damned_institute | Day 34: Breakfast

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Day 34: Breakfast

[starting off in M13]

The last part of the night was little more than a blur in Homura's mind. The men had rushed in, but not joined them, instead staying off to themselves. Before any of them had a chance to react, however, a voice sounded through the air, mocking some other person Homura had never heard of, and the patients themselves.

To Homura, whoever that man was, he sounded a great deal like a god.

But before he could ask questions, the demi-god found himself no longer in the chapel, but some strange room on a bed. Is that what Kenren had meant from his earlier warning? Homura sat up, glad at least that the world didn't spin when he did so. Then the same man from before began to speak again, with a completely different tone. It was confusing to hear him talk that way, calling them patients instead of prisoners as he had before. Homura listened quietly as the announcement was made, then got out of bed.

Maybe he wouldn't have to go anywhere yet. It wasn't like Homura knew where to go anyway, and that meant he had time. If this was his room, and if he had been here as long as Kenren had said, there was a chance he could find something with answers. The Taisho had even told him that Homura had seen Rinrei. Certainly he would've written something down, made a map, something that could let him find her again! He started with the desk at the end of his bed, first finding a small stack of notebooks. Picking up the first, he flipped through, turning the pages with quickening desperation as he found each one to be blank.

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Seeing her brother's expression, Shana leaned against him, slipping an arm about Keman's waist, sadness shadowing her own bright gaze as she looked at him. "It'll be alright," she murmured for his ears alone, letting Valyn calm Shadow for the moment. Her and Keman might as well have not been there, for all the other halfblood noticed them. "We'll find some way to fix this. We've... been in worse fixes before."

Hadn't they? It was hard to remember at the moment, with this laying so heavily on all of them.

"I'm taking care of it," Valyn said, blankly. He cast a strange look to Shana and Keman, half apologetic, half pointed. "Don't concern yourself with it." He finished cleaning the spilled juice and turned back to the table, head in his hand.

He didn't know what to do. He wasn't prepared to handle this, not from Shadow.

"I'll stay with Shadow tonight," he said. "If you think these records they keep will help any...."

This was quickly moving from a bad situation to something worse. Shadow wanted to shake them all, to get them to stop mourning him when he was sitting right there. It was depressing and Shadow did not do well in depressing situations. It smothered him, making him feel claustrophobic and helpless. He was already caged in his own mind. Shadow didn't need to feel anymore caught.

Do something, he silently pleaded with them. Pretend it's normal. I know it's hard but you have to do something or else I'm going to lose it. Ancestors, Val, put your foot in your mouth and make Shana irritated at you. Keman, look bewildered and shake your head, wondering what these strange elves and halfbloods are up to. Be yourselves! You're not changed!

Keman just gave Shana a blank look. "We have?"

They'd started a war. They'd revealed the existence of one race of people to the elves, and reaffirmed the existence of another. They' faced down entire armies.

But they'd done it together. This...this was worse. Mero was sitting across the table from him, barely four feet away, but it could've been hundreds of miles for all of the reaction they were getting out of him. He suddenly found himself missing even the most embarrassing of Shadow's teasing. It was just too quiet without him making fun of...all of them.

"Valyn." Keman shook his head, but instead of looking bewildered...he looked mildly insulted. "How can we not 'concern ourselves' with this? He's our friend."

"This involves all of us," Shana agreed, determination back in her tone again. "Keman and I can find those records. There's the doctor's offices and the room upstairs. We'll go through all of them if we have to."

She looked to Shadow, who still looked upset that Valyn was tending to him, and offered him a smile. "Don't worry, Shadow, we'll have you back to normal in no time."

Valyn blinked at Keman for a moment, confused.

"Keman...I was talking to Shadow," he explained. How could the dragon think he'd tell them to just dismiss something like this? But they were all out of sorts....

"If I don't take care of this, he's just going to sit here with juice soaking through his clothes. And I'd rather it be cleaned up, then dabbed at and abandoned...."

The moment he needed anything.

Shadow was quiet now, the other's somber mood finally rubbed off. What if he was stuck like this? Well, he thought bitterly. I'll be like this until Lord Dyran reappears putting the rest of his plan into action. He shivered, his body quaking as fear of Lord Dyran was one the stranger shared.

