damned_institute | Day 58: Sun Room (Fourth Shift)

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Day 58: Sun Room (Fourth Shift)

Peter's lunch meeting with Tear had gone far better than he could have even expected. It was a good thing that he wasn't the sort of person who judged by age, seeing how the girl had proved herself to be very capable despite the fact that she was only a teenager. Not that Peter would ever admit it out loud, but Tear was a lot more mature than his own niece. He could only assume that Tear's circumstances had forced that onto her, though, which was the downside to the whole thing.

Or maybe it had something to do with her being a healer. She'd probably seen a lot of horrific things in her life already, things that some other people would never experience. Then again, Claire had seen her own body mutilated, so personality might have something to do with it too.

Either way, they had a basic plan. He was going to try and look into safe areas while Tear was going to work on their alliance with Search and Rescue. He wasn't too worried about the latter, but the former might be a pipe dream. Seeing how he had no interest in playing with beads and glitter, Peter chose to remain in the Sun Room.

It didn't take him long to draft up a message with his question, and once he'd posted it up (covering a few other replies in the process, but at the end of the day the board was low on real estate) he went ahead and found himself a seat. This way he could keep a careful eye on the replies that he got.

While he had already agreed to meet with Max tonight, Peter realized that the earliest this paramedic group could get going was the following night anyway. That was something to aim for, at least. Even if it was just him and Tear taking care of things at first, that was a start.

[For Haruno Sakura.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[continuing the gay from here]

The room was more crowded than he would have liked but it was enough, he supposed. Albedo would be content with what was given, for once. It was enough to try, nothing more, and he would move from there.

The boy cut a path to a corner of the room, then curled on a sofa obstinately. It might have been apparent to his sibling. That Albedo would have otherwise linked hands with his brother and pulled him through the room. Instead, Albedo glared sullenly at the residents, waiting for his brother to situate himself.

Red tinged the skin along his cheeks as they redressed and assembled themselves in the Sun Room. Although a more stable Nigredo might have noticed the lack of direct contact from his sibling, this one felt entirely too flustered to notice otherwise. That was, again, the oddest and most awkward wash to ever grace his existence, though it was nice to feel properly clean.

Maybe. He wasn't sure if the sheepish sensations were worth the hygiene.

The boy finally composed himself long enough to settle into a seat beside Albedo, glancing one way to assess the other's condition. He seemed grumpy, which came as no surprise. "What did you want to try?" Nigredo asked, voicing to distract.

No fight, and no argument. A part of Albedo remained surprised. Not enough to shift things from what he had thought, but enough, in any rate.

He didn't feel like speaking any longer. He didn't feel like moving until this was at the least broached.

Albedo angled to the side, facing Nigredo and staring at his brother. That was the physical adjust. The rest came only in his waveform reaching out, latching on to Nigredo's as if to join them together, and then his own widening, opening willingly to another's violation. Violation or sharing souls, whichever was preferred.

He had taken this way before. Demanded and stole. This time he was allowing the option.

Others might have noted nothing different, nothing so out of the ordinary for two siblings sharing a sofa. To Nigredo, the normality had all but vanished from his senses, overtaken by the presence of another's existence, a connection drawing close enough to touch. To press and wrench into, but here, Albedo had done nothing of the sort. Offered his own instead.

For this reason alone, Nigredo remembered nothing of that night, the subsequent break and its destructive aftermath. He did not pull away nor refuse the proverbial hand offered. Instead, the child watched in hesitance as he considered the consequences and the reasons, before his waveform expanded to overlay. Whatever the other had in mind, it was of necessity, and how he could he refuse after what he had said?

To take what Nigredo had meant acknowledging a worth, and he was willing to grasp what was in front of him. Willing enough to try something considered dangerous.

There was an opening, an allowance, and Albedo gave the smallest of smiles, an expression of approval. His waveform mimicked that, curled against Nigredo's before reaching further.

He was not looking to delve as he had before. Just to bring things to light and allow details to surface. To that, Albedo brought the memory of ten minutes before as a prompt.

"It's when we're apart. When I start to think that you may love me, but it may be that you do because I'm all that's left. You may love me, but I wouldn't be what you choose.-- But you think that, too. Don't you?"

"I just know how much you love Rubedo. That's why I think you wouldn't." Choose me.

Love was only one half of the equation.

