Day 44: Arts and Crafts Room, 4th Shift

[ryuuzaki]

The day had been slow for L so far, slower than he required: the events of the previous night were traumatic, but they did not outweigh his need for information and a useful way in which to apply whatever he might learn.

When the nurse shepherded him from the cafeteria, through the Sun Room, and over towards the door of the Arts and Crafts Room, he experienced a small internal wince: this was the room where it had happened the night before. Unpleasant, yes, but likely to be irrelevant in terms of my own welfare, except in terms of what I can learn from it, he reminded himself.

He had the impression that he could avoid the room if he wanted to, but there were several convincing reasons to push past his reluctance: his meeting with Lunge was necessary, the opportunity to see the room in more usual circumstances might be valuable, and he did not want the staff to see that he had been affected. He wasn't sure how they were tied to the events of the previous night, but the buzz of information around the Institute suggested some kind of strong connection.

As he stepped into the room, feet feeling imprisoned in the slippers that the staff kept insisting that he wear, he avoided the area where he had collapsed. Instead, he turned to the right and proceeded as far into the room as he could, then left, then took a seat in the back corner.

If the nurses pressed him to be more creative, he would take up painting. However, he expected to express his creativity in other ways.

[For Lunge.]

Comments

[number1smiley.livejournal.com]

"A warrior is entitled to moments of rest as long as they are always ready to take up the sword again when they must," Teresa replied. "There is nothing wrong with striving for that moment of rest, that moment of respite, to keep yourself whole. But keep in mind that innocents will always get in the way, one way or another. It doesn't make it right, but it is the truth. Even a child will brandish a stick at an adult to protect someone she cares deeply for." Just as Clare had, even though it was not needed at the time.

She paused in thought, mulling over Suzaku's concept of why he had been fighting and how he was going to move forward. Guilt and selfishness were not the same thing, though they were not mutually exclusive. Choosing to do something out of guilt was not automatically a selfish act to the individual as much as it was a selfish act to the ideal. He was taking responsibility for his own actions, which was commendable. Yet, he still served Britannia.

"Why is it that you dwell on the past and not look to the horizon?"

[superdynamic.livejournal.com]

"Not me." Suzaku was more certain of that than anything else, even if he was no longer driven by guilt. (Or by guilt alone.) There was nothing left for himself, which was why he could move forward no matter what happened. "I'm just going to fight so everyone else can have that rest. If more innocents die so there can be peace in the end -- fine." As long as the sin was on his shoulders, his and Lelouch's, it would still be worth it.

Her next question confused him, however. Wasn't looking to the horizon what he was doing? He'd given up on the things he'd wanted in the past, and was just working toward the world's future. . . Or maybe that was dwelling on the past. Maybe she was referring to the way he had condemned himself, because of the mistakes he had made. That would fit with her attitude toward guilt, but she was wrong. The only horizon he could see was one where he didn't belong. "Because I don't have a horizon. It's -- too late for me. All I can do is help everyone else."

[number1smiley.livejournal.com]

Pathetic human. To believe that he had no horizon... Wait. Ah. Yes, now Teresa understood.

"You hate yourself," Teresa stated, her hands resuming their previous motions, adding another random bead to the long string.