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damned_institute2007-01-19 04:53 pm
totallytheseme.livejournal.com) wrote in damned_institute2007-01-19 04:53 pm
Entry tags:
- adelheid,
- albel,
- alyssa,
- ari,
- axel,
- barret,
- carnage,
- chase,
- claire bennet,
- darman,
- edgeworth,
- edward elric,
- elena (ffvii),
- eric draven,
- fox,
- ginji,
- hakkai,
- haku,
- heiderich,
- hikaru,
- hisoka,
- hojo,
- hughes,
- ichigo,
- inara,
- kadaj,
- kairi,
- kenren,
- luffy,
- lust,
- luxord,
- lyta,
- mal,
- naminé,
- naoe,
- naruto,
- nowe,
- obi-wan kenobi,
- otacon,
- qui-gon jinn,
- reinforce,
- renji,
- reno,
- river,
- robin hood,
- rufus,
- sanzo,
- sasuke,
- saïx,
- schuldig,
- snake,
- sora,
- takaya,
- tamaki,
- vincent,
- xigbar,
- yohji,
- yuffie,
- zelos
Day 21: Lunch
Hikaru and Kaoru had been so caught up in their little game that they initially hadn't heard the intercom go off. The new "ding" system was far less jarring than the old SCREECH, and as such, wasn't as easily heard, even in a place as quiet as the library. All too soon, the nurses came to separate the twins and take them to the next activity--lunch.
It only felt like a few minutes since breakfast, somehow, and yet Hikaru was starved. The lunch selection was ridiculously Americanized food of the "Pan Asian" genre, as bad as when his family had wanted Japanese food in California and had gone to the "nicest" restaurant in the English language guidebook. He cringed visibly when the surly cafeteria worker poured sauce on his rice--which was supposed to be plain--but...food was food, and he wasn't feeling terribly picky right now. At least it smelled all right.
One of the good things about being the first one into the cafeteria was having his pick of the tables. Hikaru chose one of the larger ones, saving seats for Kaoru, Tamaki, and (in a fit of hopefulness) Haruhi.
He hoped they'd come soon. He hated being alone.
It only felt like a few minutes since breakfast, somehow, and yet Hikaru was starved. The lunch selection was ridiculously Americanized food of the "Pan Asian" genre, as bad as when his family had wanted Japanese food in California and had gone to the "nicest" restaurant in the English language guidebook. He cringed visibly when the surly cafeteria worker poured sauce on his rice--which was supposed to be plain--but...food was food, and he wasn't feeling terribly picky right now. At least it smelled all right.
One of the good things about being the first one into the cafeteria was having his pick of the tables. Hikaru chose one of the larger ones, saving seats for Kaoru, Tamaki, and (in a fit of hopefulness) Haruhi.
He hoped they'd come soon. He hated being alone.
no subject
That 'chain of fate' bit caught his attention as well. "Chains seem to have alot to do with things where you come from," he said, mildly amused. "Or is that the same chain you mentioned before, the one that connects a soul to its body? Your theory about stopping death just before it finishes someone off could certainly make sense, although I wull point out that it still doesn't explain how I exist. Though that doesn't matter much--I'm used to being a bit apart from the regular skew of things."
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"If you don't mind me being really talky for a minute... maybe this will help, so I know we're all on the same page. This is how it works," he said. "Within everyone is their spirit. You could call it a soul. That works. Same thing. It is anchored to the body with the chain of fate - Eric, that's the chain I was talking about before, yeah. When the chain is severed, that is true death, and there is no going back. The spirit... moves on, like it should." Rukongai, he really couldn't talk about. Really. So best to gloss that over. "Most of the time. Some people don't leave the world right away, because they are held by regret. They wander as ghosts, though most people can't see them. You can see their chain of fate, broken, slowly being eaten away."
He twirled his fork in his fingers. "There are other dead who can walk the world. Some have been consumed by their regrets. They think of nothing but trying to fill the void, try to become whole again, and it doesn't work. They eat and destroy. Where the chain of fate sat," he touched his hand to over his heart, "There is nothing. And there are others that... hunt the destroyers, help the ghosts to move on. They have no chain at all. Whole in death."
He didn't really seem to be thinking about who he was talking to any more; he was lost in thought. "That's why I was kind of confused, with Eric. Because you kind of looked like that at first. Your reiatsu - your spirit - is strong. But the thread of that spirit isn't the right color."
He looked at Qui-Gon. "Your reiatsu is very strong too. Maybe when the chain that holds you to your body is broken, you'll be..."
