Nightshift 22: M28

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Ed was still hungry when he'd finished eating, the last crumbs practically licked off the plate. It took a lot of energy to use his automail and he was still tired. At least he didn't have to move just yet. He needed to wait for Fox and hopefully Tamaki and Adel, assuming either of them wanted to see him right now.

He twisted his cup of undrunk apple juice between his hands, frowning darkly at it, as though it was the juice's fault for the day's events. He'd been tired but kinda' pleased when he'd woken up, and it seemed like things had just gone downhill from there. First Greed, then seeing mother and then kissing Tamaki and Adel storming off. Admittedly the kiss hadn't been the bad part, and he was glad to have talked to Fox and he'd found Al. That more than made up for the bad things, but still, it was difficult to remain cheerful in the face of all of it. 

He wasn't used to this kind of thing. What the hell did he know about friendship? He knew Al, and that was it. He shouldn't even need anyone else except Al and mother. The pie was sitting on the desk. Innocent and homely and it hurt to look at it. He wanted to go to sleep and just not wake up until everything was right. When Hughes had forgotten about talking to him, and Adel wasn't angry and Tamaki wasn't hurt. When people didn't expect things of him.

He flexed his flesh arm, trying to calm himself and failing spectacularly. Heh, h supposed this was the kind of mood people talked about when they said they wanted to drown their sorrows. It wasn't as though he'd never drunk before, he just didn't make a habit of it. People sometimes pressed drinks on him out of gratitude and it would be rude to refuse it. He stared at the apple juice speculatively. It wouldn't make much, but he knew he got fuzzy after a very small amount. Just enough to blurr things a little. Assuming he had enough energy. Should only be a decomposition reaction anyway. And he could see how much enegry he'd regained.

He leaned over and set the glass down on the desk and awkwardly brought his hands together before pressing them to the outside of the glass, forcing a tiny trickle of alchemy into the juice. Sugars and decomposition and fermentation. It was one of the simplest reactions to do and just needed a little to start it off really, before it continued on it';s own. It was difficult, but he had regained enough energy to do that at least. The liquid darkened and the scent changed, becoming stronger. He felt a little silly wasting what power he had on this, but he'd gone past the point of caring.

The reaction died down and Ed looked at the liquid suspiciously. He took a sip and gagged at the strength of it. Definitely alcohol. Definitely too strong. Yuk. Abandoning the glass, he lay back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, waiting for the others to arrive.

Comments

[grosse-sklaven.livejournal.com]

Adelheid... was more than a little upset, once he got out of his room. His encounter with Larsa had been draining; he didn't want to think about the fact that sooner or later this pleasant dream would all be gone, and he'd be revealed for the monster he was. When that happened, it would only be a matter of time before he was left alone, and in that situation, he would fall easy victim to Doctor Landel's plots. If Uncle Goenitz couldn't withstand it on his own, and the results had been displayed in front of Adelheid's eyes, then what hope did he have?

The only choice he had, the only way out, was if he could make himself so invaluable that the others would take the risk of his condition, and accept him anyway. No, 'accept' wasn't the right word... 'utilize' would be more accurate. If he had enough to offer, then even if he wasn't liked, he'd at least be kept somewhat safe. For now, that was the best that a destroyer like him could hope for.

The first step in that... was to apologize for his earlier conduct. But it wasn't just that. He truly didn't want to lose his friends, and now that he knew that Edward wasn't really that way, it would be possible to apologize and hopefully make the best of the situation. It was a hope, anyway.

So Adelheid lightly rapped on the door with his spear, hoping that his former friend would still be willing to speak with him. What other hope did he have?

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Ed started at the knock on the door and sat up quickly, wincing a little as his brusies pulled. He hoped that was Tamaki or Adel. He needed to sort things out. He felt terrible for putting them bother through that. For making Tamaki think it was more than it was. Or maybe, a small part of him argued, for denying that it meant anything so strenuously.

He opened the door and smiled up at Adel, standing aside to let him enter the room. "Hey." He flopped back down on his bed, looking up at the taller boy. He sighed softly, brushing his hair away from his face. "I guess I should apologise. I didn't realise it would make you feel so bad."