Only one part of the way things move. There existed hatred and dependency, devotion and rage, and all those things shifted to create anew time and time again, and the truth was only that Rubedo was everything. Was what Albedo could not escape from. If he wanted or otherwise. Because it was too obvious that Albedo was ignoring the details, but the facts stood the same. Rubedo was something permanent, lodged into Albedo's chest to make him stop breathing again and again, until his twin finally ripped his heart out to make it stop beating.

Yes. Albedo loved him. Loved Rubedo with a passion that couldn't be matched but his hate was beginning to burn just as fierce, pain pressing the wounds open more to show something that could not be healed.

And Albedo loved Nigredo. But he loved him differently. Because he did not hate his younger brother. Did not want him to come to any harm and would prefer, in truth shown as such, to simply curl with him and cease to think. Just exist as such, next to him, and breathe. Because, with Nigredo, Albedo could breathe.

That existed as truth. In this moment, it was as Nigredo had thought--Albedo had chosen Nigredo, but utterly loved Rubedo. Was entirely ruined by that fact. So it was something more than what the youngest had assumed. For it was a bit more important, then. A bit more prominent, really. That Albedo had chosen Nigredo. That he wanted him. That he was something desired and not just simply something he couldn't escape from.

Albedo could now exist on his own. Perhaps faulty, faltering, perhaps broken and unhinged, but Albedo could continue by himself. But he was choosing not to.

Because he loved his brother. He loved what was in front of him, and he wanted him to stay.

Edited 2011-09-07 22:55 (UTC)

Clarity had its methods, its ways of digging in and filling the gaps you missed in passing. Love was only one half of the equation, and here, the rest was given in spades, etched against a backdrop Nigredo had never known existed. Albedo could see everything in Rubedo and choose Nigredo. Could drown in the one who had built his life and yet reach for the one who came after. And for all the logic Nigredo could not hold in regards to the twins, this he could consider without touching doubt. It echoed his own admission without bearing the utter lack that accompanied: to be chosen for want and not availability, for himself and not for circumstances.

That, however, held its own set of complications--complications Nigredo had offered in simplistic terms as reasons for disbelief. I just know how much you love Rubedo, and it was here, understanding had faltered the greatest. The roots of which extended to a time much beyond their presence here, which Nigredo presented with a slow and steady flow.

Count ten years back, and he would have accepted those words. Taken entirely without a thought to otherwise--such was the influence his brothers have had on the youngest child and the love he had held for them in turn. Count seven years forward for contrast, and he had long since deemed acceptance faulty. Out of reach and taken as conditional. So what else could Nigredo have done but kill the very outcome longed for? He had reached away from both. Had become friendly, not loving. Assumed the years would pass in peace while his feelings died in the undertow. As long as he protected them, watched over them, destroyed the factors which removed him from their presence, he would not have to withstand the madness that came with distance and the confines of need.

Now, in this place, he could do none of those things. Now, he was forced to bear what he had hoped to escape.

If Nigredo honestly considered, Albedo's love was fine. A reassurance, if anything. There was nothing false about the regard itself, and Nigredo could take what was true. As stated prior, it was a wish deeply longed for, and from this person, given his circumstances, it was steps beyond whim. Nothing like fleeting fancy. Nigredo had not believed it earlier, but now, this choice was fine.

When I start to think that you may love me, but it may be that you do because I'm all that's left. You may love me, but I wouldn't be what you choose.

No, he loved Albedo because he had made him to be everything. He loved him because Albedo was what Nigredo chose from the beginning. There existed no decision as all else had been cast off. The fault, then, came from the simple reason of placing one's self beyond another for fear of rejection, the tears that came in another choosing someone else when circumstances shifted.

So in a way, they were the same. Nigredo had rejected the notion prior, but in this moment, the truth could not be avoided. Their feelings for each other were born from similar circumstances and contained the same breaks, the latter wearing more heavily on the younger. Knowing this, Nigredo made a decision. Folded his hands across his lap and clutched at what was there.

{If you don't reject me,} he sent slowly, {I'll stay with you forever.} Because with no rejection, there would be no loss, and in turn, Nigredo would have no reason to leave. Through death or circumstance, it didn't matter. The youngest refused let anything separate him from the ones regarded above all else.

