damned_institute | Day 62: Sun Room (Second Shift)

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Day 62: Sun Room (Second Shift)

The line of questioning that Rita had begun at breakfast still plagued Loki, as did his own uncomfortable feelings about the entire concept of people being transformed into monsters. It wasn't a useful line of thought, and he needed a better direction to consider.

Hopefully, conversation with Soma would provide that. While she seemed quite stern at times, Loki found her presence oddly relaxing.

Though he had to wonder if perhaps he wouldn't end up seeing her this shift after all, since she might be included in the group that was being herded to the showers. (As much as the statement also was one he greeted with relief, since he was wondering when he'd get an opportunity to bathe. The thought of being trapped in a building with a great many mortals and no bathing facilities had been too horrifying to contemplate.) He'd always been a bit bad at guessing the ages of mortals, mostly because they were so ridiculously short-lived.

Having already established a neurotic fear of the cold with his nurse, there was no difficulty convincing her that he'd be much better off in the Sun Room. Loki settled into his habitual seat, taking a moment to coax one of the cats into his lap. All settled in, he propped his notebook on the arm of the chair and went back to writing.

[Soma?]

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"Riku." Loki's lips twitched for a moment, though her next statement had him more concerned than anything else. "How could that even be? Unless he kept you waiting for a very long time." Considering the night had felt a normal sort of length and he and Kratos had gotten quite a lot accomplished. "I'm sorry that you accomplished so little... but I am concerned. Does this sort of thing happen often?"

"Hm? Oh, yes!" He took the sketches from her and looked through them slowly, taking his time to appreciate the simple line drawings. Soma, like him, was an indifferent artist, but good at rendering accurately what she had seen. He smiled, one finger gently tracing the lines that made up the first of the mobile suits. There was a certain similarity to the Destroyer's form that he saw. "Are these automata, the war machines that you spoke of?" he asked. "They look impressive. What is the scale?"

He inspected the second drawing. The concept seemed similar, but the design different. His eyes were bright with curiosity as he inspected the pictures of the machines. The third picture, of the house, brought a softening to his expression. "Your home?" he asked softly.

Soma shook her head. "He didn't keep me waiting that long. It's just that time can be a little unpredictable at night. What seems like hours for one team can be a few minutes for someone else. It isn't anything you can predict. The best we can do is try not to blame anyone or get frustrated when it happens."

She produced a pen and drew a small stick figure beside each of the mobile suits to indicate the scale. "These are the ones I flew--the Taozi and the GN-X. They're both about nineteen meters high. The cockpit's located in the chest, and once you get used to the controls, they can mimic human movement fairly easily."

She nodded in response to Lingormr's question. "I moved there a few months ago. I was going to stay in the barracks, but my commanding officer offered to let me move in with him."

"Interesting," Loki said. He didn't like the idea of time being unsteady in pockets, since it might inconvenience him rather terribly some night. As an idea that was simply an intellectual exercise, he found it interesting however. "I imagine frustrations run high more often than not."

Loki nodded appreciatively. "I hadn't thought they would be so large. That is... impressive." He looked at the pictures again. "The golem that I saw was nothing close to the size. Truly, the future is woundrous... such machines. What was it like, to operate them? Did you fly?"

His smile seemed softer as he looked at the picture of the house. "It looks like a very nice place to live."

Soma nodded. "I've had more than a few rough nights myself. It's probably Landel's fault as usual, and if it is, annoying us is almost definitely his motive, so the best thing to do is to keep fighting back."

She smiled then, a full smile that touched her eyes. "I flew. The GN-X in particular was like nothing I've ever flown before. It could turn on a dime, it responded to the faintest touch, it kept up with my reflexes..." She'd taken on a Gundam and won in that suit, and if she reached back, the thrill of it was still there. The taste of victory. "I'm happy the war is over, but flying that mobile suit is something I'll miss."

And if Landel had any sense, if he wanted her to even consider fighting someone else's war, he'd give it back to her.

"It is." She refused to use the past tense there. "It's a little difficult adjusting to civilian life, but I'm enjoying it."

Loki laughed. "Annoying us, making it difficult for us to achieve our goals... there are many reasons to interfere with things in that manner." He shook his head. "So yes, I suppose continuing past that adversity is the best way to fight. And refusing to be more annoyed."

Soma's real smile was quite nice, Loki noted. His own expression lost a little of its normal guardedness as he smiled. "Flying... I can only imagine." It wasn't something he'd done with magic yet, and the Bifrost was something else entirely. "It must have been wonderful." He laughed softly. "The way you speak of it is like I've spoken of horses, sometimes."

Loki nodded. "What is it like, inside this house? I've never seen one look thus before. Though that is no doubt because things have changed much since my time."

