damned_institute | Nightshift 39: M31-40 Hallway

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Nightshift 39: M31-40 Hallway

Along with giving him an idea for a good cover story, Scourge's conversation with the soldier-human on the bulletin board had made the tracker stop and think about his place in the Decepticon hierarchy. More specifically, the fact that he didn't have one. Galvatron wasn't here anymore, there was no one who he was obligated to by virtue of creation. He was a free agent for the first time in his life, and it wasn't as scary as he thought it'd be.

Lugnut and Blitzwing probably wouldn't be too happy with him thinking like this, but who cared? They were both crazy, Blitzwing random and Lugnut stubborn, and without a stabilizing Cyclonus-like influence Scourge suspected they wouldn't get very far. Better to get himself a better footing with someone saner and just give lip service to "mighty Megatron" when it was convenient.

In the meantime, Scourge had to see a Superboy about a virginity. What exactly that would entail he wasn't really sure, but it sounded a lot more fun than raiding the kitchen with pointless idiots who seemed to be liking him less and less as things went on.

The tracker took out the wooden cooking spoon he'd found last night, set it on the floor with his foot on the scoop end, and yanked upwards. The spoon cracked and left him with a long rod with a dangerously pointy and splintered end that would probably at least distract anything with a squishy place to stick it in. Better than nothing. The makeshift wooden shiv went in one pocket, the flashlight in the other--with his eyes he wouldn't need it for anything but small details and it would be easier to hide in the dark. The handle of the pan went in his hand and the tracker cautiously went out into the hallway. Let him be a force to be reckoned with.

Or at least one that made the other guy look like a tastier option.

[To here.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Precisely." Suzaku was finally seeing things his way, but with what it had taken for him to get there, Lelouch couldn't bring himself to feel even remotely pleased by it. Irony must simply adore him today. "Considering the name, changing the primary focus of the club to item retrieval would be appropriate, not to mention free the other clubs from those duties if we can arrange for trades, deliveries, and so on. It would also encourage them to specialize, thereby decreasing the number of redundant activities assigned."

What he didn't say was that taking control of the flow of both supplies and information in this manner would place them at the very heart of the institute's economy. A position like that was considerably more formidable than that of a simple club leader, and while it wasn't the same as directing troops into battle, he could easily gain a role like it if he played his cards right. Even if he didn't, the unification efforts were bound to succeed eventually, and assuming the group leaders joined together to form a head council of sorts (he sincerely doubted they'd ever agree to follow a single leader), his place among them would be guaranteed. With the resources he'd have at his disposal by then, the only thing that would be stopping him from controlling the entire patient population was self-restraint.

The best part was that it didn't even matter if someone saw through the plan; as long as he distributed information freely and wasn't too selective about who did and didn't receive supplies, there would be no evidence to support the notion that he was trying to seize control. Besides, with how much allies from entirely different dimensions would have to offer and the difficulty inherent in leading such a widely varied group, he genuinely didn't want to. There were too many things that could go wrong with an operation like that, and while exploiting his position in order to win that control wouldn't be that far removed from simply taking it, it was nothing he couldn't see the other patients trying.

"The Knight of Seven wouldn't be nearly as out of place once that happened," he continued, glancing away again. "Based on what I've read, there are several well-guarded areas en route to places like the kitchen and gardener's shed. The second floor is probably worse, judging by the number of storage rooms it has and what each one contains." There was a short pause. "You'll just have to put up with being yourself until then. Think you can handle it?"

Suzaku almost smiled. "I should be able to manage that." Even if it was a lot harder than it sounded, because himself was the last thing he wanted to be. It was his cross to bear, anyway, and his identity shouldn't cause too many difficulties here. For one, he wasn't even sure there was anyone else from their world here.

"But, you know, I'm surprised you're willing to do something so subtle." He understood that that plan would put Lelouch in a controlling position, but it was definitely not the kind of process someone like Zero favored. Too behind-the-scenes, too indirect. Whatever the situation demanded, he supposed. The other major clubs were probably too well-established for them to try to force their way in; they'd only be seen as the enemy. It was different from the rag-tag bands of terrorists Lelouch had organized in their own world.

It didn't matter which way Lelouch thought was best, however, because Suzaku would follow his plan either way. In a lot of ways he would never consider Lelouch superior to himself, but he recognized that Lelouch was the commander here. Even if they disagreed sometimes, following orders was one thing Suzaku could manage, after so long in the military.

So all he had to add to the plan was, "Is there anything in particular you want me to do? Anyone I should try to contact tomorrow?"