Things pushed forth from his brother's psyche, and with the utmost attention, Albedo took care. For as well as Nigredo had been learning about him in the past days, here, here were things Albedo had not known. That in the time that he had admitted to barely 'seeing' the youngest, Nigredo had already adored them with a passion. Had already loved them beyond measure and needed them in a way Albedo could understand best. But they differed from that point.

Albedo clung and needed and wept because the distance would kill him, harm him, hurt him, so deeply like a weapon never would, and his heart never beat as closely as he would have liked, and an overriding need for reassurance beat down on his psyche until a deference to possessive and jealously seemed the only overcome, the only leaning. For he saw it, even then. Even as he clung to every word, and tried to believe every breath, consume every promise. Albedo knew that one day Rubedo would walk away. And he couldn't stop it because Rubedo did not love him in the way Albedo needed. Rubedo did not need Albedo as fiercely as Albedo needed him.

And in a way, Nigredo's actions, decisions then, made sense. For when faced with the same, the possibility of lack, of loss--wouldn't the intelligent thing be pulling away? If one could honestly slip from their emotions and view it from a distance, wouldn't that be for the best? To give up self to remain near. A silent longing in favor over a straight denial. A compromise of happiness for maintenance of that stable reality.

Yes, Albedo could, in fact, see it, rationalize it. Even as it would never have been his option. And while Albedo had assumed Nigredo had not cared at all, he had been nothing but the opposite. And Albedo had never known.

It was an obvious shock, and part of the middle Variant was wholly impressed at the amount he had not been able to ascertain. Surely, his little brother had more secrets, then. Ones Albedo did not know and could not dream of, if this had been hidden so well. And hadn't Albedo once thought Nigredo was boring? How time did tell.

Something coiled low in the boy's stomach, and there was an urge growing steadily familiar, that in which to protect, to take care of. Nigredo's sendings, mindscape, waveform, had just gave in details his delicacies, the weaknesses in his soul and self, and hadn't his brother held to what was said the day before? "If I'm worth living to you as I am, you have every right to take what I have." Nigredo had damned himself to Albedo's ministrations by that in shape and form, and here it held in truths given, emotions revealed. Here it held in promises, a slip of words like something simple; thick and cloying.

{If you don't reject me, I'll stay with you forever.}

A promise he reacted to instinctually, hands clutching at his thighs and stomach muscles clenching harshly, hope fluttering like a beating heart out of reach. For it was true, wasn't it? As it always had been. That even if Nigredo promised him everything he wanted, forever could not be taken, because Nigredo would die.

But press memory forward in the pieces that followed, for hadn't he--Hadn't he thought that perhaps--Perhaps he could die here. Maybe die naturally with enough time, a full life at a sibling's side, and if that wasn't the case, at the very least, full destruction seemed too simple here, in a way it had never been before.

Nigredo could promise forever. If they never left this place. He could promise forever and Albedo would believe him, because Albedo could die.

And so everything would be fine.

There was a tick of the senses, a slip of a different mentality, and then it was gone, and Albedo was shaking. {Why would I ever reject you?} The thought would never cross his mind. {If you accept me...} If Nigredo did accept him. {I'll give you all of myself.} Without holds or bars of coyness or insecurities. Because didn't Nigredo understand?

It was obvious, really. For Nigredo was giving Albedo what the middle Variant desired most.

Nigredo needed Albedo, and that thought was near unbearable, effortlessly wonderful in reality.

Edited 2011-09-08 03:57 (UTC)

Watching another arrange the fine lines (the detailed constructs of memory he had rehashed time and time and time before) brought feelings of melancholy, something of nostalgia. Despite having lost his hold (or for the very reason), Nigredo smiled as though amused. He deemed it all correct: all the reasoning, the assumptions, the fact that he had taken his cues from Albedo. It hardly mattered if it was only now Albedo realized these facets; Nigredo himself had not known many things about the albino until the recent weeks. A blessing or a curse--he had yet to decide. For in the process of approaching one, he had lost other aspects. A brother equally deemed important who disregarded both so easily.

The mentioned former shifted in his mentality twice, but the thoughts were removed enough for Nigredo to miss the details. He did not delve further; they were likely reactions to his explanations. If they had required clarification, Albedo would have pressed for answers. Here, they stayed beyond reach, and that was okay. There existed other elements to focus on.

