damned_institute | Day 28: Bus 1

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Day 28: Bus 1

Zelgadis was not happy, at all. Not that this was any change, but the events of the past few hours had given him more to angst about than usual. Nightshift had been dreadful: first he was attacked by a small green man and then covered in leeches, neither of which lead to warm fuzzy feelings.

And now this.

When the nurse had come into his room with new clothes he had a small glimmer of hope-- some thief had taken his normal Landel's wear in the night, so perhaps this was a change in luck. However, it was not the godsend he had hoped for. Minus the threat of sedation, there was nothing in the universe that could make Zelgadis wear a bright lemon-yellow shirt. There was a jacket of a slightly more tasteful variety, so Zelgadis made good us of it-- he put all his coupons in a pocket and pulled up the hood. It was almost as good as his cloak. Well, no it wasn't, but it would have to do.

With mild protesting, Zelgadis was lead to a large yellow vehicle. He climbed the stairs, took a seat towards the back, and readied himself for another frustrating day of being attacked and threatened with spoons.

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Shadow sat back in the seat, crossing his arms over his chest. He was battling conflicting emotions. Sure, Shana was a wonderful girl who was very attractive. He'd even thought about what it would be like to sleep with her but to hear Valyn say that he wished that she would have fallen in love with him just made Mero irritable. It had made him irritable back in the forest and things hadn't changed it seemed.

"Do you really mean that?" he asked softly, looking off over the other seats. "Because I could try this time. Really try to turn her affection off of you. I didn't before because it seemed ridiculous and unnecessary but if you're worried that you may end up doing something you regret I could see if I could seduce her."

"Shadow, I don't mean I want her in love with you," he said, sighing. "Just that it would honestly be easier. You do like her, and I know you find her attractive. And...so do I, but at least with you, it wouldn't be a complete disaster if something happened and she ended up pregnant."

He was just being logical. He knew Shadow didn't want to hear it, but that was how things were.

"And I'm worried Shana won't take no for an answer, and will physically press me. Ancestors knows I'm not very good at getting myself out of those situations. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to rule out the possibility of that sort of situation. Much as it makes the other part of me's skin crawl. You see what I mean when I said it was more complicated than me simply not returning her feelings."

"Physically press you?" Shadow laughed. "She's not Triana, Val. She's Shana. And yes I find her very pretty but Ancestors, I don't think her winding up pregnant is any large concern. Especially not with Keman around. An enraged Dragon breathing down my neck is not something I'd be looking forward to."

Shadow shook his head at himself. "We're talking about Shana as if she was a mindless girl. Perhaps we should ask her what she wants. Maybe then we can figure out the best way to go about fixing the situation."

"No, but she's a very strong willed woman who knows what she wants," Valyn countered. "And how in the name of the gods and demons are we supposed to keep her from getting pregnant? I don't know contraceptive spells. And in case you hadn't noticed, we Hernalths are very fertile." He'd never bothered to learn those spells, having never thought he'd need them.

"She isn't a mindless girl, but it's very clear these are matters she isn't experienced in. And we know what she wants - she wants me!"

"And do you plan on bedding her?" Shadow asked pointedly. "Because despite all of your protesting you seem to have thought quite a bit about how you would keep her from becoming pregnant. Just because a girl wants you does not mean you should bed them. A lot of girls want you, Val. You just don't notice it."

"Yes," Valyn admitted, stonily. "I've thought about taking her to bed. Would have, already, if not for the chance that she could be my sister. I'm not planning on it, but I can't deny that I've thought about it."

"Then you should," Shadow replied, trying to sound just as detached though he wasn't as good at it as Valyn. "You only suspect that she's your sister and you don't want to tell her so why burden her with the truth? It may not be true anyway. This could all just be a misunderstanding. Besides, I am certain that as long as you do not produce an heir then there will be nothing to worry about. And if this place can produce horseless carriages then I believe there must be some form of contraception.

We're stuck here, aren't we? Stuck without any real chance of escaping. You said so yourself last night that it's practically hopeless. So, what would be the harm?"

This was not the conversation he had been expecting to have with Valyn. The first thing Shadow had thought of doing with the elf if he ever saw him alive again was not discussing how he should or should not sleep with Shana. It was angering him even though he knew it shouldn't.

