damned_institute | Day 44: breakfast

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Day 44: breakfast

Yuffie had died.

No, really. Seriously. She had actually died. Bleeding all over the place, making a horrid, sticky mess and scaring the hell out of Suzaku; she remembered it clearly. Kind of. Sort of. Through the blood loss, the pain, and the visions. Through Aerith's voice whispering in her ear, Cloud's stricken eyes, and her own panic. As bad nights went, it had been Bad, capital B and all the trimmings, and oh, god. She sat, trembling on the edge of her bed, eyes closed and hands pressed hard over her racing heart. The by-play between Landel—Landel!—and Lydia barely even sunk in. There was nothing in the whole world, any world, that could prepare you for something like…

Had it all been some kind of hallucination?

Had she imagined the whole thing?

No… She didn't think so. Nightmarish or not, Yuffie knew reality. But if it had been real, how was she alive now? That kind of pain wasn't something you could just cook up, was it? She thought about it all the way to the cafeteria, drifting behind her nurse without focus or intent. Maybe if she tried to stay clinical, tried to step back… But she'd never been good at that when things got personal. And every time she closed her eyes or blinked, she swore that the scenes played back to her, like an overused commercial on a crappy channel on a crappy TV, in a run-down dump of an inn that smelled like mothballs and yesterday's breakfast.

The scent of blood and damp, rotted wood clogged her nose. Disgusted, Yuffie shoved her bowl of cereal—handed to her by a clucking Plucky—off to the side so that she could melt into her chair, palm heels scrubbing against her eyes. Too much. This was… Too much. She couldn't even paste a plastic smile on her face to make herself feel better. Her usual shield, the white noise of inane babble that could filter out almost any crisis, was in tatters all around her. Five minutes, she gave herself.

Five minutes (not) to think, five minutes to get her act together, because there was no way she could let herself shatter here. No way…

[Closed to Sheena]

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"Dr. Landel!"

Endrance stirred at those words, turning over once in his sleep, and murmuring something incomprehensible - perhaps a 'go away', perhaps a 'let me sleep'. He clenched his fists within the covers, more from instinct than anything else.

The next few lines on the intercom were enough to wake him, and that in itself was far too wrong. I shouldn't be here. I died last night - I'm sure of that...I died like Mia. I died like Mia and now I'm back here and that shouldn't be possible. Why...why?

His nurse came in just as a choked sob was leaving him. Endrance told her to go away and leave him alone, but she wasn't going to have that. "You just had a nightmare, Peyton. Come along now, you'll feel better once you've eaten something - and no more playing with your food. You're going to eat something this time."

Nothing she said was enough to stem the steady flow of tears that fell steadily from his downcast eyes on the walk over. His nurse filled a tray for him, warning him that he had better eat, but as soon as she was gone, he pushed the tray aside, resting his head on the table and letting the tears fall freely.

[for Haseo.]

Haseo's "death" was ironically peaceful, but his morning... definitely was not. The glittering, bloody scene from before had faded into nothingness, but in turn transitioned to an odd wasteland, purple-toned and malicious, overlaid by a wash of emotions and actions. Everything was spinning and glowing, and there were two competing voices ringing in his ears.

...under construction, isn't it?

Contractors are so... unreliable...

Haseo felt his consciousness being pulled apart and put back together haphazardly, and there was some sort of noise overlaying it all that had to have been his screaming, though it was rising in pitch much too quickly and wouldn't stop, not quite piercing the division between sleep and consciousness.

Then he struck out blindly and the world turned upside down, cutting off the noise rather efficiently with the abrupt shock of his real self hitting the real floor with an uff! that stunned him just long enough to notice he wasn't dead yet or in a coma or-- damn it! Damn it!

He flipped over onto his hands and knees and then was on the bed, against the wall and fighting off the touch of a middle-aged woman accompanied by at least two men in plain uniforms.

