damned_institute | Night 48: F21-F30 Hallway

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Night 48: F21-F30 Hallway

When the intercom finished another deliberately vague note, Lana was already standing at her door, flashlight in hand and scalpel securely in her coat pocket. She'd neglected to find out exactly how the doors worked at night, but the general idea was clear. Some time soon, they would open, and she had to be ready the moment they did.

Click. The knob loosened under her hand, and she stepped out into an as-yet empty hallway.

F28 was only two doors down -- no-one else emerged as she walked over to the door. She tucked one hand behind her back and waited for Ema to come out. That she would was inevitable, despite the monsters and Lana's express orders. She would just have to repeat them until Ema listened; Lana couldn't protect her and investigate at the same time.

[for Ema]

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It had been possible that Haseo was only exaggerating the potential danger of the field trip. Unlikely, since most people here seemed quite honest about the situation, perhaps because they realized how difficult it could be for someone with her limitations, and she hadn't noticed any attempt at deception in his demeanor. (Why would he have lied, anyway? To try to scare her for his own amusement?) Lelouch's reaction, however, told her rather clearly that he wasn't.

Nunnally started to lean in a little with concern obvious to be seen in her expression, wondering just what could be so bad that it could cause that kind of obvious distress. Haseo had been vague and her brother was as well, but clearly something particularly bad had happened to have both of them so worried. "Brother..." she said softly, lifting her free hand to touch fingertips lightly against his cheek. She had no reason to doubt his sincerity and was startled by the intensity -- it made her wonder, just a little, exactly what he was planning to protect her. If he felt strongly enough to use certain methods that he knew she didn't approve of to do it.

She considered that thought and then pushed them aside for the moment: not discarding them entirely, but simply making note of them to deal with later. At the moment Lelouch was obviously upset, distressed by the memory of whatever had happened the week before, and that was more pressing in her mind than reinforcing what she'd previously told him about how she felt about the use of Geass. "I believe you."

Whether or not Nunnally believed him wasn't what concerned Lelouch, but he gave her a small, grateful smile anyway. Maybe now that she seemed to understand the severity of the situation, he could... but there was no way she would agree to something like that. She had made her feelings about Geass perfectly clear, and while Lelouch supposed he could simply use it anyway and not tell her, he loathed the thought of hiding things from her like that again. There were still things he hadn't told her about the institute, but that was minor compared to going behind her back like he was contemplating. If it meant saving her life, he would do it in a heartbeat even if she ended up hating him for it, but...

The smile faded. He had to think of a plan, and although several courses of action were already taking shape in his mind, almost all of them relied upon the inclusion of others. Perhaps if he could convince Yuffie to assist him-- had their relationship even reached the stage where something like that would be feasible? Yuffie seemed like the sort who would be willing enough to help, if for a price, and that... while doable, it Lelouch wasn't sure yet if he could trust her to that extent. There was also Teresa, but of course that had its own complications. Would she be willing to look after anyone in addition to Euphy? How much could he trust her? He wasn't sure. The meeting with her tomorrow could clarify a few of those issues, but if they didn't-- well, he would need to wait until tomorrow to see. That left far too much to the last minute, but he didn't have any other options at the moment. Damn it, if he hadn't missed those two shifts...!

"Stay by my side tomorrow," he said next, hitching the smile back into place. "Doyleton is actually quite pleasant during the day. I can give you a tour." He'd already been planning on doing so, but now was as good a time as any to inform Nunnally of his plans. "I'll see what I can do about the rest of it while we're there. It's still entirely possible that nothing will happen, but just in case..." He trailed off and shook his head, discarding the thought for now. "I'll also be meeting with someone when we arrive there, but it'll be in the park and it won't be very formal. I think you'll like her, too; Euphy said she reminds her of Cornelia."

Though he smiled he was still troubled; that much Nunnally could always tell about him, even if she didn't know or he wouldn't say what the exact cause was. Undoubtedly he was trying to make plans and determine the best way to fulfill his promise, and she could only hope that he would do so in a fashion that wouldn't leave her disappointed in him. It was uncomfortable to have such contradictory feelings about her brother, but she couldn't simply forget any of what had happened.

