damned_institute | Day 44: Sun Room, Second Shift

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Day 44: Sun Room, Second Shift

[from here]

He really had beat the rush. Suzaku found a chair as close to the corner and as far from the bulletin as he could, and turned it to face the wall before curling up in it. His nurse frowned at him again, but she was still being cooperative, and frankly he didn't care what she had to say in the slightest. He didn't care even if he got sedated. All he cared about was finally having a few moments to himself, to sort out what Euphie's love meant and what the hell Lelouch's problem was.

It felt like he had all the pieces of a puzzle and was just too stupid to figure out how they fit together. What Lelouch had said about Shirley at breakfast and the tone he'd taken with Euphie on the board, Lelouch asking how Suzaku was, Lelouch dying. . . "All we can do is move forward and look out for the ones we care about." Euphie struggling to get out her last words, pain overtaking Suzaku's consciousness while he fought pathetically to carry out Lelouch's order. . . The last couple days, when he'd felt like he was finally figuring this out, seemed so far away now.

There were a couple things that were certain, at least: he hated what Lelouch had done, he always would. But he -- he didn't hate Lelouch, and he hadn't for a while now, and that wasn't going to change. And he didn't have much time, because everyone but Suzaku was terrifyingly mortal. And Lelouch was an idiot, but he still wasn't sure about the how and why of that one yet.

[for the Saucinator]

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Shikamaru nodded. "It's been getting worse," he said. Most of the problems he'd dealt with early on involved troubles back at home, and then there were a few safer evenings, then the sand monster when he realized his ability was reciprocal. After that, the zombies, and now...now this. It was selfish, he knew, but this felt like the worst. It was something that made him glad never actually dreamed at night.

"I don't know what'll happen tonight. I'm tempted to just stay in my room." It was a casual remark, and he didn't actually mean it. Even if he wasn't fit for active duty, and he doubted that he was, he had work to do...make up codes for future use, maybe, or copy maps. Copy monster lists. The ultimate decision belonged to the ranking ninja, who was Kakashi, but Shikamaru would strongly suggest that in his current state, he was a liability. Of course, the jounin hadn't believed him last time.

If last night had been any indication? Then yeah, tings were definitely getting worse. "Stay in your room if you feel you need to, yeah," he agreed, giving a slow but enthused nod, "Even if that guy with the weird hair gives you orders or something."

He had seen that post on the Bulletin too, but he didn't know the scarecrow guy well enough to know whether or not he'd order Shika to do things if he wasn't feeling good. Sokka determined the guy wasn't a very good friend if he did make guys who needed to rest go do stuff.

"I can't just stay in my room whenever I feel like it," Shikamaru said with a snort that wasn't derisive, but still suggested that what Sokka said was clearly impossible. "I'm a ninja, and our teams aren't just grouped together randomly. We're each there for a specific purpose."
In retrospect, he hadn't been in the clearest of mindsets when dividing teams, but they'd worked well so far.

"Besides," Shikamaru continued, "Kakashi knows what he's doing. He wasn't my teacher but he knows me pretty well...he wouldn't give me orders I couldn't follow. I worked with him a bit at home, and most of the other Leaf-nin here are his students."

A quick clarification: "Leaf-nin are the ninja of the Land of Fire," he said, eyes still closed. "That's the village we come from."

"And why not?" Sokka suddenly felt the need to argue, "You guys're always telling me to stay in my room."

Ok, so maybe Sokka wasn't a ninja or in a group - most times he headed out alone, but Shika didn't need to know that - so he wasn't really needed anywhere, but hey, if he was and he wasn't doing that well, then he wouldn't go. There were limits to things, and him heading out while not being able to was just stupid, even if he was supposed to be in some group.

He listened to the rest, a little defiant still about the whole room thing, but his attention soon changed. "Leaf-nin. Why are there leaves with fire? That's kinda dumb. No offense." He added quickly, realizing he'd spoken his mind before thinking.

Shika resisted the urge to press his hand to his forehead, sighing. "We've been trained to work together since we were kids," he said. It was an obvious difference from Sokka's situation, but then he realized that the situation was a bit more complex. "Well, they have. But I've been trained in the same way, in the same world, with a different team. We work together. Just because I-" voice paused as he chose his words "-because I don't feel up to it doesn't mean I can skip out on them. What would you do if your team was here?"