"As of right now, I don't have the information, resources, or reputation necessary to take bold actions. I should think that was obvious." If his Geass had been working properly or if attempting to take charge as Zero wouldn't be an automatic death sentence the instant an enemy from their world appeared, it would be a very, very different story, but as things were, Lelouch was severely limited. He supposed there always was the option of revealing himself as Zero (it was bound to come out eventually) and simply avoiding any mention of his Geass, but again, if someone from their world arrived from during or after the same time period as his betrayal by the Black Knights...

He needed to think about this further. Predicting his own actions after the events in the World of C would be a simple matter, but not one he was quite feeling up to right now. He felt more tired than ever now that almost everything that needed to be said had been said, and with all of the painful things he'd need to sort through-- later. He could deal with that later. There was still time.

"Tomorrow... if you happen to catch any of the club leaders on their own, engage them in conversation. Limit your attention to Vice Captain Matsumoto Rangiku and Suou Tamaki for now. Vice Captain Matsumoto has long, strawberry blond hair and a mole under the right corner of her mouth. Tamaki is blond-haired, blue-eyed, and doesn't seem very bright, but if everything goes as planned, we're going to be interacting with his club a great deal. What I need you to do is assess their personalities and ask questions about their groups' activities, how they're run-- things like that. I'll be doing something similar with General Chere and Homura.

"Whatever you do, though, do not wander too far away from me during second shift. I've arranged a meeting with someone potentially dangerous, and while he hasn't given me sufficient reason to believe that he's a genuine threat, it doesn't hurt to be cautious. If he possesses any shred of intelligence, he won't try anything during the day, but all the same, stay within range." Porky Minch... that was another problem Lelouch needed to clear away. Based on what he'd observed so far, the man didn't seem nearly competent enough to qualify as a real obstacle, but dismissing him on that basis alone in a setting like this would be anything but wise. Lelouch needed more information and just the right order before he would have the man in the palm of his hand. Once he'd done that...

"Continue to monitor the bulletin while you're at it," he added, blinking a few times to try and stay awake. What little sleep he'd had between the end of last nightshift and the beginning of morning had been far too disorienting to be truly satisfying, and with one thing after another-- "Most of it's fairly mindless, but I'm sure you've already realized what a valuable resource it is. Since I'll be otherwise preoccupied for the majority of the day, I'll be using that to contact you. Again." Was there really any point in telling Suzaku this? He really was tired.

It was obvious, but still a bit surprising, so Suzaku just nodded. He flipped through the club notes again as Lelouch spoke, confirming his targets for the next day -- the St. Francis Aide Society and Arts and Crafts. Right, should be easy enough.

He looked up with a frown at Lelouch's other directions. "That Porky guy, right? I saw him on the bulletin; he did look pretty suspicious." He had actually considered warning Lelouch, but he knew Lelouch must be well aware of what he was getting into. He'd also assumed Lelouch could take care of himself, but that was before he knew how limited the Geass was here. He was glad Lelouch had told him when they were meeting, because he definitely wanted to keep an eye on the situation. As much as Lelouch was the commander here, he was the knight, and it was his responsibility to keep Lelouch safe. Which he'd have wanted to do anyway, regardless of orders, so it was convenient that the orders coincided with his own plans. But that was what tended to happen when he and Lelouch worked together. "I'll be around.

"Is there anything else you wanted to talk about? You look a bit tired," he said honestly. He knew Lelouch wouldn't like having that pointed out, but it was the truth. He didn't feel at all tired himself, he rarely ever did, but he supposed it would be good to get a good rest before all the networking he would be trying to do tomorrow.

"I am not," Lelouch snapped, scowling automatically. There was no real sense in denying it if he'd been transparent enough for Suzaku to make that observation, but that wasn't about to stop him. "And no, there is nothing else-- unless you have something you'd like to contribute?" He gave him a dubious look, carefully crafted to convey his complete lack of faith in his former friend's reasoning capabilities. That was probably unfair of Lelouch when the two of them had only just started seeing things eye to eye, but honestly, what had been the point in drawing attention to that?

It did bring up some interesting questions about where they stood now, though. Lelouch had accepted responsibility for what was going to happen even if Suzaku wasn't willing to give it up himself yet, and with that effectively negating the betrayals Lelouch had blamed Suzaku for, there were very few reasons left for them to hate each other. The sting of being sold out to the Emperor was still there, not to mention everything else that had happened between them since then, but the future was more important than that. The necessity of treating Suzaku as an ally was therefore no longer the cruel joke it had been for the vast majority of the day, but surely mentioning the fact that Lelouch looked tired wasn't a part of this... contract. That was the sort of thing a friend did, and although things might have changed between them again, they weren't friends.

