damned_institute | Night 46: M31-40 Hallway

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Night 46: M31-40 Hallway

Emmett left his room empty handed again. It was tougher navigating without a flashlight, but it felt more comfortable. Especially with what he was going to have to do.

Outside seemed like his best bet for hunting. The dogs that attacked them last night didn't exactly smell fresh, but their blood was slightly more appetizing-- and much more likely to be digested by his system than the human food that kept being shoved in his face. Unfortunately there was also the chance that he wouldn't be able to find a semi-living, warmblooded animal out there again. Apparently there had been some Night of the Living Dead theme going on recently. So who knew, maybe it was going to be Swampthing or Frankenstein night-- he did hear that nutjob mention some bullshit like that. If that was the case then his natural prey couldn't be ruled out as an option.

He kept to the wall as he walked down the hallway. It was still early and relatively quiet. Feeding on someone he didn't know was definitely way better than attacking a friend, he was sure the others would agree...

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Suzaku was quiet for a moment, not sure how to answer. It had been so long, and so much had happened. He could barely think back to the things he had learned before Euphie had come, and since then. . . It was mostly just a blur.

"Well. . ." he started, thinking, "I met with someone who knows how to modify radios. Naoto Shirogane. She was going to experiment with setting them to the same frequency, but I haven't heard anything from her since." He thought back to that day, in Doyleton. It was the last day he hadn't had a chance to communicate with Lelouch before Euphie came. The memories had gotten lost in the thoughts of zombies, not to mention everything that had happened since, but there was at least one thing Lelouch might find interesting.

"There's something else. I talked to someone who said there were different versions of people from his world here. Like people from different dimensions, who remembered him but were slightly different in some way. I thought -- I mean, it's possible we actually come from different realities, too. And that there's something different in our experiences we haven't noticed." He glanced at Lelouch, eyes gleaming for a second. It was possible there was hope for Lelouch's reality, that the things Suzaku remembered wouldn't happen to him. He was probably grasping at straws, but it was possible.

That supported the notion that Shirogane had been released. Lelouch had already been fairly convinced of it himself, but new data to support his conclusions always helped. It was, however, tremendously frustrating as Shirogane had been one of the few to agree to work with his network, but he supposed he could always find someone to replace her. It was strange that Gavin hadn't thought to notify him about something like this as well, but-- well, he may have been distracted. All of them had.

Unfortunately, whatever half-formed plans Lelouch had been thinking of implementing to find a new partner for Gavin had to be put on hold. What Suzaku said about different realities-- it was entirely possible, of course, considering just how many versions of Earth the patients appeared to have been drawn from, but... could that truly be the case between the two of them? If that were so, then-- "We'll need to thoroughly test that theory before we can be absolutely sure," he said aloud, giving Suzaku a long look. If this meant there was a chance he could save Nunnally-- but he shouldn't get ahead of himself. He had already resolved to do whatever he could for her, of course, but if this tipped the odds in his favor somehow-- but then how could anything Suzaku had told him about his future help him to do so? If they truly were from different realities, then--

"Did this individual happen to mention how he or she had reached that conclusion? That may give us an idea of where to start."

"I don't know how you can test that. . ." Suzaku said, frowning. Then again, he wasn't the brains of the outfit here. They could meticulously go over every detail of the memories they shared to find any discrepancies, but it was still possible their worlds would only diverge in the future. Finding out more about people like Peter couldn't hurt, though. Anything that could result in things turning out differently was worth the effort, and he knew Lelouch knew that, even if his Prince was going to be skeptical about it.

Suzaku thought for a minute again, trying to remember the details of what Peter had said. "He said his friends were around the same age, but they looked a little different, and -- oh, they didn't remember him at all. He just remembered them. And their memories of events in the past were similar, but not exactly the same."

"That doesn't necessarily tell us anything," Lelouch replied after a lengthy pause, that faint glimmer of hope fading somewhat. "You look exactly the way I remember, and Geass, time discrepancies, or both could account for any wrong, missing, or additional memories either of us may have. It's still possible that we are from different realities, of course, but testing it..." He trailed off and shook his head. "If it's impossible to test, then we can't know for certain, and if we can't know for certain, the only safe course of action to take is to assume and prepare for it the worst."

