damned_institute | Day 50: Chapel

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Day 50: Chapel

The last thing Claude heard was the Head Doctor's voice faintly filtering into the corridors of the ship before he found himself tucked beneath the sheets of his bed. It took a moment to register he'd even changed locations, but then he he abruptly sat up, fought the wave of nausea that washed over him, and felt the blankets beneath his fingers. The room. He was back in his room now. Under different circumstances, he might have wondered if last night had been some horrid dream, but the sharp pain in his eyes gave him a rude awakening. Hissing through his teeth, Claude buried the heels of his palms against his lids, only to discover two cold compresses had been taped over them.

"Good morning, Thomas," he heard the nurse's cheerful voice from beside his bed. Her sudden presence nearly made him jump out of his skin, and he sharply turned toward the source of the greeting, heart beating rapidly in his chest. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well today, but hopefully you can still enjoy some of the activities we have planned."

'Not feeling well' was a bit of an understatement. His hand hurt, his stomach kept turning with every movement, and it felt like someone had dumped a bunch of sand into both eye sockets. Right now, Claude just wanted the nurse to leave him be, but it didn't look like that was an option. Taking his uninjured hand, she gently tugged him out of bed, despite his protests that, no, really, he just wanted to stay in and sleep, please.

"I think getting out of your room a little bit will do you good," she told him. "I'm sorry your eyes are probably hurting, though. If you're ever feeling uncomfortable, don't hesitate to ask one of us for some pills."

"What about eye drops?" Claude asked tightly.

"Oh, no, too much of that could damage your eyes," she cautioned, and the sheer irony of the situation hit Claude so hard that it would have been laughable if he didn't already feel like crying right then. The nurse was as oblivious to it as always, however. "I know you usually go into the chapel during this shift. Would you like to go there again?" Claude didn't answered immediately, but that didn't deter the nurse. "Yes, I think that sounds best..."

In truth, he probably should have requested the sun room -- it was closer, for one, which meant the nurse didn't have to lead him as far of a distance. For another, lying down on one of their sofas sounded like a good option. But by the time Claude came to that conclusion, he was too stubborn to say anything, and he made his way up to the second floor, his footing slow, but steady.

The nurse deposited him on one of the central pews, next to the aisle, before leaving him to himself. Thankfully, it was still early in the shift. As he paused to listen, the room was mostly silent, save for the footsteps and hushed voices of the occasional staff member or patient who trickled in. But it was probably only a matter of time before others came. For some reason, the thought of being stuck in a crowded room made him tense, not necessarily because he thought anyone would pay him any mind, but because he simply didn't want it right then.

Somehow, the full implications of what happened last night hadn't sunken in: experiments, healing himself, the issue of whether he could actually go home after this, not being able to see, the ship, father. Instead, he just felt saturated with all of it, paralyzed by the horror of what they'd done to him, and the uncertainty of what it all meant beyond this moment. Claude took a shuddering breath, uninjured hand balling into a fist in his lap.

[For Guy.]

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Guy hadn't taken too well to what he'd just said, but it was the hardness in his friend's tone that made him fully realize it. He could practically hear the frown in Guy's voice, and, for a second, it was hard to know whether he ought to feel relieved or worse about all of this. Guy's willingness to help him deal with his problems, despite his own mounting issues surrounding what had happened in the basement and the aftereffects, was truly a touching gesture. As horrible as this place was, Claude knew he was lucky to have such reliable friends, and even luckier that he'd been able to meet some of them within the institute's walls.

The thought made his heart tighten in his chest, not only from gratitude, but from the heavy realization that he wasn't going to be of much use to the people he cared about if he stayed like this for long. It was a conflicting feeling, one that he tried to avoid whenever possible. Now that he was faced with such a situation, however, it was hard to know what he ought to do with himself while he waited to see if he recovered.

"Guy..." Claude paused, turning his face toward the direction of his friend's voice. Opening his mouth again, he found himself uncertain of what to say at first. Words didn't really seem adequate, and yet that was all he had to work with. Finally, he scratched the back of his neck a little and offered a tiny smile. "Thanks."

There was something that had been on his mind ever since he woke up this morning, though. Well, a lot of things, actually, but now seemed like as good of any to bring this issue up before they talked about anything else. "Actually, there's...a small favor I'd like to ask, if that's okay."