When he shifted the topic from the potential dangers of the trip to the more pleasant aspects of the town Nunnally allowed herself to be distracted for the moment, head tilting a little with curiousity. A tour? She couldn't help but recall her slow, halting progress just through the hallways of the building here; exploring a strange town would be even more difficult for her. Perhaps the nurses would allow her the use of a wheelchair for a day -- unless, of course, the near-miraculous healing continued to the point that she wouldn't need assistance to walk tomorrow. She never knew.

"I'll look forward to it," she replied with a smile and unfeigned interest. If Euphemia had compared the woman to Cornelia, she was definitely someone that Nunnally wanted to meet. "And won't Suzaku be there? I haven't seen him all day."

There it was. The moment of truth had finally come. Lelouch fell silent and lowered his gaze rather than answer right away, but despite his best efforts, he couldn't quite come up with a way to sugarcoat it. Anything like that would be too close to lying to Nunnally, and as always, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He could be indirect, omit certain facts, and so on, but after all this time...

After a short pause, he closed his eyes again and began slowly, "Nunnally, about Suzaku..." The words died in his throat. How could he tell her this? He knew he could in the most basic sense, but more importantly, he knew how much she cared about Suzaku-- how much both of them cared about him. Telling her this now-- there at least hadn't been too many upsetting things over the course of the day, or so he assumed, but with how much effort he had been putting in to keeping the very worst aspects of this place away from her-- he couldn't hurt her like that. He couldn't lie to her, either. What the hell was he supposed to do?

Omission. That was the safest option. He could tell her that Suzaku had been released and leave it at that. Nunnally wouldn't need to know the rest of it-- but what if she found out from other sources? Lelouch couldn't control something like that, not if it happened off of the board. Even on the board, there were plenty of people who were clever enough to phrase it in such a way that they could get away with it. If Nunnally found out from there-- it wasn't the same thing as lying to her, but it was hiding things from her. Did she consider that to be just as bad? Possibly. Was it worth the risk? Maybe. But...

Lelouch sighed. "He won't be joining us tomorrow," he continued quietly, his brow furrowing. Honesty didn't suit him. "He hasn't been hurt or anything, but he's... no longer at the institute."

As soon as he hesitated, broke off that first sentence without finishing, a frightening conviction bloomed to life within her. Something was wrong. Something had happened the night before, everyone kept telling her how dangerous it was here at night -- Suzaku had been injured or even killed, and Nunnally remembered how it had felt when she'd thought him fallen in battle once before. It had been a comfort, albeit small, to have him with her again even if neither could openly acknowledge who he was, and now she'd lost him here.

Some of the sudden tension faded when Lelouch continued to speak, anguish fading before it could fully take root, but there was still worry. "No longer here?" she echoed, eyes widening as she looked up at her brother for further explanation. "Where has he gone? When? How do you know?" And would he even give her the complete truth if he knew it? She was never certain, not anymore, but could still hope.

Already, Lelouch wished he hadn't said anything. He could tell that he'd scared her, and although this milder form of worry was a vast improvement, he wasn't entirely certain if what he had to say next would make that better or worse. He thought it might make things better, but if he was wrong-- he would just have to find out. He'd said too much to turn back now.

"He's been released," Lelouch said aloud, giving Nunnally's hand a small, reassuring squeeze. "I'm not yet sure where, but I'll do whatever I can to find out. As for when, I think it may have occurred sometime last night. I last spoke with him over the board during fourth shift, and Yuffie-- Yuffie Kisaragi, that is-- said that she didn't see him after that. He's been gone all day, but I didn't know for certain whether or not he'd been released until earlier tonight. I went to his room, and he wasn't there. His roommate told me the rest."

Released? But...all right, this place claimed to be a hospital for the mentally ill, but if they'd "released" Suzaku then he was supposed to be better. Had someone really convinced him that he was whoever the staff claimed he was, and not the Suzaku she knew at all? The idea was profoundly uncomfortable, and left Nunnally uncertain whether he, the real Suzaku, would have preferred that to being killed in battle. Or did it mean there was a chance that she would see him again?

