damned_institute | Day 26: Intercom, Evening

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Day 26: Intercom, Evening

The intercom clicked on with its usual jingle, the Head Doctor clearing his throat before he made his last shift-changing announcement of the day.

"Well, now that everyone is clean and having fun, I suppose it's time for everyone to be escorted back to their rooms for dinner! Yes, yes, I know the game room can be entertaining and doctor sessions can be fulfilling, but we only have so much time in the day, don't we?

"Ah, and speaking of dinner, tonight, we'll be having an old favorite--seasoned steak, a baked potato, and peas! Yum, yum. You also get a choice of vegetable soup or caesar salad--just tell your nurse which you'd prefer--and may also choose from our usual variety of drinks."

He made his usual pause, perhaps contemplating what the night would have in store once the sun fully set. Now, however, wasn't the time to reveal such musings, and so he ended on his usual cheery note:

"That's about all for now! I hope you all enjoy your suppers."

And again the intercom turned off.

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"No," he said. It was like that old joke... still had his health. He gave the wall a sickly smile, not wanting to turn to face Hisoka.

His hands clenched tighter at the next question, his fingernails cutting in to the palms of his hands. "Yes," he said quietly.

Then that was enough to show that Renji hadn't been cursed. Even with his limited knowledge, Hisoka knew enough about curses to know that his roommate wasn't put under one.

At the other man's easy acquiescence at the topic of murder the boy's eyes stung, not for Muraki, but himself. How much different was he from Muraki? Even if he hated the man and wanted to kill him in the painfullest of ways, Muraki was right when he said they were alike.

"There are times when I think I should be killed too," Hisoka's voice threatened to shake and already he knew he was going to hate himself for baring his soul like this later.

That brought him up short, and chased away the negative direction his own thoughts had been spiraling in. He didn't sit up or look back though, not yet. "Why?"

Hisoka found himself shrugging and it felt as if he was a little boy again, just waiting for the reprimand for his weakness. He felt tempted to let the subject drop, to say something cruel that would make Renji not really care anymore, but the pain proved to be impossible to ignore.

"What makes me any different from him?" Hisoka faltered, suddenly noticing his hands were shaking.

That did have Renji sitting up. He had to look at Hisoka's face and see that yes, the boy was serious. He opened his mouth, trying to think of how to even begin to answer a question that... that... retarded.

"What-- I mean-- fucking hell, kid-- are you-- really, are you--" He shook his head. "This must be what going mad feels like," he muttered. Then he looked back up at Hisoka, his expression smoothing out. "I don't know," he said. "Raped anyone lately?"

Hisoka's reaction to Renji's question was to bow his head, eyes hidden beneath the fringes on his hair. Of all things he expected his roommate to say, it definitely wasn't that. Hisoka's shoulders began to shake and, without warning, the boy laughed.

It was refreshing, even if the sound was tinged with hysteria and completely unheard of coming from him.

Maybe that's all it was - a cosmic joke. Renji didn't say anything; as far as he was concerned, the boy could just laugh it out. He didn't particularly feel like joining in. He scooted back on his bed so that he could learn on the wall, then waited, hands resting in his lap.

He figured Hisoka would calm down eventually and explain what the hell that bullshit had been about.

Eventually, Hisoka did calm, but only with the realization that sometime during his laughter he had also started crying and a little voice in the back of his mind pointed out that this was why laughing was overrated. It was too confusing.

The boy shook his head, rubbing away his tears. Renji didn't get it. Muraki didn't just rape, he murdered and tortured people undeserving of that fate. He was cruel and enjoyed giving that pain to them.

In an unwitting echo of Hisoka's thoughts, Renji continued since the boy had calmed down. "How about torture? Cold-blooded murder? Maybe cursing someone?" He was hoping Hisoka would get just how fucking stupid this was without him having to come out and say it. But he'd say it if he had to. "Or maybe you've just found some fluffy kittens and kicked them. For fun."

Renji's reaction was making Hisoka tired again. The boy carefully pushed away his unfinished meal, no longer willing to even mechanically shove food down his throat.

"I've killed," came the calm response, the image of Tsubaki lying on the ship floor flashing through his mind. "And I've tortured." When Tsuzuki could have been happily nonexistent, Hisoka had forced him to stay in this life where there was nothing for him but pain. How was that any better?

"Killing isn't the same as cold blooded murder," Renji said, quietly. "Or did killing get your rocks off? Or maybe the torture did." He was starting to feel a little ill again, but his face stayed in the normal expression, just kind of grumpy but at nothing in particular.