Then, the second question, which barely deserved a response. "It's a big country. It has forests. Our village is in a forest. That's that. I'm sure your whole Fire Country isn't burning the whole time." If it was, Sokka's world had some serious ecological problems.

Now they were talking about his team. Sokka had run off how each member of their group contributed, but when it came down to it? Aang could probably own them all. And Toph, and probably Katara too could do some damage if they got mad enough. And he already knew how awesome his Suki was.

That left him. The dude who couldn't bend to save his life, had no formal training like Suki, and could just barely get by with a sword, even after Master Piandao's training! So what was he to say to Shika?

"Knowing them? They'd probably tell me I was in the way and start bending all over the place." Yeah, so far as being a valued member of any team, Sokka was definitely one who could sit out when it came to fights. Toph had said that she didn't count him as a fighter before. Little...

Sokka's face went blank at the last of Shika's words. He then raised a finger with a bit of a dark look on his face. "... you'd be surprised."

"If they thought that, they wouldn't bring you along on such an important mission," Shikamaru pointed out. He understood Sokka's frustration at being unable to use whatever jutsu his world possessed, but still, he had to contribute something or he wouldn't be there. "You saw what I did last time? That's pretty much all I can do, and it doesn't last long. Any one of them could beat me in a strictly physical fight, easily." Sai had, in under ten seconds. "They must have some reason to keep you around, or they wouldn't." He shrugged. Maybe Sokka's world worked differently, since there didn't seem to be rigorous training and the like, but still, no decent team carried dead weight.

"...Really? All the time?" He didn't bother asking about the effects of that on the rest of their world, or how anyone managed to live there at all. "Most of the larger countries in my world have lots of different weather and terrain. They just have one ninja village each, and my country's is in the forest."

Edited 2009-09-25 06:26 (UTC)

"Thaaaaaaanks," Sokka drawled, less than happy for Shika's blunt observation. Sokka could be helpful too, dangit! Just who was it that had ended up with the sword with the sand-bleeding guy, huh?!

He was a warrior! Even if no one else thought so.

Frumping aside, Sokka really should explain why the Fire Nation was always burning. "Well, they live on islands with volcanoes. So yeah, lots of burning and... stuff... Not a fun place either."

Ugh, no matter what he said or did, no one was ever happy. That was supposed to cheer him up, dammit. At least to some degree. Whatever. "Okay, so why do you think they keep you around, then?" he asked. "Teams aren't just thrown together based on whoever's around at the time." He paused, remembering his first mission. "Not well-thought-out teams, at least," he clarified. "There's strategy to it. A good team doesn't carry dead weight, and if your task is as important as you say it is, there must be a reason you're there."

It was nice to be off of the subject of why he couldn't just hide in his room all night, at least.

And volcanos. That sounded...very literal. And unstable. No wonder they wanted to invade neighboring lands. "Huh," was all he offered in response to that. He sensed his true thoughts wouldn't be well-met.

"I dunno, we were pretty rag-tag when we started out..." Sokka thought back to that fateful day with his sister blowing up and making an iceburg explode. He lifted his fingers and started counting off, "There's Aang, but he's a given, Katara's my sister. She's a waterbender, like I told you. Toph's an earthbender. Zuko's from the Fire Nation, but he's not all bad. And then there's Suki... she's kind of like a ninja, I guess..."

As for why Sokka was there... well... "I got dragged along when the whole thing started. Katara as all 'we have to go to the North Pole and teach Aang water bending', but she really just wanted to go so she could learn herself, and just what kind of brother would I be if I'd let her go halfway around the world on a flying bison with a little boy and a winged Lemur?"

They'd found Momo later, granted, but still, a winged lemur was a winged lemur.

"And as if that wasn't enough, Aang was getting chased by Zuko and his uncle - they're both good now, by the way - which would have made it even more dangerous for her to go off like that!" He thumbed at himself, "I'm her big brother, and I'm supposed to watch out for her!"