It was all so strange and confusing, but since the topic already seemed to be an unpleasant one for Lelouch (of course it would be, he was Suzaku's friend as well) she didn't want to continue prying into it. She was certain that she could find another resident here who could explain exactly what it meant and how they could find Suzaku again, because she didn't intend to return home and leave him behind. "I see," was all she said aloud, though her gaze remained downcast.

"I spoke to Miss Yuffie today," Nunnally continued, almost visibly pushing the conversation onto another topic. It wasn't as though she'd forget about Suzaku's disappearance. That wasn't even possible. But she didn't have to keep discussing it and making everyone feel worse. "She seems like a very friendly young woman."

Lelouch didn't know whether he should be relieved or worried that Nunnally wasn't pursuing the subject. It had to be important that the two of them talk about it so that she fully understood the situation and had the chance to express whatever emotions had sprung up inside of her at the news (ironic that he wanted that from her when he was doing the exact opposite), but if she didn't want to, it wasn't like he could force her. He could never do that. But... if she wasn't talking about it with him, then...

Reluctantly, he allowed the change in topic, but at least in his mind, it was clear that they would be discussing this again-- eventually, rather, or whenever Nunnally was ready. As long as she didn't let it weigh on her too much, he would wait as long as necessary. "I suppose she is," he said quietly, expression melancholy for a few seconds before he seemed to shake himself out of it. He hadn't in the slightest and she would probably be able to tell, but he made himself give her another faint smile anyway. "She's been a pain more than anything, though. What did the two of you talk about?"

It didn't work completely, of course; neither of them would be able to just push Suzaku's disappearance away completely. All Nunnally could manage was a temporary distraction, giving herself time to consider just what she thought about it. She offered a smile to Lelouch in return with much the same thought behind it as his, and shook her head slightly. "Oh, not too much."

There was the part about Yuffie being a bad influence and hinting at all kinds of exploits back where she came from, but that was probably best not to mention at the moment. "She was curious about me, which doesn't seem surprising. And she offered to teach me more about origami once we have time to visit the arts and crafts room." Nunnally glanced down again, the corner of her mouth quirking up in a somewhat sad smile. "She reminded me of Milly, just a little."

"They do have a few things in common," Lelouch agreed, his attention predictably caught by that smile. It had been a long time since Nunnally had spoken to Milly, hadn't it? She would have been able to see the older girl on television, of course, but as... exuberant as Milly's performances on the news were, it wasn't the same thing as actually interacting with her. Lelouch had hoped that there would be a chance for Nunnally to meet with their friends at Ashford again once the war was over, but from the way she was smiling now, it didn't look like she'd been able to.

"I think she's blunter than Milly, though," he continued, frowning faintly to himself. "She doesn't seem to care what she teases people about, and trying to get her to stop only seems to encourage her. Milly's the same in that way, but not as... extreme." The best example of this, of course, was one that he would not tell Nunnally under any circumstances, but thinking of it inevitably drew his thoughts back to Suzaku. "Still, I'm glad the two of you seem to be getting along. Just remember to be careful around her."

"Does it? I'll have to remember that." The observation was spoken as though he'd had some experience with it, and Nunnally could only imagine how he'd learned about how difficult it must be to stop the teasing. What exactly had Yuffie found to harass Lelouch about, anyway? Now Nunnally was curious, and made a mental note to ask Yuffie about it if she managed to get the opportunity.

"There's a harder edge to her than most of the Student Council," she added, looking thoughtful. Yuffie was more -- intense, somehow. For all her lighthearted airs and joking, there was truth behind her statement that she'd done 'plenty of stuff' and Nunnally suspected not all of it was even so quiet as making dramatic speeches on a table in the middle of the cafeteria. "But I liked her. Is there something in particular I should be careful of?"

That gave Lelouch pause. Nunnally was, he knew, an excellent judge of character, if occasionally clouded by naivete, so if she liked Yuffie... but it wasn't enough to prove anything just yet. Lelouch would simply need to keep an eye on the girl, and that went double if they were going to continue interacting with one another. Maybe he should arrange to be in the arts and crafts room when they met-- he would have done that anyway, of course, but the thought was more insistent now. Could he trust Yuffie around his sister?

