damned_institute | Day 62: Sun Room (Second Shift)

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Day 62: Sun Room (Second Shift)

The line of questioning that Rita had begun at breakfast still plagued Loki, as did his own uncomfortable feelings about the entire concept of people being transformed into monsters. It wasn't a useful line of thought, and he needed a better direction to consider.

Hopefully, conversation with Soma would provide that. While she seemed quite stern at times, Loki found her presence oddly relaxing.

Though he had to wonder if perhaps he wouldn't end up seeing her this shift after all, since she might be included in the group that was being herded to the showers. (As much as the statement also was one he greeted with relief, since he was wondering when he'd get an opportunity to bathe. The thought of being trapped in a building with a great many mortals and no bathing facilities had been too horrifying to contemplate.) He'd always been a bit bad at guessing the ages of mortals, mostly because they were so ridiculously short-lived.

Having already established a neurotic fear of the cold with his nurse, there was no difficulty convincing her that he'd be much better off in the Sun Room. Loki settled into his habitual seat, taking a moment to coax one of the cats into his lap. All settled in, he propped his notebook on the arm of the chair and went back to writing.

[Soma?]

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Her smile faded. "It's all right. I'll get her back."

You could break out of their brainwashing. They'd done it here. That meant there had to be some kind of antidote. Senna, and all of the people they posted about when the visitors came around...they could be saved. She had to believe that.

Soma brightened a little when Lingormr pulled out a few more sketches. It was good to get her mind off of...everything that had happened recently. She couldn't dwell on it forever, even if it was a good motivator. "Is one of these your horse? Which one is it?"

I'll get her back.

Loki wasn't quite certain what to make of that statement. It implied that she had been taken elsewhere, that was certain, though there was still much of the operations in this place that he didn't understand.

Well, there was one easy way to find things out - ask. Soma had been very open to questions before, though this was obviously a sensitive topic. "You know what has become of her then?"

He nodded, scooting forward in his chair so that he could look over the drawings with her. "This one is my Vakri." He lightly tapped the darker of the two horses. "He's actually black in color, though that doesn't sketch all that well with pencil."

"Only vaguely." Soma hesitated. This was also something Lingormr had to know about, but there was no easy way for her to say it. "You remember I told you about the people who visit us? Sometimes they're patients who've disappeared. They're the real thing, as far as we can tell, but they believe they're who the staff says they are. People who belong in this world, with real lives outside of the institute."

She shook her head. "We don't know where they're being kept. They could be anywhere on this planet. But if they're still here, it means they can be saved."

The horse in Lingormr's sketch definitely looked different from the run-down mare in Doyleton. Soma indicated the lighter horse, her expression curious. "Whose is that one?"

Loki frowned. The more he heard of this, the less he liked it. If nothing else, it seemed to imply there was some manner of heavy-duty brainwashing going on beyond the normal environment, considering that the efforts of the nurses were quite pathetic on that front. "I see. That is a difficult... matter."

Because of course, if someone was convinced that they were an entirely different person, reversing that course was no mean task. One that could be reversed with magic, of course - the imagination was the limit there - but even Loki found the prospect of messing with someone's head that intimately discomfiting.

Well, perhaps it was nice to know that he still had some limits.

Idly, he wrote what seemed to be an equation in his notebook. "Finding people... can be a simple matter depending upon the tools available. Probably the simplest of the attendant problems."

He smiled. "The mare's name is Vigdis. She belonged to..."

For so many complicated reasons, Sif's name caught in his throat before he could even think to speak it. And even not speaking her name, it was an odd question to consider... to him, who was Sif? She had been a friend, a comrade, only now he was certain that all of that had been a lie, like his entire identity. And surely, like the other Aesir, if she were to lay eyes on him now his last sight would be a look of disgust followed by an attack.

His smile became a little sad. "A former friend of mine," he finally said. It was true enough. Once, he had called Sif 'friend.' He might have liked to call her more, but even before his fall, that would have been an unlikely prospect, the sad crush of a boy who kept to himself far too much. And really, he doubted there was much room in her heart for anyone but Thor... like nearly everyone else he had known.

Soma nodded. "It's just something that keeps me moving, sometimes. Once we break out of here, I feel like anything else will be relatively straightforward in comparison. That includes finding her."

Of course, that was probably tempting the laws of the universe. But she'd burn that bridge when she came to it.