Such as rejection. Why would Albedo ever reject Nigredo? {I don't know,} was the admission. {I think I'll always expect it. Fear it.} To be hated. For any number of reasons. All because somewhere along time's flow, he no longer could stand within the reach of Rubedo. Someday, the sentiment might be the same for Albedo, for anyone. Though, by then, perhaps he could work to withstand it.

Perhaps.

Now, Albedo would offer devotion, and like truth, Nigredo would take what was given freely. He tipped his head to watch the elder in full view, green eyes solemn. Waveform steady. {You can give me nothing. You can hate me as you did before.} Nigredo blinked. {I will accept you regardless.} The last statement came with a concession: not an insinuation of Albedo's intentions but rather, an expectation of nothing in return.

There was a climax and aftermath, and mixed together to the point of a lack of understanding came as both, and Albedo only shook in the waves that followed. It was nothing like an overwhelm, nothing unwanted, but still his body reacted, trembling in the wind. It would be another irony, that. That one could break the bonds of fate and move to reach between space and time and still exist as something so fragile.

And never know it; no, not yet, he could not know.

Nigredo gave his reasoning, and Albedo wondered if he could do anything but accept it. It was foreign to him, certainly. Once a path was decided, whether something to distract him or a truth in all of itself, it was held to, adjusted to, to the best of his abilities. A functioning geass, made as reality. Perhaps his way was the abnormal and Nigredo's was but simple--to harbor doubts and uncertainties, even when there should be none to fear.

His face fell a little without knowing, but he nodded slowly in understanding. He could take that. For now, he could. The boy reached out, fingers twitching back from Nigredo's hand at the last second to settle on his sleeve instead. Skin to skin. Cloth was safe. That was remembered briefly, before his brother continued.

Things Nigredo had spoken, sent, before. Albedo stared, watching only. There were certain steps to take with this. Like as he had to antagonize with his twin or Klavier, or diffuse like with Ritsuka, there was a correct way to move here, and he only had to find it.

Though a point must be corrected first.

"Nigredo," he said quietly, gaining attention. {I don't hate you. I won't. If you keep saying that--} "...Even if you believe it." {I'll really be upset.} His mouth twisted--the words hurt every time they were said, and it was passed along with the rest.

That was a simple thing, even in its complexity. It was the other point, the more important one, that required some bit of thought. "I can give you nothing?" he mused. "But that's not right, is it. You wrote it." {"What I want never matters," right?} "If you have wants, Nigredo...."

He stared at his brother. "Saying you are okay with nothing is saying you're okay with being dead." {And I thought, Nigredo... I thought we decided to live.}

It hadn't been spoken in so many words. It hadn't be graced so exactly, but it was what it had been. Whether or not it had been agreed to, both had taken steps to insure that. Both had come to their own conclusions, given their own promises, and were trying where there had been only absence.

Asking what Nigredo wanted was the obvious, but Albedo held to silence, only watching. Only waiting. The brief thought passed between as if a side note.

Saying you're okay with nothing... is like saying you're something less. When he wasn't. When he wasn't at all.

When he was swiftly becoming everything.

Trembling came as static on the line, an aspect drawing attention and concern in tandem. But touch Albedo Nigredo would not, not now at least. Even as the other reached to hold his sleeve, the younger brother kept to himself, the smile fading like evening light. Albedo would wonder about the reasons and question when it was glaringly obvious. He needed to only consider the traits of black and white, trace back their motives, and then, the truth would be made known.

In lieu of that, he left Nigredo to vocalize.

"I'm weaker than you are." More fragile. Within certain contexts, handled shifts in life poorer. As such, he had alternatives. As to prevent a worst case scenario, he had taken up defenses, one of which was a contradiction. To doubt was to cushion one's self from falls, to pad one's deepest desires for the time when rejection pierced through. Chain uncertainties around his heart, and perhaps it would continue to beat long after death.

Thus, Albedo was fine. There was nothing less about his way of being. It was good to have a strong will, to weather the world without losing himself in doubts. Nigredo envied that strength, he supposed, because he understood such things were not meant for him. Mayhap in another lifetime, in another world. Here, despite an unwavering memory, he had forgotten how to have faith.

Hatred and wants, on the other hand, were different breeds from a disquiet mind, and for a moment, Nigredo was thoroughly distracted from his previous line of thought. For a long minute, he said nothing. Showed less. The waveform pressed against Albedo's was stagnant in expression, and the other might have wondered if Nigredo had indeed died as feared. As wished. His mind fortunately shot forward in the beat afterward, fixing itself on the statements given.

