damned_institute | Night 47: F21-F30 Hallway

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Night 47: F21-F30 Hallway

It was, thought Agatha, about time this Landel guy started acting like a real evil megalomaniacal mad scientist. All the sugary-sweet fakery had been getting on her nerves, but this persona was something she knew all about. Right down, in fact, to the inclusion of information helpful to his enemies.

She'd been spending most of the time since finishing dinner assembling the pitifully few useful-looking items their room contained. She hadn't originally meant to include the little radio in that, since no matter what settings she tried it had only produced rather forgettable music and she didn't have the time or the tools to reduce it to usable parts.

Now, though, she snatched it up and slid it over to the channel that had been mentioned. It might not be much help, but she didn't see how it could hurt, either. "I think I'm all set," she declared. "Ema?"

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Nunnally had forced herself to watch his reaction as she spoke, despite her own misgivings and discomfort, and was left even more conflicted in the end by the reactions she could both see and sense. She didn't need to see him to know his reaction, didn't need close contact to notice the shift in his breathing or the soft rustling of fabric as his posture shifted and he looked away. For years she'd been able to read his emotional state -- even from across the room she could tell when he was upset, and being able to actually see it only made it more simple.

Clearly he not only understood what she was telling him but why his future (or alternate?) self had chosen to do what he did. There was no denial or confusion, although his reaction -- he didn't seem to enjoy the realization, at least. But did he recognize that plan? Was it already in the works in the time he was from? If so, would it be possible to change?

It was similar to what Schneizel had planned with the Damocles, but Lelouch had been right: a person was far easier to comprehend, a much better focus than an air fortress. Even so, though, was it necessary for so much death, so much destruction and fear and despair? A world created in such a manner, no matter how peaceful in the end, would always be tainted by the means used to accomplish it. That left her not entirely innocent, of course, her own hands dirtied by her acceptance of Schneizel's plan and the use of F.L.E.I.J.A. but -- it had seemed necessary at the time. The Emperor -- Lelouch -- had to be stopped.

She could understand why he had felt it necessary now, but still...if it could be changed, it should be. If there was a way they could both live together peacefully, Nunnally hoped that he could find it, once they returned home. It all depended on him, now, and what he could do once armed with the knowledge he'd obtained in this place.

When he spoke again she realized that her gaze had slowly dropped to where her hands lay folded in her lap, as though wondering if she could see the stains of the sins she had brought upon herself. Nunnally glanced up at him again, mildly startled by his tone, but the surprise faded away again as he apologized. She couldn't blame him; it would have been easier and more comfortable to stop there, but if she wanted to change the past he had to know. She had to tell him.

"The Damocles." She drew in a breath, absently rubbing her hands together before realizing what she was doing; she clasped them together and forced herself to sit quietly as she continued, her attention fixed somewhere on the wall past his head. "A sky fortress, equipped with the most advanced weapons technology -- including F.L.E.I.J.A. warheads. Schneizel intended it to draw the attention of the world, to become a focus of hatred and fear. He began with...with the destruction of Pendragon."

The city should have been empty. Evacuated of all innocents caught in the explosion. It wasn't until later that Nunnally had learned the truth, and the weight of that -- she should be grateful to Lelouch for stopping them, stopping her, as he had.

"When the Britannian forces attacked, I...asked for the key to the Damocles. The trigger that would fire F.L.E.I.J.A. It was the only way I could help." Her gaze shifted to focus on him again, her face washed of color and hands closed tightly about each other. "You made your way onto the ship and...forced me to give you the key."

... Had he. Somehow, Lelouch sincerely doubted Schneizel's motives had been as pure as that, but he didn't interrupt Nunnally to say so. Better to listen quietly, even if he wished she would allow him to comfort her again at the very least. As someone who had actually experienced the events she was describing, her connection to them and the pain she felt as a result was far greater than his own, and it was impossible to be anything other than aware of that fact as he watched her hands clench and her face pale.

He did what he could to focus on her words instead, though, not wanting to have to ask her to repeat any of it if he could help it. A sky fortress... well, that explained the name. An appropriate one, too, given what it was armed with. Anyone who had a weapon like that would have undisputed control over the entire world, assuming they used it in the proper way-- or improper way, depending on one's point of view. That would have fit into his plans perfectly, even if he never would have used it on a capital city. ... Then again, he might just have. Still, to go so far as to use Geass on Nunnally-- that alternate self had to have been reluctant, if only at first. After committing himself to a plan like that one, Lelouch could understand why he might be less so, but... it was Nunnally. How could he have done that?

But that wasn't the thing to focus on. There was also the fact that his sister had been allowed to bear the burden of firing F.L.E.I.J.A., and even though she had asked for it, he hated both Schneizel and Cornelia for permitting it. Even against an emperor such as the one he'd been-- or had that been why they had done it? They both knew how much he had cared for her; perhaps they had been counting on the fact that he would hesitate and intended to use the extra time to their advantage. From that standpoint--

He swallowed but didn't ask, instead continuing to look down at her hands and hating the fact that he didn't know if she would accept further reassurance just then. He wanted to lay his hand over hers or hug her again, but... "I imagine things went smoothly after that," he said softly, making himself look away from her. His death truly was the only logical conclusion after that. Someone like that couldn't be allowed to live in the new, gentle world, even if it had all been a farce. And... if he had only just been reunited with his sister, there was no better punishment for his sins than denying himself a future with her.