His own encounter with Muraki had shaken a lot of things in his world, and they were still rattling around, loose. But the one thing it hadn't touched was his understanding of his duty, of the line the separated what he was, what Hisoka was, and what a monster was. It was a very, very clear line. And it was worrisome that Hisoka didn't see that.

On any other occasion, Renji's words would have sent Hisoka into a rage, but now they did little more than prompt the boy to look at the other man. He could understand Renji's reasoning for killing ~~even if it did little to make it alright~~, but...

"How does that justify torturing someone? Just because I didn't get my 'rocks off' doesn't mean it was right."

Renji pinched the bridge of his nose. Apparently, he did have to spell it out. "That also doesn't make you Muraki." He managed to not spit when he said the name; he managed to remain outwardly calm. "Look, I don't know your whole fucking story. But people can make mistakes, do things that are wrong, and they're still people. You know what right and wrong feels like. It doesn't make you a fucking monster until the day you lose that."

It... It was almost too much to digest. Growing up with a father who wouldn't look at him and a mother who was scared to death of him didn't make this any easier. It was like the carpet was pulled from beneath him and all that was left behind was confusion and the falling.

At least it felt like that anyway. Renji's words weren't so easy to disregard like Tsuzuki's were either. Hisoka couldn't pretend Renji was just saying it because he was nice because the other man rarely was.

Hisoka returned his eyes to his desk before asking dryly, "Shinigami by day, counselor by night...?"

Renji snorted. "Just myself. That's bad enough."

He took the lame insult as a sign that what he'd said had at least started to penetrate Hisoka's thick skull. That was all he could really ask for, in the end.

He let his head relax down, his eyes closing. "Killing a monster isn't murder," he said. "It's the justice of heaven. My duty. And yours." He smiled slightly; it was a humorless expression. "Vengeance just makes it more personal."

Yet even the most well intended of heaven's justice could go wrong. Hisoka rested his chin on his desk with a quiet sigh.

"Not to put a damper on things... But in my world, shinigami can't kill anything until it's their time to die."

Not like that was going to stop him from killing Muraki anyway, but from the way Renji was talking he made it sound as if they actively pursued monsters instead of merely guiding lost souls.

Renji looked up, smiling slightly. "In my world, we do when we damn well please." He let his head drop back down. "Hopefully sooner rather than later. Before people get hurt."

Well, it was a little late for that, now wasn't it. The thought was bitter even if unspoken and the boy's eyes darkened slightly.

"It's not so easy when the monster keeps coming back."

Renji looked back up, his own eyes dark with anger. "Maybe not," he said. "But we'll kill him. And I don't care if it fucking kills me, I'll use all the power it takes to bury his soul. There's no coming back from that."

As convinced as Renji was, Hisoka wasn't so sure. The bastard had survived everything else, why not that? Hisoka shook his head.

"You may be surprised. He's like a cockroach," the boy glared at his meal. "You think he's dead, you think you got rid of him for good and he finds a way to surprise you."

It was just like him too, to get your hopes up only to crush them down swiftly. Hisoka sent the other man a humorless smile.

"If you kill him for good I'll give you a goddamn medal."

Renji frowned. "Have you done a soul burial on him before?" he asked. If the man could come back from that, it was worrying indeed. Just in case Hisoka didn't know what that was, he continued. "It's... not the same as just killing someone's body. It's what we use to force ghosts to move on before they become Hollows. It pushes the soul into whatever realm it's supposed to go to. It'd be easier to just cut him down with a zanpakuto and just as effective, but I'm kinda missing mine right now." He managed to not sound too bitter at the end of it.

Forcing a soul to go the realm they're supposed to go to. Yes, that would kill someone for good, unless the higher ups decided to reincarnate them, which Hisoka doubted would be the case for Muraki. Even so...

"And what if that person doesn't have a soul?"

Renji stared at Hisoka like he'd just spoken gibberish. "Then I guess they wouldn't really be a person," he finally said. "Or alive. Or anything. Never heard of anything like that. Never seen it. Can have souls with no bodies, but can't have bodies with no souls..."

That drew the boy's eyes back to Renji. Not alive? Not anything? Did the other man not know about demons?

"That's what demons do, though. There have been many cases where they possess humans, but he could have also made a pact with them."

It was pathetically easy to lose your soul, now that Hisoka thought about it.

Renji shook his head. "There aren't demons, where I come from. We've got Hollows which... I mean, they sure sound like demons the way they're described in books, but those are souls that've lost all humanity. Those you don't bury. You cut 'em down with a zanpakuto or they can also be completely destroyed." He fell silent, considering. "A Hollow can take over someone's body," he said. "Or objects."

Re: M42

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Re: M42

norainu - 2007-08-24 03:12 (UTC) - Expand

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