"Oh," she said quietly. She very nearly added that she hadn't thought Lingormr had had any friends back home, but she held her tongue. He'd said 'former,' after all, and that meant his friend, whoever he or she was, was either dead or not his friend anymore. Curiosity rose at the thought. If he didn't want to talk about it, he was more than capable of turning down her question. "What happened?"

Loki laughed quietly. "Yes, I think you're right at that. If nothing else, I imagine if... supernatural powers were no longer locked down, a great many things would become easier." He stared at her for a long time as if trying to calculate what he should say, weighing the options, deciding how much he trusted Soma. Well, she already knew more about him than almost anyone else but Rita, so there would be little harm in admitting to that particular thing since it might become useful.

"I am not just a scholar," he finally said, the words soft and measured. "I am also a... magician. I apologize for being deceptive about this before, but I am accustomed to it being... a matter for discomfort to those around me and hadn't quite wrapped my mind around the fact that it isn't here. Please forgive me." His lips twisted wryly. "Though it is of little consequence at the moment, since my magic is completely inaccessible for now. But perhaps it will prove of use at a later date."

He looked at the sketch again. "I found out what I am," he said quietly. Loki cleared his throat. "At any rate, she was always far more my... brother's friend than mine." He couldn't quite disguise the bitterness in his voice when he said the word brother.

Edited 2012-03-08 03:29 (UTC)

Soma was quiet for a long moment.

At first, she wasn't sure what to think. She couldn't help but feel a little hurt that Lingormr hadn't told her right off the bat. Marie had sensed that he'd been keeping something back, but she'd assumed that was just his not wanting to talk about his past.

But, she reasoned with herself, he'd said he'd been raised in a culture where being a warrior was the norm. She supposed she could understand why he'd think he'd have to hide it here, too. Besides, he'd already told her magic existed in his world. She could have made the connection herself.

She couldn't deny the curiosity that sprang up when he mentioned his brother, though. It sounded like there was more than a little bad blood between them. Was this part of the reason why he had tried to kill himself? She didn't feel right asking. It seemed like she'd pried enough for today, anyway.

"I appreciate your honesty," she said at last. "What sorts of things could you do? If you had your powers back, I mean."

Loki watched her carefully, trying to assess her reaction. She appreciated his honesty, did she? Somehow he doubted that she'd appreciate further honesty, once it crossed into the territory of his own basic monstrous nature.

Not that he had any intention of ever speaking of that.

Drawn there by his thoughts, his gaze dropped to his hands. For a moment he watched his own fingers warily, as if he expected his skin to traitorously turn blue and give him away. He was beginning to wonder, if his ability with magic was connected to that despicable thing that he was; it was one more difference that had stood between him and everyone else in Asgard.

Soma's question brought his attention back to her. "Anything," he said quietly. This honesty, he felt he could give her. Perhaps she would understand more why thought it best to not make a public spectacle of it. "If I take the time to figure out the proper conversion equations, my will is far stronger than... physical laws. It is probable that I can tear a hole through the dimensions if I'm given sufficient data about their structure."

That...was unexpected. The image Soma had built up was that of a mild-mannered scholar who had dabbled in magic. Lingormr didn't look much older than she was, after all. He was certainly intelligent, but to possess that much power...

Maybe this was what Sora had meant. Magic existed in his world, after all. Was it possible that he had sensed something she hadn't? Was it also why Lingormr's village had rejected him? Was it fear, rather than some sort of simple misunderstanding?

"So you could get us all home if your powers were back," she said quietly, more as something to say while she processed her thoughts. Why hadn't he told her sooner? It was true, his magic had been sealed away, and there was a certain stigma associated with magicians in his world, but they were all on the same side here. Or tried to be, anyway.

"I cannot say with certainty until I've done all the maths." For a moment Loki watched her, then ducked his head, his shoulders coming up defensively. "But the odds seem good. It is my hope that it will be so."

His shoulders crept a little higher. "I am sorry. I do not wish to sound a braggart. Or... or..." He stared at his hands, his fingers tensing. "A monster," he whispered.

"You're not a monster," Soma said firmly. It was just as much for her own benefit as for his. He'd been nothing but kind to her thus far, no matter how suspicious Riku might have found him. It would behoove her to remember that. She might pride herself on being a fighter, but she wasn't going to be the same as his village. She was certain of that.

She paused for a moment. "You...didn't hurt anyone, did you?"

