damned_institute | Day 44: breakfast

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Day 44: breakfast

Yuffie had died.

No, really. Seriously. She had actually died. Bleeding all over the place, making a horrid, sticky mess and scaring the hell out of Suzaku; she remembered it clearly. Kind of. Sort of. Through the blood loss, the pain, and the visions. Through Aerith's voice whispering in her ear, Cloud's stricken eyes, and her own panic. As bad nights went, it had been Bad, capital B and all the trimmings, and oh, god. She sat, trembling on the edge of her bed, eyes closed and hands pressed hard over her racing heart. The by-play between Landel—Landel!—and Lydia barely even sunk in. There was nothing in the whole world, any world, that could prepare you for something like…

Had it all been some kind of hallucination?

Had she imagined the whole thing?

No… She didn't think so. Nightmarish or not, Yuffie knew reality. But if it had been real, how was she alive now? That kind of pain wasn't something you could just cook up, was it? She thought about it all the way to the cafeteria, drifting behind her nurse without focus or intent. Maybe if she tried to stay clinical, tried to step back… But she'd never been good at that when things got personal. And every time she closed her eyes or blinked, she swore that the scenes played back to her, like an overused commercial on a crappy channel on a crappy TV, in a run-down dump of an inn that smelled like mothballs and yesterday's breakfast.

The scent of blood and damp, rotted wood clogged her nose. Disgusted, Yuffie shoved her bowl of cereal—handed to her by a clucking Plucky—off to the side so that she could melt into her chair, palm heels scrubbing against her eyes. Too much. This was… Too much. She couldn't even paste a plastic smile on her face to make herself feel better. Her usual shield, the white noise of inane babble that could filter out almost any crisis, was in tatters all around her. Five minutes, she gave herself.

Five minutes (not) to think, five minutes to get her act together, because there was no way she could let herself shatter here. No way…

[Closed to Sheena]

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When he woke up, Lockon knew better than to dismiss everything that had happened last night as a dream. He desperately wanted to--but even though it was gone, he could still feel Setsuna's blood on his hands, on his face. He could still summon a perfectly clear image of Setsuna's breath fading in his memory. That wasn't a dream, and he knew it. He could lie to himself about the future well enough, but the past? That was real. He wouldn't deny it.

It took effort not to simply attack the nurse when she showed up to escort him to breakfast. She was part of this terrible place, part of the people who had somehow killed Setsuna. But he had no weapons, and that gave him time to think. He realized that he had no way of knowing just how much responsibility the nurse had. If she knew about this place's true nature, he should kill her, no questions asked--but the nurses all seemed to genuinely believe that this was a place of healing. He couldn't risk hurting an innocent who'd been caught up in this mess. So he merely glared blankly as she led him to breakfast. He didn't request a detour to the bulletin board; why should he? Setsuna was dead. That was what mattered.

Once there at breakfast, it was difficult for him to think of eating, but he took his cereal anyway and brought it to a table, where he sat and looked down at it numbly. Killing the people who had killed Setsuna had to be his number one priority now--

(And he didn't like that, he'd thought he was done with revenge, just as he'd thought he was done with life. But he had no choice. Setsuna had been his hope for the future, all their hopes for the future, and now Setsuna was dead.)

--but Allelujah and Feldt were still here. He had to find a way to be strong and stable for them, because they would be hurting too.

[For Feldt, Allelujah, and Setsuna]

Edited 2009-09-20 16:23 (UTC)

He stepped into the cafeteria in a daze, blinking and scanning the area but not really taking anything in. He simply stood there for a moment, trying to think of what he was supposed to do in the first place, and then he remembered: breakfast.

And so he walked to where the line was and waited as they served him food, then stared blankly down at it for a while. French toast. Other types of food he should have been able to identify but cannot. And then for the briefest moment he seemed to snap himself out of his current state: He was supposed to go find a seat and eat. That was what he was here for, right?

He looked around once more, wondering whether his other comrades were present (he reminded that they must be informed that he had survived, but that thought quickly disappeared as soon as it came). It took a while for him to recognize the man with wavy, brown hair seated on one of the tables, and even longer for him to recall the name: Lockon Stratos.

Yes, he must approach the Meister. And so he did, the nurse carrying his breakfast for him (for a moment he wondered when that happened—or maybe she had been carrying it all the while, he had not noticed). He stopped a few feet beside Lockon; he supposed he should have said something, but all he did in the end was stare.

When Feldt woke up in the morning, she wanted to think that the previous night had been a nightmare - although she knew better. It was too real to be a dream. She could remember everything that had happened vividly. So many people had been lost already, and the number only seemed to keep going up. The people that she cared about were dying. She almost didn't leave the room at first, but the nurse wouldn't have any of that. She was ushered out of the room and led to breakfast.

Looking down at the french toast on her plate, she realized that she just wasn't hungry. She didn't want to eat the food that was in front of her, so the most she did was carry it with her as she scanned the cafeteria, looking for someone familiar. After she took a few seconds to search, she found Lockon. She made her way towards him, although, as she got closer, she began to think that her eyes were playing tricks on her.