[grosse-sklaven.livejournal.com]

"No, there's no need for you to apologize. I... read more into it than there was." The teenager strode into the room, closing the door behind him and resting both spear and flashlight on the other bed before sitting down so he could talk to his friend- as it seemed like they were friends, again.

The words 'I'm sorry' were next to impossible to say, but the taller teenager hoped that what he was saying, and the tone he said it in, would do well enough. "I shouldn't have done so, nor should I have stormed out in such a manner. I hope that you won't hold that against me?"

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Ed shifted slightly, feeling a little guilty at Adel's words. It had been innocent, really, but he couldn't deny that he hadn't exactly hated the feeling. And what kind of normal person kissed a friend of the same gender for no reason? Not that Ed had ever been considered normal.

He shook his head, smiling reassuringly at Adel. "It's fine. I should have thought first." He needed all the allies he could get in this place anyway. And he and Adel seemed to work well together. He didn't want to lose him over something as stupid as this.

[grosse-sklaven.livejournal.com]

"Well... for what it's worth, Tamaki-san can be very... distracting." He ran his hand through his hair, offering a bit of an excuse for the younger blond if he wanted it. And it was true, too; when Suou was acting like a Host, even Adelheid had gotten sucked into the moment. Then there was the simple matter that it had been a weird situation, and... the German shrugged. It was over with, and there was no further need to worry. "The entire day's been strange, so I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised when-"

He stopped. And sniffed. What was that strong smell? It had the scent of alcohol, but... it was strong. Very strong. "Edward, do I smell... cider?" It had a faintly fruity aroma, whatever it was, and crimson eyes widened in wonder as he thought about it. Was it even possible to find something like that in Landel's?

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Ed nodded in agreement. He could definitely attest to that. He didn't even know what use this Hosting thing would be, didn't really care, but it was hard not to get sucked in by Tamaki's enthusiasm and brightness. "And he's difficult to disappoint, I think. I'd feel like I was kicking a puppy." He offered Adel a wry smile. He really did pick awkward people, apparently.

He shrugged at Adel's question, pointing towards the glass on the desk. "It's too strong," he replied, making a face. "It fermented too long." The alcohol taste was far too overhwelming to call it pleasant by any stretch of the imagination.

[grosse-sklaven.livejournal.com]

Yes... yes, they both had been sucked into the non-fighter's enthusiasm, and the result of that had been quite... interesting. Despite Tamaki's obvious preferences, Adelheid still felt bad about storming out like that; as Edward had said, it felt like kicking a puppy. Especially since Tamaki was so kind in getting them together as friends in the first place, so sooner or later Adelheid would need to apologize to him as well.

But first things first. He smiled and stood up, walking over to the glass and taking a slight sniff. "Ah, do you mind if I have a taste?"

Assuming the response was affirmative, Adelheid took a slight sip... and winced. Even with the blood of Orochi in his veins, he wasn't a drinker by any stretch of the imagination, and it was strong. Despite that, however, when Adelheid looked at Edward a bright smile was on his face.

Holding the glass like a piece of evidence, Adelheid said, "This reminds me of what I saw on the bulletin board; someone wrote a love letter to someone else, and made reference of the fact that there is no alcohol to be had in the entire Institute. But if you can make something like this?"

Perhaps it was him being a natural merchant, perhaps it was him finally offering something useful, but the brightness in his eyes made them seem like they were sparkling in the light. "We would have a resource that we could offer, just like we do with weapons. Even better, it's something that's consumed, so there would be a constant demand for it; we could use it as barter, to exchange something like this for raw materials, for information... and it might be easier to make than weapons, so it would enable one alchemist to take a break while the other constructs weapons for the night."