"My lord," Shadow said meekly, daring a glance up at Valyn. "Is there anything that you need?"

"Oh." Keman flushed a little and looked away. "All right, then."

His embarrassmentt was soon forgotten, however. Shadow...looked terrified, for some reason. "...Mero, you're shaking. What's wrong?"

Not like he expected his friend to answer at this point, of course.

Shana frowned at the way Shadow's expression changed, and the tone of his voice as he questioned Valyn. There was something more here than what they knew about, and again, Shana could feel herself getting frustrated with their helplessness, with her own. She wanted to do something, but at the moment, there was nothing to be done.

She looked to Valyn, knowing he would be the only one able to calm Shadow back down from whatever had frightened him. She hoped he could manage it.

Valyn frowned, resting a hand on Shadow's shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked, hoping at least that his cousin could respond to a direct answer. He wasn't sure if this was simply a slave's fear of being hurt by his master, or something more.

Shadow wanted to laugh it off and tell them it was nothing but the stranger glanced around, for once showing more emotion then Shadow desired to show. "I fear that I am not serving you as I should," the stranger replied, casting his eyes down. "My lord's Lord expects the best of me. I do not wish to displease you or him."

It was the closest to admitting that it had been Lord Dyran behind Shadow's change and he internally cursed. The last thing he wanted was to spill everything. It wasn't going to lighten the mood at all.

Lord's Lord...Dyran. Shadow was afraid of Dyran? But...

"Shadow, Dyran's dead. Remember?"

Fire and Rain, this was aggravating. Keman hated feeling so helpless. It reminded him too much of when Shana had been banished and he hadn't been able to do anything but watch.

"Dyran?" Shana echoed, her green eyes wide as her gaze flew to Valyn's face. "Valyn do you think he was the one...? But he didn't seem to remember anything?"

Her memory of Valyn's father's visit several days ago was still all too fresh in her memory.

Valyn shook his head. "Our dear father is off powerless somewhere, convinced he's a human. He couldn't have been involved in this." Dyran was in the same boat as the rest of them, only - as far as Valyn was concerned - much better. He couldn't do anything to them.

"Mero..." he said, directly to Shadow. "You have no Lord but me, and you could never displease me."

Shadow breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't going to argue with them if they believed that Dyran was dead or off somewhere, unable to effect them. What he had seen last night seemed real enough and while he couldn't explain it, he didn't know how this place could have known the things that Dyran had informed him last night - promised the things the elf had promised to do. It made it easier if they didn't believe. Shadow could protect them - at least, he hoped he could.

The stranger, however, seemed to be in distress. He had an obligation to the el-Lord but above him, he answered to Lord Dyran. If Valyn commanded him that he had no other lord then him, it went against what he instinctively knew. "Thank you, my lord," he said, looking down once again. "I shall not trouble you with my feelings of inadequacy again. You are my lord until you, or your Lordship, commands otherwise."

This...this was madness. Keman couldn't take it anymore. He had to get away...at least for a little while. Maybe once he'd calmed down he could come back.

He stood up abruptly, calling a nurse over. "I've...got to go to the bathroom," he mumbled. "Be back in a few minutes."

[feel free to skip Keman for a couple of rounds. He's going to be off sulking somewhere.]

Shana watched her brother go, understanding why he needed to get away. She didn't really blame him.

Still, Valyn's words did not reassure her and Shadow's only made her suspicions more defined. "Shadow, did you see Lord Dyran last night?" Shana asked, then glanced to Valyn with a frown. "Will he answer me? Maybe you better ask him."

Valyn lifted his eyebrows. "Shana, whatever he was exposed to last night was most likely another lie created by this place. It's what they do," he pointed out. "Besides which...he'll say whatever they programmed him to say now. We'd be better off asking him these things when he's in full control of his mind."

He gently patted Shadow's shoulder. "Come on now, little brother," he urged. "Stop talking about 'inadequacy'." Ancestors, he hoped there was something of Shadow that could still hear him.

"And it would very much please me if you called me 'Valyn', and not 'My Lord'."

Oh, I'm not inadequate in any way that really counts, Shadow replied, happy that Valyn had managed to make him laugh. You know that very well.

