damned_institute | Day 39: Sun Room

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Day 39: Sun Room

That really hadn't been the breakfast she'd been expecting, but Yuffie couldn't bring herself to complain. The kid made for good company, and was, if nothing else, pretty entertaining. She could've just done without the whole choking thing. That… That had been embarrassing. A bit. Okay, a lot. Yuffie was starting to get a feeling that this day was -- for once-- actually going to ping on her ‘interesting!’ meter.

Whether or not that was a good thing, she didn’t know.

By the time she’d reached the Sun Room's bulletin board, a kitten on her shoulder and a pen twirling between her fingers, Yuffie was starting to put her finger on why she had that weird, nagging feeling. Though on second thought, it was less like putting her finger on it and more like it had jumped up and punched her right in the nose; the feeling wasn’t just about waffles, magicians, or tricky candy thieves. Sagara hadn't answered her bulletin post; he hadn't answered any bulletin posts. She hadn't seen that stupid, spiky head of his all morning. It was like radio silence without a radio.

Agai-- No, Yuffie cut herself off sharply, frowning. She was just jumping to conclusions. It wouldn't be the first time, right? Right! And yet… instincts were instincts for a reason, and in a dump like this, who knew what could happen?

[for Okita?]

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Kurogane growled to that, but it wasn't as firm as he would have liked. More were missing, and again people he knew. The same beliefs couldn't apply as could with the Princess or the other two if they happened to appear, and with how Fai had reacted when the Princess had come and gone, he wouldn't be taking the absence of the two girls any better.

"You..." the Ninja made an attempt to scold before Fai did anything stupid later, but it didn't work. He paused, took a moment to make the words what he wanted in his head, then tried again, "... don't be stupid." Don't go running off, don't panic, don't lots of other things he expected Fai might do in response to the missing girls... The list of "don'ts" was pretty long for Fai, but just telling him not to be stupid? That worked for all of them.

He looked up again, somewhat confused by Kurogane's response. Maybe it was the drugs talking, it was hard to be sure. The look he gave Kuro said as much before he turned away once more. What exactly was that supposed to mean? Don't be stupid. Don't be upset that the girls were missing? Don't care that they might be gone forever? Don't get a sick feeling in your stomach just thinking that there's something out there at night that can do something like this to someone as strong as Kurogane?

"Right," he replied, running a hand through his hair. Not that he intended to stop doing any of those things, but if that's what Kurogane wanted to hear, he could at least try.

After a bit, he decided to try for some more focus and opened his eyes back. The white blur he got made him feel sick, but he blinked away the feeling easily. Once it was gone, he rolled his head back from its turned position, enough to where he could just barely catch Fai's blond hair out of the corner of his eye.

Did he get it? Doubtful, but there wasn't anything Kurogane could do to clarify or make the other understand better. If he tried to get the right words again, it would only make his head hurt more, and he'd just make things more confusing. He thought, or would have thought regularly, but for some reason he was trying for the right words anyway. He needed to know that Fai understood, especially now that Kurogane was lacking the ability to stop the man from doing anything.

The Princess. He needed to say something about her to make it fit. "Don't... like the Princess..." Why was it just every other word?! Dammit, this was pathetic! And it only got worse when he had to close his eyes again at the pain the strain was causing.

It was hard enough to understand Kurogane on a regular day, but on these drugs it was nearly impossible. Maybe it would be better to have this kind of talk when he was more coherent. He thought about going to sit somewhere else, but if he were completely honest ~~and he rarely was~~, he really did want the company, even if it didn't want him. There was just too much to deal with and he didn't want to do it all alone, even if that was the smart thing to do.

He couldn't make much sense of what the ninja was trying to say and shook his head slowly.

"Where do we go from here?" It was a question that weighed heavily on him at the moment. He was already torn between two identities. With each day that passed, another tie severed from Fai and made Robin all that much more appealing.

"Forward."

The answer was out without thought and before Kurogane's head had even stopped spinning enough for him to think on an answer. He didn't need to think for it. That kind of question... there was only one answer for the ninja no matter what happened, and it was always, always the same.

"We... go forward..."

Go forward. As if it was that easy!

Yuuhi's hands tightened into fists. How could they keep moving forward when they didn't even know what direction that was? They might as well be running around in circles day after day!

"It's not that simple!" he said quickly, trying to hold back the frustration in his voice, but doing little good at it. His mask was paper-thin already and the longer he stayed here, the more of the real him people seemed to see.

"Nnnn..." Did he have to shout? Kurogane was already having enough of a time sorting his own words that the louder ones of another did little to help.