Speaking of which... Adelheid put the drink down, not wanting to muddle his wits. "Ah, and that reminds me; I got a few requests for weaponry as well, when I spoke about alchemy. So not only do I want to make sure you know about them, but I should start learning the art as quickly as I can, so there will be more than just you and the Colonel." The teenager was almost but not quite babbling; while he was completely lucid and every word clearly enunciated, he spoke rapidly because he had so much to say, so many ideas to get across, and he feared that he would get bogged down or forget some if he didn't share them. "One of the people I spoke to earned the title of 'tenken', or 'sword god'. He has a great deal of natural talent, and if I get him a katana, I might be able to learn how he fights and incorporate it into my style. And perhaps it might be possible to earn his service; if that is true, then we'll be in an even better situation than before."

He finally stopped, a little out of breath from all of his talking. And once he stopped? He blushed a little, feeling a little awkward; he'd never shared so many plans with one person at one time before, excluding his sister. But Edward was trustworthy and possessed a sharp mind; Adelheid hoped that together they could manage something.

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Ed shook his head. "Go ahead. It's horrible." Practically burned his tongue off. He wasn't sure why he'd bothered if this had been the result. Maybe he needed more sugar. Finding out how to make good alcohol, as opposed to just know how to make any alcohol had never been high on his priorities list.

He stared at Adel as the other boy began talking, entirely confused. He thought it was good? "Why would people want it when there's more important things to do?" he asked quietly. Admittedly, he'd been the one to make it, but he couldn't imagine most people being interested, and Ed had just had a terrible day.

The weaponry orders were less surprising. People needed more than what they could find in the kitchen. "And Al," he said quietly, a huge grin spreading across his face. He knew Adelheid had met Al before, so he should be pleased, well, as pleased as you could be that someone was trapped here. "He's here."

"I can't make it tonight," he added apologetically. "I promised Fox I'd help him, and I don't think I can manage more than one big transmutation tonight." He felt terrible for refusing, but he was starting to work out his limits and any more would leave him even more helpless. "But if they find me some more metal, I can do it tomorrow, probably."

[grosse-sklaven.livejournal.com]

...Adelheid couldn't help it, he laughed when Edward asked that first question. Did the boy really not realize just how important the law of supply and demand was? Or how alcohol was the modern-day Morpheus, easing the pain that no other substance could? "Edward Elric, everyone needs a break. And I know that alcohol is one thing that some people need, it relaxes and distracts the mind, and for those reasons among many others it can be worth its weight in gold." He grinned at the other boy, and added, "If you and I can learn how to make it more palatable, and then marketed it? You would have made all of our lives much easier."

Then Adelheid stopped, and if his previous grin had been wide, he was almost beaming now. "You found Alphonse? I shouldn't be so glad that he's here, but... I am, anyway. I'll have to find him again; after how much he helped me those first few nights, I couldn't rest until I knew he was all right." Alphonse had been his first ally in the Institute, even after he had thrown his lot in with Dante... and that thought pained Adelheid. He hadn't seen the woman for some time, which meant that his promise had likely failed. He'd still hold on to hope, but...

...he shook that off and went to the other train of thought. "I know, but that's another thing I need to speak with you and the Colonel about. The conversation with this 'tenken' was over a day ago, before you spoke with Fox; we should come up with a system a little more organized, so requests aren't forgotten and are dealt with in a reasonable amount of time. And I know that Mr. Hughes and I were planning on making a public advertisement of what the alchemists can do- and me as well, once I learn it- so keeping track of all of those would also be a challenge."

A challenge that Adelheid was honestly looking forward to; this was something that he could do, and if it was at all possible, then Adelheid would be happy to put his mind to the challenge. It was only after a moment's pause that he smiled and waved it off, remembering what had brought up the topic in the first place. "And don't worry about it tonight. I just hope that your arm gets fixed reasonably soon."

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Ed looked at him sceptically. If he was in this place, he'd feel a lot better with a good weapon in his hands rather than a glass of nasty tasting alcohol that would probably be better used as an antisceptic. Still, he supposed that some people did seem to need to drink a lot. Maybe Adel was right. He nodded grudgingly. "I suppose. I just let the reaction go on too long, that's all."

He shook his head vehemently at the suggestion of an advertisement on the bulletin. "No," he said firmly. "No advertisement. It's too dangerous." He swallowed thickly, remembering Hughes' and Lust's warnings. "There's someone here, a homunculus named Envy. He's the one who killed me." He didn't want that creature anywhere near him! Never again. The thought made him shudder just thinking about it.