He stopped, staring down at his plate.
Some day, he'd learn to shut up. Today wasn't that day. He wanted to bang his head against the table.
no subject
So apparently he'd been "denied" it. While he was a bit disappointed not to experience true unity, a supposed pure understanding of the Force, he had his own personal, selfish reasons for being glad to have this second chance at life. He would rather hold onto it since it had been given to him than die again, at least not until he had settled matters here. Qui-Gon knew that he had lived a good, full life, and had passed on all he knew to Obi-Wan, but that didn't deny his feelings.
It didn't deny the formation of the forbidden attachment he had formed, against his will, toward another Jedi. He had promised himself it wouldn't happen again and it had.
Qui-Gon looked up, expression pensive. This chain of fate business didn't quite sum up Eric's own state, if he really was a dead man walking, and he was surprised to find that he hadn't heard anything about these "destroyers" even in the Jedi Archives. Those who consume...
Sounded like Sith, actually, although he couldn't be sure. After years of peace, the Jedi hadn't even seen a Sith until now, and had regarded them as myth, as the stuff of legends, not applicable to today. And those that hunt those who consume?
He drew a blank there. While there were some similarities between Jedi and Sith in Renji's explanation, Qui-Gon was certain that the Jedi wouldn't pursue the Sith after death.
"Your reiatsu is very strong too. Maybe when the chain that holds you to your body is broken, you'll be..." Renji cut off.
Qui-Gon assumed that when Renji mentioned "reiatsu", he meant his presence in the Force. That wasn't new, he had been told that he could have been a great Jedi if only he would be less...well, less of a rebel in his worldview, as it didn't exactly mesh too well with that of the Jedi Council's.
"I assume your 'reiatsu' is similar in definition to the Force," Qui-Gon said. He tilted his head. "The Force is the energy of all living things - we are it, it is in us, and some of us can connect to it. Some of us have stronger connections than others. Some of the planets I have been on equated spirit with the Force."
no subject
He listened closely to Renji's explanation of the 'chain of fate.' Fascinating, really, but it didn't seem to quite fit in his case. He hoped not, anyway. What if he ended like one of those detroyers he'd mentioned, full of regret and killing everything he came across? Regret had been a major part of things, after all. Regret...and anger. Sadness. But he said that he had no chain whatsoever, so maybe there was nothing to worry about, there. Still...
"I mentioned chains to you earlier," he said slowly. "And what I have known of them may change your hypothesis a little. After I died...." He bit his lip for a moment, thinking of how to word it. "There was nothing for a short while. Then I found myself alone, in the dark. I assume it was somewhere in between the lands of the living and the dead, a limbo world, if that makes sense. When I tried to get up and go where it seemed right to go, I realized that I was bound by chains to stay where I was. For the next year I tried to escape them while they cut into me over and over and kept me from some happiness just out of reach. I had no sense of the passage of time, nor was I able to truly think or focus on anything except somehow getting away. But someone didn't want me to go, I suppose." His eyes stayed fixed on the table as he spoke, slowly and carefully. He'd left out a few of the details, of course, irrelevant ones, like how badly the chains had cut him, and the constant cawing that he'd heard somewhere above him the entire time.
"And then one day I got free. Or was let go, rather. The next thing I knew I woke up in a coffin, six feet underground."
no subject
Well, as far as Renji knew, the place between the real world and Rukongai was unpleasant for anyone that had to go through it, that didn't get to Rukongai the normal way. He didn't personally know how unpleasant, which he was glad for. But it made sense, in a way. And explained why Eric seemed similar, but like he hadn't quite made it.
Who knew if that was the real reason, though. No way of knowing right now.
He reached out and touched Eric's shoulder briefly, mostly as a show of support.
"It makes more sense to me now," he said. "I'm sorry." He smiled slightly. "But I am a little relieved, in a way. You came through that experience whole. Perhaps you were meant to be a protector, as well." And more importantly, it meant he didn't have to dread the day when he'd be hunting Eric down, since it sounded like Eric did come from the same world as him.
He looked at Qui-Gon. "You know, it's kind of surprising to hear someone talk about spirit. There's only one group of humans in my time that really knows anything about it, and you're definitely not one of them." He grinned. "Most people go through life without understanding their own strength."
no subject
At least Renji found something positive about it. He seemed to radiate relief into the Force, although it was distantand hard to read if Qui-Gon didn't concentrate. Renji turned to Qui-Gon:
"You know," he said, "it's kind of surprising to hear someone talk about spirit. There's only one group of humans in my time that really knows anything about it, and you're definitely not one of them. Most people go through life without understanding their own strength."