But he couldn't have. Besides-- "You've been more quick to offer your aid than I've ever been, and you've only been here a few days. I mean..." She rifled through the pages he'd given her until she came to the runes. "Look at this. You're helping already."

So kind of her. Again, he felt a strange stab of guilt, but there were certain truths he was completely unwilling to ever voice out loud. "Never intentionally," he said in answer to her question.

It was true enough. He didn't like hurting people, and he preferred to avoid it whenever possible. Sometimes there was unfortunate collateral damage.

And the Jotun? They were monsters, not people.

Loki gave her a crooked smile. "You are too kind. Far kinder than I deserve."

So he had hurt people, as far as she was concerned. There was clearly more to his story about leaving his village than she'd initially thought. It made sense, considering she'd only heard his side of the story, but it was still disappointing.

But he didn't seem like he was hiding anything from her now. And he was telling the truth, and he at least seemed to be expressing regret for his actions. Besides, given the stigma against magicians in his society, he could very well have been acting in self-defense. And he did seem like he wanted to help out here.

She didn't quite smile back, but she shook her head. "You can prove yourself here. There are plenty of magic users in the institute. We're all in this together, and it seems narrow-minded and stupid to turn someone away because they have unusual powers."

Perhaps it would have been better for him to pretend that he was pure and innocent, but he doubted anyone would believe that particular lie. Hurting people was an inevitability in life, if nothing else.

Her attitude seemed so strange, this constant refrain of 'everyone being in this together.' He expected as soon as the current regime of Landel was overthrown, the prisoners would probably turn on each other like hungry dogs.

Loki's smile faded and he looked back down at his hands as if chastened. "People are often narrow-minded and stupid, in my experience," he said, voice soft. "More often than not."

What was there to prove? Why would he feel the need to prove anything to anyone? It wasn't as if he owed these mortals a damn thing. He was Loki, he didn't need to prove anything.

Then why did you try to destroy an entire world?

Loki covered his eyes with one hand for a moment. "I am sorry," he said again. "I meant no harm. I mean no harm. I merely wished to..." To what? Prove himself? To show that he was a good son? To show he was no monster by slaying all of them?

Loki's hand tensed as he tried to drag his thoughts back to a more useful place, to the matter at hand. "I merely wished to be of use. I am sorry to have disappointed you, Soma."

Edited 2012-03-11 20:16 (UTC)

"I'm not disappointed!" Soma protested. "But I underestimated you."

In a way, she supposed, that had been her fault. It was easy to view Lingormr as the product of some bygone age--an age that had included magic, of course, but a bygone age nevertheless. He hardly seemed a dusty scholar in heavy robes, but even 'incredibly intelligent human' paled in comparison to 'can tear entire dimensions apart on a good day.'

Maybe Riku and Sora had been right, she thought for a moment, before she shut that line of thinking down. She'd talk to Kratos before she came to any rash decisions. She trusted his opinion. More importantly, she'd come to think of Lingormr as a friend before his revelation. As far as she could tell, that part of him hadn't changed.

"You haven't done any harm here," she added quietly. "I'm just...surprised, that's all."

He looked up, giving her a regretful smile. "I... prefer to be underestimated. It's an old habit. I don't like to frighten or upset people."

Unspoken, he left the implication of how frightened or upset people often acted, like the way frightened people tended to lash out at what had scared them.

And really, it was better strategy to let one's opponents think you weak.

"It has always been better to be thought of as weak and treated with... disdain and bullying than to be thought powerful and attacked for it. And here, I'm incapable of defending myself with anything stronger than my wits. I was... worried. I should have thought better of you, after all the kindness you've shown me. I do not wish to make excuses for my unworthiness as a friend, but..." He sighed. "I was betrayed by everyone I had trusted. It makes me cling to my secrets that much harder."

Edited 2012-03-16 17:37 (UTC)

[asdfjkl; sorry about the wait!]

It wasn't a sentiment Soma knew well. She'd always taken pride in her strength and her speed and had never tried to hide it--not until she'd learned the price for her own abilities. Now the pride had faded considerably, but she still didn't think she'd be able to lie about who or what she was. That seemed like cheating, in some strange way.

Still, she thought she could understand why Lingormr had done what he had. As much as she knew she was trustworthy, it didn't mean Lingormr would have thought the same. She shook her head slightly.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," she said. "But I guess this means I can count on you if we ever get our powers back. It's happened before."