[the-clown-king.livejournal.com]

(coming from here (http://community.livejournal.com/landels_damned/72799.html))

Tamaki had left Seimei and Ritsuka and continued on his nightly quest. Azel hadn't been in his room, so Tamaki continued along to Ed's. Ed... he was going to have to talk to his friend, about what happened. Maybe if he got to Ed's room early enough, they'd have time to talk...

And he wanted to tell Ed what he'd sworn, in his room.

Sword still in hand, Tamaki eased open the door.

"Ed-kun? I.... oh! Adel-kun!" He immediately flushed, seeing the one person he was sort of hoping to avoid right now. At least until he'd figured himself out a little better. Tamaki wasn't good at hiding things, and he didn't want to drive his friend away....

[prisonerofdeath.livejournal.com]

[[From Here (http://community.livejournal.com/landels_damned/81984.html?view=4722752#t4722752)]]

Fox lead the way quickly and quietly back to the room, and as he walked he came to the conclusion it would be better to leave Ed and Tamaki alone. There was really no point to stay there, it would only give him time to think. Even if he would be slightly distracted, Fox was certain he could put the distraction aside for a fight.

It was self-delusion to think that he could handle being around other people too much, especially people so different from himself. Tamaki was a happy, optimistic person, and it was infectious. Both he and Ed let their emotions show very freely, and it was harder to keep his own emotions bottled up, and he still did not fully trust himself. Fox had already lost control once, but thankfully a strong hit to his head by the machine had knocked him out of it.

It would be safer, and more productive, to keep exploring for the night.

"You two be careful for the rest of the night, I'm going to go exploring."

[[Going here (http://community.livejournal.com/landels_damned/74515.html#comments)]]

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Ed was grateful for Tamaki's supposrt and Fox's presence as they made their way back to his room. He was still feeling quite unsteady, and would have been an easy target for any monsters if he'd been alone. He just hoped that his room wouldn't be attacked. That could make things difficult, although the door wasn't wide enough for much more than one thing to fit through at once and they could probably barricade it if need be.

He sighed wearily when they entered the room, collapsing on the bed. He was so tired. He smiled at Fox though, grateful for the man's help. "Thanks. Good luck." He didn't think Fox would need it, but it never hurt to wish it.

With Fox gone, he lay back on the bed staring at the ceiling. "I'm tired," he said sleepily, tiredness making itself sharply known now that he didn't have to move and do things. He shifted, smiling weakly at Tamaki. "Sorry, I'm not much use tonight."

He could feel his eyelids dropping closed with every blink. He should do things. He should be out there fighting or looking for Al or helping Tamaki and Adel. But he could just close his eyes for five minutes, right? THat wouldn't be too...

[the-clown-king.livejournal.com]

"Just rest, Ed-kun," Tamaki said, softly. Of course Ed was tired, look at what he had done! He watched, silently, until he was certain the other boy was asleep. He brushed Ed's hair out of his face and pulled the covers up over him before turning to the door. He didn't have any excuse not to join the others now. And he wasn't going to just stay in Ed's room while his friend slept - that was just a touch creepy.

Ed would be safe here, in his room, and he could get the rest he needed.

Armed with flashlight and little else, Tamaki headed out into the hallway.

(heading here (http://community.livejournal.com/landels_damned/74515.html))

[grosse-sklaven.livejournal.com]

((From here. (http://community.livejournal.com/landels_damned/74515.html?thread=4736019#t4822035) ))

When Adelheid's flashlight played over the room he had led Tamaki into, Adelheid could only shake his head. Edward... was asleep. Blissfully unaware of what had gone on. And from the way his arm was so limp, he hadn't gotten that repaired, either. "That idiot," Adelheid muttered under his breath, "he knows that there are those who wish to hurt him, and yet he leaves himself so vulnerable?"

The strongest of the three slowly made his way over to the other, unoccupied bed, easing Tamaki down onto it but remaining standing himself. "You can rest here, Tamaki-san; I'll protect both of you."