"Kai! Kai, calm down," she was saying, much more sympathetic than usual. Was it a different woman? He couldn't even tell as he shook, putting a hand on his chest and the other over his mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut. His heart was pounding so hard he half-feared he was going to hurt himself just sitting still, but he refused to do something stupid like vomit or pass out again, and instead focused on just making his breathing even, the shreds of what he'd just witnessed in his mind's eye slipping away. Unfortunately, what happened before stayed almost as clear as when he'd experienced it.

"Would you prefer to stay here for a whi--?"

"--No! No. I need to go," he said strongly, though he had to fight off another wave of nausea at the thought of food. Fortunately, it seemed his stomach really was much stronger than he would have honestly figured, past the part where you were supposed to act tough. While uncharacteristically anxious, he allowed himself to be led to the cafeteria.

He wasn't sure if he was actually surprised or not to find Endrance. His first instinct was to basically attack him- make him prove he wasn't bleeding anymore and was more or less alright! That desire seemed to die out as soon as he was close enough to do so. Instead, he just hovered awkwardly, and then after a moment put the tray he'd been handed on the table and began looking for the others he knew and... well, nurses' agendas be damned.

The sound of the tray hitting the table was enough to make Endrance lift his head from the table just a little, and his eyes opened wide when he saw who was standing there. It shouldn't have been possible, should it? Not when he was sure they had both died last night. That glittering light could have only meant one of two things - death, or a coma that might as well have been death. The keys to recovering anyone who had fallen into a coma like that were only in The World, and without access to that...

"Y-you're all right...you..."

The staff could all wither and die as far as Endrance was concerned; there was only the unrestrained impulse, and he'd be damned if he didn't act on it. Without a second thought, he pushed his chair back from the table and pulled Haseo into a tight embrace. "I...I'm so glad you're all right. I honestly thought that was it last night...I was surprised to wake this morning, but even more surprised and glad that you're here." He didn't care if he was getting the Rogue's shirt wet with those tears that were still falling, and he really didn't care if anyone else was looking.

"Well, not...here, I mean, we'd both rather be at home, but...you know what I mean. You're all right, and that's what matters most. If I'd come back without you..."

Haseo sputtered slightly and just barely managed to keep his balance by putting his hands on Endrance's shoulders. Instead of fighting the young man off or threatening him like "normal," however, for once the Rogue just... held still for a moment, feeling utterly despicable as he did so on one hand and yet emotionally numb on the other. Even if-- he was probably encouraging... that behavior, wasn't he?

... But who else was Endrance supposed to go to? He'd been fucking disemboweled or something, and the closest experiences Haseo could claim to that were traumatic in their own way, but...

Okay, the reaction wasn't even entirely unexpected, and Haseo probably knew that before he got close enough for it to take place. Whatever. At least it didn't seem a unique occurrence, and the nurses were preoccupied in dealing with so many other half-crushed and/or angry people already that the threat of their weird insistence on keeping the two of them separate didn't seem quite as pressing.

"Endrance, hey," he said, noting distantly that his heart was still going mad while the other Epitaph User was clinging to and crying on his damn chest; he could still vividly recall all the blood and-- He paled and twisted in a step to get closer to the table. "...Let me sit so we don't attract any more attention, okay?"

Endrance nodded, reluctantly letting go of Haseo, but not before noticing how rapid the other's heartbeat was. He waited for him to sit down, then settled back into his seat, dabbing under his eyes with a napkin briefly before nervously picking up his straw and twisting it between his fingers. There was a moment's urge to reach across and keep that physical comfort, but he held back, thinking that would be for the best.

"I should thank you. For trying...and not leaving me alone, even though I thought that was what I wanted at the time. I didn't want anyone to see me like that, and I wish I could take that memory away...I won't ask if you're all right...because I don't think anyone is. But..."

You actually cared enough to come after me. That was the thought, but it was one that he didn't express. The more important one was a simple, honest one.

"I know we're both still stuck in this place, but...despite that, and despite how afraid I am for tonight, at least we're both...somehow in one piece. I don't know how it worked, but..."

Haseo had half-expected the clinging to continue but was relieved when it didn't, backing off and slumping into a seat with a sigh. He leered at his tray and then pushed it away just enough to placate his desire to have it at a distance, but not quite far enough to make it obvious to any short-lived observations that he had no intention of eating.

