damned_institute | Day 34: Breakfast

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Day 34: Breakfast

[starting off in M13]

The last part of the night was little more than a blur in Homura's mind. The men had rushed in, but not joined them, instead staying off to themselves. Before any of them had a chance to react, however, a voice sounded through the air, mocking some other person Homura had never heard of, and the patients themselves.

To Homura, whoever that man was, he sounded a great deal like a god.

But before he could ask questions, the demi-god found himself no longer in the chapel, but some strange room on a bed. Is that what Kenren had meant from his earlier warning? Homura sat up, glad at least that the world didn't spin when he did so. Then the same man from before began to speak again, with a completely different tone. It was confusing to hear him talk that way, calling them patients instead of prisoners as he had before. Homura listened quietly as the announcement was made, then got out of bed.

Maybe he wouldn't have to go anywhere yet. It wasn't like Homura knew where to go anyway, and that meant he had time. If this was his room, and if he had been here as long as Kenren had said, there was a chance he could find something with answers. The Taisho had even told him that Homura had seen Rinrei. Certainly he would've written something down, made a map, something that could let him find her again! He started with the desk at the end of his bed, first finding a small stack of notebooks. Picking up the first, he flipped through, turning the pages with quickening desperation as he found each one to be blank.

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Valyn frowned, resting a hand on Shadow's shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked, hoping at least that his cousin could respond to a direct answer. He wasn't sure if this was simply a slave's fear of being hurt by his master, or something more.

Shadow wanted to laugh it off and tell them it was nothing but the stranger glanced around, for once showing more emotion then Shadow desired to show. "I fear that I am not serving you as I should," the stranger replied, casting his eyes down. "My lord's Lord expects the best of me. I do not wish to displease you or him."

It was the closest to admitting that it had been Lord Dyran behind Shadow's change and he internally cursed. The last thing he wanted was to spill everything. It wasn't going to lighten the mood at all.

Lord's Lord...Dyran. Shadow was afraid of Dyran? But...

"Shadow, Dyran's dead. Remember?"

Fire and Rain, this was aggravating. Keman hated feeling so helpless. It reminded him too much of when Shana had been banished and he hadn't been able to do anything but watch.

"Dyran?" Shana echoed, her green eyes wide as her gaze flew to Valyn's face. "Valyn do you think he was the one...? But he didn't seem to remember anything?"

Her memory of Valyn's father's visit several days ago was still all too fresh in her memory.

Valyn shook his head. "Our dear father is off powerless somewhere, convinced he's a human. He couldn't have been involved in this." Dyran was in the same boat as the rest of them, only - as far as Valyn was concerned - much better. He couldn't do anything to them.

"Mero..." he said, directly to Shadow. "You have no Lord but me, and you could never displease me."

Shadow breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't going to argue with them if they believed that Dyran was dead or off somewhere, unable to effect them. What he had seen last night seemed real enough and while he couldn't explain it, he didn't know how this place could have known the things that Dyran had informed him last night - promised the things the elf had promised to do. It made it easier if they didn't believe. Shadow could protect them - at least, he hoped he could.

The stranger, however, seemed to be in distress. He had an obligation to the el-Lord but above him, he answered to Lord Dyran. If Valyn commanded him that he had no other lord then him, it went against what he instinctively knew. "Thank you, my lord," he said, looking down once again. "I shall not trouble you with my feelings of inadequacy again. You are my lord until you, or your Lordship, commands otherwise."

This...this was madness. Keman couldn't take it anymore. He had to get away...at least for a little while. Maybe once he'd calmed down he could come back.

He stood up abruptly, calling a nurse over. "I've...got to go to the bathroom," he mumbled. "Be back in a few minutes."

[feel free to skip Keman for a couple of rounds. He's going to be off sulking somewhere.]

Shana watched her brother go, understanding why he needed to get away. She didn't really blame him.

Still, Valyn's words did not reassure her and Shadow's only made her suspicions more defined. "Shadow, did you see Lord Dyran last night?" Shana asked, then glanced to Valyn with a frown. "Will he answer me? Maybe you better ask him."

Valyn lifted his eyebrows. "Shana, whatever he was exposed to last night was most likely another lie created by this place. It's what they do," he pointed out. "Besides which...he'll say whatever they programmed him to say now. We'd be better off asking him these things when he's in full control of his mind."

