damned_institute | Day 44: breakfast

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Day 44: breakfast

Yuffie had died.

No, really. Seriously. She had actually died. Bleeding all over the place, making a horrid, sticky mess and scaring the hell out of Suzaku; she remembered it clearly. Kind of. Sort of. Through the blood loss, the pain, and the visions. Through Aerith's voice whispering in her ear, Cloud's stricken eyes, and her own panic. As bad nights went, it had been Bad, capital B and all the trimmings, and oh, god. She sat, trembling on the edge of her bed, eyes closed and hands pressed hard over her racing heart. The by-play between Landel—Landel!—and Lydia barely even sunk in. There was nothing in the whole world, any world, that could prepare you for something like…

Had it all been some kind of hallucination?

Had she imagined the whole thing?

No… She didn't think so. Nightmarish or not, Yuffie knew reality. But if it had been real, how was she alive now? That kind of pain wasn't something you could just cook up, was it? She thought about it all the way to the cafeteria, drifting behind her nurse without focus or intent. Maybe if she tried to stay clinical, tried to step back… But she'd never been good at that when things got personal. And every time she closed her eyes or blinked, she swore that the scenes played back to her, like an overused commercial on a crappy channel on a crappy TV, in a run-down dump of an inn that smelled like mothballs and yesterday's breakfast.

The scent of blood and damp, rotted wood clogged her nose. Disgusted, Yuffie shoved her bowl of cereal—handed to her by a clucking Plucky—off to the side so that she could melt into her chair, palm heels scrubbing against her eyes. Too much. This was… Too much. She couldn't even paste a plastic smile on her face to make herself feel better. Her usual shield, the white noise of inane babble that could filter out almost any crisis, was in tatters all around her. Five minutes, she gave herself.

Five minutes (not) to think, five minutes to get her act together, because there was no way she could let herself shatter here. No way…

[Closed to Sheena]

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Consciousness was slow to return for Lelouch-- slower than usual, that was, and accompanied by an even worse sense of disorientation than he was normally gifted with at these early hours. The softness of the bed he was lying in and the warm blanket over him only made it worse. He could have sworn he was supposed to be lying on something colder and harder, and although there had been some warmth, it was--

"Shirley!"

He sat bolt upright and ripped aside the covers, half-expecting them to stick to his body with slowly cooling blood and choking back a small sob when they came away dry. He hadn't-- of course he hadn't, but Shirley had-- had that been what it had felt like? But she'd had the hope-- no, the total blind faith that when she was reborn, they could-- Shirley...

His hands clenched into fists on the clean white sheets, and with little hope that it might actually work, he squeezed his eyes as tightly shut as he could and tried to calm himself, as if there were any way he could-- oh god, and Euphy had been there to see it all. She must think-- and she must have been so scared to see him like that. As if he hadn't done enough to her, she had had to live through that without understanding why it had happened and try to comfort him. She hadn't deserved to experience that, and since there was no way she wouldn't forget this in the same way his Geass had ensured that she would forget the SAZ, it was....

The familiar sound of his nurse approaching the door made Lelouch's eyes snap open, and a little less quickly, he released his death grip on his blanket and forced his breathing back into a rhythm that almost seemed normal. The look his nurse gave him once she finally opened the door and stepped inside said quite plainly that she wasn't buying it for a second, though, and averting his gaze so that he wouldn't have to see the pity in hers, he unsteadily rose to his feet and allowed himself to be led to the cafeteria.

At least now he would be able to try and find some way to save Nunnally, he mused, making one last effort to rub the sleep before entering the slowly filling room. He couldn't bear the alternative anymore, not after seeing her yesterday and dying with the thought that he could no longer do anything to help her. The decision he had made on his second night here had been the most practical one, but-- he couldn't do it. There had to be another way.

It was only after his nurse gave him a small nudge that he realized he had been led to the food, and after seeing him stare at it blankly for several seconds, she began filling up a plate for him, that awful pitying look returning full force as she worked. It didn't go away even after she'd finished, and he was forced to endure it as she went with him to find a seat, set the plate down before him, and stood just behind him while he sat and, after realizing what she was waiting for, took a single bite out of his french toast.

Apparently satisfied, she left, and the instant her back was turned, he picked up his napkin and spat the mouthful of food into it.

[For Rolo.]

When Rolo awoke that morning, he was almost certain that what he experienced that night had to be some weird dream. It accounted for that strange blending of the knowns and unknowns in his life. Teresa ending up as a Geass contractor who knew his brother, hearing that Euphemia was alive, being attacked by a ghost, the blob, the fountain – right, it was all a dream.