The onslaught of words went mostly over Shika's head, and he opened his eyes briefly to take in the blue and white. The clouds were moving faster now, slightly less perfect, and for some reason, this was reassuring.

Too many names, and though he remembered some of them, most were lost. He didn't care, though. The more Sokka talked, the less he had to think about himself, and at that moment thinking about himself was at the very bottom of his to-do list, slightly below being attacked by a rabid and large-toothed animal or locked in a room with five very bossy women.

"Yeah...that's a lot of info really fast," Shikamaru said without looking over. "Remember, I'm not from the same place as you. How about you try that again, more slowly and with shorter words?"

He could have understood it if he'd tried, but trying seemed like a pain in the ass. Regardless of what he said, keeping Sokka talking was key, and it didn't seem like it would be a problem.

It was surprising that Sokka hadn't stood at any point during his rant, but that was probably for the better. He didn't need to have more than one dosage of drugs in any given day.

"Oh... sorry," he said, shrugging and calming enough to figure if he could explain it better. "I'm around because I just am, I guess. They're all my friends, and I don't think any of them - well, except maybe Zuko on a bad day - would think of leaving me behind."

Come to think of it, since Zuko had joined them... had he had a bad day? He was always, well not always, but close enough to being calm that Sokka hadn't noticed any bad days. That was probably a good thing.

"We don't leave people behind either," Shikamaru said simply, adding a shrug. It wasn't completely true...he'd left several people behind, but only because he was (mistakenly) sure they'd be able to handle their battles. There was a difference between strategic separation and abandonment, and in his present condition, he wasn't sure where he stood on that line. It wasn't his decision to make, anyway. All he could do was offer his recommendation to Kakashi.

"Wouldn't locking myself in my room when my team needs me be the same as leaving them behind?"

Sokka's world made no sense. Such a ragtag team entrusted (or, more accurately, entrusting themselves) with the most important mission their world had known. Weren't there elders to put a stop to this type of thing?

"Not if you're not up to doing whatever they need you to!" Sokka protested with a huff. Man, this guy was really just complicating things. "Thinking about getting things done doesn't come before thinking about your friends. I don't know much about that Sai and Kakashi guy, but they're your friends right? And you said yourself that Kakashi wouldn't make you do things if you weren't up to it. So that means you can take a night off when you need it and not feel guilty over it."

'Friend' was a strong word, and Shikamaru hesitated. Did he consider the other Konoha-nin friends? Some, like Chouji, fit the word without question, and he guessed he cared about Ino (girls were complicated; you never knew where you stood with them) but as for team seven, he wasn't sure. He knew he could rely on them, which was what mattered, and he'd never really considered more. Naruto was a friend. Sakura? She was such a pain in the ass, but he guessed he liked having her around. Contrary to what the ninja probably thought, Shikamaru's opinion of Sai had increased dramatically after the night before. But Kakashi? He was a leader, and Shikamaru trusted him (almost) without question. Calling him a friend implied that they were equals, and that wasn't the case.

"It's not the same in our worlds," Shikamaru finally said after a lengthy moment of thought. We have friends, yeah, but we also have responsibility and duty, and we've been trained since before we could walk to focus on the mission. If I lie around--and trust me, I'm the laziest ninja in my village--others could get hurt. And if any other ninja slacks off too much, the entire village could be in jeopardy." It had taken him a while to learn that.

It seemed like Shikamaru had been talking a lot these last few days. Normally, he had people to talk for him, but here, he was essentially alone when it came to stuff like that. "Kakashi won't make me do anything I'm not up for, but I'm not physically injured, and my physical ability's never been much of a concern. I'm the team's strategist. As long as I take my own weaknesses into account when planning, it won't factor into my duty."

Just an hour ago, he'd told Sai that he was incapable of working, and he'd planned to tell Kakashi the same thing. Now, he had to try, especially after reading the bulletin board. As long as the jounin was aware of his situation, Kakashi would catch any mistakes before they became dangerous.

Sokka was getting frustrated with this guy. He leaned across the couch, staring intently at the other. "There's no village here. Not mine, and not yours," he made his point, then pulled back, "And unless it's your job to protect the guys you just said are trained to take care of themselves and others, it's not imperative for you to be with them."