Suzaku resisted the urge to laugh. Lelouch was always so predictably proud, and once Suzaku would have felt comfortable teasing him about it, but now he didn't want to aggravate him. It was hard to tell where the boundaries lay between them, and it felt like anything too relaxed might upset the fragile balance of their alliance. Suzaku didn't feel comfortable wading into that territory yet; things were too tenuous and he wasn't even sure how he felt about Lelouch now, anyway. He'd just seen enough humanity in the other to supplement the distant, awkward respect he'd built his trust on, but that didn't mean they were friends, or that he wanted them to be friends.

So he was willing to tread carefully around Lelouch and let him have his pride, keep a straight face and not rise to the bait that was that condescending expression. It would be too easy to be casually offended, better to take the insult in stride.

"No, I think we've covered enough," he said, tone polite enough to be devoid of any reaction to the way Lelouch had asked. "We should probably both get some sleep." He had half-wanted to say they should let Lelouch get some sleep, but he just couldn't revert to that casual level yet. To a level where he could comfortably afford to offend Lelouch.

"... Hmph." Idiot. Lelouch knew what he was thinking, and if he thought he could get away with it just because he hadn't said it out loud-- but this was neither the time nor place for that. As Suzaku had said, they'd covered enough; poring over the niceties of their relationship was entirely unnecessary and inappropriate when they each had so many other things they should be worrying about instead. Even giving in to sleep and admitting to that one weakness was a more attractive option than that.

Lelouch made as if to rise from his seat, but thinking better of it, he shifted mid-motion so that the movement came off as restless rather than a failed attempt to stand. With his leg still injured and the unenviable task of concealing both just how tired he was and how much it hurt to walk in front of him, avoiding getting up entirely was probably his safest bet. He could stagger into bed once Suzaku had left-- if he left. The fact that they'd wake up in their own beds regardless of where they'd been last meant Suzaku could just as easily take Bart's bed as return to his own, if he was actually tired at all, but-- damn it, how could Lelouch convince him to leave? Maybe if he hinted that Bart might return--

Absurd. This entire situation was absurd. Why should he care if Suzaku saw or not? After what had happened earlier-- no, he'd revealed more than enough of himself today. This was absolutely ridiculous. Why couldn't Suzaku just leave?

Still scowling and avoiding eye contact, Lelouch said, "Yes, very well. I'll contact you later with instructions." If Suzaku didn't take a hint and get out, there was no hope for him. End of story. "Goodnight, Suzaku."

Suzaku rolled his eyes when Lelouch wasn't looking. He had ended up offending the other boy anyway, he was pretty sure of it. So much for that. It didn't matter much anyway, because even if he didn't feel comfortable teasing Lelouch, he also didn't care about the other's reactions to his perfectly polite remarks. Regardless of the fact that the weakness Lelouch had shown earlier was still fresh in his mind, and Suzaku couldn't stand -- well, he at least didn't want to hurt Lelouch's pride now. He wasn't sure if he should allow himself to feel sympathy. He also wasn't sure if he could help it.

Finally standing up, Suzaku folded his copy of the maps and crossed to Lelouch's desk, depositing the other papers and the journal there. "I'll go back now, then." He paused, looking down at his former friend uncertainly. "Unless you want me to stay?"

He knew the question would irritate Lelouch beyond belief, but he just wasn't sure if he should be left alone now, after what happened earlier. Admittedly Suzaku was probably the last person Lelouch wanted to be with him, but he -- alright, he was worried about Lelouch. And he knew that if the other boy needed him, he would never ask himself. At any rate, the question didn't have to be interpreted that way, it could mean anything. It gave Lelouch the option of asking and still preserving his dignity, even if Suzaku knew he wouldn't.

... No hope at all. How anyone could be so dense-- and this was his only ally in the place? Lelouch was almost tempted to give voice to these thoughts, but as scornful as they would be, making disparaging comments about Suzaku's intelligence had long since lost any effectiveness as an insult. It had become as much of a staple of their friendship as the frequent jabs at Lelouch's pride, and as reminiscent of those moments their current conversation was becoming, neither of them were going to take that last step anytime soon. Lelouch certainly wasn't.

Trying very hard to remain absolutely still in his seat, Lelouch glanced up, caught the uncertainty and, yes, that had to be concern, then looked away. He couldn't figure out why Suzaku cared after everything that had been said and done, even if he had fallen to pieces right in front of him. Lelouch could easily pin down why he cared, but-- had Suzaku seen through his efforts to protect him earlier? No, he'd be a lot angrier with Lelouch if that were true, wouldn't he? Still, this was...

