damned_institute | Day 44: Sun Room, Second Shift

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Day 44: Sun Room, Second Shift

[from here]

He really had beat the rush. Suzaku found a chair as close to the corner and as far from the bulletin as he could, and turned it to face the wall before curling up in it. His nurse frowned at him again, but she was still being cooperative, and frankly he didn't care what she had to say in the slightest. He didn't care even if he got sedated. All he cared about was finally having a few moments to himself, to sort out what Euphie's love meant and what the hell Lelouch's problem was.

It felt like he had all the pieces of a puzzle and was just too stupid to figure out how they fit together. What Lelouch had said about Shirley at breakfast and the tone he'd taken with Euphie on the board, Lelouch asking how Suzaku was, Lelouch dying. . . "All we can do is move forward and look out for the ones we care about." Euphie struggling to get out her last words, pain overtaking Suzaku's consciousness while he fought pathetically to carry out Lelouch's order. . . The last couple days, when he'd felt like he was finally figuring this out, seemed so far away now.

There were a couple things that were certain, at least: he hated what Lelouch had done, he always would. But he -- he didn't hate Lelouch, and he hadn't for a while now, and that wasn't going to change. And he didn't have much time, because everyone but Suzaku was terrifyingly mortal. And Lelouch was an idiot, but he still wasn't sure about the how and why of that one yet.

[for the Saucinator]

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Sokka was getting frustrated with this guy. He leaned across the couch, staring intently at the other. "There's no village here. Not mine, and not yours," he made his point, then pulled back, "And unless it's your job to protect the guys you just said are trained to take care of themselves and others, it's not imperative for you to be with them."

He had the feeling Shika would try and argue back again, so he leaned back into the couch. Strategist, huh? Sokka had to wonder what Shika would say if he knew Sokka had just about the same position where he was from. But the different between them was that Sokka did trust the others to get things done without him. If he didn't, then they'd have a problem now that he was stuck here. But he was pretty sure Katara could handle things, and if not her, then Suki. Even Zuko was probably good at that kind of stuff. Yeah, they were all doing just fine.

"Man, what's with you? You'd think if you trust them enough to be on a team with you, you'd trust just the same that they can manage without you."

The words stung more than he expected them to, and after a visible cringe Shikamaru pushed himself off of the sofa and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Whatever, Sokka," he said. He could only handle so much of this alternate world stuff, especially with the way he felt now. No one on any team he'd ever been a part of was a dispensable, not to his knowledge. The suggestion that he might be made him cold and and tense and he could feel the trembling starting again. Sure, they could get by without him for a couple nights, but--

--but then they'd gotten along just fine until he showed up, too.

"I'm supposed to talk to you about that weapon thing. My teammates want it back, so consider yourself talked to." There was a tightness to his voice that almost never surfaced, and although he knew he was being petty, he didn't feel like bothering with etiquette just then. "Deal with them if I'm that irrelevant. I'm going back to my room." Assuming the nurses would allow that, but judging by the way the air felt on his skin, he was probably pale and would break into a cold sweat any minute. He looked sick enough to justify rest, and unlike usual, he didn't even have to fake it.

"No, not 'whatever'!" Sokka said immediately, getting up as well though being loads slower than Shika.

He'd forgotten in a moment of anger that he was still sedated, so it took a moment before he could hold his balance. Once he got it, he went back to the point. "How can you just brush off something like trusting your friends, or you team, or whatever it is you call them?" he huffed, tightening his fists, "So you're a ninja and trained from however old. I get that. But you've gotta have trust to get anything done. You have to trust that someone gives the right orders, and that someone's gunna watch your back, and that they're not gonna suddenly throw fireballs at you...!"

Zuko hadn't done as much yet, but Sokka still had to be a bit wary. He'd been all right with the guy after they'd gotten his dad and Suki back, but you never knew with hotheads like Zuko.

"And you've got to trust that the people in your village are taking care of themselves," He pointed at him, then pulled his hand back to him, "Just like how I have to trust that my friends back home are doing just great without me. If I couldn't do that much, not only would I be a terrible friend, but I'd have actually gone crazy here, thinking that they might need me...!"

Shikamaru took a step back at Sokka's unsteadiness, expecting sudden movements to end in violence, but when all that came was a rush of words about some junk like friends and teammates, he dug his hands deeper into his pockets and looked away. "This conversation's a pain in the ass and I don't feel like dealing with it anymore," he said, voice flat as if reciting a script. What Sokka said now barely registered; his point had been expressed, and it was a point that Shikamaru didn't want to hear.

"I trust my team. I trust my village. I do what I can to protect them both, so leave me the hell alone, okay? I'm going back to my room and I never want to hear this shit from you again."

With that, he started walking to the door, fully intent on leaving. The feverish feeling was showing hints of disoriented nausea, and all he was sure of was that he very much did not want to be in this conversation, in this room, or in his mind at all.