Of all the words she might have chosen to describe the events surrounding the battle on the Damocles, "smoothly" was nowhere on the list. From the point of view of the Emperor, perhaps; his plans certainly had fallen immediately into place in the next two months, but for everyone else -- it wasn't quite the same. She flinched visibly at the comment, briefly glad that he was looking away as her own gaze fell to her lap once more.

As difficult as it had been to begin speaking, now that she had it was easier, the words flowing from her -- like blood from a wound her mind supplied, and she winced again at the thought -- so that she didn't want to halt the momentum even though she could see how much it was upsetting him. If she didn't think about it, ignored the pain twisting in her own chest, blinked back the tears that wanted to fall in reaction to the memories her words were calling up, she could finish. He had to know all of it. Only then would he really understand what she was asking him to change.

"The battle was a decisive win for Britannia, and the last of the resistance wiped out. A victory for the Empire, even if...if Suzaku was reported killed in action." Despite the fact that her voice remained even it grew quieter as she forced herself to end the story, determined to finish what she had begun. "Most of the leaders of the opposing forces had been captured, and two months after the battle...we were supposed to be executed. And transported there in open parade beneath the eyes of the Emperor himself."

She could remember it as though it had just happened yesterday. All of it -- the feel of the platform beneath her, the oppressive and uncomfortable silence of the crowd lining the streets, the grief and despair that weighed down her limbs more than any physical binding could have. And then the procession lurched to a halt, and she'd lifted her head and seen the impossible.

Nunnally swallowed hard, her knuckles going white with the strength of her grip. "But on the way -- Zero appeared, blocking the road. Everything stopped. He passed all the guards surrounding the Emperor's transport and...." That sentence she couldn't finish, no matter how determined she was. Her voice cut off as a tear she hadn't realized was threatening to fall landed on the back of her hand, and she squeezed her eyes tightly closed, though that couldn't block out the images supplied by her memory.

Reported killed?

That morsel of information was enough to make Lelouch fix his eyes on her again, but as before, he didn't interrupt. Nunnally seemed close enough to the end of her narrative that there would be little point, and besides, she had said "reported." There must have been some reason behind that.

He found himself caught up in what she said next, and shelving his earlier thought, he held back his frown and listened. A public execution. With what he already knew, this could only lead in one direction. There was no way his alternate self would have let those leaders die, not if they were who Lelouch thought they were. Besides, there was little point in her mentioning an execution when it was so very likely that it had been far from the first. That parade must have been where he'd died, and within the privacy of his own mind, at least, Lelouch almost had to applaud himself for playing it out in that way. All eyes must have been on on the procession. It was the perfect stage.

It was only at the mention of Zero that he faltered, but it wasn't long at all before he fitted that piece into place, too. There was no better place for one to hide than in plain sight, and if Suzaku were still alive and his accomplice in all of this, there was no better choice for the new Zero for his debut. Everything had been arranged and executed with flawless precision; it was obvious why he would have favored that plan.

But...

He caught a glimpse of Nunnally's suddenly wet hand, and instantly abandoning his self-imposed paralysis, he gently coaxed her into another hug, his eyes slipping closed, too. "It's all right, Nunnally," he murmured, all the while wishing that the world wouldn't make him a liar. "I'll find a way. I promised, didn't I?" If there was a way, but he ignored that thought and held her tighter. He wanted more than anything to be sure of himself, but-- for now, he would settle for Nunnally feeling better. She'd cried too much today, and he was a terrible enough brother without being unable to put a stop to it.

Now that her story was complete, and she knew that Lelouch truly understood what she had been trying to say along with the unadorned description of events, Nunnally could allow herself to be comforted without worrying that it might make her unable to continue. She allowed herself to be drawn closer without objection, resting her forehead against her brother's shoulder as more tears dampened the front of his shirt for the second time that day. Had the situation been different, had they truly been together and back in her room at Ashford, she might have felt more self-conscious about showing just how upset she was and burdening him all the more with worry for her. As it was, though -- it was necessary. Painful, but necessary.

Oddly enough, though, she felt a tiny bit better now that she had told him. The truth of the months that separated them had been an uncomfortable burden, and now that it had been shared it felt somehow lighter. Suzaku still remained ignorant of what the future held, but was there any reason to tell him? Perhaps so, but if Lelouch did indeed alter his course then none of it would come to pass.

"You did promise," she replied, managing a small, wistful smile that could be heard in her voice even if her face wasn't currently visible. "And now that you know...you can change it." There was nothing she could do to change the past, but as he was from her past -- there was still a chance. If there was a way, if he hadn't already set this plan in motion even then, if many things fell into place, but as yet Pandora's Box had not been emptied.