That's what he thought, until Rolo felt something in his grip. Something... he looked down, eyes widening in surprise when he realized it was the baseball bat he grabbed last night. Wait, but didn't he dream that? Then, that meant … last night really happened? Thankfully, Rolo had enough sense to realize that this was contraband and hastily stuffed it underneath the mattress, managing to fit it in so it wasn't... too obvious. He sighed a bit, hoping no one came in to clean the room too throughly.

His roommate was already gone (or hadn't come back), and the door was locked so Rolo had nothing else to do except... wait. He sat on the bed, restless gaze bouncing all over the place until it landed on the desk, where something that wasn't there last night lay.

“That's...”

---

“Oh, your family asked us to return that to you, Spike. They said it was very important to you, but we didn't get the memo when we first moved you in. Now, what do you want for breakfast?”

The nurse was trying to be cheerful, urging Rolo to eat once she lead him to the cafeteria, but Rolo was ignoring her in favor of the locket he held in his hands. It was the one Lelouch had given to him for his (Nunnally's, but – no, they were celebrating his, not hers) birthday. It sparkled just a bit in the light, calming Rolo as he remembered what he had to do. Right, he had to find his brother, and then get out of here. Things like Teresa and how he ended up in his room last night could wait until he found his brother.

As the nurse continued to pile things onto his plate, and as he continued to ignore her, Rolo scanned the room over. It was filling up by the minute, more people trudging in. Quite a few looked upset, though Rolo assumed this was normal. No one was probably here because they wanted to be, though it was their fault if they weren't strong enough to get out on their own. Rolo wasn't going to let this bother him, as he continued his search.

And he knew it was over when his eyes rested on the right person.

“Brother!” Rolo was already out of his seat, making his way over to the only person in this place who mattered. Lelouch! He really was here! To Teresa's credit, she hadn't lied, but... He knew, it was just a matter of time! The teen was quick to claim a seat right next to Lelouch, not even bothering to ask. Why would he? Lelouch would be happy to see him.

“You're alright! I was so worried, I didn't know if you managed to get away from the Britannians! You're alright, aren't you? It's OK, I'm here, so we can escape now!”

Lelouch went very, very still when he heard that voice. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised that Euphy wasn't the only one from their world that had been brought to the institute, but of all the times that the fake could turn up, this was the worst. It was almost ironic that someone with his power could have such a horrible sense of timing, but then what the fuck else was new?

Trying and failing to keep his expression neutral, Lelouch turned his head just in time to see Rolo bounding over and looking for all the world like the innocent Lelouch thought he had been during the year they'd spent together. An innocent, like Nunnally, who had needed as much nurturing and protecting as Lelouch could give him when in truth, he was nothing more than a venomous little serpent poised to strike at a moment's notice. That year, that stolen year, should have belonged to Nunnally, not to this impostor, and after seeing his sister only yesterday--

Rolo was talking. Lelouch was only half-listening, his narrowed gaze resting on his "brother's" hated face and picking apart every feature that was wrong. His eyes were too small, his eyebrows too thick, his hair too dark, his forehead too wide-- Lelouch couldn't find a single detail that wasn't somehow out of place. And then there was his voice--

"Rolo," he said softly, having just as much trouble keeping his tone even. Differences from Nunnally aside, what he had done to Shirley-- God, and this was what Lelouch had to greet him in the morning? If he said a single thing-- "When did you get here?"

Oblivious to Lelouch's true feelings, as always, Rolo only smiled happily as he stared at his beloved brother. He never felt such a stronger sense of relief, even though... to be honest, it didn't escape his notice that Lelouch was looking unusually stiff. Was it from last night? There were explosions, right? But he could see no bandages, no wounds, nothing that would indicate that his brother was harmed.

"Last night. Actually, it's more accurate to say yesterday. I woke up and spent some time outside, but they brought me back in... and then I was able to go out and look for you when night fell," He left out the part about Teresa, more interested in how Lelouch was doing. If he got his brother out of here fast enough, then things like Teresa wouldn't matter.

"When did you get here? Was it at the same time as me?" Well, it had to be, of course. They came here together, right?

During fourth shift, then, or to put it another way, the shift directly after his visit with Nunnally. Had the institute staff planned it like that? Lelouch found it difficult to believe that anything else might be the case after the day he'd had, but he knew better than to share that theory with anyone. It wasn't like he was some sort of cosmic plaything.

