworu out of the corner of his eyes - he wasn't going to stare at him. He didn't want to be rude. And he didn't think he could stand looking Kaworu in the face. He'd never been able to before. However, he blinked in surprise, glancing over as he listened to the other boy, "...it's not what I say? But..."

He paused, glancing away again. There wasn't really anything he could say to that. Was his body language really that obvious? Did it all show that much? He flushed, fighting down shame and embarrassment, "...I'm sorry."

He moved on in silence, watching the floor in front of him.

"Please don't say that," Addison hastily tried to correct the mistake that he realized far too late. He reached out to touch Shinji's arm, hoping to regain his attention and push through the barriers that Shinji had hastily erected. Despite them, what he had said was still true, and Addison could practically feel the shame that radiated off of Shinji. He had embarrassed him deeply by pointing out a hole in his defenses. Would it have been better to lie, he wondered.

"I like this about you," he said honestly, although it couldn't undo his earlier words. "I like what I see. You have a kind heart."

The light touch on his arm brought him back, shaking him out of his self-induced funk for a moment. He paused, coming to a stop as he looked at Kaworu, face still flushed with embarrassment, "I... you like it?"

Why?

He hated it, personally. He didn't like drawing attention. Still, the touch on his arm made him feel a bit better. Standing next to Kaworu put him at ease. There weren't any words he could find to describe how he felt about him. He glanced down again, "...I remember. You... you told me my heart was fragile. Like glass."

Addison was caught off guard momentarily. For some reason, it surprised him to hear Shinji say those things. Maybe the distance between them was not as much as he had feared. There was something they shared. It couldn't be a mistake.

"Yes," he agreed. "I did say that, didn't I?" He couldn't resist a smile, and for a second hemsimply enjoyed how he could feel happy with Shinji, even in such a dark place. "I still believe it. I feel it. You are deserving of empathy," Addison murmured, but he was close enough to Shinji that he knew the other boy would hear as he tried to repeat his own words.

"I mean that I love you." He looked into Shinji's eyes, already picturing the flash of recognition.

Shinji nodded silently in reply, body still tense in the darkness. He felt vaguely claustrophobic (and he was reminded of his time trapped in the Eva in the Sea of Dirac, of his panic as his life support systems began to fail, his screaming) and he hunched his shoulders, shrinking towards Kaworu in an unconscious movement. He looked up, as Kaworu spoke the words that he'd said to him only a few days ago, before he'd learned that his new friend was an Angel, before he'd come here.

His breath caught in his throat in an audible gasp as he found himself staring into Kaworu's eyes. Kaworu was Kaworu. Of that much he was certain now. It was still him, still the Angel, the boy from his memories. Maybe he really did know who he was.

He stammered, trying to come up with a reply, "I... I..."

He blushed, still not used to the compliment, to the idea that he was loved. It finally came out as a small, soft sound, questioning. He still couldn't quite believe it.

"Me?"

"Yes." It was easy to say it and to mean it. It was something concrete, and something he had not forgotten even in the past days here. Family memories, his home, his school, they had all disappeared, but not Shinji. He took a deep breath, and found it in himself to push aside his worries. For a moment, at least, it didn't matter who he was. Which of them was right and which was lost in delusions was unimportant. The boy in front of him was a constant he would not lose.

He was different, because of this person. By his hands alone, Addison and Kaworu had decided to change. They were the same, connected by Shinji. If it were not for this point in infinite space, Addison would never have found himself. It was still out of reach, but he could see it in Shinji's eyes.

"You," he reaffirmed. "Regardless of your name or mine, it's something that I know. You have become a part of me. You and no one else. Whoever I am, I love you."

Shinji wasn't sure what to say. He hadn't been sure what to say the first time, either. He just stood for a moment, feeling his cheeks burn as he blushed. He was flattered, of course. Also nervous - what if he didn't live up to Kaworu's expectations? What if he was lying? What if, what if...? Too many unknowns. But he could accept it. He could live. And he could make a choice later. He swallowed nervously and nodded, glancing down again.

"...a-alright. I... I don't know..."

Addison was feeling even further improved, just to have spoken. He had found something concrete to hold onto, and there was no reason to push the subject further. Shinji knew how he felt, and Shinji's anxiety to be offered those feelings was evident. Addison was beginning to feel a little embarrassed himself.

"We should hurry and get our coats," he said, suddenly casual. "Otherwise, your friend is going to yell at us. She is an interesting girl."

Shinji breathed a quiet sigh of relief as Kaworu finally changed the subject. As good as it felt to hear those words from him, it also amde him feel horribly awkward and embarrassed. he shrugged at Kaworu awkwardly and began to walk again, sliding his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah... Asuka is... pretty strong-willed."

He paused with a frown, "...I hope she's OK."

Addison watched as Shinji seemed to lighten at the subject change, and then slide back again as he found a new concern: Asuka. Addison wished that he knew more about the girl, but all he had was Shinji's reactions. They were telling, though.

He turned into the next hallway before speaking.

[To here (http://community.livejournal.com/damned/754522.html?thread=62633818#t62633818).]

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Nightshift 45: West Wing, South Hall 1-A

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