Lelouch vi Britannia (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kingside) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
damned_institute2009-08-17 12:37 pm
kingside) wrote in damned_institute2009-08-17 12:37 pm
Entry tags:
Day 43: Waiting Room/Lobby 2, Third Shift
It would have been impossible not to see this coming, but after the night he'd had and seeing Euphy in the cafeteria-- hadn't the past twenty-four hours been enough? He couldn't do this anymore, not after seeing her walking around as if nothing had happened and knowing that Suzaku was going through a similar ordeal. His knight-- no, former knight now-- had been so transformed by her death, and having to behave now as if none of that had occurred had to be-- but it was out of Lelouch's hands now. Both of them were, and although he would have liked nothing more than to speak to her again or tell Suzaku why he couldn't tell him what had happened, he couldn't do that to either of them. It would be easier for them this way.
For him, however, the torment was just beginning. There was a wide variety of people the institute staff could have chosen from that would have a deep impact on him, but when the most obvious choice would have the worst-- he couldn't do this! He had spent almost all of his time here carefully shutting out thoughts of Nunnally after Suzaku had told him what would happen to her, but if he had to come face to face with her-- the walls were already beginning to crumble, and if it hadn't been for the fact that he knew his nurse would have grabbed and probably sedated him the instant he tried to bolt, he would have done so immediately.
As things were, he allowed himself to be led placidly through the Sun Room and the main hall, eyes downcast and shoulders beginning to quake ever so slightly with barely contained emotion. Nunnally-- he hadn't had a conversation with her-- a real conversation, not something rushed over the phone that hid more from her than he ever wanted and not something filled with lies and false reassurances, but a real conversation where he could ask how her day had been and lightly cradle her hand in his as she excitedly told him about the latest tidbit Sayoko had told her about Japanese culture or expressed worry about something in class she hadn't fully understood or sweetly smiled at him as she--
Lelouch shut his eyes tightly, barely hearing the nurse as she left him in the lobby to find a seat and somehow keep himself preoccupied while he waited and tried his hardest not to remember what the rest of his conversation with Suzaku had held that night. If he did...
Slowly, he began to walk over to one of the chairs, all but collapsing into it once he'd reached it and sagging forwards so that his elbows rested on his knees and only barely kept him seated upright. He didn't know how much more he could take, and if his visitor was Nunnally, then-- then what? He wasn't sure. And Nunnally-- what was he supposed to tell her? What could he even say? How could anyone expect him to talk to her now as if everything was normal when he had to-- when there was no way he could--
He stared down at the floor and waited, face blank. He would just have to get through this somehow, and after that-- he would deal with that later. He had to.
For him, however, the torment was just beginning. There was a wide variety of people the institute staff could have chosen from that would have a deep impact on him, but when the most obvious choice would have the worst-- he couldn't do this! He had spent almost all of his time here carefully shutting out thoughts of Nunnally after Suzaku had told him what would happen to her, but if he had to come face to face with her-- the walls were already beginning to crumble, and if it hadn't been for the fact that he knew his nurse would have grabbed and probably sedated him the instant he tried to bolt, he would have done so immediately.
As things were, he allowed himself to be led placidly through the Sun Room and the main hall, eyes downcast and shoulders beginning to quake ever so slightly with barely contained emotion. Nunnally-- he hadn't had a conversation with her-- a real conversation, not something rushed over the phone that hid more from her than he ever wanted and not something filled with lies and false reassurances, but a real conversation where he could ask how her day had been and lightly cradle her hand in his as she excitedly told him about the latest tidbit Sayoko had told her about Japanese culture or expressed worry about something in class she hadn't fully understood or sweetly smiled at him as she--
Lelouch shut his eyes tightly, barely hearing the nurse as she left him in the lobby to find a seat and somehow keep himself preoccupied while he waited and tried his hardest not to remember what the rest of his conversation with Suzaku had held that night. If he did...
Slowly, he began to walk over to one of the chairs, all but collapsing into it once he'd reached it and sagging forwards so that his elbows rested on his knees and only barely kept him seated upright. He didn't know how much more he could take, and if his visitor was Nunnally, then-- then what? He wasn't sure. And Nunnally-- what was he supposed to tell her? What could he even say? How could anyone expect him to talk to her now as if everything was normal when he had to-- when there was no way he could--
He stared down at the floor and waited, face blank. He would just have to get through this somehow, and after that-- he would deal with that later. He had to.
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"Understood." Slipping the device back into her pocket, Linnea once again folded her hands before her. "I have been appointed conservator of your accounts until you're proven..." Her words trailed off as her eyes drifted to Saffron. "Until you come home. Would you like me to make any adjustments to your investments?"