"I've never ridden a horse before." Or met one, before she came here. "It must be very different to have a living, breathing animal carrying you. What is it like?"

Soma had to stop and ponder Lingormr's question for a moment. A house was a house. "It's...spacious. And comfortable. It's decorated in warm colors, browns and greens. The walls are lined with wood paneling. There's a living room with a stone fireplace and a television--that's a device that lets you watch images from far away. And sofas, like these, except green."

She smiled a little. "It's a little difficult to describe. It felt like home, though. And it smelled like tea."

"I suppose it must be," Loki said. "I've never really gotten around any other way." Other than teleporting, of course, but that was an entirely different matter, for convenience more than anything else. He smiled. "Horses have their own personalities... so often, it depends upon the horse. They're very like people in their own way. You have to find one that you can love and respect, and that will love and respect you, because ultimately you're a... team. You understand each other without reservation or judgment and communicate without the need for words. And then together, you fly." As he spoke, his smile became far off, then he laughed and shook his head. "Though it is perhaps overly romantic to put it that way."

The thought tugged sharply at his heart, unexpectedly. Of all things, after all that had happened, he missed his horse.

He listened to Soma's description with interest, idly sketching a few lines with his pen as he did so. "It sounds very nice. Like a good home."

Soma supposed she could understand what he meant. Mobile suits weren't sentient, but there was that same feeling of unity as it moved with you, as you cut through the sky.

"There's a horse in the town near here," she said suddenly. "They'll be taking us there this weekend. Maybe we'll be able to talk the pet shop owner into letting us ride her. She's only an old mare, though, so I don't think we'll be doing any flying."

Again, there was that prick of guilt as Lingormr listened closely. "It doesn't seem right to say so much about my home when you've had such trouble with yours," she confessed. "But if we can find some way to reverse the technology that brought us here, we'll be able to travel between worlds, too."

Loki smiled. "I'm always happy to meet a horse. Even though I know she'll have nothing on my Vakri, I'm quite fond of them." The smile broadened to a grin. "I should be happy to show you how to ride."

In town he was much more interested in haunting the book shop, but it would be a pleasant diversion that wouldn't require the full day. Sif and Thor often gave him such grief about spending too much time with books and getting no sun at all...

He crushed that thought as quickly as it formed.

Loki shook his head. "There is nothing wrong with feeding my curiosity. When one is troubled, it often helps to know that not all the world is similarly troubled. It provides hope." He smiled. "So I am glad for you, to know that you have a good home that awaits you."

Was she... well, yes, it seemed that perhaps she was inviting him for a visit. For a moment, he actually felt a brief stab of guilt, knowing that he had so mislead her that she might think such a thing was a good idea. Though of course, that was coupled with a feeling of pride that he'd immersed himself well enough in the role.

Loki nodded. "It's true... well, we shall see how it all works out, ultimately." He chuckled softly. "Kratos seemed to find it strange, that I have no desire to return to my place of origin. And that I would be so eager to help others, then. Perhaps it is a bit odd."

Soma smiled back. "I look forward to it."

She had to admit she was looking forward to the trip itself, too. Any excuse to get out of the institute was a good one, and she hadn't been getting enough fresh air lately.

"It isn't that odd," she added. "There are other people here who don't have anywhere to go. I had a friend here who didn't really exist anymore in her world--I didn't understand the specifics that well, but she didn't think she'd be able to return, either."

And then Senna had given in. No, she hadn't given in--she'd been brainwashed. But at least Soma knew what had happened to her, however cold that comfort was.

Loki nodded. "It's... nice to know I'm not alone in that." Though there was a definite difference between being unable to return and simply not wanting to. That, he would let pass. He frowned slightly, thinking over her words again. "...had a friend... oh, I am sorry."

He realized that before they got to deep into conversation, he ought to give her the sketches that he'd mentioned. This time it was a view of the waterfall over the end of the world - enough like the waterfall over a fjord that it wouldn't seem too amiss - and another picture of Vakri, this time grazing with Sif's mare. That had been a good afternoon, and not too painful to recall, something calm and good from when life had been much simpler. Between the sketches was another set of runes.

Her smile faded. "It's all right. I'll get her back."

You could break out of their brainwashing. They'd done it here. That meant there had to be some kind of antidote. Senna, and all of the people they posted about when the visitors came around...they could be saved. She had to believe that.

Soma brightened a little when Lingormr pulled out a few more sketches. It was good to get her mind off of...everything that had happened recently. She couldn't dwell on it forever, even if it was a good motivator. "Is one of these your horse? Which one is it?"

I'll get her back.

Loki wasn't quite certain what to make of that statement. It implied that she had been taken elsewhere, that was certain, though there was still much of the operations in this place that he didn't understand.

