Day 43: Waiting Room/Lobby 2, Third Shift

[kingside]

It would have been impossible not to see this coming, but after the night he'd had and seeing Euphy in the cafeteria-- hadn't the past twenty-four hours been enough? He couldn't do this anymore, not after seeing her walking around as if nothing had happened and knowing that Suzaku was going through a similar ordeal. His knight-- no, former knight now-- had been so transformed by her death, and having to behave now as if none of that had occurred had to be-- but it was out of Lelouch's hands now. Both of them were, and although he would have liked nothing more than to speak to her again or tell Suzaku why he couldn't tell him what had happened, he couldn't do that to either of them. It would be easier for them this way.

For him, however, the torment was just beginning. There was a wide variety of people the institute staff could have chosen from that would have a deep impact on him, but when the most obvious choice would have the worst-- he couldn't do this! He had spent almost all of his time here carefully shutting out thoughts of Nunnally after Suzaku had told him what would happen to her, but if he had to come face to face with her-- the walls were already beginning to crumble, and if it hadn't been for the fact that he knew his nurse would have grabbed and probably sedated him the instant he tried to bolt, he would have done so immediately.

As things were, he allowed himself to be led placidly through the Sun Room and the main hall, eyes downcast and shoulders beginning to quake ever so slightly with barely contained emotion. Nunnally-- he hadn't had a conversation with her-- a real conversation, not something rushed over the phone that hid more from her than he ever wanted and not something filled with lies and false reassurances, but a real conversation where he could ask how her day had been and lightly cradle her hand in his as she excitedly told him about the latest tidbit Sayoko had told her about Japanese culture or expressed worry about something in class she hadn't fully understood or sweetly smiled at him as she--

Lelouch shut his eyes tightly, barely hearing the nurse as she left him in the lobby to find a seat and somehow keep himself preoccupied while he waited and tried his hardest not to remember what the rest of his conversation with Suzaku had held that night. If he did...

Slowly, he began to walk over to one of the chairs, all but collapsing into it once he'd reached it and sagging forwards so that his elbows rested on his knees and only barely kept him seated upright. He didn't know how much more he could take, and if his visitor was Nunnally, then-- then what? He wasn't sure. And Nunnally-- what was he supposed to tell her? What could he even say? How could anyone expect him to talk to her now as if everything was normal when he had to-- when there was no way he could--

He stared down at the floor and waited, face blank. He would just have to get through this somehow, and after that-- he would deal with that later. He had to.

Comments

[damned-visitors.livejournal.com]

What the hell? Did Simon really think Sean would be happy with a crappy answer like that? "The old man's asking the nurses. I'm asking you, Simon. So don't give me a shitty answer like that, okay? I'm your brother." And that meant something that Sean wouldn't let Simon forget, because it was too important. "It's okay if you still don't remember. I won't get mad at you. I know you want to come home."

Because Simon had to want it. Didn't he?

Sean tried not to think about that too much, especially when Simon started talking about friends. Instead he smiled, because he was happy that Simon knew nice people here. He was, damn it. "Sweets, huh? Guess I know who's getting your deserts now. Have you talked them into serving you tofu yet?" He'd never get why Simon liked that stuff so much. Tofu was so bland. It had no flavor! It was totally...safe.

And Sean was asking Simon about it. About tofu. What was wrong with him, using their precious time to ask about tofu?

"Yeah, it's not too bad. The old man make sure everything runs the same, even without you there." Sean tried to smile, but with all the thoughts running through his head, it was kind of crooked. He clasped his hands tightly in his lap, still thinking about what he'd thought earlier. Could Simon like it better here? Maybe, if he thought this was where his real friends were. But Sean was his brother.

That meant something. It had to.

"You're going to come home soon." Sean said it more to himself than to Simon, but either way, it didn't sound convincing. "You know that's where you're supposed to be, right? I mean...it's home. With me."

With his brother. His brother who meant something.

[tsunagari.livejournal.com]

It was too close. Far too close. He'd nearly forgotten in the week of time between this visit and the last. His likes, dislikes, those could all be found in his patient files, he was sure, but the base personality was so much like the original that Sai wanted to reach out and hold him again. He restrained himself, hands clasped tightly together in his lap.

He didn't want to lie to Shin - to Sean that looked like Shin, but he had to. It was necessary to play along, to not allow the Institute to deconstruct him mentally even if it had partially succeeded just by having this boy walk through the doors. The ninja nodded his head slowly.

"Yes. I... miss being with you." It was a painful truth that he'd have to use for the sake of realism. "I'm going to try my best to get better, so that they'll release me. Although... I'm afraid my memory is still faulty at times." He smiled, faintly. "I didn't even think to ask about tofu. I haven't seen them serve it here."

And now it was time to lay his wounds bare and allow Sean to douse them in salt. It was, he told himself, to both gather information and allow the boy to believe he was genuine. "Perhaps if you reminded me of what I was missing at home, it would make the healing process easier."