"I arrived here approximately five days ago," Lelouch replied, finding it somewhat easier to feign neutrality now that Rolo wasn't calling him "Brother" and speaking quite so excitedly. He still looked far happier than he had any right to be, but there wasn't much Lelouch could do to change that at the moment. Perhaps if he intimated that Rolo should have been here earlier-- but that would go without saying in the impostor's view of things, wouldn't it? Contributing to any guilt he felt would only lead to another sickening display, and Lelouch was feeling nauseated enough right now.

"Has anyone taken the time to explain the institute to you yet?" he asked next, fervently hoping that someone had so that he could end this travesty of a conversation and send Rolo away. It should be easy enough to think of an excuse; all he needed was the opportunity to do it.

Five days...? Rolo was almost disgusted with himself. Was he out for five days? If they were captured together, that was the only explanation for it... he would have to ask Lelouch about it later. The priority now was to escape, so he kept his line of questioning to that. Lelouch... he didn't look like he was looking too well, actually. A glance down at the table showed some half-eaten food spat up into a napkin. Shit, was the food here poisoned or something?

"No, I spent the night investigating this place myself, but I ran into some... setbacks," Rolo frowned, not sure where he could even begin to start with said 'setbacks'. His frown disappeared soon enough when he brushed that all side, absentmindedly toying with his locket as he spoke.

But, why would Lelouch need to explain about the Institute to him? He guessed it was useful to know the layout and nature of the place, but they just needed to run, right? Well, of course, Lelouch must have done some investigating on his own. His brother had a five day headstart over him, after all.

"Is there anything important I should know? I want us to get out of here as soon as possible."

A predictable enough answer, if still a disappointing one. Lelouch wasn't sure how much longer it would be before his tolerance for Shirley's killer ran out, much less the useless pawn that sought to replace Nunnally in his life. And he had the audacity to sit there as if he deserved a place at Lelouch's side when--

A slight movement on Rolo's part caught his attention, and briefly distracted from his internal diatribe, Lelouch glanced down and-- what the fuck was he doing with that here?!

"Why do you have this?!" Lelouch demanded, snatching the locket from Rolo's hands and bolting to his feet. "Isn't the fact that you're here enough?! You have no right to carry this, you goddamned impostor! I was going to give it to Nunnally, not to you!"

He punctuated the last word with a sweep of his arm, sending his barely touched plate of food flying in Rolo's direction. He didn't stop to see if it hit, though, too caught up in venting all of the frustration built up in him since his memories had returned and Shirley had died to care. "You think you could ever replace her?! I hate you! I hate everything about you! I've wanted to kill you for the longest time, but I just kept missing my chance to do it!"

It happened so quickly, and Rolo wasn't expecting it, so that's why he was uncharacteristically slow to react when he felt the locket being swiped by his hands. He was also a little slow to realize that Lelouch was yelling, and his reflexes only caught up with him when a plate of food came flying at him. It missed, mostly, but some of the eggs got on his lap as he lowered his arm, staring up at Lelouch in surprise.

"..." It was only then that Rolo was finally tuning in. You think you could ever replace her?! I hate you!

This, again? But ... but Lelouch already said this to him once. It was because he was planning to throw his life away to the Black Knights (those traitors), and he wanted Rolo to have no part in that, right?

I hate everything about you! I've wanted to kill you for the longest time, but I just kept missing my chance to do it!

So why was he saying all of this again? Rolo already knew Lelouch was lying - for one fleeting second though, Rolo feared that Lelouch was actually telling the truth, and that sick feeling from last time his brother flew into a rage started to pool into his stomach, making him shake just the slightest before he finally calmed down and spoke.

"... It's OK, Brother. You don't have to lie to me. I really want to help you," Rolo frowned, not sure why Lelouch was repeating those horrible words to him. "I know I almost died last time, but I'll be more careful this time. You can trust me!"

It sort of made sense, with Rolo's twisted understanding of the situation: He almost died when they escaped from the Britannians, so maybe Lelouch was trying to push him away again. But Rolo would have none of it. His only place was by Lelouch's side.

Edited 2009-09-21 03:35 (UTC)

Almost died last time? A distant corner of Lelouch's mind, untouched by his current rage, filed away that information for later, but the rest of him was far more interested in and infuriated by Rolo's apparent unwillingness to believe him. "I'm not lying! You've been nothing but a hindrance to me since day one! The only reason I kept you around was so that I could use you, not because I actually cared about you! And then you killed Shirley!"