Well, there was one easy way to find things out - ask. Soma had been very open to questions before, though this was obviously a sensitive topic. "You know what has become of her then?"

He nodded, scooting forward in his chair so that he could look over the drawings with her. "This one is my Vakri." He lightly tapped the darker of the two horses. "He's actually black in color, though that doesn't sketch all that well with pencil."

"Only vaguely." Soma hesitated. This was also something Lingormr had to know about, but there was no easy way for her to say it. "You remember I told you about the people who visit us? Sometimes they're patients who've disappeared. They're the real thing, as far as we can tell, but they believe they're who the staff says they are. People who belong in this world, with real lives outside of the institute."

She shook her head. "We don't know where they're being kept. They could be anywhere on this planet. But if they're still here, it means they can be saved."

The horse in Lingormr's sketch definitely looked different from the run-down mare in Doyleton. Soma indicated the lighter horse, her expression curious. "Whose is that one?"

Loki frowned. The more he heard of this, the less he liked it. If nothing else, it seemed to imply there was some manner of heavy-duty brainwashing going on beyond the normal environment, considering that the efforts of the nurses were quite pathetic on that front. "I see. That is a difficult... matter."

Because of course, if someone was convinced that they were an entirely different person, reversing that course was no mean task. One that could be reversed with magic, of course - the imagination was the limit there - but even Loki found the prospect of messing with someone's head that intimately discomfiting.

Well, perhaps it was nice to know that he still had some limits.

Idly, he wrote what seemed to be an equation in his notebook. "Finding people... can be a simple matter depending upon the tools available. Probably the simplest of the attendant problems."

He smiled. "The mare's name is Vigdis. She belonged to..."

For so many complicated reasons, Sif's name caught in his throat before he could even think to speak it. And even not speaking her name, it was an odd question to consider... to him, who was Sif? She had been a friend, a comrade, only now he was certain that all of that had been a lie, like his entire identity. And surely, like the other Aesir, if she were to lay eyes on him now his last sight would be a look of disgust followed by an attack.

His smile became a little sad. "A former friend of mine," he finally said. It was true enough. Once, he had called Sif 'friend.' He might have liked to call her more, but even before his fall, that would have been an unlikely prospect, the sad crush of a boy who kept to himself far too much. And really, he doubted there was much room in her heart for anyone but Thor... like nearly everyone else he had known.

Soma nodded. "It's just something that keeps me moving, sometimes. Once we break out of here, I feel like anything else will be relatively straightforward in comparison. That includes finding her."

Of course, that was probably tempting the laws of the universe. But she'd burn that bridge when she came to it.

"Oh," she said quietly. She very nearly added that she hadn't thought Lingormr had had any friends back home, but she held her tongue. He'd said 'former,' after all, and that meant his friend, whoever he or she was, was either dead or not his friend anymore. Curiosity rose at the thought. If he didn't want to talk about it, he was more than capable of turning down her question. "What happened?"

Loki laughed quietly. "Yes, I think you're right at that. If nothing else, I imagine if... supernatural powers were no longer locked down, a great many things would become easier." He stared at her for a long time as if trying to calculate what he should say, weighing the options, deciding how much he trusted Soma. Well, she already knew more about him than almost anyone else but Rita, so there would be little harm in admitting to that particular thing since it might become useful.

"I am not just a scholar," he finally said, the words soft and measured. "I am also a... magician. I apologize for being deceptive about this before, but I am accustomed to it being... a matter for discomfort to those around me and hadn't quite wrapped my mind around the fact that it isn't here. Please forgive me." His lips twisted wryly. "Though it is of little consequence at the moment, since my magic is completely inaccessible for now. But perhaps it will prove of use at a later date."

He looked at the sketch again. "I found out what I am," he said quietly. Loki cleared his throat. "At any rate, she was always far more my... brother's friend than mine." He couldn't quite disguise the bitterness in his voice when he said the word brother.

Edited 2012-03-08 03:29 (UTC)

Soma was quiet for a long moment.

At first, she wasn't sure what to think. She couldn't help but feel a little hurt that Lingormr hadn't told her right off the bat. Marie had sensed that he'd been keeping something back, but she'd assumed that was just his not wanting to talk about his past.

But, she reasoned with herself, he'd said he'd been raised in a culture where being a warrior was the norm. She supposed she could understand why he'd think he'd have to hide it here, too. Besides, he'd already told her magic existed in his world. She could have made the connection herself.

She couldn't deny the curiosity that sprang up when he mentioned his brother, though. It sounded like there was more than a little bad blood between them. Was this part of the reason why he had tried to kill himself? She didn't feel right asking. It seemed like she'd pried enough for today, anyway.