"If your sense of chivalry is so unbearably strong that you can't stand the thought of leaving me to my own devices, you're free to stay, of course, but don't expect me to keep you entertained while you're here," he said finally, flipping open his journal and pretending to review the information written for the thousandth time. "Unlike some people, I'm prudent enough to know when to quit, and while I may not be tired right now, it's likely that will change later. What you do both then and now is entirely up to you." None of which answered the question at all, and while that made it far more likely to be misinterpreted as a yes than a no, Lelouch was far more interested in seeing just how Suzaku chose to take it. He probably wouldn't catch all of the hidden layers of deeper meaning, but that suited Lelouch's purposes just fine.

Suzaku probably shouldn't be surprised that Lelouch had immediately seen through that. Or that his "chivalrous" notions had bothered Lelouch to such an extent. Yet. . . the tone implied that Lelouch had run out of patience, and Suzaku should probably heed that if he wanted to respect his boundaries now, but Lelouch hadn't actually told him to get out. Which was strange, because a straight-forward command should be easy enough, shouldn't it? In fact, that sounded a lot more like Lelouch was actually accepting his offer, but in a way that made it seem like he didn't care either way. Typical.

Suzaku continued to stare down at Lelouch, frowning unconsciously. It would be more comfortable for both of them if he just left, and he really shouldn't care about Lelouch's mental state as long as he continued to function and could get the job done. Not to mention the obvious fact that Lelouch was tired, whatever he said. But he was in a vulnerable position now, and Suzaku felt responsible. Lelouch might have consciously allowed those things to happen, but Suzaku had made his own mistakes, and some of the blame would always fall on him. What he had seen earlier, that side of Lelouch that nearly terrified him, he had caused just as much as Lelouch had caused it himself. Even if he hadn't, in a way he was Lelouch's knight now, and it was his job to protect him. From both physical and mental injury, and from himself. He couldn't walk away from his duty, not when it was possible that Lelouch might need him now. At least not until Lelouch actually told him to leave.

Sighing, Suzaku turned back around and sat on Bart's bed, pushing his back against the wall and tucking his legs up in a fluid motion. "I guess I'll stay. You can go to bed if you want." He cast his eyes over the maps again, trying to think of some excuse for him to be there. "Hey, we should probably get weapons at some point. Someone told me there are baseball bats, maybe in this shed on the field? And there might be knives in the kitchen." He didn't know why he was asking Lelouch, who would probably cut himself sooner than an enemy. But he needed something to fill the silence.

So he was going to stay. Lelouch wasn't entirely sure how to interpret that. It confirmed the idea that Suzaku was feeling protective, but-- really, was there any need for that? It wasn't like Lelouch couldn't take care of himself. The chances of something trying to attack him while he was in his room were practically nonexistent, and since Suzaku had to know that he wasn't about to go charging up and down the halls with his leg the way it was, there was no purpose to this. How weak did he think he was?

Heart sinking at the thought that the answer had to be very much so, Lelouch lifted his journal a little higher before him so that it hid his disgusted expression from view. He should have just told Suzaku to leave. Retracting that permission now would imply that he had something to hide, and while that was very, very true, he didn't want to give any more reasons for Suzaku to think that he was anything but totally capable of handling the situation. The outburst had merely been-- a fluke, that was what. It wouldn't happen again. How was he supposed to convince Suzaku of that?

Carefully tucking away any and all emotions that could have been read off of his face, Lelouch peered at Suzaku over the top of his journal and replied, "A bat would be more practical, I believe, at least until you can get your sword. From what I've seen of the monsters here, you don't want to get any closer than necessary to kill them." An obvious statement, but if Suzaku was going to say stupid things like that, Lelouch wouldn't hesitate to respond in kind. Maybe that would distract him from the fact that rather than retreating to bed, he was sitting more stiffly than ever at his desk. He probably couldn't put off getting into bed that much longer with how drained he felt, but every moment spent awake and upright was another victory for his side, as far as he was concerned.

Was Lelouch even reading that journal? Not that it mattered. Suzaku knew that Lelouch didn't want him here, but he didn't exactly not want him here either, if that response earlier was anything to go by. So if Lelouch was going to be uncomfortable and not look at him, fine, as long as Suzaku wasn't leaving him alone to his apparent misery.