"She's more observant than she lets on," he said finally, his forehead creasing. "Don't take everything she says at face value, and try not to tell her more than absolutely necessary. I doubt she would do anything to deliberately endanger you, but..." It was impossible not to worry.

Eventually, he shook his head and smiled a little to show that the serious moment was over, and almost as an afterthought, he added, "What about the other people at the institute? What do you think about them so far?"

Don't take everything at face value. Don't tell her more than necessary. It was like Lelouch expected Yuffie to be dangerous somehow, which -- well, it wasn't a possibility that Nunnally would completely discount. At the same time, though, they had to trust someone here, and she hadn't seen anything to indicate that Yuffie was untrustworthy. She could keep her senses alert, though, if it would make Lelouch more comfortable. He didn't need to be dragged down by having to worry about her constantly. (Not that it was likely to stop, knowing him. Or knowing him as he used to be, as this Lelouch was now... would it ever stop being so confusing?)

"I haven't met very many people so far, but they've all been quite nice." And worried about her, after seeing the crutches she carried around. "This morning a young man named Kio even drew a sketch of me. He's not a bad artist, either." Nunnally might not have learned anything terribly useful as yet, but she was pleased to have made some friends.

That wasn't the most pressing thing to her, however, and she shook her head slightly before moving back to the previous topic. "You're speaking as though I should be afraid of the others trapped here. Why? Is there a reason to worry? Or to keep things secret?" At home they had spent years concealing their true identities in order to stay safe. Here, though, what could it matter? What should she not tell people?

Kio. Another person to keep an eye on. Lelouch only wished it were possible to coax a physical description out of Nunnally without making her too suspicious, unless-- had the person she'd eaten breakfast with been drawing her? He'd been too caught up in the meeting with Homura to tell. At any rate, it was worth at least considering the possibility that that was the person Nunnally spoke of.

Her questions demanding much more of his attention than uncovering the identity of this Kio, though, and he reluctantly turned those thoughts aside in favor of coming up with an adequate response. "Many of the patients here are dangerous. I currently have no reason to believe that any would target you or me specifically, but I still think it's best if we're on guard. Don't be afraid, be... cautious. As for keeping things secret..."

He trailed off. If he were to be perfectly honest with himself, there was little to no reason to keep their identities secret anymore. If anyone did come from their world, the fact that he was openly associating with Nunnally would effectively ruin any efforts on his part to pretend that he was still without his memories of his time as Zero, and if they were from the same point in time that Nunnally came from, they would know even more about him and be in a better position to ruin his plans than he could ever properly prepare for. The best option, therefore, appeared to be to take a route similar to the one he did when Minch nearly discovered his Geass and admit both his lineage and his identity as Zero, but... was this the proper time to do so? Was that even the correct move to make? How would further revelations that he was keeping things from the other patients impact his plans? Homura, he knew, already suspected he wasn't being entirely honest, and if he confirmed it in that way... but surely he wasn't the only patient keeping secrets. Would it really matter if he let slip one or two of them?

He needed to think on this further. "... For now, keeping only Geass, the fact that I am Zero, the actions I took as Emperor, and the fact that you, Euphemia, and I are royalty secret should suffice. I need to reexamine the situation in more detail before I can say for certain whether revealing more would negatively impact us. There are some truths that undoubtedly would, but others..." He trailed off yet again and closed his eyes. "Forgive me, Nunnally."

For as much as Nunnally disliked deception, she still understood the need to simply not say certain things, or deflect questions when necessary. The two of them had managed to survive for years in an occupied Area 11 without anyone but a select few knowing that they were in truth missing Britannian royalty, after all, and even if she didn't quite understand the need not to mention their lineage in a place where Britannia apparently didn't even exist...well, Lelouch had been here longer than she had. She could trust his judgment for the moment, at least until she had a chance to study the situation for herself and make her own decision.