"I appreciate your honesty," she said at last. "What sorts of things could you do? If you had your powers back, I mean."

Loki watched her carefully, trying to assess her reaction. She appreciated his honesty, did she? Somehow he doubted that she'd appreciate further honesty, once it crossed into the territory of his own basic monstrous nature.

Not that he had any intention of ever speaking of that.

Drawn there by his thoughts, his gaze dropped to his hands. For a moment he watched his own fingers warily, as if he expected his skin to traitorously turn blue and give him away. He was beginning to wonder, if his ability with magic was connected to that despicable thing that he was; it was one more difference that had stood between him and everyone else in Asgard.

Soma's question brought his attention back to her. "Anything," he said quietly. This honesty, he felt he could give her. Perhaps she would understand more why thought it best to not make a public spectacle of it. "If I take the time to figure out the proper conversion equations, my will is far stronger than... physical laws. It is probable that I can tear a hole through the dimensions if I'm given sufficient data about their structure."

That...was unexpected. The image Soma had built up was that of a mild-mannered scholar who had dabbled in magic. Lingormr didn't look much older than she was, after all. He was certainly intelligent, but to possess that much power...

Maybe this was what Sora had meant. Magic existed in his world, after all. Was it possible that he had sensed something she hadn't? Was it also why Lingormr's village had rejected him? Was it fear, rather than some sort of simple misunderstanding?

"So you could get us all home if your powers were back," she said quietly, more as something to say while she processed her thoughts. Why hadn't he told her sooner? It was true, his magic had been sealed away, and there was a certain stigma associated with magicians in his world, but they were all on the same side here. Or tried to be, anyway.

"I cannot say with certainty until I've done all the maths." For a moment Loki watched her, then ducked his head, his shoulders coming up defensively. "But the odds seem good. It is my hope that it will be so."

His shoulders crept a little higher. "I am sorry. I do not wish to sound a braggart. Or... or..." He stared at his hands, his fingers tensing. "A monster," he whispered.

"You're not a monster," Soma said firmly. It was just as much for her own benefit as for his. He'd been nothing but kind to her thus far, no matter how suspicious Riku might have found him. It would behoove her to remember that. She might pride herself on being a fighter, but she wasn't going to be the same as his village. She was certain of that.

She paused for a moment. "You...didn't hurt anyone, did you?"

But he couldn't have. Besides-- "You've been more quick to offer your aid than I've ever been, and you've only been here a few days. I mean..." She rifled through the pages he'd given her until she came to the runes. "Look at this. You're helping already."

So kind of her. Again, he felt a strange stab of guilt, but there were certain truths he was completely unwilling to ever voice out loud. "Never intentionally," he said in answer to her question.

It was true enough. He didn't like hurting people, and he preferred to avoid it whenever possible. Sometimes there was unfortunate collateral damage.

And the Jotun? They were monsters, not people.

Loki gave her a crooked smile. "You are too kind. Far kinder than I deserve."

So he had hurt people, as far as she was concerned. There was clearly more to his story about leaving his village than she'd initially thought. It made sense, considering she'd only heard his side of the story, but it was still disappointing.

But he didn't seem like he was hiding anything from her now. And he was telling the truth, and he at least seemed to be expressing regret for his actions. Besides, given the stigma against magicians in his society, he could very well have been acting in self-defense. And he did seem like he wanted to help out here.

She didn't quite smile back, but she shook her head. "You can prove yourself here. There are plenty of magic users in the institute. We're all in this together, and it seems narrow-minded and stupid to turn someone away because they have unusual powers."

Perhaps it would have been better for him to pretend that he was pure and innocent, but he doubted anyone would believe that particular lie. Hurting people was an inevitability in life, if nothing else.

Her attitude seemed so strange, this constant refrain of 'everyone being in this together.' He expected as soon as the current regime of Landel was overthrown, the prisoners would probably turn on each other like hungry dogs.

Loki's smile faded and he looked back down at his hands as if chastened. "People are often narrow-minded and stupid, in my experience," he said, voice soft. "More often than not."

What was there to prove? Why would he feel the need to prove anything to anyone? It wasn't as if he owed these mortals a damn thing. He was Loki, he didn't need to prove anything.

Then why did you try to destroy an entire world?

Loki covered his eyes with one hand for a moment. "I am sorry," he said again. "I meant no harm. I mean no harm. I merely wished to..." To what? Prove himself? To show that he was a good son? To show he was no monster by slaying all of them?

Loki's hand tensed as he tried to drag his thoughts back to a more useful place, to the matter at hand. "I merely wished to be of use. I am sorry to have disappointed you, Soma."

Edited 2012-03-11 20:16 (UTC)

Day 62: Sun Room (Second Shift)

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