Even if Claude had only spoken one word of thanks, Guy was well-assured that it was genuine and that the younger man appreciated his offer, even if there wasn't all that much he could do when it came down to it. It was better than Claude being left alone, although Guy couldn't help noting that he hadn't seen Ashton or Dias around in a long while. It was likely something that Claude had realized as well, and there was no reason to bring it up now. The fact of the matter was that Claude still had friends here, even if he hadn't known them quite as long.

While he'd thought that they might just leave the topic at that, Claude then went ahead and brought something else up. A favor? Raising an eyebrow curiously, Guy nodded and then remembered that he needed to speak up for Claude to be aware of what he was doing. "Of course," he said, trying to make a smile come through in his tone, "anything you need, provided it's within my ability." He doubted that Claude would be asking if it wasn't, but nonetheless, it was better to be safe.

Claude hesitated a moment. It wasn't a big thing, really, but he still hated having to ask someone to take care of something he normally would have been able to do just fine on his own. Thankfully, he was comfortable enough around Guy that he could ask regardless of his own hang-ups. The fact was that it was something that needed to be done, and he knew Guy was dependable.

"I always check on Ashton, Dias, Leon and my dad over the board," he finally explained. While he figured he could probably write a note and have a nurse help him locate the board to post it up, reading and replying to any responses he got was clearly another matter. At least, unless he wanted to ask a staff member to read the notes out loud, but that was letting them get a little too involved in his personal matters, as far as Claude was concerned. While he was inclined to believe a lot of the daytime staff were victims, that didn't mean he felt okay with asking them for that kind of help, either. Technically, they were still partially responsible for what had happened to him, and he knew he couldn't let himself forget that for safety's sake.

"If you get a chance," he added, "do you think you could put something up asking if they're all doing okay?" Claude hadn't heard from Ashton or Dias in what felt like awhile. That was a little worrisome, though he didn't want to voice those concerns out loud just yet.

It looked like Claude was wondering about his friends, then. In a way, Guy felt bad that he was the first person that Claude had gotten a chance to talk to after waking up from that, but at the same time, it was better than him having to sit here in the chapel on his own. It was more that he could see how Claude might have wanted to talk to his father while in such a vulnerable state, even if Ronixis didn't know of their relation.

That being said, putting up a bulletin post on Claude's behalf was a simple task, and one that Guy was more than happy to take care of. He did want to make sure that he only put out as much information as Claude was comfortable with all of them knowing, though.

"Sure thing," he said. "I'll get to that before brunch if I can." It all depended on how the nurses were feeling, but considering how well-behaved he generally was, he was crossing his fingers that they'd allow it. "But how do you want me to do it? Should I write it as if it were you, or do you want me to explain that I'm writing on your behalf?" That seemed like it would be a bad way to let the four of them know that something had happened to Claude, but at the same time, it wouldn't be very good to keep them in the dark about it either.

In the end, though, it was up to Claude, and so Guy patiently waited for his response.

Asking Guy to lie didn't seem right, but Claude wasn't so sure he wanted to broadcast what had happened to him on the bulletin board, either. "I don't want to worry anyone more than necessary," he said after a brief pause. "Pretending to be me seems like it'd carry its own set of problems, though." Someone could easily see Guy writing "Claude's" messages, after all, and then that would defeat the whole purpose of trying to cover up what happened to him.

"Plus my father already kind of knows something happened," he admitted after a moment. "He and another patient somehow managed to find me awhile after I'd been released last night. So if he comments, please tell him that I want to thank him and his friend personally the next chance we get."

Maybe by then he'd be in better shape to have a real conversation with Dad. As reassuring as his presence could be, Claude only wanted him to see him at his best, which made explaining the exact nature of what had happened to him a little uncomfortable. Although he definitely respected his father more than anyone in the entire universe, their relationship hadn't always been the best, which was only amplified by the guilt Claude still felt over their final meeting in his own time. On top of that, it was also a little nerve-wracking to think he could accidentally say something to give their relation to each to each other away.

But that was a little too much for him to wrestle with at that moment, so he quietly tucked such thoughts away until a more suitable time.