Of hate, he had only an apology for the upset and a request. The first was offered in gentle waves, a regret for his haste. Nigredo could have worded the concession better, he admitted. Sorry, then, for having upset Albedo. The second, however, was shorter, exuding fatigue. More cut off than intended.

If Albedo did not want accusations of hate, he would have to make Nigredo believe otherwise. Because of all points in regards to them, he wanted to believe his brothers would care. Care regardless of circumstances, of beliefs, and of time. Love in the face of an unwanted existence. This in turn consequently strengthened his views on wants, which perhaps was the most damning. Most damaging.

Of his wants, he would hold to the two most treasured, to die with him without a reveal. The child would address Albedo on his points, however, and give away the appropriate aspects. Yes, he remembered the note. Yes, enough time had passed for clarification. He closed his eyes.

{I want a lot of things,} was the admittance, {but everything I want is impossible. It would take a miracle to make them come true.} They existed beyond his reach, no matter what others might claim in opposition. {I think it's okay, though. If I can't have what I want, then I want to give you what you want. It works out that way.} Somehow.

{I wasn't made for myself. Living for you is the only want I can do.} A foot swung out in idle movements, and Nigredo opened his eyes to watch Albedo and the forthcoming reactions. {So don't.} A beat. {Don't tell me I'm wrong. Don't tell me it's nothing.}

What else did he have otherwise? What else could he possibly want than the person beside him?

Edited 2011-09-10 04:38 (UTC)

The statement spoken simply was sobering, enough for emotions to slip downward and hold there. Albedo's eyes widened--not in surprise, but in the way of expanding to take in more information. It was an allowance, in part, and whether or not both had previously considered it true, given to words, it was partially formed in permanence. Given consideration, in what was meant.

They had been the same once. They had lived and swam in fears, and the only difference between them was that Albedo had traded one set of fears for another, and that came with divinity, grace, and a throbbing lack of absolution--a confidence given to replace the missing pieces of his soul, the bits that had torn off and faded away in transition.

He wouldn't not think on it, no; he would not think.

His brother actually gave truth and didn't fight what Albedo said. It was enough to quiet him while Nigredo spoke carefully, treading delicately on the line between words and meaning. Saying things that Albedo would otherwise move to deny. The middle Variant was nothing close to an optimist, treading perhaps closer to a pessimist, but it always annoyed him here, always made him want to deny when Nigredo spoke things as if they were already set and true.

But it was different here, was it not? It wasn't Nigredo denying points and asserting failures in advance, but stating things that were believed and kept to, and it was felt as such. Yes, Albedo quieted, and allowed the explanation, the slip of words felt in ways others could not touch.

And where would Albedo deny anyway? 'Everything I want is impossible'? Could Albedo deny that, when he could understand where it might lead to? He himself had spoken before, twice now, under sedation. The want to return to how things had been. If it was anything close to that, Albedo couldn't deny the impossibility of it. Still, it closed something inside of him, made something slow in his mind, and he watched his brother only, considered the rest of what had been said.

Things he couldn't wholly take as they were, in all truth. This was the closest to a mental overwhelm that there was, for Albedo couldn't fathom it. He could logically pull apart the words but set in motion he couldn't consider them. He swallowed, blinked but once, slowly.

There were a thousand questions here, a million ways to second guess. Nigredo would give his wants? And would live for him? Saying that he was only living because Albedo wanted it, and would really prefer to--

What was the point in all of that? He wasn't a hysterical woman, he was a weapon formed from flesh, and if the ends suited, the means shouldn't press at desires. Nigredo would live. So Albedo would be satisfied. For now, he would be satisfied; silent.

He wouldn't argue with one that felt like this. All was blown glass, beautiful and delicate. Albedo tilted his head, apparently calmly curious, a pulse of reassurance. {You're not wrong,} he responded without hesitation. {It's not close to nothing at all.} His eyes moved, thoughts whisking behind them. For a moment, his mouth opened as if to speak, and then the sending slid forward instead. An admittance in turn. {It's everything, really. It matters.} You matter.

But that was obvious. Wasn't it.

Consideration to his admittance proved comforting. Regardless of how Albedo might have processed the words, a willingness to do so was enough for Nigredo. It spoke of progress--of value uneasily dissolved--and he almost smiled at the passing activity. Almost. For his brother held sobering thoughts, some carefully placed out of his reach, and when it came to the nature of their being and the change formed and crystallized, Nigredo knew of nothing comforting. Therefore, he kept to silence, eyes trailing to his lap.