He had the feeling Shika would try and argue back again, so he leaned back into the couch. Strategist, huh? Sokka had to wonder what Shika would say if he knew Sokka had just about the same position where he was from. But the different between them was that Sokka did trust the others to get things done without him. If he didn't, then they'd have a problem now that he was stuck here. But he was pretty sure Katara could handle things, and if not her, then Suki. Even Zuko was probably good at that kind of stuff. Yeah, they were all doing just fine.

"Man, what's with you? You'd think if you trust them enough to be on a team with you, you'd trust just the same that they can manage without you."

The words stung more than he expected them to, and after a visible cringe Shikamaru pushed himself off of the sofa and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Whatever, Sokka," he said. He could only handle so much of this alternate world stuff, especially with the way he felt now. No one on any team he'd ever been a part of was a dispensable, not to his knowledge. The suggestion that he might be made him cold and and tense and he could feel the trembling starting again. Sure, they could get by without him for a couple nights, but--

--but then they'd gotten along just fine until he showed up, too.

"I'm supposed to talk to you about that weapon thing. My teammates want it back, so consider yourself talked to." There was a tightness to his voice that almost never surfaced, and although he knew he was being petty, he didn't feel like bothering with etiquette just then. "Deal with them if I'm that irrelevant. I'm going back to my room." Assuming the nurses would allow that, but judging by the way the air felt on his skin, he was probably pale and would break into a cold sweat any minute. He looked sick enough to justify rest, and unlike usual, he didn't even have to fake it.

"No, not 'whatever'!" Sokka said immediately, getting up as well though being loads slower than Shika.

He'd forgotten in a moment of anger that he was still sedated, so it took a moment before he could hold his balance. Once he got it, he went back to the point. "How can you just brush off something like trusting your friends, or you team, or whatever it is you call them?" he huffed, tightening his fists, "So you're a ninja and trained from however old. I get that. But you've gotta have trust to get anything done. You have to trust that someone gives the right orders, and that someone's gunna watch your back, and that they're not gonna suddenly throw fireballs at you...!"

Zuko hadn't done as much yet, but Sokka still had to be a bit wary. He'd been all right with the guy after they'd gotten his dad and Suki back, but you never knew with hotheads like Zuko.

"And you've got to trust that the people in your village are taking care of themselves," He pointed at him, then pulled his hand back to him, "Just like how I have to trust that my friends back home are doing just great without me. If I couldn't do that much, not only would I be a terrible friend, but I'd have actually gone crazy here, thinking that they might need me...!"

Shikamaru took a step back at Sokka's unsteadiness, expecting sudden movements to end in violence, but when all that came was a rush of words about some junk like friends and teammates, he dug his hands deeper into his pockets and looked away. "This conversation's a pain in the ass and I don't feel like dealing with it anymore," he said, voice flat as if reciting a script. What Sokka said now barely registered; his point had been expressed, and it was a point that Shikamaru didn't want to hear.

"I trust my team. I trust my village. I do what I can to protect them both, so leave me the hell alone, okay? I'm going back to my room and I never want to hear this shit from you again."

With that, he started walking to the door, fully intent on leaving. The feverish feeling was showing hints of disoriented nausea, and all he was sure of was that he very much did not want to be in this conversation, in this room, or in his mind at all.

"Hey wait... you can't just walk away," Sokka shouted, and was about to follow (why, he wasn't sure. Shika apparently wasn't in the mood to listen!) but he soon had another reminder than being angry while drugged never had good results. One step and he went tumbling forward, faceplanting the floor.

The nurses had already been alerted to a possible problem when Sokka had started voicing his mind, so they were to him quicker than normally, scolding about how he was supposed to be taking it easy. Sokka just sneered (and cringed from the stinging in his face) at their words. He'd like to see one of them take it easy if someone was passively talking about trusting others.

Shikamaru very much could just walk away. In fact, he'd spent a lifetime perfecting the fine art of walking away, and he wasn't going to let those talents go to waste. The rest of the world was effectively shut out until he found a nurse, and then, in the weakest voice he could muster (it wasn't hard) informed her that he needed to rest alone. The sun room was giving him a headache, he claimed, and after pressing her hand to his forehead and giving him a sympathetic frown, she permitted it.