[It's okay, it happens! <3]

"Has it? How odd... though obviously there must have been some sort of secondary effect, considering you're all still here..." Loki gave his head a little shake as if to draw himself back to the subject at hand. "But yes. Should I regain contact with my magics, you can most definitely count on me."

Often the question was 'count on Loki to do what?' but in this case, he had no qualms and didn't even feel like he was being at all dishonest. Soma, he would help with no reservations. Rita as well. Both had been nothing but kind and helpful toward him.

It seemed best to change the subject then. "Oh... I've been meaning to ask. Last evening the man on the... radio... spoke of the basement. I wasn't even aware there was such a place." He rubbed his chin with his fingers. "And I have had a thought. About the... radios. Do you know where I might find a spare one to take to pieces?"

"Yes. My abilities weren't enough to get me out of here, even when they were at full strength. One of the patients could teleport us, but even then, we only got as far as Doyleton. Some sort of emergency protocol activated that kept us within...a thirty-mile radius, I'd say, of the Institute, even if we could have broken out otherwise." That had been an infuriating night. But at least she knew how it had happened. That, if nothing else, was a start. And once she collected more information...

"There is," she confirmed. "I haven't been down there myself yet, but I've heard enough about it that I'm interested. If there's a team forming to go down there, I'd be more than willing to take part." Even if she hadn't heard from Riku yet today. But that was another matter.

"I use my radio on a fairly regular basis, but I'm sure if you ask around on the bulletin board, you'll find someone who doesn't need theirs." She pondered for a moment. "What are you planning to do with it?"

"Hm. That's annoying." Some kind of emergency protocol meant that powers being returned had been anticipated, and that made it far more difficult. "Wards are the most difficult of magics to break when you are trapped inside them. Which is sort of the point." He frowned. "I will have to think about this."

Though not knowing the nature of the wards, or the methods, it was going to be a lot of probably useless guess work. That, too, was annoying.

"I know not how trustworthy this person might be, but it sounded interesting," Loki said. "Or perhaps... worthwhile would be a better way to put it. I should like to know more about it, I think. Though of course I need to know more about everything."

Loki smiled at the question of the radio. "I asked Kratos if he knew of any books I might read to learn about the technology, but there are none here it seems. So if I want to understand how it works, I shall have to take it apart and begin from first principles. But my thought is if I can understand the components and the way they are put together, I will be able to construct a similar but of course much simpler device."

"At this point, we can't tell if it's magic or some unknown technology." But wasn't that the point? There was that old quote about sufficiently advanced technology. "The device that restricted our powers was small and made of metal, and it didn't seem particularly magical in nature. Especially not when it was broken."

As for the man behind the radio... "Trust is a tricky word to use for someone I've never even met." Soma frowned a little. "But I have reason to believe Marc's advice is sound, and anything his associates Claude and Lydia can offer might also be of use. They're former associates of Landel who've since turned against him. They were the ones who gave us our powers back a few nights ago, and that's as close a gesture of goodwill as anything we've ever seen before."

So it was pure scientific curiosity on Lingormr's part, but Soma found herself interested nonetheless. It'd be interesting to see what a scholar of his intellect could do with it, if nothing else. "In that case, I'd say the bulletin board is your best bet."

Loki smiled wryly. "Magic and technology are ultimately the same thing." And of course, the size of an object had little to do with its power and everything to do with the craftsmanship of the person who had created it.

He wrote the names down in the notebook, using his personal cipher. "If nothing else, the enemy of our enemy can be an ally. Though I would hesitate to go so far as a friend." He didn't necessarily buy into it so quickly, then. The game here was quite large, and he still didn't have a full sense of all the pieces.

Loki nodded. "I will inquire using the bulletin board, then. Once I've explored the principles and the available materials that might be scavenged, application can be considered. Though that is for the future."

Soma nodded. "I've been hearing conflicting reports about the basement ever since I got here. There has to be something significant down there--I'm just not sure what. I'll let you know if anything interesting comes up."

She thought back for a moment. "Some of the patients were considering making the radios two-way so patients could communicate with one another across distances, rather than just listening to the occasional broadcast. I don't know if they were successful, but if you could do something like that, it might come in handy."

The intercom switched on, and she made a faint sound of annoyance as her nurse closed in. "And keep me updated," she added, standing up and offering a smile to Lingormr. "I'd love to hear what you come up with."

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Day 62: Sun Room (Second Shift)

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