And noted with some trepidation that the hands folded against each other were shaking.

There was a reaction here he could not pinpoint, an affect transpiring without his permission, and for reasons unsaid, Nigredo was suddenly fearful. Of how all this might backfire, perhaps. Maybe. It wasn't so easily laid out, but wishes referred to and given had always affected the youngest child. By Albedo saying that it mattered, it registered as truth. By claiming everything, it rang as a form of pain.

As stated before, things could change. The insecurities that settled beneath awareness would surface again, and once again, Nigredo would be uncertain of love and its permanence, overtaken by doubts unwanted. That was the worst of things, he supposed: knowing you had something precious and question it all the same.

His waveform rose in a call for attention, a proverbial hand reaching to attach to another. "Albedo," he intoned, voice hoarse and pain-filled. {Please tell me. Tell me everything will be okay.}

Even as they wouldn't. Even as he could lose the one thing that mattered.

He was made aware of the quiet shifts likely at the same time Nigredo noticed them. For Albedo followed his brother's line of sight, and noticed the shivered, and more than anything wished to wrap his hands around his sibling's. In lieu, his fingers tightened on Nigredo's sleeve, a strange need vibrating.

For it was clear, wasn't it? Clear from the link and from physical aspects, and from words spoken. And Albedo was reminded of her, then. Reminded of the words pressed into his consciousness whether or not he had meant it to be so. He remembered the girl.

"When did I become responsible for Nigredo's fate?"

"When you both acknowledged each other as brothers."

Albedo remembered that time, as he hadn't in clarity before, and he remembered an aspect pulled to mirror now. {It would take a miracle to make them come true.} "We can only want. Or hope or beg or wait for a disaster or a miracle." Only continue living, and wait.

"The actual fulfillment is outside of our reach. We can only chase what we may never have."

And he had wondered that day, hadn't he? He had wondered... What was Nigredo waiting for? What chains bound his heart, his existence to another's actions? There was cause and effect, like Albedo was so fond of, and it was given in clarity here as it couldn't have been understood that day, as it could not have been known in ways put to terms.

An intellectual understanding, an instinctual one, but only now could Albedo see exactly what had been meant.

And he had already contradicted himself, hadn't he? Already proved her right in many ways--placed in that dark cell, he had denied his own words. "You assume that I can move."

"They're not dead," she had stated. "As long as that fact holds, you can still move."

There had been a hesitation, a faltering, and only now Albedo believed her. Believed her claim that he did not know true stagnation. For they had adapted, hadn't they? Clung to the other, and looked past what had happened. That was movement. That was the beginnings of life.

Something pulsed within his breast, and he looked up at Nigredo, eyes tracing over details already memorized. His throat was thick. His eyes were too warm.

He slid closer despite the risk it would bring, pressing legs together as his hand spread over Nigredo's arm, holding.

Albedo smiled.

{It's fine.} One side of his mouth quirked as he realized the exaggeration. {It hasn't been fine,} he edited. {But it will be okay. No one's going to go away. No one is going to leave.} No one who already hadn't at least. His waveform stretched to smooth over his brother's, pressure at his temples in the act. Still, he reached, giving something like a blanketing cocoon. {I'm here,} he gave quietly. {It's okay.}

It would be okay. He would guarantee it.

Edited 2011-09-11 22:37 (UTC)

Stability would never hold. It was a truth as much as others in any given moment, but in this space, in this time, Nigredo questioned. As his brother wrapped an arm to hold and touched encouragement in the shore of their minds, the youngest questioned his own stance. For a singular moment, he had to wonder. Had to challenge his lifelong stance.

If things could truly be fine. If allowed the chance, he would exist with this sibling in peace and weather through life's storms for the rest of time.

It was a foolish thought. It would likely return in a way undesirable, rot his blood and strip away the insides. But right now--in this moment--he wanted to believe. It would be okay. Nigredo would not be alone.

Waveform pulsed against the other's, the particles in his brain sparking in impending pain, but Nigredo held. Stayed close as the warmth around his eyes threatened to brim over and spill. {I,} he gave, before hesitating. Voicing this would require commitment afterward. Doing so, however, would help, wouldn't it? For the two involved.