He glanced away then, feeling almost ashamed for what he intended to say next. Alternate reality or not, Suzaku deserved to know the change he'd made in his plans. He might even be relieved, considering how much he had fought the idea itself, but... somehow, admitting to this seemed like-- he wasn't sure. It was just-- surely Suzaku had to expect him to be willing to do anything to achieve their goals at this point, so saying that he couldn't...

"I doubt it will affect anything anyway," he muttered, looking to the cranes on his desk. "If I am at all able to-- that is, the decision I made on our first night here..." He couldn't even say it. Why couldn't he say it? Talking about Nunnally had been so much easier yesterday, but then of course that had been yesterday. "I was too rash. You were right to try to change my mind." There, that was close enough what he meant to say without stating it outright. Hopefully that also meant that Suzaku wouldn't ask what had changed his mind, but Lelouch tried not to be too optimistic about it. It was Suzaku.

Suzaku looked down. That was the same thing he had been thinking, but he still didn't want to think it. He didn't want to believe there wasn't a way to change things. Maybe he'd tried his hardest to accept the past and continue toward the future, but with the possibility there of the past being different. . . It was impossible to ignore. He was too weak, weaker than Lelouch.

Or maybe he wasn't. Suzaku looked up again, staring at Lelouch in amazement as what he was saying registered. Of course, by now he knew Lelouch wasn't as callous as he'd once believed, but he still thought Lelouch capable of moving on past anything. On one hand, it should be worrisome that he couldn't, that he wasn't so much the coldly determined commander Suzaku wanted him to be. But, more than anything, Suzaku was just glad Lelouch agreed with him. As much as he tried to steel himself, the memories of F.L.E.I.A. would never leave him, and with that possibility there -- they couldn't just let Nunnally die. They couldn't. Thank God Lelouch had finally seen that.

"I -- I'm glad," he said tightly. "If there's a chance to fix any of our mistakes. . . I think you can do it." That sentiment was only the stronger after he knew the full truth of what had happened with Euphie. Maybe that was what had changed Lelouch's mind, too, or maybe it was just that he'd had more time to think about it. Either way, Suzaku was too relieved to press the issue. Not to mention that he'd heard enough of Lelouch's private thoughts the day before that he felt uncomfortable asking now.

While acceptance had been on the list of possible responses his announcement would receive, Lelouch was still a little surprised to get it. It hardly would have sense for Suzaku not to, but-- perhaps it was simply that he had tortured himself enough over this topic that anything different would be treated as bizarre simply as a matter of course. That was far from ideal in the best of circumstances, but considering the topic at hand--

Lelouch ventured a brief glance upward, wondered at Suzaku's lack of further comment, then decided to simply... move on for now. He didn't dare talk about Nunnally, and when they had so many other things to cover-- yes, it was best to let that topic rest for now. Suzaku wasn't his friend anyway, and as close as knights could be to the people they served, that wasn't-- he wasn't thinking about this anymore.

He looked down to his desk again, this time resting his gaze on the black king piece. "Have you learned anything else of interest?" he asked, his tone as level as he could make it. "Or met anyone potentially worthwhile?" Neither seemed terribly likely, but even if Suzaku hadn't done either, Lelouch would be content with a broad description of how the past few days had gone-- apart from the obvious issues with Euphy and brainwashing, that was. And-- "Ah, and you haven't yet given me your full thoughts on Teresa. Can she be trusted?"

Suzaku watched Lelouch, wondering what he was thinking. He felt in some way that this was something they needed to talk about, but. . . Lelouch had to be dealing with his grief for Nunnally still, and Suzaku didn't want to pry. He didn't have the right to pry, not when he'd already caused Lelouch so much pain and seen more of the effects than he should have. Admittedly, they'd once been friends, but their relationship couldn't be so equal and mutual at this point. Suzaku was Lelouch's knight, and it wasn't his right to assume he was anything more.

Besides, he'd come here to talk business, and they still had a job to do. So, regretfully, Suzaku turned his thoughts to other matters. To be honest, he really couldn't think of much of anything else that had happened over the last couple days. He'd met people, sure, but no one who stood out as particularly useful for Lelouch's purposes. Or maybe he was just having trouble thinking of anything other than being chased by zombies, seeing the ghost of someone he loved, and dying.