Which was somewhat ludicrous, seeing as how he was nearly dead on his feet himself, to say nothing of how terribly wounded he was, but... he would rather defend them than anything else. He knew that he didn't belong with them, he didn't belong in their world. But at the same time... if he could at least destroy those who would wish to hurt his friends, wouldn't that be enough? It was all he could offer, but perhaps, just perhaps, that would be fine.

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Despite his exhaustion, Ed wasn't entirely unaware of the others entering the room. He'd learned to sleep when he could and wake easily because you never knew who was chasing you. It hadn't been so very long since he and Al had been on the run from the military, after all.

He shifted slightly, one eye blinking half open and peering blearily into the darkness. He didn't give any outward sign of wakefullness, wanting to know who it was first. Lots of blond hair, apparently. Ed pushed himself up onto his elbows slowly, pushing his hair out of his face and blinking at the other two boys sleepily.

"Adel? Tamaki?"

[the-clown-king.livejournal.com]

"Don't bother," Tamaki muttered to Adel, curling up on his side with his back to the room. He didn't really awknowledge Ed, just sort of shrugged. It was a limp, listless movement that could barely be seen in the dark.

"I'm not worth it," he mumbled again, that awful empty hole inside of him feeling as though it would swallow him. This was a far cry from the grinning, bright eyed, flushing teen he'd been earlier in Ed's room. The change in him was so striking it was frightening.

[grosse-sklaven.livejournal.com]

"Edward." Adelheid acknowledged the other boy with a slight nod, concern warring with pain and weariness in his voice as he gazed at the shortest of the three. "I didn't mean to barge in on you like this, but as you can see, Tamaki-san is... not himself."

It was frightening, if only because Adelheid had to fear for the day if he was hit by such an attack. If it inverted Tamaki from all grins and flamboyance to this hollow shell, would it awaken the most feared part of the German's psyche? It terrified him, though he didn't let that show on the surface.

As for his own wounds? He kept them hidden as best he could. His flashlight was now turned off, his hands holding onto that and the spear- despite the pain involved- so that it wouldn't seem like anything was out of the ordinary. But soon he'd have to look for something to recover with; at least bandages or something like that.

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Ed shook his head and then pushed himself off the bed, concern showing on his face at Tamaki's odd behaviour. The other boy seemed oddly... flat, and there was no sight of the familiar cheerfullness. Just blankness.

He crossed to the other bed, perching himself on the edge of it and looking at Tamaki and Adel in concern. "What's wrong?" he asked softly, almost afraid to raise his voice. He reached out to shake Tamaki's shoulder gently. "Tamaki?"

He was starting to get worried.

[the-clown-king.livejournal.com]

"Just leave me alone." Why wouldn't anyone just go away and realize how pointless this all was? And how worthless he was? His voice was no longer completely empty, flat and without emotion. There was a tinge of depression and desperation there now. He couldn't bring himself to feel much of anything else.

"You don't care about me, I'm just nothing. Just go awayand leave me alone. It's pointless for you to try and stay with me - all I do is cause problems for everyone. I understand everything now. Maybe you will, too, someday."

[grosse-sklaven.livejournal.com]

"He's been like this since I found him in the hallway," Adelheid breathed out, his hands clenching onto the implements in his hands until he felt like he'd cry out in pain. He was so useless! Nothing he was saying could help, he was completely useless against this kind of situation! He'd said everything he could think of, and nothing!

But, again, that didn't show on his face or in his voice; he shoved that down as far as he could, not wanting to make the situation even worse. Perhaps... perhaps Edward could do something about this, could make Tamaki feel better. Adelheid was very obviously not cut out for that.

And even though he didn't say it, this situation stung him terribly. What was the point of 'friendship' anyway, if something as simple as this could apparently surmount it?

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Ed swallowed, staring down at his friend with wide eyes. "What happened?" he breathed in disbelief. Tamaki couldn't have been gone very long, probably an hour at most, although Ed wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep.

He noticed Adel's hands clenching on the spear and the slight tightness around his eyes. Ed paused for a moment and then patted Adel's shoulder lightly, a clumsy attempt to say 'thankyou' and 'sorry' and the million other things Ed should probably say.