{I believe you.}

Actual joy spread, something that had become almost foreign in the past months, year. He smiled wider, and for that moment, seemed and felt nothing more than what he appeared to be. There existed no darkness in the depths of his soul. Given what had always been necessary to Albedo's existence, he could relax. Find relief. If not for the existence of the remaining three black boxes and a veil over anything regarding Rubedo, it would be as if the child was nothing but.

Magenta pulsed lower down, but his upper waveform held little of it.

He wanted to lean forward, push his head against Nigredo's, but memory held him even as he started to. His forehead pressed against Nigredo's shoulder instead, cloth stopping any ill effects that might have been had. There was something wanted in two waveforms so close together. Albedo maintained his hold around Nigredo, taking comfort in the mental and emotional closeness.

The smile was contagious. The expanding joy, even more so. Nigredo smiled to mirror his sibling's, nearly laughing in the process. For once, his countenance shone as natural and perfect; nothing deemed as false or lacking. For now, he had forgotten and believed. Held to Albedo's utterance without a trace of surface doubt.

The smile softened, lingering as a gentle wisp upon his face. He watched as the elder leaned a head against his shoulder, gracing comfortable. In the next instance, his mind formed the difficult words with ease, which surprised even him. {I love you.} Albedo.

Brother of mine.

His waveform shuddered in suprise and pleasure both. He tilted his head to look up at his brother's smile, before ducking his head back down and grinning to himself. The sentiment was returned, in emotion, want, and care. And in another way. {I'm glad you're here,} was given quietly. Something said before but now defined more highly.

This place was wretched, assuredly, and had caused as many fissures as others had created. But as much as there existed pain and tedium, there existed possibility and the risk of excitement at times. And there existed care and concern from a source Albedo would never have thought to look to. Could now not think of doing anything but the opposite. This had solidified, firmed, and had been made as something constant. Something in Albedo relaxed further. Calmed. Became stable.

Stability traversed in dual directions. Somewhere, Nigredo recalled a lulled mind and a semblance of security, waves settling on shore. A true connection, he thought, never witnessed except in tiny pockets of time, in passing. And that statement was familiar to him, wasn't it? It had not occurred to him that it would stick for so long, not in the way it mattered. Here, he was proven otherwise.

He unknowingly smiled at Albedo, reaching to pat the middle variant's thigh. {Thank you. You made me feel better about a lot of things.} More than what could be said at the moment, but still, it mattered.

Despite the lull, the boy half-winced in prelude to Nigredo's hand, but it came down instead on Albedo's leg rather than open skin. Relief was allowed, and to that, he smiled back. Something in Nigredo seemed more happy than Albedo had ever known him. Something that Albedo would like to continue seeing.

He perked up like a small animal at the thought and beamed at his sibling. "I didn't really detail to you what I got." He hadn't, had he? How distracted they had been. "When I went to that town the other night with Yomi." And had again, played the role of bait. But he hadn't last night, not really! Didn't that count for something?

Either way, he smiled secretively. "We now have two shotguns, because I retrieved the original." He then raised a hand to tick off the points. "Two combat knives, a hatchet type--" The saw was a... present... for someone else. "A sharpener for the blades and a box of basic ammunition for the guns."

He grinned, looking all the world as a child who worked hard to be praised.

Awareness ticked at the strange reaction, and Nigredo removed his hand as quickly as he reached out. He thought nothing much of it, however, as Albedo relaxed into a smile. Maybe the younger had imagined it, or the elder simply hadn't expected the gesture. Nothing appeared particularly wrong, at least.

Meanwhile, Albedo opted to detail out his nightly exploits, if one considered details as listing of conquests and undercurrent of suspicious behavior. Nevertheless, Nigredo canted his head in consideration, letting out a small hm. He remembered what Albedo had said the day before. He hadn't thought it would be to this extent, but there it was.

"I'm impressed," he concluded. "How did you two get to the town?" Conjectures he had, but it was better to get the answer from the source.

The brief words were enough. Albedo lit up like a small child praised, grinning widely. One would almost expect him to bounce in his seat. The reaction would have been the same at another time, though here it came at extenuated from the force of the remaining joy filtering between the link. "The same way you came to me that night," he explained cheerfully. "Her ring connects to Doyleton."