Suzaku's face darkened at the response his inane question had garnered. Another reminder that he should have been there, that Lelouch had needed him last night, that he couldn't protect anything. And that he didn't know enough about the monsters yet to have a good idea of how to fight them.

"Is there anything else you can tell me about them? Besides what was on the board. I mean, so we can be better prepared next time." We. Implying that next time, Suzaku would be there, without actually saying next time, I'll protect you. Since Lelouch was already on the defensive and not used to having any weaknesses exposed, Suzaku didn't want to provoke him further.

Lelouch's shoulders hunched before he could stop them, and fervently hoping that Suzaku hadn't noticed, he took refuge behind his journal once more and muttered, "There isn't much. The man I used my Geass on and I only ran into the cats last night, and from that experience, all I can really tell you is that the descriptions on the board are incomplete at best. I was hoping to implement some changes in the way the information is presented, but that depends on how cooperative the one who posted it and everyone else in the institute is." Judging by Lelouch's limited past experiences, he would likely be met with some resistance, but then that wasn't what Suzaku's question had been.

Furrowing his brow, Lelouch continued in his most clinically detached tone, "At night, cats grow to approximately twice their normal size, sprout long, razor-sharp claws, and take on a half-rotten appearance. They're fast, silent, agile, and smart. They're also very resilient; it took a long time for my guard to dispatch one of them. A knife would probably be a better option than a bat against one of those, but again, you don't want to let them get too close."

He almost made some comment about how utterly revolting the creatures were, but the less he thought about that, the better. The thought still sickened him, and although his fear and disgust weren't quite as strong now as they had been earlier that day, they were prevalent enough that, had his expression been visible, Suzaku probably would have picked up on both emotions. He might even be able to anyway, considering Lelouch's much-too-calm tone and the journal conveniently blocking his face from view, but at least they would discourage him from saying anything about it if he did.

Suzaku's frown only deepened. They sounded like something out of a nightmare -- half-rotting? -- but Lelouch's wounds were all too real. He couldn't even imagine what it would be like to be attacked by one of those things, actually raked by their claws, and Lelouch was -- he was suddenly so tense, his tone was so calm that it wasn't calm at all, and Suzaku really shouldn't have asked. What the hell had he been doing last night? Admittedly it would have been hard to find Lelouch, but that wasn't an excuse. He should have asked more people if they'd seen him, or, or something.

And now he just felt guilty for bringing it up, with Lelouch's memories obviously so fresh. But at least he knew what kind of thing they were up against, and it would help in case they had to fight another one. So that this wouldn't happen to Lelouch, ever again.

"You're right, a bat would probably be best, considering the claws and all." He stared at Lelouch for a moment, wondering what he should say. He definitely hadn't wanted to upset the other boy further by staying here. But it seemed he was doomed never to be of any use to Lelouch at all. He looked back down, twisting his fingers into the bedspread and saying in a strained voice, "I should have been there last night. I tried to look for you. . . I'm sorry."

The journal wavered. Suzaku seriously wasn't-- he was, wasn't he? Lelouch lowered the flimsy barrier fully, his features entirely blank once more, but the instant he caught sight of Suzaku, they twisted into an angry scowl. "Don't be an idiot," he snapped before he could stop himself. "There was no way you could have known what would happen, and if you're going to waste time and energy regretting things beyond your control like that, you're a complete moron. Just let it go and move on."

He shut the journal with unnecessary force and pushed it to the side, glaring balefully down at it for a few seconds before looking away. Stupid, stupid, stupid-- both of them! Suzaku had no reason to blame himself, but there he was doing it yet again. Lelouch shouldn't have said anything, and for both that and what he'd just said... Suzaku would probably wouldn't read too far into it, but if he did, the already incredibly awkward conversation was only going to get worse. Damn it.

Suzaku jumped a little, taken aback by Lelouch's anger, but of course that was how he'd respond. He wouldn't even let Suzaku apologize. Normally it would be fine and they would just get over it, but Suzaku couldn't settle for that this time. It didn't matter that Suzaku couldn't have known, there was just no way he could let it happen. If it bothered Lelouch so much to hear him apologize, he would stop, but he wasn't going to let go of this.

Yet, Lelouch was right about moving on. Wasn't that what Suzaku had trained himself to do, not to get hung up on the mistakes of the past and just to correct them in the future? "The point is that I'll be there next time. It's not going to happen again." That was moving on, wasn't it? And it had to be said, Lelouch's pride be damned. Suzaku had to let him know that he'd be there, even if Lelouch made a show of rejecting the sentiment.