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"No, it should be fine as it is after only this long," said Yukari. She'd been here less than a week, so it shouldn't be a problem. "Besides, I trust you to handle it in my stead. You'll be much more informed than I am in here, anyway." While this was mostly said to cover the fact that she really knew nothing about what Ran- what Linnea was talking about, she also felt that this would be something that Violet would say anyway. She even added that ominous smile she often gave Ran when entrusting something delicate to her. Only this time she didn't really have any back up plans should things go awry.
Hopefully Violet did.
"Much as I entrust the rest to you also while I'm here," she added with a nod. "After all, that is why you are my sh-" my shiki, she had almost said; it was harder to pretend while looking her in the eyes, "the one I chose, all those years ago. I'm sure you'll still have everything standing when I wake from this dream."
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"Yes, I shall," she replied, watching the woman carefully. "Would you like me to pass any specific messages onto Miss Kouryou or your mahjong group? They are all quite worried - Miss Kouryou, especially. She had planned on visiting, but something came up that needed her immediate attention. She sends her well wishes."
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"Tell them not to be so worried. I've always come out fine, haven't I? This is just another detour in the road of life," Yukari said with a confidence that she almost didn't feel. No, something like this wasn't enough to cause the youkai doubt. Of course not.
Who was Kouryou though? While Violet, Saffron and even Linnea had been jokes upon their own names, there were far too many readings of Kouryou to tell. However, if her mahjong group was Yuyuko and the half-baked gardener... well, it didn't sound like Suika, but urgent business did sound like Reimu. And if she read "rei" as "ryou", then added...
"And tell Miss Kouryou," she said, using the name both to mock Linnea's formality and because she didn't know what other linguistic delights Landel had in store for her in this world to make up the shrine maiden's name, "not to get too comfortable. I'll be seeing her before too long."
She smiled down at the girl in her lap, ruffling her hair affectionately.
"Just like I'll be seeing you, Saffron," she said quietly to the child. And perhaps she would, in her dreams, or in the dream where she was Chen. After this dream was over.
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Saffron looked warily between the two adults before her face broke into a smile and she squirmed around in her mother's lap until she found a more comfortable position. "Hey, Mom... I've got all sorts of cool stuff to do at home, but what do you do for fun here?" She peered around at the other people in the waiting room.
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Yukari giggled and wrapped her arm around Ch- the girl once she got comfortable again.
"Well, there's a library, a crafts room and even a game room," she listed off. "And yesterday we visited the nearby town, Doyleton." Yukari decided not to mention the zombies. "And of course, there are all the other people here to speak with. They have a lot of interesting stories." More of them true than the doctors would like them to believe.
"People," humans, she said in her mind, "are always so interesting."
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"Whether your mother says you can have it or not, you will not be getting it until your suspension is over," the assistant replied.
"Ahhh... Linnnneeeaaa."
"Enough," came the reply, Linnea's attention focused on the nurse that had just came in to tell them that their time was up. "Saffron, say goodbye to your mother. We need to get going."
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"All good things are worth waiting for," Yukari consoled the girl as she picked her up beneath her arms and pulled the girl off her lap, depositing her on her feet. "Just like you'll wait for me, right?" she said with a smile. And somewhere inside, she felt something - perhaps it was pity, or sadness - for this girl who would be waiting for someone who would never come.
But that was okay. Because Ran and Chen were waiting too.
(Because those were different. Right?)
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Reaching out to pull the girl from her mother, Linnea said, "Go on and wait outside for me. You can have one piece of candy from the canister on the front desk."
The girl nodded again and gave her mother a small smile. "Bye, Mom."
Linnea stood there watching Saffron leave, one of the nurses cheerfully greeting the girl and walking out into the entry room with her. Once the girl was safely gone, Linnea turned back to her employer. "Ms. Cloud, please take your situation seriously," she said. "Saffron puts up a good face, but you really scared her." And me.
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"Linnea," said the youkai, dropping her smile. "Just because I'm not fretting and worrying doesn't mean I'm not taking this seriously." Though it didn't mean she was either. "This is my life, my identity we're talking about. Even I want to return home, to be with you two again." Or at least with someone like them in a home like theirs. She paused then, both in audible dialogue and mental addendum.
"I'm sorry if I've worried the two of you," she said seriously. Regretfully, she also thought, And I'm sorry that I'll be most likely do so again before this is over. She sighed, bringing a hand to her forehead tiredly. "Look... you've given me a lot to think about at the moment. And you shouldn't keep Saffron waiting."
She spoke up one last time as the woman who was not her shikigami turned to leave.
"And Linnea... thank you."