A simple explanation but if that gave credit to his brother, Albedo had more he could offer. "I've also been watching the board," he said, tone fractionally lower in something that mirrored pleased. "And have been watching for those that want things that are unique and have been offering to gain them for a price. Though I..." He near puppy-faced up at Nigredo. "Don't really know what to ask for. What should we ask?"

But there was yet still another point. "As well--I've started rewarding those who win my game with items or information if they give me something valuable about themselves in turn." Thus, gaining a list of certain people to call on or use. The game, as he said today, was about intelligence and luck. He required one at least for any legitimate interactions with those that were not simply wastes of life.

"A ring to Doyleton, huh?" The town equaled a weapons vault in terms of useful supplies. Both reason and result, therefore, made sense--though perhaps more the latter than the former. Albedo had seemingly obtained them for Nigredo's benefit, which honestly puzzled the black-haired U.R.T.V. It wasn't like he had complained about the lack of weapons or the like. Something, however, spoke of a missing piece, and he reached backwards, mind searching for an incident that might have spurred his sibling to action.

...Well, there was the time Nigredo had chastised Albedo for letting that shotgun go. Maybe his brother had taken that more to heart than initially suspected. Surges of guilt and humility rose as he attempted appreciation. Which wasn't difficult since Nigredo was sincerely grateful. "I didn't think you would make the effort," he spoke, voice soft. "Thank you, and I'm sorry for thinking you were being reckless."

Albedo didn't have to, but he had. Done so while staying alive in the process. What more could Nigredo ask for?

The other boy continued his account, mentioning deals where the younger had only seen interaction. Though, perhaps his lack of analysis could be partially excused on the second; Nigredo wasn't so enthused about that game for two major reasons. "Uh." He blinked and considered the question raised first. The second part could wait. "I'm not really sure. Is there anything you would want?"

At the opinion, Albedo's upbeat expression slipped into a more natural grin. He tilted his head at his brother. "But I did, didn't I?" The thanks and apology could have been ignored if not for the agreement made yesterday--and for that, he wished he could touch Nigredo's hair in affection. He near-frowned at the want, and instead lowered his eyes. "It's all right. It makes sense not to expect things from me, right?" Being reckless still defined Albedo, but it wasn't for him to say here. His eyes slid upward again. "But I agreed, didn't I?"

And here he smiled again, caught between proud and shy. "To surprise you. So I thought... That you'd be pleased. That this could be useful." That this would be wanted.

Despite lacking knowledge of how to get something for them to have. His expression slid into thoughtful, lip protruding in consideration. "I want practically nothing." Place sibling(s) before him and he was content. "Are there things we should be asking for?"

His face fell momentarily. "No, not that," Nigredo said. He could generate several scenarios where Albedo might think to go along with the task, for example. "More I didn't think you would for my sake." Voice trailed, mood bordering wistful. "But yeah, you agreed. You did well." A good deal more than Nigredo's efforts--as of late, anyway.

As for things to ask for... "I don't know, honestly," he answered with a sigh. "Unless they have some information on the history of the institute..." Which was highly unlikely if his talk with Renamon was evidence for anything.

The history of the institute. All right, he would remember that, at least. The rest they could come up with as things went, maybe. They had time, now. They could think of it later. He pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping an arm around them. He watched his brother, eyes memorizing moments, and considered.

"...I wouldn't for your sake?" His expression slid between valid confusion and irritation. "I would only move because of you. Nigredo..." How did he think, even now that...? Albedo's hand reached out to his brother's, needing to convey the solitary aspect. How did his sibling still not understand his own importance? It was--

Thoughts cut short as Albedo's fingers wrapped around his sibling's palm. There was a flicker of something that should have been recalled before it was made clear--forcibly so, as pain lanced through him. Like being electrified, it shot up his spine, exploding into his brain like a shock of memory made apparent. The hand touching Nigredo seized, and the one against his legs gripped the limbs tighter. His eyes squeezed shut and belatedly, a part of him remembered the link.

He moved to pull back from it, even as the thought again flowed through him. That this was too much like something experienced before. Too much like before torn to shreds, exploded from the inside, having one's own waveform ripped apart. Close to Executioner, this was, and close to Rubedo's hand pulling away.

Tortures both, but Albedo would never say, no-- But still, it slipped through, even as he shook in the aftermath of destruction.

Day 58: Sun Room (Fourth Shift)

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in which nigredo talks like a magical girl

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