"I am sorry, my Lord Valyn," the stranger replied, biting his lower lip. "But should your Lordship discover that I was addressing you so informally I will be punished. Of course, if it is your will that I call you by your name then I will do so."

Shana blew a frustrated breath out of pursed lips, scarlet bangs ruffling against her forehead at the action as she propped her chin in her palm. "This is ridiculous. I don't understand how they did this. They shouldn't have been able to. And why Shadow?"

Valyn turned to grasp his cousin gently but firmly by the shoulders. He'd heard some of the brainwashing here could be broken....

"They brainwash people on a regular basis," Valyn pointed out. "Make them believe all kinds of things. It wears off, or...it can be broken. With some difficulty."

He took a deep breath.

"Shadow, listen to me. There is no other Lordship. My father is nothing. And you aren't my slave, you're my equal. You're my brother, my lover... you can call me whatever you want. So fight this, and come back to us.

"Please."

He'd never quite put things so bluntly with Shadow before, but if it would snap him out of this....

Shadow beat at the invisible cage that kept him from responding, angry that they kept him firmly locked away, unable to influence the stranger in charge of his body except for emotions they both shared. Unfortunately for Shadow, the love and affection he felt for Valyn that he desperately wanted to return were not emotions that the stranger could feel.

Ancestors, he felt horrible. Valyn had never mentioned his feelings in mixed company and here he was declaring it in a public forum where the entire cafeteria could hear if they were so interested. He wanted to validate Valyn's feelings, to tell him he was still here, still able to understand and return that love a million times over. There had to be some way to get a message across. If only he could influence the stranger...

What was it that a culled slave knew? They were not an emotional lot. Fear of pain, of falling out of favor with their lord was their number one emotion. After that came a desire to serve and a compulsion to do whatever their lord commanded. Still, while affection and love were not emotions they shared, Shadow did have a compulsion to please Valyn. Perhaps he could use that shared thought to his advantage.

"Thank you, my... Valyn," Shadow said, obviously struggling with himself to say the name. "If you are pleased with me then I have succeeded in my duty."

Shadow sighed, feeling a bit strained. It wasn't much, but he had gotten the stranger to acknowledge Valyn's words as best as he could. I love you, Val, he thought. Know that even a Change couldn't get rid of that.

Valyn leaned forward, resting his forhead against Shadow's. He'd hoped...

If only he could do more, say more! If only he could just come out and say the words! But he couldn't even manage that, not even now, when it was needed so badly.

He wrapped his arms around Shadow instead, hugging him loosely. At least...at least Shadow had called him by name. Maybe that meant something. Maybe...

"I am always pleased with you, little brother."

Keman was in the bathroom long enough to actually do his business (a male orderly had followed him in to make sure, embarrassingly enough) and splash cold water on his face a few times. Staring at his dripping reflection in the mirror, he sighed. A year ago, they'd still been in the Lair. A year ago, Rovy hadn't beaten him half to death, and Shana hadn't been banished.

And now...look at where he was. He'd run away twice, disguised himself as elves and humans alike, finally caught up with Shana, met Valyn and Shadow, escaped from Triana, helped start a war, and...ended up here. The face that stared back at him should have been a stranger's, and yet he was grudgingly coming to regard it as his own. And just when he'd been getting used to things again, they'd ripped the carpet right out from under him. Shadow was Changed, and it was destroying all of them.

After a few more minutes of introspection and self-pity, he signaled to the orderly that he was ready to go back to breakfast. Valyn and Shadow were embracing, and for a brief second, he thought that maybe, somehow, Valyn had managed to break the Conditioning.

One look at Shadow's blank eyes told him otherwise.

Shana was trying to let Valyn and Shadow have their moment, as awkward and stilted and different as it was, and she looked relieved when Keman reappeared, although her foster brother, didn't look very cheerful at returning to the table.

She met his gaze, cocking her head to the side as she eyed him with quiet curiosity, wondering when she'd be able to catch him alone so they could talk. She patted the chair next to her in silent invitation instead, as another thought distracted her.

"What are we going to do for shifts today? What if they split us up again? Although if they do men and women, Shadow will still be with you two, but sometimes they do adults and youth..." she recalled with a slight frown. Shadow wasn't going to like that.

Day 34: Breakfast

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