That left how to deal with the others. Claude didn't want Ashton, Dias or Leon to think he was totally debilitated, even if it was true that he couldn't really see anymore. Leon in particular was someone Claude didn't want to upset too much if he could avoid it. The boy had his own set of responsibilities, and Claude didn't want to be an unnecessary burden for him to worry over.

There was also the fact that the bulletin could be read by anyone to consider. Claude hated to be suspicious of other people, but the fact remained that there were certain patients out there who he wanted to keep in the dark about all of this as much as possible.

"If anyone else asks, I guess tell them I got an injury that's keeping me from the board for today," Claude finally decided. "But that I said I expect to make a full recovery soon, so they shouldn't worry." Which was...only partially true, since it was more like Claude hoped he'd recover at all. But that didn't sound nearly as reassuring as the former wording, which was why he settled on that instead.

It was true that pretending to be Claude would be pretty awkward; more than that, he wouldn't feel entirely comfortable doing it, but he'd wanted to seem open to the option for Claude's sake. The fact that his friend decided to steer away from that just made things easier on Guy's end. He doubted that he could perfectly copy Claude's handwriting, anyway.

What he was shocked to hear was that Claude had actually managed to run into other patients last night -- more surprisingly, his own father. It sounded as if not everyone had ended up going home in the same way that Guy, Anise, and Luke had, then. Which was odd, but maybe it had something to do with the three of them teaming up like they had. In the end, Guy was glad for it -- if everyone had been "home," then no one would have been able to find Claude and help him out.

Doing his best to remember the wording as exactly as he could, Guy ran that first part through his head a few times as he let Claude think the rest of it through, staring out over the chapel until he was pretty sure he had it down by heart.

When Claude brought up the rest, Guy nodded. "All right, yeah, that sounds good to me. I'll do my best to respond to them quickly, but I won't give them any details about it or anything." That was definitely something that Claude likely wanted to do himself -- and more than that, it wouldn't be fair to his friends if they found out second-hand like that. Luckily, being vague on the board was a pretty simple thing to do.

It sounded like Guy was willing to do that for him. Even though it was just posting a message on the board, knowing that someone was going to be able to check on those four made his burden feel somewhat lighter. That thought alone allowed Claude to relax a little, his mouth turning upward into a small smile. "Thank you so much," he hoarsely said. "You have no idea how much I appreciate that."

Now if only he could do something about that painful feeling in his eyes. Claude almost moved to touch at one of his eye pads again, but stopped short when he remembered Guy's warnings from earlier. Instead, the fingers of his uninjured hand flexed a little nervously at his side, but that was the only outward indication he gave of his discomfort.

"By the way," Claude said as he leaned his weight against the back of the pew, "was it just me, or were the doors...acting really screwy last night?"

Normally he would have immediately checked the bulletin for any information on that, but there was no way he could read any notes today. Which meant he was currently in the dark, both figuratively and literally. Claude knew he couldn't entirely trust his perception of what happened to him since he'd blindly groped at his surroundings for a good portion of the night. But there was no denying that he'd wound up on the Calnus along with Dad and that other patient before night ended -- or, at least, they'd thought they were on the Calnus. So that meant something had to have been up, right?

"Think nothing of it," Guy responded with a shake of his head. It wasn't as if Claude had asked him to do something difficult, though he could also understand why the other man was so relieved. When something so traumatic happened, sometimes the only thing you could do was try to take hold of those close to you as a way to assure yourself that things hadn't completely fallen out from under you.

When Claude suddenly brought up the doors, Guy raised an eyebrow -- more to himself than Claude, obviously -- and wondered what exactly his friend had seen. How had he managed to both meet up with others and get tossed around after getting experimented on? Well, regardless of what had happened, it seemed pretty clear that Claude had had a very busy night.

"Sort of," he said after a brief pause. "I mean, I really only got to go through one that wasn't in the patient blocks, but it took me to the last place I would have expected."

Now that he'd been sitting here and talking with Claude for a bit, the wonderment and homesickness that had stayed with him after that walk through Baticul was starting to fade. Which was probably for the best, since getting that taste hardly meant that he'd be making it back anytime soon.