Qui-Gon smiled faintly. It was a bit of a relief to find beings who weren't utterly consumed by material issues. While he did agree that the material problems of the galaxy were real, the almost obsessive preoccupation with wealth and power he witnessed over the years on countless planets had always given him a sick feeling. It felt like he had a breath of fresh air to see that there were still others who showed an understanding of spiritual matters.
"Where I come from, we are devoted to the study and proper use of the Force - spirit, as you call it," Qui-Gon said. "Sometimes finding one's center is all that keeps one going."
no subject
"Spirit means almost nothing to most people where I'm from," he said, with a faint, mirthless smile. "They're too preoccupied with just surviving in a city more apt to eat people alive than help uplift them. For the most part they believe in the dollar and the bullet, and that's all. Still, you do find an oasis here or there, in certain people." 'I love you.' '...say that again.'
His faint smile took on a tinge of warmth and sadness, both. Thinking about her always did that to him, without fail.
no subject
He looked at Eric. "The greatest thing that anyone can do is to protect someone." He grinned. "I think you're a good man. Follow your heart and your spirit, and things will be right."
When he thought about it, nearly everything in his life that had been wrong was because he had ignored where his heart had lead. And... he just didn't know what else he could do.
"There is a balance," he said, after a moment. "It's so easy to forget that for all that is ugly, there is also something beautiful, something wonderful. That the blood you give is someone's life and happiness and love. I was taught that we hunt to keep the emptiness from consuming everything; to keep that particular balance. But I've come to believe that the great battle and the small ones are the same."
no subject
"There is a balance," Renji spoke up. "It's so easy to forget that for all that is ugly, there is also something beautiful, something wonderful. That the blood you give is someone's life and happiness and love. I was taught that we hunt to keep the emptiness from consuming everything; to keep that particular balance. But I've come to believe that the great battle and the small ones are the same."
Qui-Gon nodded, his eyes flicking over Obi-Wan's way without intending to. Sometimes it was difficult to rememeber that there had to be balance - to not fall into the traditional Jedi teachings and isolate oneself and one's very real, very pressing feelings. Qui-Gon smiled faintly to himself, closing his eyes for a moment. Yes, Renji was right.
"Thank you for reminding me of that," Qui-Gon said, feeling a little bit more at peace with himself. "Sometimes it's hard to remember that there is balance and there must continue to be balance. Oftentimes we believe that only one side or another is acceptable when they are necessary".
((Sorry, kinda short/quick, gotta do mass studying today. xD;))
no subject
His black lips curled into a small smile. "Honestly, that's not something I'm often told, nor am I used to such an optimistic outlook. Thank you."
He looked up to the ceiling, as if it could answer his thoughts. "I used to think that the good things were so far and few between that they were just a fairy tale, really, or something I'd imagined. Then I found her, and...well, when I finally got that good thing I'd been searching for, I never doubted that there was an equal balance between the good and bad again. Even now, after everything that happened, it's one of the few things left that I have faith in." Love, people, goodness. He had faith in them. God, perhaps not. But with a girl like that in his memory, who needed a God that seemed keen only on snatching things from him?
no subject
"I think we're going to have to remind other people about this," he said. "In a place like this... it's easy to give in to paranoia, and... everything that goes with it. I grew up on the streets. I've seen it happen, and I don't want to see it happen here." He started eating his rice again. "And there are some bad people in with us. I'm... kind of worried about the kids. Some of them seem really trusting."
"By the way... I'm working on mapping the second floor with Nowe and Sora. And... if you run into any metal that you don't need for yourself, could you hold it for me? I'm good with my fists, but I'm better with a sword, and I'd rather have the reach." He grinned, but there was a strange quality to the expression, a slight twist of pain. "It's better than nothing."
no subject
"Where would you plan to get a weapon?" Qui-Gon asked, curious. He knew some hand-to-hand, but his combat style had always involved a healthy combination of connecting to the Force...and it helped being armed with a lightsaber.
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"As for the children...I couldn't agree more, really. They don't all seem like they can protect themselves or know who is trustworthy and who isn't."
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He nodded. "I'm more worried about the trusting nature. Paranoia can destroy you, but some cynicism can be healthy, and it's something they tend to lack." He laughed. "It's not like any of us are up to snuff at defending ourselves. But we're probably more experienced at knowing when to stand and fight, and when to cut and run."