His hand curled into a fist around the locket, pressing it deeper and deeper into his palm until the pain made him stop. "All she wanted to do was help me, but you killed her just because you thought she was a threat! She wasn't a threat to anyone, you fucking moron! Did you even give her a chance to explain herself?!"

He raised his fist, clearly intending to strike the boy. If it hadn't been for him, Shirley would have lived that day, and even though it wasn't Rolo's fault that Lelouch and Nunnally were being kept apart right now, did it really fucking matter when he'd taken so much else away that had been hers?

This had been such a busy morning for the nursing staff! What in the world had gotten into everyone? If it wasn't breaking up couples that seemed to be a little too clingy with each other (and that alone was scandalous), it was breaking up fights. Honestly, the nurse didn't think they paid her enough for this sometimes.

"Brendan! Spike! What in the world has gotten into both of you?," she demanded as she walked up to both of them, syringe in hand. She couldn't let things escalate, so she walked up to the dark-haired boy first, quickly injecting him with a dose of the sedatives before turning to the younger one. "Are you going to be good, or will I need to prepare a second dose?"

Rolo thought, hoped that Lelouch would calm down, but on the contrary, his words seemed to make the whole situation worse as Lelouch screamed more, bringing up the fact that he was nothing more than something his brother wanted to use (he knew that) and... Shirley?

"Huh?" Shirley? Why was he bringing up that girl? But... but Lelouch had praised him for getting rid of Shirley, because she was a threat! She was going to meddle with them, and besides, Lelouch even said that he did a good job! Why was he bringing her up, after all of this time?

It was only then did Rolo realize that Lelouch had raised his fist like he was going to -

"What are you doing?!" The teen didn't even register the threat that the nurse gave him, pushing past her to try and get Lelouch away from her. What did she inject him with?! "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

Lelouch had been at least peripherally aware of the fact that a nurse was going swoop in at any moment, but that didn't stop him from being surprised when the woman finally stepped up to them. The sight of the syringe made him jerk back reflexively and lower his arm, but naturally, he was too slow to both evade and avoid the needle.

He shivered slightly at the slowly spreading cold of the sedative in his veins, his glare resting on the nurse now but growing hazier by the second. Rolo's (loud) reaction did keep things somewhat more in focus for him, but why the impostor should care at all after the things he'd told him-- was he really that stupid?

With a snap of her fingers, the nurse called over a pair of orderlies, who quickly restrained the younger boy. "I'm sorry I'm having to do this, Spike, but you're going to have to get along with your friend better in the future. You can't go getting into fights," she said, as she calmly prepared a second syringe and injected Rolo with it.

She wasn't able to stay long after they'd taken effect; it was a busy morning, and she was being called away almost immediately.

[I always forget to sign these - Jen again.]

"What did you do to him?!" What the hell did they inject Lelouch with?! Rolo only struggled more and had to be held down long enough for the nurse to deliver a dose of... whatever for him. The sedative had an almost immediate effect, Rolo struggles growing weaker and weaker by the second.

"Let... go...!" But it was obvious that, even drugged, the boy was intending to fight until the bitter end, and the orderlies were quick to start hauling the boy out. Where, he did not know, but Rolo was adamant in trying to wriggle from their grip until the sedative gripped his entire body and he finally went limp as he became vaguely aware of his surroundings.

Before he completely blacked out, one thought kept haunting his mind, providing him no comfort despite it being all he had.

Lelouch...

Why--?

Lelouch sat down heavily in his abandoned seat, somehow avoiding the mess he'd made of his breakfast and cradling his head in the hand that wasn't still clutching Rolo's locket. His fury from earlier was fading fast now that he no longer had anyone to focus it on (the sedative was helping in that respect, too, of course), and although under normal circumstances something like that might mean it was now time to turn his thoughts towards more productive matters, these were anything but.

He closed his eyes, deliberately ignoring the orderlies as they dragged the impostor away. That was more than enough from him for the day, and although Lelouch knew he should probably be showing more concern for both the boy and what damage the things he'd said to him might have done to his public persona's reputation if nothing else, he simply didn't care. Enough was enough.

Head still swimming, he leaned (more like fell) onto the table and pillowed his head on his arms. From the sound of it, his nurse had chosen just then to show up with a fresh plate of food and plenty of admonishments (especially when she saw the piece of toast he'd spat out, and damn it, he should have swept that onto the floor, too), but sitting up straight again and eating like she insisted would have to wait for awhile.

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Day 44: breakfast

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