She stopped as she came up by the pair, and almost dropped the food that she was carrying when she confirmed who it was.

"... Setsuna." She said. Her voice was quiet, and a mixture of surprise and shock could be heard as she spoke.

Allelujah shot bolt upright in his bed, breathing heavily, eyes wide with shock and fear. Setsuna... Setsuna had... no, he couldn't have died. He couldn't have, it had been a dream, all of it. It had to have been a dream. But he was too familiar by now with the way that the Institute worked to convince himself of such a thing. What had happened was real, he could remember the feeling of Setsuna's blood against his fingers, seeing his eyes close and his breathing stop and...

He almost rolled over and went back to sleep, anything to ignore the horror of last night, but that wasn't fair. He should find the others, find Lockon and Feldt because they needed him right now. He was the only person who knew this place.

He entered the cafeteria, locating Lockon and Feldt and... He stared for a moment because that...

He ignored the food and went over to them, staring once again. "Setsuna?"

Normally, Lockon would have noticed someone's approach well before they actually got close enough to speak to him. He was a perceptive man normally, even more so when it came to people. But right now rage gave him tunnel vision. It took until several seconds after Setsuna's footsteps stopped for Lockon to register that someone was there. Then he looked up.

His eyes widened. "Setsuna!" He almost didn't notice Feldt and Allelujah showing up, chorusing the same name: he was too stunned. This couldn't be real--was this how Setsuna had felt, seeing him here?

Lockon knew that in a moment, he'd have to start smiling again now that he could. Now that Setsuna was alive. But he was wrung out from the night, and it was a little harder to become the role they needed of him right now. So he gave himself a few more seconds of startled, relieved staring at Setsuna to get his thoughts in order.

Setsuna blinked as Feldt and Allelujah approached him, though the sedatives were still making him react more slowly than usual. His comrades exclaimed his name almost at the same time, causing him to draw his brows together in confusion. His eyes darted from Allelujah, to Feldt, to back at Lockon. Right, that was his name.

But he should have expected such a reaction, he supposed a while later, probably after a few seconds of staring blankly (the thought that he should say something was still nowhere near his mind at this point). He had been fatally injured, after all. He blinked again. And then he just continued to stare.

Feldt was relieved to see him alive and standing there, even if something felt off about the way he was acting. She put the food that she was carrying down on the table - it wasn't important right now, considering who was standing in front of her at the moment.

"... Setsuna, are you all right?" She asked. She was still concerned about him, considering everything from the previous (and rather horrific) night. Looking him over, he seemed to be okay in terms of injuries, but... there was definitely something off, judging from how he was acting.

Allelujah frowned when there was barely any reaction at all from Setsuna. He was just staring, looking very unfocussed and out of it, despite (because of?) what had happened last night. That was weird. Setsuna was usually hyper focussed when it came to everything and...

Oh.

He smiled a little, suddenly realising what it probably was. "Setsuna, you should sit down. Being sedated isn't pleasant and I wouldn't recommend eating anything." It had made him feel nauseous and that had been unpleasant. He hoped that meeting with her again wouldn't leave him in a similar state. Other people didn't need to know his secrets. "he's been sedated," he explained to Lockon and Feldt. "It should wear off in a few hours.

The few moments passed; Lockon was ready to be the cheerful big brother again. Leaving his cereal on the table, he jumped to his feet and to Setsuna's side, then grabbed him around the shoulders and ruffled his hair. "You gave us all a scare there! Don't worry, we'll make sure it doesn't..."

--happen again, he was going to say, but he'd realized by then that something was wrong. In fact, he'd realized it before; he was just trying to deny it. He looked askance at Allelujah, and soon enough he got his reply. "Sedated? Just for being himself?"

He suppressed a glare at the nearby nurse, settling for a brief flicker of a dark look instead. "A few hours, huh? We'll take care of you till then, Setsuna."

Before Setsuna could do anything to counter it (not that he really could in the state he was in), Lockon had already grabbed hold of him. Where he would probably frown in annoyance and try to slip out of Lockon's grasp now found him simply standing there passively, not quite taking in everything that's happening just yet.

He glanced at Feldt and Allelujah, his mind blank for a couple of seconds. Allelujah had told him he'd been sedated. Right, he could remember that. He hadn't expected the nurse to move so fast, or for the back-ups to be equally swift.

After a few more seconds of registering Allelujah's advice, he gave a slight nod. "Alright."

And with that, he moved away from Lockon and took a seat at the nearest table.

The fact that Setsuna was sedated explained a lot about his current behavior - but that didn't change the fact that Setsuna wasn't acting like himself. What did Setsuna do to get himself sedated? It wouldn't help to ask him now, considering how he was acting - but maybe she could do it later after the sedatives had worn off.

At least he seemed to be registering the advice Allelujah had given him.