He took more of a pause this time, trying to get past the pain, think of Fai's response, and again wrap his mind around an answer that he could put into understandable words. When he could, he again opened his eyes, finding it easier this time that before. Good, his senses were getting back to normal. Slowly, but they were.

"It is..." he said first, then trying his best not to pause too much, forced the rest of his words out, "You... don't want it... to be." When he finished, he turned his head against the back of the couch, enough to where he could better see the magician, not that he could see well enough to know what he was doing, but he was sick of staring off into space.

"If it was simple," he said evenly, doing what he could to keep from getting too upset. "Then you wouldn't be hurt so badly. The girls would still be here. The princess wouldn't be missing. I wouldn't be-... There's nothing simple about this," he finished, regretting the words almost as quickly as he'd said them. He probably should've just left when he'd first thought to. It'd been like that from the start.

Kurogane only stared and listened, which was about all he could do before he'd need to force his words again. The last words had come out easier even if he had taken longer to come up with them, but that could be because of Fai's louder words. This time Kurogane had expected them and been able to watch the one saying them. His head didn't hurt as much thanks to that, and it took him less time to form a response.

"Can't change... what's happened." There was still a pause, but it was the best sentence he'd gotten thus far. And understandable for a change! Just a little more... "It's... stupid," he continued, trying for a record number of words in one attempt, "trying to."

He wanted to open his mouth and argue. To say that there were things that might be changed, things he wanted desperately to be changed, but he wouldn't cross that line. It wasn't something Kurogane needed to know.

"I never said that," he replied, though his voice was much softer now.

"Didn't... have to."

He was getting better about things now. More reflexive responses and better times with getting his words out. Even his sight was starting to clear a bit, though the magician's form was still blurred as hell.

"You can't change. So... that's why. Why... you go forward." The logic had kept Kurogane moving forward for years. He couldn't change what had happened when he was younger anymore than he could change the fact that his arm was gone now. Or that the Princess had vanished. Or that the girls were gone now as well. Things like that couldn't change, because there wasn't a damn thing that could be done to change them.

"Why it's simple."

Even drugged as he was, Kurogane was trying to lecture him. How was he supposed to go forward; more importantly, which way was forward? Rebelling against the ones running this place only made things more difficult, only made more people get hurt. It seemed less and less likely that they even stood a chance. If they accepted who they were, would bad things stop happening?

Kurogane's logic, however, didn't do much to change his opinion, not that it ever seemed to. Accepting that things couldn't be changed meant accepting that his entire journey had been pointless.

"You should take it easy tonight. I'll look after the others so you won't have to worry about babysitting."

Forward was whatever way didn't mean letting the past control you. That was the only real reason why the magician had problems with thinking "forward" such a difficult concept. He was too stuck in the past, and too idiotic to get out of that position. Hardships only made him fall further back, and there was still nothing more that bothered Kurogane. He just kept getting worse!

And now he was trying to avoid things again!

"Don't order me," he scowled, an actual scowl instead of a glazed stare. He wasn't incapacitated with just one missing arm. Things would be more difficult, but he'd still be able to get at least something done. What, he didn't know, but he knew sitting still would just aggravate him to do something more.

If so many other things hadn't already happened today, he might've kept pressing Kurogane, telling him he needed to rest, not to push himself- He'd lost an arm for goodness sake! Yuuhi was worried about him, but time and again he'd found that mattered little to the ninja. It was evident though, loosely veiled in his eyes and his expression.

He just didn't understand it. The way Kurogane berated him time and again for not being safe, for getting himself injured, and yet seemed to refuse to have anything to do with him when it came to other things.

"Just a suggestion," he shrugged slightly.

What Kurogane did later unfortunately depended on how much those nurses continued drugging him, so he very well could be forced to stay put tonight. That didn't mean he'd do so willingly or because the magician had suggested it.

He huffed and turned his head away again, trying to think. He really could be stuck in his room doing nothing when night came, and that thought bothered him. Not because he'd be alone or anything, but because he'd be doing nothing. That would drive him crazy, and he knew it!

"I... can watch someone," he said after a while and under some self-protest, "... if they'll stay put."

It was surprising to hear that Kurogane would 'watch' someone. It meant he'd tolerate resting so long as he could call it something else. If that meant that someone had to play nurse or pretend to be babysat, at least it meant he'd stay in bed.

"I'm sure I can arrange something like that," he replied, already mentally going through the list of people.

"If they're annoying... forget it," he added soon after, looking back at the other just a bit. The blurring was finally starting to go away now, but Kurogane still could not see Fai's expression at all. He'd better not be smiling or anything dimwitted.

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Day 39: Sun Room

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