Oh, man, so it sounded like Guy had been caught up in whatever game Landel decided to throw at them last night. Claude knew he shouldn't have been surprised, but it was still weird that they kept getting thrown around just by going through doors. It made him wonder if this was going to be a new trend, or if this was just a one-time deal. Personally, he was hoping it was the latter. While he could see how such a system could somehow benefit a person who happened to get lucky, chances were you'd just wind up in the exact opposite place you wanted to go. Claude's own experience had been pretty awful, to say the least.

But the last place Guy would have expected? Curiosity piqued, Claude turned to fully face Guy even though he couldn't see him. Had he wound up in some remote part of the building? Or had he been transported to a different universe altogether?

"Where?" he asked, prompting him to continue.

There was really no simple way to explain this, was there? That was partly because Guy still wasn't quite sure of what had happened to him and his friends last night. There was a chance it had been one big fabrication, but come to think of it, Claude might be able to shed some light on the situation -- maybe there was a technology that could allow something like that?

"Well, I was with Anise and Luke, and we were heading out onto the field, but the next thing we knew... we were in Auldrant." There was really no other way to say it. "We were in the throne room of the capital city of Kimlasca... it's the place where Luke grew up." Not that Luke had gotten to see most of it until he'd been seventeen (or seven, if he wanted to get technical about it), but it would help to put it in context for Claude.

"I'm not sure if we were actually there, though, since no one there could see us or hear us, and we couldn't touch anything. We were able to walk through doors like they weren't even there." Which was still strange, and the memory of it caused Guy to run his hand over the wood of the pew to make sure that it (and he) was still there. Even though everything was clearly back to normal -- or as normal as Landel's could get, anyway -- he ended up doing it anyway.

The news was startling, to say the least. Claude's eyes would have widened if they hadn't been covered up, but instead he visibly straightened, mouth opening a little at the news. Guy and the others had been sent to Auldrant?

Considering how he'd wound up on the Calnus along with Dad and Gilbert, maybe that alone wasn't so unexpected. But the rest of the story was surprising -- why would they not be able to interact with their surroundings, almost like ghosts or something? That wasn't like what happened to him. After all, he still recalled the way the stations on the bridge felt under his fingers, and the coolness of the floor as he collapsed onto it. Not that it was impossible to make someone think they were somewhere they really weren't, but the inconsistency was still odd.

"Wow, that must have been...really strange for you," Claude quietly said. He wondered why Landel would set it up that way when it was clear he had the means to let people at least touch their surroundings. Maybe it was supposed to demoralize them, but wouldn't you just run the risk of strengthening people's resolve to get back home? "And you actually saw people there?"

It was hard to judge Claude's response when the most expressive part of his face was covered, but seeing his jaw drop was enough of a clue. Still, Guy would have normally expected more of a reaction, though he got the feeling everything was a bit muted to his friend after what he'd been through last night. It was probably hard to work up the energy and effort to be shocked about anything.

"Yeah, it was pretty surreal. That's the only word I can think of for it." Guy had never experienced anything quite like it, though he didn't see it as something that was beyond the realm of possibility, either. It was easy to blame it on technology of some sort, mainly because he didn't know what else could do it. Then again, with so many worlds out there, who knew what was possible where? Landel could have all sorts of things at his fingertips depending on how much he knew, and from what Guy could tell, that was a whole lot.

"We saw a lot of people, yeah. The king of Baticul was there, along with Luke's parents and all of the townspeople. The oddest thing was that they were all talking about our disappearances" -- a fact that still bothered him, since it tore down all the ideas he'd had of how Landel was manipulating time -- "and yet they had no idea that we were right there, trying to talk to them." A good word for it was exasperating, but at the same time, Guy had been glad to have the chance to walk those streets again, even if he hadn't been able to feel anything or interact with anyone beyond feeling the ground beneath his feet.

"You mean, they...actually knew you guys were gone?" he asked, unease knotting up in the pit of his stomach at the thought. As far as he knew, most people didn't know their friends had been taken in the first place until they found each other in the institute. Some people seemed to take that as a sign that, somehow, things were all right back in their own worlds, but Claude had always suspected that their memories had been tampered with from the moment they first arrived. If what Guy said was true, then that could only mean that his worst fears were confirmed.