There. That was much better, even if she was still crying. Lelouch allowed himself to relax a little and simply held her, waiting for the tears to stop. Maybe once she had gotten this out of her system-- but then the horrors the institute had in store for all of them might just ruin the progress they'd made tonight. If they ever reactivated that program, for instance... the Head Doctor implied that it wouldn't be happening again, but Lelouch found it difficult to feel entirely reassured by that. He didn't think he'd care if he was the victim of it again, but Nunnally-- it was too terrible to think about.

Containing his worry over her only became more difficult with what she said next. She sounded so sure of it-- he couldn't help but remember that first meeting with Suzaku again, the plans he'd made, and the fear that if he didn't go through with them, their parents' attempt to kill the gods might succeed. Now that he knew that Nunnally would live even if Suzaku fired F.L.E.I.J.A.-- but he had to at least try. Perhaps if he spoke with his knight again...

He considered this for a moment or two longer before realizing that, even with his reluctance to discuss certain matters further and the fact that he really ought to be focusing on fulfilling his promise, there was something more that he had to know that Nunnally had left out. He couldn't stop himself from shifting the tiniest bit in discomfort the moment he remembered, and after a few more seconds' worth of hesitation, he said, "There's... one last thing that I don't understand. You never mentioned..." He trailed off and glanced down at the top of her head, his brows furrowing. "How did your eyesight return?"

Simple logic was reinforced by the lack of any solid response and reminded Nunnally that promises or no promises, reality remained what it was; what she had was hope, nothing more, and she shouldn't rely too much on it. For the time being, though -- well, there was little else to do in this place. What could or would change upon their return to their own world remained to be seen, and in the meantime there was still the matter of returning to be figured out. The very fact that there were so many other people trapped here testified to the difficulty of that, so it was the more pressing concern.

She managed at least an outward semblance of calm soon enough and sat up a little, self-consciously brushing at the damp spot on his shirt before moving to wipe her own eyes. That was something she couldn't keep doing -- Lelouch had to have his own concerns to deal with, and it wasn't fair to force him to shoulder hers as well without reason. Hopefully there'd be no more need to speak of such things again in the future.

...except for one thing she'd neglected to mention. Nunnally glanced up again, her hand drifting to rest back in her lap as her thoughts spun, trying to decide how exactly to explain it when she didn't entirely understand herself. "On...on the Damocles, during the battle. I realized that I had to. That it wasn't real." Did that even make sense? Likely not, and her cheeks flushed a little as she shook her head slightly, in a helpless sort of gesture. "I couldn't look away anymore."

... She'd overcome it on her own? How-- no, that wasn't the question to ask. Examining the intricacies of that man's Geass now was pointless, especially when Lelouch could simply recreate the effects Nunnally had brought about on her own with Jeremiah's Geass Canceler-- assuming his plan to change events succeeded, of course. There was, however, one very large flaw to his plan: Nunnally's memories of their father using Geass on her didn't appear to have returned. Using the Geass Canceler undoubtedly would bring them back, and how was Lelouch to explain that to her? He could do it and would likely need to if he was going to stop Ragnarok at all and live happily with his sister once it was all over with, but... he wanted so much for her to be able to keep the idealized image both of them had held of their mother. The emperor was a different story, but Marianne...

"I see," he said quietly, still sounding slightly bewildered because appearing too understanding would alert her to the fact that he knew more than he was letting on. He didn't think he could make burden her with any more revelation right now, not when she'd only just stopped crying on them. "I'm glad," he added next, summoning up a small, warm smile for her. "I'll find a way to return your sight when we escape as well. If you were able to then..." He trailed off, deciding to leave the rest unsaid. Those circumstances had been... extreme, but at the very least, he could use them to lead her into thinking that he meant something more mundane than what he actually had in mind.

The idea that she would return to how she had once been hadn't even occurred to Nunnally at all, and she inwardly winced at her lapse. Still, though, if she'd been able to overcome it once, it seemed entirely possible that she'd be able to do so again, though hopefully under different circumstances. She would have much preferred to remain in physical darkness than allow many of the events of the past year to occur.

His smile drew an answering one from her, and she reached out to take one of his hands and hold it in both of her own. "I'm sorry, Brother," she said, sounding a little self-conscious. "There are a lot of things to worry about here, in order to find the way back home again. I don't want to burden you even more."

It was too much to ask that he not worry about her; might as well ask the sky to turn yellow, or a river to reverse its course. She understood that, because she felt much the same way about him. But she could still wish that he didn't feel the need to give up quite so much on her behalf. He should be happy too, in the end.

"It's no burden at all," Lelouch insisted automatically, a note of concern entering his voice. Did Nunnally really think it was? There was a lot on his plate, yes, but... he always had and always would make room for her. It was just the way things were, and he didn't see how it could ever become a burden. Nunnally was too precious to him for that.

He lightly placed his other hand on hers and took another moment to marvel at her open eyes and, the more closely he looked, how much she had grown during their time apart. It may have simply been the maturity she'd gained from the experiences she had just told him about, but... "Really, it's fine. Besides, I haven't gotten the chance to properly take care of you for almost a year now. Call it making up for lost time." He intended to do much more than this once the institute let him, too. If only they would let him move in next door-- couldn't they see how important this was?

... What was he thinking? Of course they couldn't.

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Night 47: F21-F30 Hallway

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