Feldt turned her attention back to Lockon after hearing what he had to say, and she agreed. They couldn't leave Setsuna alone when he was acting like this. Someone had to stay with him.

"We should make sure that someone is with him at all times."

Allelujah sighed softly at Lockon's outrage and nodded. "Yes. If you're violent towards the nurses or towards other patients, then they sedate you. It is unpleasant." He just hoped that he could avoid it when he met with Ma- with Soma during the next shift. He should probably tell them, but they didn't need to know yet. If he couldn't sort it out himself, then he would tell them. He felt guilty somehow for having found other people here while he'd been on his own, and guiltier for hiding it, but he liked having people outside of the Meisters and he couldn't help but worry that the others wouldn't see it the same way.

He was relieved when Setsuna agreed to sit down and he followed them obediently to the table, settling down and looking at the others. "It's showers next shift and fourth shift," Allelujah said. "Adults and children are separated so it might be difficult."

And just as quickly as it showed up in the first place, the outrage was gone. Lockon was smiling again, albeit ruefully this time. "Well, now I know not to be violent towards the nurses or other patients!" Not that it mattered--he hadn't had any intention of it in the first place. And if they provoked him in just the right ways, he'd be violent towards them regardless of the threat of sedation.

He glanced thoughtfully at Allelujah for a moment--was there something else he wasn't telling them? Lockon couldn't tell for sure, and he decided to leave well enough alone for now and focus on helping Setsuna. He frowned. "I'm sure he can shower without getting in too much trouble, but someone had better be ready to watch him as soon as he gets out."

Still, even if he had to leave him on his own next shift...Lockon sat down next to Setsuna now as they ate.

Edited 2009-09-23 03:14 (UTC)

Somehow when Setsuna stared at his feet, his surroundings seemed to suddenly spin around him. He squeezed his eyes shut for a while. That was better. His eyes remained closed and he allowed his head to bow down, intending to remain that way for a while.

Until he realized that his nose could almost touch the toast.

He snapped his head back up with such a sudden force that the dizziness worsened for a moment. Settling for leaning his head against his hand, he closed his eyes and ordered himself to stay in that position until he fully recovered.

Feldt decided to sit down by Setsuna as well, taking her food and looking down at it. The french toast sitting on her plate still didn't look all that appetizing, but... Setsuna was alive, and that was what mattered. She looked up at Allelujah when he spoke.

"What shift do the younger patients shower?" Feldt asked, knowing that Allelujah had a better understanding of this place than she did. She wasn't sure how long the sedative that Setsuna was dealing with would last, but if the younger patients had to go during fourth shift... maybe the sedative would wear off a bit by then, and Setsuna would be able to handle himself all right. If it was earlier, however, she wasn't sure what to do.

She turned her head then, watching Setsuna. She was concerned about him, and she was hoping that the sedatives would wear off soon enough. She didn't like seeing Setsuna like this.

"Only during the day though. Being violent at night is helpful," Allelujah replied with a faint flash of a smile that wasn't entirely pleasant. He looked back at Lockon impassively for a moment before turning his attention to Feldt's question. "Fourth shift today," he replied. "It's adults next shift, then lunch, then the younger patients have to shower. I think the drugs should have mostly worn off by then." He frowned, remembering how long they'd lasted for him. "He'll feel groggy for a while though." He hated sedatives with a passion.

"It's difficult to control what you speak about while under their influence and your thoughts will be fuzzy for a while Setsuna." It was probably going to be a better idea to keep him away from people who might want information.

There was something about that smile of Allelujah's--yes, this confirmed it. There were things about Allelujah that Lockon didn't know, he'd always been sure of that. It had been okay, back in their world, but here he was going to have to learn about them. Not now, though. Now they had to do damage control on Setsuna.

"Fourth shift? He'll be fine!" Lockon winked at Setsuna, even though he knew perfectly well Setsuna was quite out of it and couldn't see. The expression was more for the others than for him. "Feldt, take care of him next shift while we're showering."

He glanced back at Allelujah and grinned at that last comment. "Setsuna's not much for controlling what he speaks about anyway, is he? He just says what he needs to, to be his Gundam self."

Feldt nodded - she would do her best to watch Setsuna during the next shift. She was sure that they could find something to do that wouldn't require Setsuna to do a lot of work in his current condition. There were numerous things that they could do, depending on where they were to go for the next shift.

She looked over at Setsuna again, still concerned about him - but... if Allelujah said it would wear off by the time the fourth shift came around, then she would believe him. It seemed that he knew what he was talking about, and she had no reason to not believe what he had to say.

"I will make sure that he will be all right."

Allelujah snorted softly at Lockon's comment, nodding his agreement. That was very true but still. "It would be easy to say too much while under the influence of the drugs is probably more accurate," he explained. "It makes it difficult to stop yourself from speaking, even when there are things that you shouldn't say to anyone." They were an organisation which prided itself on secrecy although he didn't know how much Lockon would want them to keep secret here. It was too late for people like Badou and Homura in any case.

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Day 44: breakfast

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