"Here and now is hardly the time or place to be worried about that, anyway," Valyn pointed out. He glanced over at his cousin, an unreadable expression on his face. Was Shadow jealous? There was no reason to be. It wasn't as though he was in love with Shana.

"We do have a chance of escaping. I'm not going to lie and say it's going to be easy, but we will get out of this place. Shadow.... I can't stay here. I have too much to do in the wake of my father's death. And the longer I'm here, the further things are going to spiral out of control. And I'd wager the same goes for you and Shana and the Citadel." He smiled just a bit. "From what I remember, the two of you seemed to take to leading the charges rather well."

He cleared his throat and cautiously, almost awkwardly, placed a hand on Shadow's knee.

"You know you have no reason to be jealous," he said, quietly. "I don't... what I feel for you...." That was as far as he could get before everything shut down and his teeth clicked shut. Ancestors, why couldn't he just say the words?

Shadow put his hand over Valyn's and squeezed it. He knew the elf was trying and it was enough to snap him out of whatever was rushing through his head. "Don't, Val. I know. I'm not jealous... not really. It's just... "

He looked over at Valyn and suddenly everything he had wanted to say came pouring out in one heated rush. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to confront your father? You just disappeared and suddenly, out of nowhere, there was an explosion and you... you vanished. I couldn't feel you anymore. You were just gone. I know you say you didn't die but that wasn't what it felt like. That wasn't what it looked like either. There was nothing left. And then to have to hear it from Zed that you left to see Dyran... You didn't even tell me goodbye."

Shadow's voice broke and he had to look away. They were on a bus surrounded by strangers and he was on the verge of crying. Ancestors he needed to pull it together. "And now it's business as usual and you're talking about marrying Shana to create a strong bond between halfbloods. Well, I hate to tell you that it will be much harder then you think. She's been exiled from the Citadel. The elves want her dead. Even if we do go back... we're outsiders again."

"Keman's the one talking about marrying Shana, not me," Valyn pointed out, gently. But he knew it wasn't going to distract Shadow from the topic at hand. he sighed and shrugged.

"And don't worry about politics right now. We'll fix that when we get home." There were ways. As for the rest....

"I knew if I told you, you'd try and talk me out of it. And I'm sorry, but there was no other choice. I knew my father. I knew what he was thinking, I knew how to deal with him. And I knew that I was more powerful than him, and knew his magic well enough to use it against him if it came to that. Something needed to be done, so I did it." He turned his hand over, threading his fingers through Shadow's.

"And I didn't say goodbye because I wasn't intending on taking so long to get back to you."

"Put yourself in my place," Shadow said softly, looking down at their hands. "If my presence just disappeared and there was nothing but a hole left... would you have been patient for me to return? Or would you have assumed the worse and wonder why I hadn't discussed it with you first? You're right, I would have tried to talk you out of it. But I also know that you're stubborn enough to somehow win the argument. I at least would have liked to have been a part of that conversation."

"No. I wouldn't have been." Valyn was nothing but honest. "Shadow, I'm sorry, but I did what I did and I can't change it. And I took out my father and I can't apologize for that." It had been the right thing to do. Dyran needed to be killed.

"I didn't discuss it with anyone. The only reason Zed even knew was because I needed to get out of the Citadel. Otherwise it would have been handled completely in secrecy."

Shadow shuddered. The thought that he would have been left to wonder what had happened to Valyn was even worse then having Zed tell him. "We can't change what has happened," Shadow said rationally. "But, we can change what will happen in the future. If you feel the need to do the right thing again, could you tell me next time? Even a note would be appreciated."

Shadow glanced around before leaning forward and brushing his lips against Valyn's in a brief kiss. "I just don't want to lose you again."

"I can't make any promises." Valyn leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Shadow's. He wished he could, but he couldn't. He knew he was prone to being stubborn and stupid and rushing off half cocked. He'd needed to have that thrown in his face a few times since coming here, but he had finally come to grips with all his faults.

"You know how I am, Shadow. And... I know how I am. But ancestors help me, I'm trying to change."

"Don't change too much," Shadow smiled. "I still like the old Valyn. If you start being reasonable and not fighting me on my ideas, I'm going to think you are the clone monster."

He squeezed Valyn's hand, happy to have him this close once more. "I love you, Val," he whispered. "Let's keep a few things the same."