"Hey wait... you can't just walk away," Sokka shouted, and was about to follow (why, he wasn't sure. Shika apparently wasn't in the mood to listen!) but he soon had another reminder than being angry while drugged never had good results. One step and he went tumbling forward, faceplanting the floor.

The nurses had already been alerted to a possible problem when Sokka had started voicing his mind, so they were to him quicker than normally, scolding about how he was supposed to be taking it easy. Sokka just sneered (and cringed from the stinging in his face) at their words. He'd like to see one of them take it easy if someone was passively talking about trusting others.

Shikamaru very much could just walk away. In fact, he'd spent a lifetime perfecting the fine art of walking away, and he wasn't going to let those talents go to waste. The rest of the world was effectively shut out until he found a nurse, and then, in the weakest voice he could muster (it wasn't hard) informed her that he needed to rest alone. The sun room was giving him a headache, he claimed, and after pressing her hand to his forehead and giving him a sympathetic frown, she permitted it.

He had to meet Momo in an hour or so, but even if the intercom didn't give him notice, he was sure the orderly stationed outside of his room would eagerly drag him to lunch. He considered doing his own version of what Sai suggested and writing a report to hand to Kakashi, cutting down on the otherwise inevitable 'how are you holding up' conversation, but he didn't know what to report on, and wouldn't until he was done with Momo.

No matter what Sokka implied, Shikamaru was not useless. Sure, his talents needed honing, and it was hard with no one to play shougi against, but he was getting better. Stronger. More adult. Not that he was a fine example of such right now, pressed hard against the point where his mattress met the corner and wrapped in his blanket as he waited for the chills to pass, but he was still holding himself together. He shouldn't have snapped at Sokka, but he was holding himself together. At this point, that was all he could do, and he was determined to do it without dragging anyone else into the matter. They had enough to deal with on their own.

By the time Sokka was seated back on the couch (as forced to by the nurses), he could already see Shika nearing the door. Just who did that guy think he was kidding? When you went and walked away just because you didn't like that conversation, you were obviously bothered enough by it to care. Shika was just trying to run away, and unfortunately was doing a good job of it since Sokka couldn't grab his shoulder and make him stay.

Folding his arms in a mild huff, Sokka muttered a, "Fine," as he silently noted that he needed to post something for Shika on the bulletin later.

He hadn't fallen asleep. He hadn't expected to, really, considering that he was sitting up, but still, Shikamaru couldn't remember the last time he'd used a bed for anything other than its intended purpose. Some unmeasured amount of time had passed, and he'd mostly stopped trembling and pushed aside all of the Sokka's words. Whether he'd misinterpreted them or not, they'd pressed hard against a fear he didn't know he had, and the last thing he needed was another shortcoming to deal with.

This place sure was bringing out the best in him.

Worse, he hadn't even done what he'd intended to do, which was discuss the possession of the sand-creature's weapon with Sokka. Shikamaru needed to accomplish as much as possible before nightfall, if only to prove that he was still capable of functioning. Aside from that, he still had to speak to Momo at lunch, and she'd likely have useful information. Shikamaru had plenty of chances to redeem himself, even if he was the only one placing judgment.

With some effort (he hadn't realized how tightly he'd wrapped the blanket around himself) he climbed out of bed and touched his hands to his cheeks, checking for the clamminess that would indicate unhealthy paleness. He doubted that he looked like his usual lazy self, but that didn't matter. What mattered was what he could do, and he could do whatever he had to. He slipped his hands into his pockets and tried to relax.

No less than an hour had passed, so when he stepped past the orderly, the man didn't seem concerned. Shikamaru was followed back to the sun room, where he gave the bulletin a glance before wordlessly resuming his position on the sofa next to Sokka.

Sokka had fallen asleep for a short bit - there wasn't much else to do - so when he came around he felt much better than before and was a little less upset. That didn't mean he probably wouldn't put up the post he'd made a mental note to remember, but he thought to hold off on it. He wasn't so sure he wanted to risk trying to get up again after what had happened before. He could just see the tip of his nose and how red it was. His face was probably worse.

Sighing, he looked around for something that might tell him what time it was or a sign that they might be moving soon, but what he spotted instead was Shika, back in the room, and heading his way. Maybe he hadn't been asleep for as long as he'd thought.

When the boy sat down next to him, Sokka pouted his lip a little from irritation and looked away. "What, they not let you back in your room?"

"They let me in," Shikamaru said. His tone was still fairly flat. "It's been over an hour." Luckily, he'd been smart enough to grab one of the sweatshirts from his closet, but he wasn't sure if that would make him feel better. Maybe he actually was sick, and this wasn't some psychosomatic thing. He didn't know which he'd prefer.

He tugged the sleeves over his hands and shrugged. "I've got a lot on my mind," he said, as if it were a passable apology. He wasn't great at apologizing, and really, it wasn't like he'd deeply wronged Sokka. Still, some people were sensitive to stuff like that, and something had happened to Sokka the night before as well. He was probably just touchy as well.