He gently patted Shadow's shoulder. "Come on now, little brother," he urged. "Stop talking about 'inadequacy'." Ancestors, he hoped there was something of Shadow that could still hear him.

"And it would very much please me if you called me 'Valyn', and not 'My Lord'."

Oh, I'm not inadequate in any way that really counts, Shadow replied, happy that Valyn had managed to make him laugh. You know that very well.

"I am sorry, my Lord Valyn," the stranger replied, biting his lower lip. "But should your Lordship discover that I was addressing you so informally I will be punished. Of course, if it is your will that I call you by your name then I will do so."

Shana blew a frustrated breath out of pursed lips, scarlet bangs ruffling against her forehead at the action as she propped her chin in her palm. "This is ridiculous. I don't understand how they did this. They shouldn't have been able to. And why Shadow?"

Valyn turned to grasp his cousin gently but firmly by the shoulders. He'd heard some of the brainwashing here could be broken....

"They brainwash people on a regular basis," Valyn pointed out. "Make them believe all kinds of things. It wears off, or...it can be broken. With some difficulty."

He took a deep breath.

"Shadow, listen to me. There is no other Lordship. My father is nothing. And you aren't my slave, you're my equal. You're my brother, my lover... you can call me whatever you want. So fight this, and come back to us.

"Please."

He'd never quite put things so bluntly with Shadow before, but if it would snap him out of this....

Shadow beat at the invisible cage that kept him from responding, angry that they kept him firmly locked away, unable to influence the stranger in charge of his body except for emotions they both shared. Unfortunately for Shadow, the love and affection he felt for Valyn that he desperately wanted to return were not emotions that the stranger could feel.

Ancestors, he felt horrible. Valyn had never mentioned his feelings in mixed company and here he was declaring it in a public forum where the entire cafeteria could hear if they were so interested. He wanted to validate Valyn's feelings, to tell him he was still here, still able to understand and return that love a million times over. There had to be some way to get a message across. If only he could influence the stranger...

What was it that a culled slave knew? They were not an emotional lot. Fear of pain, of falling out of favor with their lord was their number one emotion. After that came a desire to serve and a compulsion to do whatever their lord commanded. Still, while affection and love were not emotions they shared, Shadow did have a compulsion to please Valyn. Perhaps he could use that shared thought to his advantage.

"Thank you, my... Valyn," Shadow said, obviously struggling with himself to say the name. "If you are pleased with me then I have succeeded in my duty."

Shadow sighed, feeling a bit strained. It wasn't much, but he had gotten the stranger to acknowledge Valyn's words as best as he could. I love you, Val, he thought. Know that even a Change couldn't get rid of that.

Valyn leaned forward, resting his forhead against Shadow's. He'd hoped...

If only he could do more, say more! If only he could just come out and say the words! But he couldn't even manage that, not even now, when it was needed so badly.

He wrapped his arms around Shadow instead, hugging him loosely. At least...at least Shadow had called him by name. Maybe that meant something. Maybe...

"I am always pleased with you, little brother."

Keman was in the bathroom long enough to actually do his business (a male orderly had followed him in to make sure, embarrassingly enough) and splash cold water on his face a few times. Staring at his dripping reflection in the mirror, he sighed. A year ago, they'd still been in the Lair. A year ago, Rovy hadn't beaten him half to death, and Shana hadn't been banished.

And now...look at where he was. He'd run away twice, disguised himself as elves and humans alike, finally caught up with Shana, met Valyn and Shadow, escaped from Triana, helped start a war, and...ended up here. The face that stared back at him should have been a stranger's, and yet he was grudgingly coming to regard it as his own. And just when he'd been getting used to things again, they'd ripped the carpet right out from under him. Shadow was Changed, and it was destroying all of them.

After a few more minutes of introspection and self-pity, he signaled to the orderly that he was ready to go back to breakfast. Valyn and Shadow were embracing, and for a brief second, he thought that maybe, somehow, Valyn had managed to break the Conditioning.

One look at Shadow's blank eyes told him otherwise.

Shana was trying to let Valyn and Shadow have their moment, as awkward and stilted and different as it was, and she looked relieved when Keman reappeared, although her foster brother, didn't look very cheerful at returning to the table.

She met his gaze, cocking her head to the side as she eyed him with quiet curiosity, wondering when she'd be able to catch him alone so they could talk. She patted the chair next to her in silent invitation instead, as another thought distracted her.