"Stubborn as always, I see," Lelouch muttered, redirecting his glare to Suzaku. The consistency of that trait of his was reassuring in its own way, but the reminder that Lelouch needed someone to "be there" at all was something he could have gone without. He would take the chance to deny it, but with the injuries he'd received even with a guard like Emmett as prominent in his mind as ever, the words stuck in his throat. Suzaku would have seen through it without those wounds, but at least there would have been sufficient pretense to say it if they hadn't been around.

Overwhelmed by sudden bitterness, Lelouch glanced towards the journal again and resisted the urge to do something violent with it. As much as he hated to admit it, Suzaku's statement was reassuring in a different way, too. Last night's brush with death had left him shaken, and while he'd faced down the truth of his own mortality in countless other forms and should have grown accustomed to it, this one had been different. It hadn't been staring down a line of guns or a Knightmare or a pile of corpses, it had been catching glimpses of an unrelenting death in the shadows, being brought down as nothing more than prey the instant he tried to flee, and cowering under the beast in fear because for all his supposed power, he didn't have the strength to save himself from something that could slice him to ribbons as easily as he could pull a trigger. The pain, the noise, that smell-- he'd been assaulted from all sides by all of it and couldn't have hoped to find an escape on his own.

The thought of needing anyone had always been one Lelouch had fought against, but he could easily acknowledge the fact that there were some things in life that one needed to ask others for. He may not have needed to ask Suzaku for this for him to offer it, but... he should be grateful. He was grateful. It was just...

Suzaku was making this far more difficult than it needed to be, of that much he was certain. Still, he had reached out to Suzaku for help with varying degrees of success in the past; rejecting it now, while tempting, wouldn't be in Lelouch's best interests. He'd just avoid accepting it explicitly and neither of them would ever have to talk about it again.

"If you're so determined to appoint yourself my knight, I should just grant you the title officially," he said at length, his anger more or less dissipated by now. "At least then you'd have to conduct yourself more reasonably. I don't respond well to insubordination."

Suzaku looked up. He honestly hadn't expected Lelouch to acquiesce so easily, defensive and prideful as he'd been all night. But even after everything that had happened, the cats and the crying and everything else, it seemed Lelouch was still mature enough to recognize that he might have to sacrifice his ego sometimes. Able to put aside his personal concerns, even when backed into a corner -- Suzaku could depend on those qualities of his, and trust him as a leader. Maybe even admire him, now that he didn't want to restrict his opinions with set ideas of right and wrong.

Which meant that maybe he really was ready to serve as Lelouch's knight. But the idea conjured up memories he didn't want to associate with this relationship. He could accept Lelouch as Euphemia's killer and move on, but to hold the same position to that killer as he'd held to Euphemia left a bitter taste in the back of his mouth. He'd always be the Knight of Betrayal, but he didn't want to betray the one person he'd already failed so much, the one person who had truly believed in him. Being Lelouch's knight would be a constant reminder that he'd been worthless as her knight, and a reminder of how Lelouch had deceived him.

He could believe in Lelouch now that they had a common goal, because he had to; he just couldn't think of Lelouch deceiving him now. He was positive he had seen the real Lelouch, back in the World of C as well as a few moments ago. And yet, what kind of knight could he possibly be? And how could he treat Euphemia's memory that way? It didn't matter if Lelouch was joking, it was a serious question. And while they hadn't worked out much of a plan yet at the point that he'd been yanked from his own timeline, it might eventually be necessary for him to take that position. It was certainly the logical extension of their relationship, disregarding the insubordination problem.

His worries aside, however, the possibility that Lelouch might trust him to that extent after everything that had happened between them here set him at ease. Things had been too difficult already, but Lelouch might be more willing to accept Suzaku's help if they had some official context for it.

"Maybe you should," Suzaku said seriously. Because he had to let Lelouch know that he would serve him, that he'd be whatever Lelouch needed him to be. If that included following orders without question, then fine. Still. . . "But I don't know if I do the best job at being someone's knight."

The comment had been intended as a test-- inflammatory enough to anger, ironic enough to amuse, and serious enough to inspire thought-- but rather than help define the new boundaries of their relationship as Lelouch had hoped it would, Suzaku's response simultaneously pushed those boundaries further and supplemented them with new ones. Lelouch wasn't sure if he wanted that. It would enforce some set of standards for how they were expected to treat one another, but he couldn't help but think that both of them would start resenting that sooner or later. It wouldn't pose too much of a problem for him, of course, but Suzaku, who was all about rules and regulations (or had been, before F.L.E.I.A.), was a different story.