"Oh..." Well then, it had been that long. Sokka looked back slowly, trying to decide if he was over being upset with Shika for just going off like that! But he had come back, even if it had been an hour, so that was good.

He let Shika say what he wanted to, then spoke again himself, "Yeah, I kind of figured that much." He wasn't so sure of it being an apology, but for someone like Shika, that might've been the best he would get. In some ways the guy was like Zuko, only less likely to throw a fireball at you when angered. And Sokka already knew how hard it was for Zuko to even interact with others, let alone people who were supposed to be friends.

Sighing, Sokka turned himself all the way back. "But hey, it happens. Doesn't mean you should run off because of a conversation though," Sokka scolded, shaking his finger a little, "That won't make it any better, keeping it all locked up. It's like my Gran Gran always says - you can't deal with everything on your own." He left out the part about how you'd end up paralyzed by a fish, but hey, this was a much different scenario than when Sokka had earned that pearl of knowledge.

Again, Shikamaru tensed at the words. He didn't need to be lectured by some guy he met two days ago, even if the lecture was similar to the conversation he'd had with Sai the night before. "I can take care of myself," he said firmly, almost too firmly. "I just didn't feel like wasting energy on a bothersome conversation."

He folded his arms and leaned back as far as the sofa would allow. "I didn't come back to talk about myself, though. I need to talk to you about that night with the sand guy."

Sokka started at the firmness, but instead of getting mad over it, he lifted his hands, "All right, fine, do what you want. Geesh, you're just like Zuko..." he said, trailing off at the end into a mumble. Zuko'd probably kill him for making the reference, but he wasn't here, and... hopefully Shika wouldn't tell him if he did come?

The night with the sand guy Sokka had tried to put from memory, despite how often he'd brought up the fact that things here liked bleeding sand. But with how touchy Shika was right now, he figured he'd better just go along with it for now. Maybe that'd make the guy feel better, or something.

"What about it?" he asked worriedly. Man, they hadn't heard him hit the wall, had they?

The name was mostly lost on Shikamaru, though he recalled hearing it in their first conversation. It didn't sound like a kind comparison, but in that moment, Shikamaru didn't care what others thought of him. He had a job to do, he was doing it, that was all that mattered. The tightness in his stomach and chest would dissipate eventually.

"My team needs that weapon back," he said without much inflection. It was a comment, not an order, and despite his exhaustion he was careful to keep it that way.

Weapon? Oh, right, the sword! He'd taken that out last night and...

"Right, sure. I'll just... have to see if it's still there though," he said with a bit of a pout, "Since I ended up well... fading... last night, I'm not entirely sure if it's still where I put it."

He'd had it in hand, he was sure, but when you fade away, don't things like... fall through you? He'd been too shocked to check, either then or when he awoke this morning. But that probably wasn't what Shika wanted to head.

Thumbing a finger behind him, Sokka made a suggestion. "Want me to see if they'll let me go to my room? I can check then, if you want."

Shikamaru repressed a sigh. "No. If you do, the nurses might see where you put it and take it away. Just check at the beginning of night."

Fading away didn't sound like a bad way to go, but Shikamaru pretended he didn't hear the method of death (disappearance?). It was none of his business, and regardless of how much Sokka liked talking about that kind of junk, he adamantly did not.

"What's your room number again?"

He wouldn't have time to stop by himself, what with visiting Sai and then Sakura and regrouping for whatever they planned, but there was a chance that another Leaf-nin might.

"Yeah, I guess that's true..." Sokka wouldn't have like... let the nurses see anything, but he guessed it was better not to take the risk. There was no telling who could be watching. "Oh, I'm in 77. You coming by tonight?" Or would Shika be camping out in his room again?

"I'm not sure," Shikamaru said. He stood up and when the intercom gave a crackle he flinched involuntarily, but the movement wasn't very visible. "I have a couple of errands to run for my teammates, so I might have to send someone else." The confidence in his tone didn't belong to him, but if he kept at it long enough, there was a chance it might become genuine.

"If I do, they'll identify themselves as a Leaf-nin if asked, so don't worry about that."

The orderlies were moving them along now, and Shikamaru allowed himself to be herded into the cafeteria. Task one down. Now for task two.

"Huh?" Wait, what, so I have to wait in my room?" And for someone who might or might not show up that Sokka possibly didn't even know? What?

His attention went up at teh intercom as well and before he knew it, Shika was being taken away. Sokka didn't have the time to get more information, since the nurses would probably scold him, so he chose to call something else after the boy.

"Hey, try cheer up!" he called with a wave, "You'll make people worry!" Shika was gone before Sokka's own nurse got to him and helped him off to lunch. Now that he thought about it, Sokka hadn't eaten yet! He was starving!

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Day 44: Sun Room, Second Shift

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