And even if she'd been inclined to argue the point, she couldn't help but be worried about how Lelouch was feeling at the moment; it was obviously upsetting him to ask what he had, and she didn't want to add to that. "It's all right," she said, squeezing his hand lightly. "It would help if I knew more of what you're thinking, though." She knew all too well how much he liked to keep things concealed, but -- she didn't want that. She didn't want him to make plans that involved her without including her, not ever again.

She was more understanding than he'd given her credit for. That was a relief in more ways than one, and Lelouch allowed himself to relax a little. He had no doubt that they would never see eye to eye on certain topics, but at least she seemed willing to accommodate for a few of his lesser sins. Lying in the ways he'd mentioned didn't even strike him as especially harmful (how could it?), but if she took issue with it-- it was so much harder to do things she disapproved of when she knew he was doing them. It was even harder when, as in this case, his reasons for doing so were becoming flimsier with every curve the institute threw at him. Hiding the things he'd done as Emperor was obvious enough, as was concealing the full extent of his Geass's power and so forth, but the fact that he was a prince and Zero... would revealing those at this stage really harm more than help? Would it have any effect at all?

"You need only ask," he said, looking up at her again. "I won't lie to or hide things from you anymore, Nunnally. You have my word." As he had with Suzaku, he knew he was treading dangerous ground by making such a promise, but again, he was tired of lying. He should never have lied to Nunnally in the first place, and although he was, in his mind, far guiltier of hiding things from her rather than lying outright, it didn't matter anymore. She had a right to know what he was keeping from her, and with the Lelouch she had known gone, the task of explaining it all fell to him.

Now that he looked at least a little less unhappy Nunnally was far more comfortable with asking him questions, though she did intend to leave some of the more pointed ones for later. Why had he looked so distressed a moment ago? Did he truly believe that she would utterly reject him for asking that she keep certain things a secret?

Perhaps she would have been upset if he'd asked her to lie about some things, but not those -- it was almost nostalgic, really, like going back to the pretense they'd once lived, when things were simpler and happier. The idea of keeping an identity secret was now somewhat tainted by the memories of other false pretenses he'd maintained over the last year or so of her time, but it was for a different purpose. Rather than to mislead others, to lie and manipulate and twist events to their own ends, it was simple safety. Or so he said, and so she would have to investigate; she'd learned her lesson about completely trusting another's word, no matter who they were.

It would have been nice to go back to how things once were between them, but...there was too much there. Too many memories and too many secrets revealed, even if she still loved him as sincerely and deeply as ever. Nunnally breathed a faint sigh, hoping that none of her thoughts were visible, and smiled at him gently. "You've been here longer than I, Brother. You've made acquaintances and allies and plans, and apparently investigated the situation." None of that was any surprise, of course. She wouldn't expect otherwise of him. "I worry that I may run into something you've found dangerous without realizing."

A reasonable concern. Many of the dangers the institute contained, however, Lelouch had already explained to her, and although there were still some that he had yet to touch upon, he couldn't help but think that those would be obvious enough if they ever arose that they didn't fit the criteria Nunnally had set forth. That far from covered absolutely everything the institute contained that could be dangerous to them, though, and it didn't cover the more ambiguous methods the place had for tormenting them, either. The visitors, for instance...

But perhaps he should start somewhere much more basic. "I don't have my journal with me, but there is something I've recorded within it that qualifies. There is a monster that roams the halls that has the ability to take on the appearance of people close to or familiar with its victims. Often, it's only when this creature attacks that people figure out that it's not who it claims to be." He sighed. "It also appears to gain the memories of those it imitates, so coming up with a code word to confirm the identities of people you meet out in the halls may be pointless. So far, however, there haven't been any reports of this thing mimicking patients that are currently at the institute. I wouldn't take that to mean that it can't or won't, but it's something.

"I'll make a copy of the information I have so far for you as soon as I can," he continued. "A lot of it concerns the different types of monsters here, but there's also a timeline I've been working on that covers as many known events in the institute's history as I could learn about. I used to post a lot of it on the bulletin board, but the new restrictions put a stop to that."

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Night 48: F21-F30 Hallway

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