There was also the issue of Euphy, and although neither of them were likely to broach that particular topic just yet, Lelouch knew it had to be weighing on Suzaku's mind as heavily as ever. He had a fleeting urge to tell him the truth of what happened on that day, but with everything that would entail, he simply couldn't. Better to find a different way to resolve things for Suzaku. It seemed impossible when his serious treatment of the proposition was leaving both of them noticeably more subdued, but Lelouch owed that much to both him and Euphemia. If he could find some way to do it...

"With no confusion as to where your true loyalties lie, I have no doubt that you will perform your duties exceptionally," he said, looking over at Suzaku again. "You will not be serving me, you will be serving the interests of the world. To create a future in which people can resolve their disputes peaceably and work towards the benefit of all-- can you accept the role of knight if it means achieving that end? I will not deny that following my direction will be unpleasant at times, but know that whatever it is I ask of you, I ask in those same interests. I will do whatever it takes to create that world, even if it means destroying the one in which we live now in the process. Can you accept that? Can you accept me?"

Suzaku stared a little, taken aback. So Lelouch was serious, and if he interpreted it that way -- where his true loyalties lay. . . Lelouch wasn't asking him to serve and protect him, but their common goal. A future that the world deserved, after everything they had both done. It was something Suzaku would give up everything to achieve, and the reason he was willing to follow Lelouch in the first place. Because Lelouch wanted the same thing, and now he was sure of that, because even without living through the Ragnarok Lelouch understood what they needed to accomplish together. It was what Euphie would have wanted, and what they had to do to make up for her death and all the others. Of course Suzaku would fight as a knight for that goal -- he wouldn't be serving Euphemia's murderer so much as her dreams.

And the fact that Lelouch said it himself meant that he didn't want Suzaku to be a knight to him the way he was to Euphemia, either. Maybe he was even thinking of her, wanting to fix things the same way Suzaku did. Now that Suzaku knew the extent of sorrow and responsibility Lelouch felt towards those hurt by his actions, he wondered if Lelouch wanted to make up for the mistakes of the past as well as give the world a future. If that were true, then Suzaku could fight for him. Even if it weren't, Suzaku would fight, for the sake of the world and everything he believed in.

"Yes." I would do anything -- but that wasn't what Lelouch was asking. He was asking if Suzaku could believe in him, believe that he would make Euphie's dreams come true. And Suzaku knew that he would, knew that no matter what sins Lelouch had committed he would be able to create that world, knew that this wasn't another deception. "I trust you."

For the first time in a long time, a genuine smile spread slowly over Lelouch's features. That trust-- after all that it had taken for him to gain it, he would do everything within his power to honor both it and his sisters' wishes for the future. Everyone he'd hurt, willingly and unwillingly, deserved the world that path would lead to, and now that he had Suzaku at his side, Lelouch felt like there was nothing that could stop him from accomplishing that. Having those feelings fully restored was something he had never thought would happen again, but now that they were back, he couldn't afford to lose them. They were everything that he and Suzaku had left, and he wouldn't let either of them be betrayed like that again.

"Thank you," he said quietly, still smiling but considerably more sadly now. They had finally reached some form of understanding, but there was so much work left to be done. Most of it would have to wait until they'd finally escaped and gotten back to their home universe, of course, but at least establishing all that they had over the course of this conversation would help equally in both pursuits... for the most part.

Exhausted again and with nothing to serve as a buffer, Lelouch rubbed at his eyes for a moment before slowly rising to his feet. "I think in this case we can skip the formalities," he said vaguely, making his way around his desk and over to his bed. "Unless you actually want me find a sword, sew us both uniforms, and arrange for a full knighting ceremony to take place in the Sun Room, that is. I certainly don't, but for all I know, your previous experiences have left you far more finicky about procedures and protocol than I am. You aren't, are you?" It was far, far, far too early for either of them to start joking around like this, but Lelouch was tired, entirely too relieved to have regained Suzaku as an ally, and trying to cover up just how much the latter meant to him. Distracting Suzaku from all of the above and the limp in his step seemed sufficient reason to do it.

Lelouch just kept surprising him. Suzaku had been partly responsible for Nunnally's death, he hadn't protected Lelouch from those cats, he'd had to tell him so many horrible things and intruded on his privacy, and Lelouch had been resentful and angry with him all day, but here he was smiling. A real smile, as if he were truly happy about what Suzaku had said. Then again, the last thing Lelouch remembered before waking up here was Suzaku barely deigning to speak to him. He hadn't been there in the World of C, when they'd seen eye-to-eye and finally started to trust each other again, so this must be new to him. And Suzaku's trust must mean even more than he thought it did, if Lelouch could smile at the end of such an awful day. Suzaku probably didn't deserve it, but he was grateful for that smile nonetheless, and for the words as well.