There was something else he could report on, however. Suzaku had just been thinking of Teresa when Lelouch brought it up. What to say, however, was a problem. When it came down to it, he hadn't exactly grilled Teresa about her background and motivations. It had been the other way around, in fact. "She's, um. . ." He'd come to trust her, even if he was still disturbed by how easily she read him. But would Lelouch understand that? "I trust her. She's -- she's very perceptive. She's a warrior, and she's pragmatic, and -- I don't think she'd ever be deceiving. She's the type to say what she means, and she doesn't understand why you wouldn't."

That was the second time he'd used that word, "perceptive," and again, Lelouch had to wonder if he was referring to some kind of supernatural ability. From the conversation he'd had with with her as Brendan, that couldn't be the case, but perhaps there was some other variable he hadn't been seeing? Could the institute's brainwashing have fouled with whatever abilities she had? This was, of course, assuming she had any to begin with, but... well, he couldn't quite see why else Suzaku would place such emphasis on that word unless there were something he wasn't seeing. Then again...

He made himself examine his knight again, paying particularly close attention to the hesitance he'd both heard and could see for himself now that he wasn't fixating on inanimate objects. Did Teresa... intimidate him? No, that wasn't quite right, even if it could be partially true. Perceptive-- ah, of course. He was unsettled. Lelouch must be feeling more tired than he thought if that had taken as long as it had to process. Unsettled, then, and reluctant to admit it? But why? Did he think that Lelouch would think less of him or something if he did? Again, no, which left...

He paused a moment close his eyes and massage his temples, tired again and faintly annoyed that Suzaku wasn't just saying whatever it was that was bothering him. He'd thought that after their last conversation as themselves, there wouldn't be any more of this-- but then he was keeping things hidden from Suzaku even now himself. He didn't want to, but-- and at any rate, those were private. Suzaku didn't need to be burdened by them, which was something that he couldn't say the reverse for at all for whatever this thing was that he wasn't saying now. Idiot. "Explain what you mean by 'perceptive,'" he ordered quietly, lowering the hand again and giving Suzaku an expectant look. He'd said something similar before their last conversation had ended, and damn it, he wanted his answer already.

Suzaku had been expecting that. Didn't mean he was any more eager to answer the question. It wasn't that Suzaku didn't want to be open with Lelouch, but he had a hard enough time admitting his doubts and motivations to Teresa. Lelouch already understood him; he didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to talk about the way Teresa made him feel like his soul was getting scrubbed out with a chunk of steel wool.

"I meant to figure out what kind of person she is," he started slowly, not sure how to say this. He'd never been good at just spitting out personal things, unless the situation was desperate. "But she ended up figuring out me instead. She keeps saying things like -- she keeps lecturing me about doing things out of guilt, about -- um, about hating myself, about how I lied to Euphie. . ." He trailed off, hoping he wouldn't have to elaborate any further.

... Ah. That kind of perceptive. Lelouch glanced away somewhat uncomfortably then, feeling-- not exactly guilty, but certainly not happy that he'd inadvertently made his knight recall those things. And for a complete strange to have done it-- as much as he may have agreed with what he assumed Teresa said on those topics, it simply wasn't her place to do so. No wonder Suzaku was unsettled.

At the same time, Lelouch had to wonder why his knight still trusted her. Had he been faced with something like that himself, he would have ended the conversation as quickly as possible and found a way to stop her association with Euphy. Suzaku, on the other hand, kept talking to her and apparently didn't mind that this trend would continue indefinitely. It could simply be that he recognized Teresa's worth as an ally or at least as one of Euphy's protectors, but knowing Suzaku...

Lelouch let out a soft sigh. "I will be speaking with her again tomorrow. With any luck, nothing will happen to impede me this time." He gave Suzaku another look. "I'll let you know what else I can find out afterward. All I know right now is what 'Brendan' was able to glean from their conversation." Which, needless to say, wasn't much. "Until then, tell me, have you had the opportunity to observe her with Euphy?"

