Day 43: Waiting Room/Lobby 2, Third Shift

[kingside]

It would have been impossible not to see this coming, but after the night he'd had and seeing Euphy in the cafeteria-- hadn't the past twenty-four hours been enough? He couldn't do this anymore, not after seeing her walking around as if nothing had happened and knowing that Suzaku was going through a similar ordeal. His knight-- no, former knight now-- had been so transformed by her death, and having to behave now as if none of that had occurred had to be-- but it was out of Lelouch's hands now. Both of them were, and although he would have liked nothing more than to speak to her again or tell Suzaku why he couldn't tell him what had happened, he couldn't do that to either of them. It would be easier for them this way.

For him, however, the torment was just beginning. There was a wide variety of people the institute staff could have chosen from that would have a deep impact on him, but when the most obvious choice would have the worst-- he couldn't do this! He had spent almost all of his time here carefully shutting out thoughts of Nunnally after Suzaku had told him what would happen to her, but if he had to come face to face with her-- the walls were already beginning to crumble, and if it hadn't been for the fact that he knew his nurse would have grabbed and probably sedated him the instant he tried to bolt, he would have done so immediately.

As things were, he allowed himself to be led placidly through the Sun Room and the main hall, eyes downcast and shoulders beginning to quake ever so slightly with barely contained emotion. Nunnally-- he hadn't had a conversation with her-- a real conversation, not something rushed over the phone that hid more from her than he ever wanted and not something filled with lies and false reassurances, but a real conversation where he could ask how her day had been and lightly cradle her hand in his as she excitedly told him about the latest tidbit Sayoko had told her about Japanese culture or expressed worry about something in class she hadn't fully understood or sweetly smiled at him as she--

Lelouch shut his eyes tightly, barely hearing the nurse as she left him in the lobby to find a seat and somehow keep himself preoccupied while he waited and tried his hardest not to remember what the rest of his conversation with Suzaku had held that night. If he did...

Slowly, he began to walk over to one of the chairs, all but collapsing into it once he'd reached it and sagging forwards so that his elbows rested on his knees and only barely kept him seated upright. He didn't know how much more he could take, and if his visitor was Nunnally, then-- then what? He wasn't sure. And Nunnally-- what was he supposed to tell her? What could he even say? How could anyone expect him to talk to her now as if everything was normal when he had to-- when there was no way he could--

He stared down at the floor and waited, face blank. He would just have to get through this somehow, and after that-- he would deal with that later. He had to.

Comments

[damned-visitors.livejournal.com]

"Clara's" breath hitched in something vaguely resembling a laugh as she took the tissue, even if without really thinking she'd already tried to clean up when he'd walked away. "Get to the bottom?" she repeated, and then looked down, putting hands on knees and straightening.

"Well..." she said hesitantly, but after a long moment finally offered a faint and still-watery smile as her gaze once more wandered upward. "Yes. I know you can do it, Sammy." She nodded and pushed her hair out of her face, continuing to think on how to do her best in this situation.

"Oh, right!" She blinked, then not-so-subtly glanced at the nearest watching nurses as she patted down the jacket and dress she was wearing. "So, we were talking about all this and I... well, you know how important the missions and helping people were to Deanne, so I thought that... maybe you should have this." Very soon she seemed to find what she was looking for, producing something notably smaller and greener than the bag from before and holding it out to him with a look that was meant to accept no argument. It was actually more meant to be a reminder, but she didn't really need to say that, right?

[pleading-ngri.livejournal.com]

If she'd expected to see recognition is his eyes when she handed over the trinket, Clara couldn't have been disappointed by Phoenix's response. The smooth-edged stone had been in Phoenix's pocket since he'd received it, as regularly and reliably as his wallet or phone. He traced his thumb around the edge he already knew by heart, almost smiled, and found at length that he couldn't. There'd always been a subtle warmth to the magatama. If Phoenix sat still enough (as seldom as he did), there were times when he'd almost been able to sense that it was humming impalpably, like a distant sound through floorboards. The little jade pendant was body temperature, but that was all he could say for it. It couldn't have done anything, even if he'd needed it to. Looking back up into the face of the girl who knew nothing about Maya Fey, holding the rock that was anything but magical, it was very hard to not feel a little crazy.

"I-" He looked up, then back down, feeling embarrassingly exposed. It was so like her, being unhelpful one second and cutting right to the heart of things the next. He curled his hand around the pendant and pocketed it before a nurse could see them, standing as he did. That did it. Maya making that single gesture and looking at him with that 'I shouldn't have to explain this to you' look was too much.

I'm going to see this thing finished, Maya, and I'm going to make sure we get home. He made grandiose promises, but only when he knew that he meant to see them through. He'd gone through numberless hours of classes and the State Bar of California on not much more than a photograph and some news articles. A shiny rock could keep him going until he got out of here. All of us.

". . . thanks, I-" Before he could finish, Phoenix's voice caught, and he cleared his throat and laughed shortly before he could get any closer to being absolutely sappy. "Thanks."

"Mr. Appleby? We need to clear the room for the next group of patients." His nurse was at his side, and he nodded, looking back at his visitor with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"Don't let the old guy get you down; I'll be back and paying for lunch again before you know it. In the meantime, just look after Rose for me, okay?"