He released a startled laugh, surprised at himself as well. It should feel wrong to be talking as if they were good friends again, but he was so relieved at the sudden release of tension, and that Lelouch was finally accepting this alliance. That he implicitly seemed to trust Suzaku, too. "I don't think all that's necessary. Besides, people might notice that you're not just a regular student if we do that."

His relief was so great that he almost didn't notice Lelouch's limp. There was no need to call attention to it, because while poking at Lelouch's ego was fun, those injuries were anything but amusing. He would just have to be ready to jump forward should Lelouch stumble. He would always have to be ready -- he had to behave in a way befitting a personal knight now, he reflected. "It's official now, then." He'd meant it to come out as a question, but it really wasn't. He'd accepted, and that was it.

"A regular student from Ashford Academy," Lelouch corrected in a half-mumble, swiping at his eyes again. Relief was turning out to be significantly worse than he'd thought it would be; his energy seemed to be slipping away from him faster than ever and it wasn't tiredness he was brushing away right now. Dissolving into tears for the second time that night didn't sound even remotely appealing, but unless he could get a hold himself, it seemed like he was headed that way.

He reached his bed after what seemed like an eternity and collapsed onto it, taking a few deep breaths and fervently hoping that Suzaku didn't notice his sudden unwillingness to speak. Too much had happened today, and after losing everything, winning back his best and oldest friend as a knight and ally was a joy that Lelouch hadn't thought he'd be able to experience. He wasn't upset, just-- overwhelmed. Of all the times he could have had this reaction-- dammit, Suzaku must think even less of his ability to cope than ever.

Forcing his expression into some semblance of calm, he looked over again and said, "Official in the most unofficial manner possible, yes. You could always come over here and kneel if you want something more concrete, but I'm not going to order it of you." There was no point in indulging in theatrics when there was no audience to appreciate it. That wasn't to say that Lelouch wasn't tempted by the idea, but insisting upon it now when things were still so fragile had the potential to end disastrously if Suzaku was opposed to it. Pomp and circumstance could wait until later.

Lelouch wasn't -- not again? No, he must just be tired. Suzaku had trouble believing that Lelouch would have that emotional a reaction to regaining his trust, even if he had always valued Suzaku's friendship. Everything Suzaku had wanted to believe about him, his unforgivable coldness, the ease with which he disposed of anyone in opposition to him, was dissolving. And the only thing left was someone Suzaku had once cared for very much. It was almost enough to make Suzaku tear up himself, but he'd cried too much for Lelouch already. This was just the final chapter of everything that had come before.

Normally they wouldn't need anything concrete to recognize this new relationship, not when they understood each other so well. It was just the final incarnation of that understanding -- friends, enemies, now prince and knight. But when it came to understanding, this was all so startling sudden, coming disturbingly close to some semblance of their former friendship. Suzaku might be serving the world more than Lelouch, but that didn't change the fact that they were now officially, inextricably tied to one another. And he felt like he needed some physical representation of this change, if only so that he could fully grasp that it was real.

"I'd like that, actually," he said quietly, getting to his feet and crossing over to Lelouch. He kneeled on one knee just in front of him and looked up, close enough to see that the other's eyes were wet. And he waited, sure now that he could trust Lelouch, that they could do this together.

Lelouch suddenly wished he hadn't said anything. Doing this now when he could barely stand and with Suzaku in that ridiculous outfit-- the harsh reality of it all was almost too much to bear. Still, however much his ruffled sense of pride objected to it, it was... necessary, not to mention appropriate. He supposed he could and likely would declare Suzaku his knight again once they'd escaped, if under different circumstances, but doing this so informally now-- he'd have to make up for it the instant the opportunity presented itself.

Straightening from his half slouch and chasing away the last of his tears, Lelouch raised his right hand before him with all but the last two fingers extended, then lowered it briefly over Suzaku's right and left shoulders. "I, Lelouch vi Britannia, do hereby dub thee Sir Kururugi Suzaku," he intoned, withdrawing his hand. "You are now a knight in both name and title, dedicated to serve as sword and shield for the sake of the world's future." And mine, he added silently, staring down into bright green eyes and hoping his selfishness would be forgiven. It was unlikely anything else would.

"Rise, Sir Kururugi, Knight of Honor. Rise and be recognized."

Nightshift 39: M31-40 Hallway

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