Suzaku wasn't sure if Lelouch believed him that Teresa was trustworthy, but at least he didn't have to talk about it any more. Lelouch seemed satisfied. And the burden of trying to analyze Teresa's actions was partially off his shoulders now. Teresa couldn't possibly have the same effect on Lelouch, who was always so sure of himself no matter how bad things got. Suzaku didn't want to feel dependent on Lelouch like this, but he was so, so glad they were still working together.

"Okay. I'm guessing Brendan didn't get anything out of her." He hadn't been sure Brendan was a safe topic, but Lelouch had brought it up first. Come to think of it, he had to wonder what Teresa thought of Lelouch, if that was her only impression of him. On one hand, she wouldn't have an accurate idea of his abilities, but on the other, any suspicion she might have of Lelouch had probably been averted. "And no, sorry, I've never been with them when they were talking." Something he really should have corrected by now.

"I haven't either." And what an oversight that was. He hadn't even known what Teresa had looked like until he'd met her as Brendan, though, and even then-- had he even noticed the two spending time together before then? He'd always made a point of keeping an eye on Euphemia, even when he was avoiding her, but he couldn't recall anything. That was something he would need to work on. It would be difficult to gauge their relationship from observation like that because he was fairly certain that Teresa would notice if he was watching her, and while that might not necessarily skew his results, it was still something he was wary of. Perhaps he could think of a compromise.

"And Brendan learned a few things, actually," he continued, sounding faintly disgusted. "He just didn't learn enough. Apparently, she used to be Number One in the Organization. The Organization itself is a group that deals with youma, or as she described them, monsters that hide behind human faces. At any given time, there are about forty-seven members active, and she claims to have been taken by this same Organization at the age of twelve as a form of payment for their services." What else was there? As usual, he could remember the events as they had played out yesterday and well enough that he could recall them in that detail, but some of it...

His brow furrowed. "Judging by her reactions to what some of-- Brendan said, her world is not very technologically developed. She also seems genuine enough in her desire to protect Euphy. She stated that she reminds her of someone, and when she saw how upset she looked at breakfast, she nearly abandoned the conversation. Still, I would prefer meeting with her as myself before making a final judgment."

"Oh, that kind of makes sense. . ." Suzaku trailed off, thinking of how Teresa had spoken of the person who had deceived Euphie. Lelouch probably wouldn't like to know how much Suzaku had told her. Maybe he had a right to know, but Suzaku really didn't want to piss him off right now, when he didn't even know how to talk to the other boy. At any rate, that conversation wasn't the only thing that information explained; Teresa was much easier to understand once he knew that all she understood was exterminating the enemy.

Or no, not all. She had compassion for Euphie, that much had been obvious to him, and what Lelouch said only confirmed it. It was a little embarrassing that Brendan had found out more than Suzaku, but Suzaku didn't care about his pride right now. He cared about what exactly was going through Teresa's head. "You should probably talk to her, yeah. I'm not very good at it, apparently."

"I would argue that her... reaction to you is enlightening in and of itself, but as I'm not yet sure what to make of it..." He trailed off and shook his head. Perhaps Teresa was just as frustrated by those aspects of Suzaku as he was. Perhaps she had some other agenda. Perhaps Suzaku even reminded her of someone, too. Whatever the case, Lelouch needed to learn more about her before he could say for certain. Teresa didn't seem to dislike his knight, at least; Lelouch couldn't imagine her lecturing anyone on such topics if she hadn't thought they would somehow gain from the experience-- unless she was simply doing it out of habit...? All right, no, he would have to speak with her. Theorizing like this wasn't getting him anywhere.

"Until then..." Again, he fell silent. There was one other issue they had yet to discuss, but he didn't quite know how to bring it up. He was, after all, fully aware of how Suzaku's expedition with Yuffie had ended, but that night hadn't come up in any of his discussions with either his knight or Yuffie herself. He'd seen enough of their discussion on the bulletin board to get a general idea, but specific details-- no, it was probably better not to go there. Things were strained enough between them. "I suppose it's only fair," he muttered instead, giving Suzaku a vaguely expectant look. "Did you have anything you wanted to ask me, Suzaku? Unless you have something more to add, of course."

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Night 46: M31-40 Hallway

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