"What are we going to do for shifts today? What if they split us up again? Although if they do men and women, Shadow will still be with you two, but sometimes they do adults and youth..." she recalled with a slight frown. Shadow wasn't going to like that.

The stranger didn't move. Instead, he sat there as Valyn hugged him and called him by another name. There was no response to make and so he declined to make one, letting the Lord do with him whatever he wished.

Inside Shadow's mind was a different matter. He felt like crumbling the moment Valyn hugged him, leaning against his forehead. What he wouldn't give to hug him back, to give Valyn some sign that he was here. I'm sorry, he said, his internal voice thick with emotions. I'm so sorry, Val.

With a heavy sigh, Valyn released his cousin. He'd done all that he could. And it killed him that he couldn't do more, that he was as trapped in his own way as Shadow was. Ancestors, was this how his cousin felt? How Shana felt? Giving and getting nothing in return?

How could they possibly live with that?

But Shana had a very important question, which tore Valyn's mind away from its growing turmoil.

"I'll...take care of it," he said. "I'll just...tell him to recognize both of you as his Lord and Lady. At least then he won't cause a fuss if we're separated."

The atmosphere that Keman returned to was just as oppressive as the one he had left. He sighed, taking his seat and wondering how they were going to survive the day, much less however long it took for them to return Shadow to normal.

"I can look after him while we're in the showers," he said with a small shrug. "We'll...get through this."

That's right. Keman wasn't the strong one. He didn't have amazing magic like the others did, and he wasn't a major player in the Second Wizard War that they had started. He just hung along the fringes, trying to support the others as best he could. And that was what he needed to do now. He couldn't keep feeling sorry for himself. It was selfish and stupid.

Propping himself up on his elbows, the dragon leaned across the table, trying to catch Shadow's eye. "Hey, Mero. Look at me. I met a human girl here. She's beautiful and kind, and I don't know why, but I think I may be in love with her. Now. I command you to snap out of it this instant and tease me."

Shana blinked at her brother's sudden declaration. "What?" she squeaked, staring at him with wide green eyes, completely distracted from the problem at hand for the moment. "When did this happen? You never said anything! Who is this person??"

Keman? In love? With a girl?

Perhaps he wasn't the only one who was changed last night. Shadow would have given anything to break free from the Change. He wanted to congratulate Keman, to throw him some sort of fete to welcome him to the wonderful world of human (or halfblood and elf) pleasures. In fact, he would have given anything just to smile.

Oh, the things I could tell you, Shadow thought as the stranger gave Keman an odd look and turned back to Valyn. First thing I do when I get back to myself is find out who the girl is and devise a plan to get you both together. You deserve it, Keman.

Valyn blinked as well, not sure how to react.

"Ah...congratulations," he offered, meekly. But even that surprise attack hadn't seemed to rattle Shadow. "I'm sure she's...lovely." Though he wondered who Keman was interested in as well.

"And if that doesn't snap Shadow out of this, I'm afraid we have to look at other means." He rested his chin on his hand. "Shadow, I need you to listen to me. You're going to treat...Lord Keman and Lady Shana here the same way you'd treat me, alright? They have the same authority as I do. And when it gets dark, and your door unlocks....wait for us."

He couldn't risk Shadow wandering around as he was.

Keman turned bright red and buried his face in his hands, shaking with almost hysterical laughter. "You know," he groaned, "that worked out a lot better when I imagined it in my head." Shadow would snap right out of his Conditioning and everyone would have been so very relieved that they'd forget what it was he'd told them.

Oh, if only things were so simple.

"I met her about a week ago. She's a healer; she's actually the one who healed me last night. And she knows what I am, but that hasn't changed anything." Or he hoped not, anyway.

He left out her name on purpose.

Shana gave a quiet laugh and patted her brother on the shoulder. "Well, you shocked the rest of us, at least?" she consoled him with a crooked smile as he shook with laughter. "And I'm glad you've met someone here. I hope I get to meet her." There was a glint in her green eyes that said next time she got her brother alone, Keman was getting all of the questions she was refraining from pestering him with right now.

Valyn's command drew her attention back to Shadow once more and she watched him curiously, wondering if that would actually work.

The stranger looked up for the first time and acknowledged Shana and Keman's presence. "My lord, my lady," he said, bowing his head to them deeply.

It's a good thing they're too upset to really use this to their advantage, Shadow thought ruefully. The things they could get me to do under this condition...

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Day 34: Breakfast

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