Claude could imagine how frustrating that must have been, to sit there and watch people you knew talking about your disappearance without being able to do anything to reassure them, or tell them where you were. The closest thing he could think of were some of the scenes he'd been forced to witness while traveling through the four Fields, but that didn't sound like quite the same as what Guy and the others went through. He wondered how that must have been for Luke, since he imagined his parents would have to be pretty worried about him. And if the king was involved, things had to look pretty serious to those they left behind.

But was it all real? Claude couldn't say for sure. He could see how it could be an illusion, but given how easily he'd been tossed around the building, and then onto the Calnus, who was to say for sure that it was all fake? Landel had been able to reach into different universes to take them back here in the first place. With that in mind, it was easy to see how he might have been able to manipulate the space-time continuum yet again to throw everyone's respective homes into their faces.

"Might have been a form of holographic technology," he murmured as he mulled over the possibilities. "But I don't understand why Landel would do bother with it when the stuff at his disposal is way more advanced than that. It shouldn't have been difficult to at least make the walls feel real to you guys."

It sounded like Claude had also been banking on the fact that time didn't progress back in their home worlds, and having that debunked was kind of hard to deal with. Even though there was a chance that the whole thing was just some elaborate illusion, he wanted to give Claude all the details on the off chance that it would be useful to know. "Yeah," he responded, "we showed up in the throne room first off, and the king was talking about how Natalia had just disappeared." Which he still hadn't gotten to the bottom of, but he got the feeling he'd be finding out soon enough. "I've told you about her before, right?" He was almost certain that he had, but Claude wasn't at his best right now, so he wouldn't be surprised if it'd slipped his mind.

"But yeah, they were acting as if the rest of us had been gone, too. Even Peony." Which implied that when he'd disappeared from here, he hadn't gotten to go home, but out into the world here. Guy had already gotten that feeling, but this did confirm it -- assuming that everything they'd seen and heard had actually been real.

When Claude suddenly came out with a term that Guy didn't recognize, he focused in on it. This was what he'd been hoping for -- that his friend might have some sort of insight into what had happened, just as a result of his own knowledge about Earth and its technologies. "Holographic?" he parroted. "What's that mean?"

But his friend brought up a good point. Landel clearly had immense capabilities, which meant that he'd made them experience Baticul that way on purpose. The question was what his intention had been. Maybe it was just as a method to make them second guess everything they'd already decided was true, or maybe to only give them some idea of what it would be like to finally return -- just so that he could later rub in the fact that they couldn't get back, if he got his way. There were a number of different possible reasons, and they could never know for sure which was the correct one.

Actually, Claude was pretty sure this was the first time Guy had mentioned Natalia to him. He seldom talked about his life on Auldrant unless prompted to, and these days Claude found himself wary of asking too many questions for fear of dredging something up that Guy didn't want to go into. As nosy as he could be sometimes, Claude drew the line at doing anything that blatantly made his friends uncomfortable.

"Luke mentioned her to me once," Claude said. "She's a healer like Tear, right?" That was all he knew about her, but his limited knowledge didn't keep Claude from understanding the implications of people discussing her disappearance. Though it was true that there were other things that could cause a person to seemingly vanish, it sounded like Guy's friend might have gotten caught up in Landel's horrible game somehow. Was it a matter of time before she woke up in the institute? Or was everyone going to be left guessing?

If Peony was still missing, then that sounded like people who were "released" stayed missing in their own worlds. That only made sense, of course. Patients had been clinging to the idea that somehow their presence here had no bearing on the people and places they left behind, but Claude had always suspected that was just some convenient story many told themselves for comfort. There wasn't necessarily anything wrong with that, but it sure made facing potential evidence to the contrary pretty hard to accept. For Claude, it just made him depressed to see more weight added to his theory that his version of life back on Expel didn't jive with his friends' because his own memories had probably been screwed with.

Guy's question about holographic technology made Claude switch gears, though, and he was happy to explain. "You remember those rooms I told you about, with the grids and the omnidirectional diodes that project images everywhere? That's a form of holographic technology. It wouldn't be hard to make a convincing replica of Baticul using that, but I'm not sure why he wouldn't at least make the place feel real to you if he was going to go through all that trouble."