"But we shouldn't fight all the time. I shouldn't fight all the time." He didn't know quite how to tell Shadow what he felt. He picked the words as carefully as he could, struggling with them. knowing how odd they had to sound in a monotone - if rough - voice.

"At the very least I should be able to apologize afterwards and admit when I'm wrong. I don't want to be like my father, Shadow. And I see how easily it could happen. How maybe it would have happened, if things had just been a little bit different."

He closed his eyes, still leaning into his cousin.

"Some things won't ever change, Shadow."

"You won't ever be your father," Shadow said, very serious. "No matter what other elven traits you have you could never be your father. You have never once raised your hand in anger toward any human slave. You treat humans and halfbloods as well as you do elves, or at least you try to. You grew up differently then the rest of us and some of the discrimination was beaten into you at an early age. If you need to be reminded of just how unlike your father you are, Val, take a look at my back and remember why we left."

He shifted so that he was sitting closer to Valyn, his arm drifting behind his back and around his waist. "We don't fight all the time, we have disagreements. And you apologize in your own way. I just know you. Others don't. It will be better now that I'm here to smooth things over."

Shadow smiled, any remnant of jealousy vanishing quickly. "I should hope not," he whispered in return.

"I'll trust you to keep me out of fist fights," Valyn said, leaning his head on Shadow's shoulder. He wanted to believe Shadow. But he couldn't ignore the fact that his temper was growing shorter, and that maybe he had never raised a hand to a human or halfblood, but he'd certainly considered himself better than plenty of them.

"It's been awful without you," he admitted. "And feeling that we'd drifted apart, and then I was taken from you and I worried I'd never see you again. That we wouldn't be able to have what we used to." That we'll never be able to have what I want us to have.

"We'll always have what we used to have," Shadow reassured him. "I'm not interested in changing that. And I know that things were a bit different the moment we arrived at the Citadel. It was that harlot of an elf Triana and I never properly apologized before being thrown into preparing for a war..."

Shadow shook his head. "That's no excuse. I know it isn't and I'm sorry. I suppose I worried and frightened you as much as you did to me."

"Oh, Triana." Valyn waved a hand. "I fell to her charms myself, when I was younger. Well you remember. You don't need to apologize. She has a way about her." Which was a polite way of simply saying the woman was a shameless sexual predator. And she had most likely used a few rather dirty tricks in her little game.

"I was too used to being the only person in your life," Valyn admitted, referring to their time in the Citadel. "I was jealous, and I pulled away from you. And I apologize for that."

"Well, I left her with quite a shock," Shadow grinned wickedly. "I doubt she'll ever think of trying those glamours on anyone else anytime soon. I wonder how she liked having her own game turned back around on her? I only wish I could have seen her face."

Shadow blinked at Valyn admitted that he was jealous. "You? Jealous? I think I'm flattered. This change I like, sharing our feelings. It makes it easier to know what you're thinking now that I don't have my magic."

"I'd say you did." And it was about time someone put that woman in her place.

"I'm trying. Renji...doesn't leave me alone about it. And I realize he has a point, but it isn't easy. I just don't want to be completely closed off from you. Before you could always see what was inside. Now you can't." Which was going to make things difficult as time went on. He was used to not having to tell Shadow things.

"And yes, jealous. I'm not used to sharing you."

"Renji. You mentioned him last night. I'd like to meet him, just to see what sort of person was able to get you to start talking about your feelings," Shadow snickered, amazed that anyone other then him could crack Valyn's facade.

"I'm not used to sharing you either, not with anyone other then a few harem ladies and even then it wasn't quite sharing. You don't have anything to be jealous about. You'll always have me, Valyn. I promise."

"He's one of the first people I met here." Valyn glanced up and saw the man's familiar red hair. "That's him, there. He's taken an interest in me. Keman's met him. He's rather crude and very blunt." And that was all that Valyn felt like saying about Renji at the moment.

"That was a different sort of sharing," he responded with a touch of a smirk. Between only himself and Shadow, he was more willing to tease. "Mmm, will I? Even if Shana manages to have her wicked way with me?"

"That all depends," Shadow replied, giving Valyn a roguish grin. "Will I be able to watch Shana have her wicked way with you? Because that would be quite a sight to see. Maybe we should invite Keman as well. Wouldn't want anyone to feel left out."

Day 28: Bus 1

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