He sighed and turned his attention back to Tamaki, completely at a loss as to how to help him. He licked his lips, trying to think what someone with more social skills would do, what Al would do. If this were injuries, if this were blood and fighting and physical pain then he'd know what to do. But it was and... "I don't know what to do," he said, voice barely above a whisper, his eyes still fixed on Tamaki.

He took a deep breath and then shook Tamaki's shoulder again, forcing the other boy to roll onto his back so Ed could look down at him. "I don't abandon people I care about," he said, voice slightly more harsh than he'd intended.

[the-clown-king.livejournal.com]

"You don't care about me." The same words that Tamaki had offered to Adel were offered to Ed. The teen rolled over at Ed's urging, putting up no resistance. He fell onto his back, limp and lifeless, his eyes still empty and tinged with a strange desperation.

"I understand everything now," he went on. "It touched me and I understand. I thought I was going to die and then it touched me and I realized everything. And it should have killed me. It would probably be better that way. You don't really care about me, Ed. I'm just going to make your life miserable and cause problems. I'm worthless. I'm just going to die here, and no one will care, and everyone else is going to die here, too. There's no point in fighting or trying. I understand that now."

He trailed off, the feeling inside of him almost squeezing and then slowly turning into deep seated depression. His eyes glittered then, with moisture rather than the joy that they usually reflected. Why couldn't they understand?!?

[grosse-sklaven.livejournal.com]

"I wish I knew what happened," Adelheid quietly answered, squeezing his raw palms until pain shot up them again. If only he had been there, maybe he'd have been able to protect Tamaki. If only he had stopped this before it had happened! If only he could help Tamaki out... if only, if only.

Then Edward patted him on the shoulder, and Adelheid looked up at him, absolutely confused. He had failed on every conceivable level, he'd dragged Tamaki into this situation and dumped it on Edward's lap, and yet there was still that sympathetic look in Edward's eyes, still a reassuring squeeze of broad shoulders. In the end, all he could say was, "I don't know what to do, either."

Saying it out loud made it more final somehow, an obvious failing that he possessed. If this was a physical threat, he could have done something, but in the face of all of this, what could be done?

But now that Edward was there, surely they could do something, right? Something had to work, there had to be some way of counter-acting all of this... but then Adelheid thought of that helpless kitten, all in agony and helpless, and he remembered he had his knife in his pocket, and that all he could do was destroy, and...

...and he felt sick to his stomach when he saw those tears in Tamaki's eyes. As he had thought, this 'friendship' was something he couldn't take part in. It wasn't a part of his world, and he wouldn't be able to do anything on their behalf. Except to kill and scheme, and become like his father so that they could return to their less-than-idyllic lives.

He was silent as he listened, all of his words exhausted and his hopes of bringing Tamaki out of it thoroughly spent. If only there was something within his means, he'd do it, even in his condition, but there wasn't...!

[lost-metal.livejournal.com]

Ed gave a watery laugh at that, smiling waekly at Adel. "Then we're both as clueless as each other," he said, embarrassment on his face. What kind of friend was he if he had no clue what to do. "I don't know if I'm cut out for this friendship stuff," he added quietly. It needed to be said, because Adel and Tamaki needed to know. He had no idea what he was doing and would likely fuck things up soon enough.

He snorted at Tamaki's words, coaxing the other blond into a sitting position, tugging him to sit against the wall and then sitting next to him, their shoulders just touching. "I'm good enough at fucking up my own life," he said dryly. "Trust me, there's nothing you can do that's worse than what I've already done."

His expression turned to a scowl and he looked as Tamaki darkly. "You are not going to die!" he snapped. "I won't let it happen! Not to Al, not to you or Adel or anyone!" They were his, and he'd protect them with his life if he had to.

He needed to snap Tamaki out of this. He needed to know that he had friends, no matter what happened. He held out a hand to Adel, wanting him to climb onto the bed next to them. He'd dealt with bedraggled kittens before, and Tamaki kind of reminded him of one at the moment. it was the only clue he had, so he'd just go with that.