damned_institute | Day 21: Lunch

Hikaru and Kaoru had been so caught up in their little game that they initially hadn't heard the intercom go off. The new "ding" system was far less jarring than the old SCREECH, and as such, wasn't as easily heard, even in a place as quiet as the library. All too soon, the nurses came to separate the twins and take them to the next activity--lunch.

It only felt like a few minutes since breakfast, somehow, and yet Hikaru was starved. The lunch selection was ridiculously Americanized food of the "Pan Asian" genre, as bad as when his family had wanted Japanese food in California and had gone to the "nicest" restaurant in the English language guidebook. He cringed visibly when the surly cafeteria worker poured sauce on his rice--which was supposed to be plain--but...food was food, and he wasn't feeling terribly picky right now. At least it smelled all right.

One of the good things about being the first one into the cafeteria was having his pick of the tables. Hikaru chose one of the larger ones, saving seats for Kaoru, Tamaki, and (in a fit of hopefulness) Haruhi.

He hoped they'd come soon. He hated being alone.

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It was difficult to follow what she was saying, and briefly he wondered if he had been similarly abstract in the periods he couldn't quite remember, moments of violence and pain when he lost control.

Three shot with her eyes closed. She'd killed three people? "People die, even if we don't kill them." Probably not comforting, but it was true. Even if he wasn't the one to kill them, they would die. Granted, they died more quickly when he killed them.

Fox was thrown completely off-balance when River mentioned his missing sister. Naomi. He did his best to stop the feeling of guilt. Gray Fox knew he was a horrible big brother, he'd let her down. He had followed Big Boss to his grave, only to be dragged out of it. Naomi had gone through so much because of him. The wounds were too fresh, to him it was barely yesterday that... no, he didn't want to think about it.

He wondered how River knew, before he realized what was happening. She was looking at his memories. His violent, bloody memories. "Yes... but she's better off without me."

"People die every second of every hour of every day," River replied with a child-like smile that seemed out of place given their conversation topic. "Right now, someone's dying. It's a matter of how and where, a question of where the soul goes. If it forgets itself."

River closed her eyes for a moment, lost in the reality of everything at once. She couldn't feel them.

"You'd think so, but you're wrong," she replied simply. "I'm stupid sometimes too. Taking liberties with things that aren't mine to take. Decisions that aren't mine to make."

Gray Fox had really never encountered anyone else who held the same view of life and death that he had. People died, constantly, what River said was very true.

"It's difficult, having siblings." He smiled at River. It was disturbing, but oddly nice, to run into someone else who had been a weapon. River was broken, and she'd never be entirely the same, but Fox was certain that she would get better.

"I just wanted to protect her, but she ended up being the one that helped save me." His memory of the escape was blurry at best. Dr. Clark, the Exoskeleton, the sword, and Naomi.

And she'd even killed Liquid Snake with FOXDIE, according to Solid Snake. But that had taken place after his own death.

"My brother always took care of me," River offered quietly. It was easy, talking to him like this. Made her feel more like herself. "He saved me, gave up everything he had to find me when nobody believed him." She smiled sadly. "And this is what he found. It was hard, but it was getting better. It was."

Clarity. Clarity was rare sometimes. River shook her head, taking a small bite of her food for the first time during the course of their conversation.

"Sisters end up doing that sometimes. Taking care of their big brothers." River offered a shy smile this time, as though she were surprised at how easily she found it to speak to Fox. "Don't want to let it bruise anything, but sometimes a little masculinity is lost. Not that Simon had much to begin with."

Still a brat. Even when he wasn't around.

Fox listened quietly, working on eating his own food. She was starting to make more and more sense as the conversation went on. Complete sentences, mostly, and more pronouns.

He had to stifle his laughter when she talked about losing masculinity, and how her brother didn't have very much. Fox didn't have the best table manners but he didn't want to get food all over the place.

He smiled at her, feeling human, normal, like he hadn't in a long time. After swallowing his food he spoke some more, not one to speak very much most of the time, but feeling very relaxed, talking with her. "I'm glad he found you." Fox was glad he'd found her as well. He wanted to ask more specific questions about what happened to her, but somehow couldn't bring himself to do that.

River stopped, letting the fork she'd been holding fall, clattering against the table. She squeezed her eyes shut at the thought and forced herself to swallow. She didn't cry, though. She wasn't going to cry. Simple exchange. Between two people who understood each other.

"Cut into the brain. Took things out that didn't suit them. Can't not feel. Removal of the amygdala. Psychiatric conditioning to improve relfexes and combat efficiency. Stimulated the ability to hear what can't be said," she said simply, her voice straining at the end of it as she answered his unspoken question. "Told us it was a school for gifted people because Gen Ed was too slow."

River stared down at the fork intensely.

"I'm glad too."

Oh, right, she heard his thoughts, he couldn't even consider a question without her knowing about it. Fox was a secretive person, the thought of someone looking at his thoughts was uncomfortable, like being watched, but he didn't hold it against her. In a way it was almost nice, that she could understand him, because he was almost as bad at Snake when it came to communicating what he was thinking some times.

"They altered my genetic code. My body was in bad physical condition so they attached an exoskeleton to my body and wired it into my nervous system. They didn't want me to experience emotions, so they took those away. They put nanomachines inside of me to enhance my physical ability." Tiny little machines crawling along his spines and nerves.

He had been able to deflect and dodge bullets even without him, but there was nothing that compared to the speed he had experienced in the Exosuit. Bullets moved at a snails pace, people were even slower.

It was only right to share what had happened to him, after she told him. Amygdala, he would remember that. Fox wasn't entirely sure what they'd done to his brain, only that it hadn't been pleasant.

"If you ever need anything, just ask." He probably couldn't help her very much in the physical sense, River was probably just as formidable as he was, if not more, with the ability to read her opponents minds. And he wasn't good at the psychological aspect either, but he did have a lot of experience in this area.

Day 21: Lunch

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