So it looked like he hadn't brought her up before, but Luke apparently had. Either way, Claude had heard of Natalia before, and that was what mattered. In response to the question, Guy nodded. "Yeah, she is. She's also... a princess, actually. I kind of grew up with her, in a weird way." The whole situation had been pretty complex, considering Luke's "memory loss," the fact that Natalia had often looked down on him for being a servant (which she had obviously gotten over as she'd grown up), and his phobia on top of it all.

That was all far behind him, though, and at this point the princess would be a sight for sore eyes. So long as she wasn't coming here as a visitor, Guy would be content with having her here. It would have been better for her to be back home, where she could handle the diplomatic mess that Auldrant either was or wasn't dealing with, depending on how real the events of last night had been, but it wasn't as if they had a choice in it either way.

As Claude started in on his explanation about holographic technology, Guy shifted in his seat and immediately set himself to soaking up every word. Even though the terminology Claude used was still kind of tough to get the hang of, he could at least get the basic idea. "So it's like projecting false images that look really lifelike, right?" Guy clarified as he put a hand to his chin in thought. "I guess that might explain it."

His friend had a good point, though, and yet Guy already knew that there was no way of explaining why Landel had gone about it the way he had. He shrugged his shoulders and toss his hands up into the air, giving up on theorizing for now.

That little piece of news probably shouldn't have been as startling as it was. Guy associated with nobles and emperors, so the thought that he'd be friends with a princess wasn't necessarily so unexpected. Still, he hadn't quite expected Guy to come out and say that, especially given the implication of her disappearance. He remembered catching wind of Prince Clother's disappearance at Cross Castle back on Expel, and how frantic a lot of people had been to find him. If Natalia was gone in addition to a lot of other important people, then it was bound to cause all kinds of problems for Auldrant.

"I hope she's okay, then," Claude said after a moment. He was sure Guy did, too. Whether she wound up here or not was going to have to be answered with time, though. In some ways, not knowing was probably worse than anything else -- at least, Claude knew he'd feel that way if he found out someone like Rena had gone missing back on Expel.

It sounded like Guy understood what he was getting at by comparing his experiences to holographic technology. Though he didn't catch him throwing up his hands in the air at all the stuff that didn't add up, Claude knew neither of them thought it was so cut and dry.

"What I don't get is why it'd be like that for you," Claude slowly murmured, "while when I got transported to the--"

But he didn't get to finish his sentence as the intercom went off, signifying the end of the shift. Upon hearing the sound, he sharply looked up toward the source of the sound. Time had really flown by faster than he'd thought, especially since he couldn't watch the nurse's movements to gauge when it was going to be time for them to move. Truth be told, he wasn't ready to get separated, but he didn't want anyone to hover around him, either.

Frowning, he turned toward where Guy was sitting. "Guess it's time to go..."

At Claude's words about Natalia, Guy only nodded. He felt the same way, but in the end he didn't think he needed to worry too much. Natalia was nothing if not tenacious and determined, which meant that she wasn't going to just let people walk all over her. She could take care of herself, even with the rest of them stuck in this place and unable to aid her. The idea of her being brainwashed was an unpleasant one, but even if that had happened, he was sure she'd be fine when this was all said and done. They wouldn't let her continue on like that.

Speculation wasn't going to get them very far, though, and so Guy left his talk of Natalia at that. If he did end up hearing anything regarding her whereabouts, he'd have to remember to inform Claude, since the younger man always seemed curious to hear about his friends.

Right when Claude was in the middle of bringing up something else (something that sounded pretty interesting, judging from the little that Claude got out), the intercom interrupted them, causing Guy to give out a frustrated sigh. It was no surprise, but trying to get through a full conversation in this place during the day was almost always like pulling teeth.

"Looks like it," he agreed when Claude looked back to him. He stood from his seat and then reached down to help his friend up as well. It was probably pretty tough for him to move around when he couldn't see where he was going, and Guy didn't want the younger man to bang up against the pew in front of them in his efforts. "You'll have to tell me more about what happened to you later," he remarked, so that Claude wouldn't forget.

"Take care of yourself, all right? I'll see you again soon." With that, Guy moved out of the pew and went to find a nurse, though he couldn't help glancing back at his friend to make sure he also got to one safely. He knew that Claude would start to take it personally if he worried over him too much, but at least he could do so from a distance.

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Day 50: Chapel

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