He had to meet Momo in an hour or so, but even if the intercom didn't give him notice, he was sure the orderly stationed outside of his room would eagerly drag him to lunch. He considered doing his own version of what Sai suggested and writing a report to hand to Kakashi, cutting down on the otherwise inevitable 'how are you holding up' conversation, but he didn't know what to report on, and wouldn't until he was done with Momo.

No matter what Sokka implied, Shikamaru was not useless. Sure, his talents needed honing, and it was hard with no one to play shougi against, but he was getting better. Stronger. More adult. Not that he was a fine example of such right now, pressed hard against the point where his mattress met the corner and wrapped in his blanket as he waited for the chills to pass, but he was still holding himself together. He shouldn't have snapped at Sokka, but he was holding himself together. At this point, that was all he could do, and he was determined to do it without dragging anyone else into the matter. They had enough to deal with on their own.

By the time Sokka was seated back on the couch (as forced to by the nurses), he could already see Shika nearing the door. Just who did that guy think he was kidding? When you went and walked away just because you didn't like that conversation, you were obviously bothered enough by it to care. Shika was just trying to run away, and unfortunately was doing a good job of it since Sokka couldn't grab his shoulder and make him stay.

Folding his arms in a mild huff, Sokka muttered a, "Fine," as he silently noted that he needed to post something for Shika on the bulletin later.

He hadn't fallen asleep. He hadn't expected to, really, considering that he was sitting up, but still, Shikamaru couldn't remember the last time he'd used a bed for anything other than its intended purpose. Some unmeasured amount of time had passed, and he'd mostly stopped trembling and pushed aside all of the Sokka's words. Whether he'd misinterpreted them or not, they'd pressed hard against a fear he didn't know he had, and the last thing he needed was another shortcoming to deal with.

This place sure was bringing out the best in him.

Worse, he hadn't even done what he'd intended to do, which was discuss the possession of the sand-creature's weapon with Sokka. Shikamaru needed to accomplish as much as possible before nightfall, if only to prove that he was still capable of functioning. Aside from that, he still had to speak to Momo at lunch, and she'd likely have useful information. Shikamaru had plenty of chances to redeem himself, even if he was the only one placing judgment.

With some effort (he hadn't realized how tightly he'd wrapped the blanket around himself) he climbed out of bed and touched his hands to his cheeks, checking for the clamminess that would indicate unhealthy paleness. He doubted that he looked like his usual lazy self, but that didn't matter. What mattered was what he could do, and he could do whatever he had to. He slipped his hands into his pockets and tried to relax.

No less than an hour had passed, so when he stepped past the orderly, the man didn't seem concerned. Shikamaru was followed back to the sun room, where he gave the bulletin a glance before wordlessly resuming his position on the sofa next to Sokka.

Sokka had fallen asleep for a short bit - there wasn't much else to do - so when he came around he felt much better than before and was a little less upset. That didn't mean he probably wouldn't put up the post he'd made a mental note to remember, but he thought to hold off on it. He wasn't so sure he wanted to risk trying to get up again after what had happened before. He could just see the tip of his nose and how red it was. His face was probably worse.

Sighing, he looked around for something that might tell him what time it was or a sign that they might be moving soon, but what he spotted instead was Shika, back in the room, and heading his way. Maybe he hadn't been asleep for as long as he'd thought.

When the boy sat down next to him, Sokka pouted his lip a little from irritation and looked away. "What, they not let you back in your room?"

"They let me in," Shikamaru said. His tone was still fairly flat. "It's been over an hour." Luckily, he'd been smart enough to grab one of the sweatshirts from his closet, but he wasn't sure if that would make him feel better. Maybe he actually was sick, and this wasn't some psychosomatic thing. He didn't know which he'd prefer.

He tugged the sleeves over his hands and shrugged. "I've got a lot on my mind," he said, as if it were a passable apology. He wasn't great at apologizing, and really, it wasn't like he'd deeply wronged Sokka. Still, some people were sensitive to stuff like that, and something had happened to Sokka the night before as well. He was probably just touchy as well.

Day 44: Sun Room, Second Shift

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