"Of course I-- what kind of sick bastard lets their friends just-- go off by themselves?" The Adept Rogue frowned and tried not to look too terribly ill at that thought. He hadn't realized how he seemed to be avoiding directly looking at Endrance this whole time. "I guess I'm glad too though, but... well, like you said, not because we're here, but at least we're not dead." Or... still dead. There was a fleeting thought in regards to that, but it was quickly dismissed. He was not going to fall into the trap of thinking they'd be better off gone entirely. If he went off believing crap like that, it would surely eventually happen. Then what?

Still, all this really did was remind Haseo how he seemed doomed to stand by and watch his friends get struck down one by one, helpless to do much about it until after the fact. In 'The World' it was AIDA, and here, something else entirely with only a name of its potential handler to go by. With just that? Experience had driven home the lesson in how pursuing something with only a name could lead down a pretty failworthy path.

He nodded vaguely at that last part, then laughed once as he rubbed at his brow, his tone dry of humor. "They're fucking with us. I think it's... probably best not to get caught up in the details right now." Or he just didn't want to talk about dying. Not now. Anyway, hadn't he said--? ... What had he said, there at the end? Shit.

The way Haseo pushed the tray away was something of a relief, as far as it meant that no one was going to nag him about eating anything that morning. The sheer thought of it still turned Endrance's stomach, and he didn't want to think about what might happen if he tried. The least bit of pressure taken off him felt like a weight being removed from his shoulders.

Only it wasn't really being taken off him so much as it was replaced by worry. Endrance frowned across the table, concern evident in his face. He knew that last night could only be called violent on his end of things, but...was that still what Haseo was seeing when he looked his way? "Still...while I'm glad you were there, in a way, I...I wish things hadn't been as they were. I'm sorry that you had to bear witness to that." The Blade Brandier tried to meet the Rogue's eyes as he spoke, but to no avail.

He was quiet for a few moments, trying to think of something, anything, to defuse the situation. "You're right...the details are unimportant. What matters is that we're both still in one piece, and...if I know you, Haseo, your will to fight will only increase. You've faced so much already, and you haven't given up...that's what you told me last night, that it would be all right. But I want to be by your side as you do that. I..." The rest of the words wouldn't come out, replaced by a faint blush.

Endrance didn't get a response from Haseo at first, other than a mumbled "hrm" and cleared throat as he leaned on the table. Haseo wasn't going to lie or pretend it was okay or say not to worry, because the fact that Endrance had bled to death in front of him - as the foremost memory that precluded his own descent into what was arguably a special brand of madness played out to him - was not alright at all.

He looked up and blinked slowly as Lelouch Lamperouge entirely flipped out at some younger guy, but despite the volume their words were unclear from his position. If he was forced to guess, however, Haseo would have to say that Lelouch was a likely candidate for someone affected by the night's events as well... though maybe it was more accurate to realize that there weren't many, if any, who weren't impacted in some way. To Haseo, it seemed both relieving and outraging. Mostly the latter... it was painful to think that there was a power at play sinister enough to make you relive for yourself the final moments of someone you had seen perish.

The pause went on as Endrance continued, though finally Haseo's attention turned back with the reappearance of the compliments. He laughed again quietly, but this time it all seemed so absurd, in some strange and probably slightly morbid way he actually was the tiniest bit amused. "Ah... thanks, I guess," he said awkwardly, but at the same time had to wonder just how much Endrance did know about him. "Just don't go off all double-agent without telling me first, okay?"

That was all right, because Endrance wasn't expecting to be told not to worry or that everything was going to be okay. It would have been at the very least false hope and at the worst an outright lie, and he didn't want either of those - not that he would expect them from Haseo anyway. For all that he could be a little rough around the edges or even blunt, whatever he said was always honest, a fact Endrance appreciated.

He followed Haseo's eyes across the room to where it looked like a scuffle had broken out. "Everyone's on edge this morning," he observed quietly. "It's understandable...just looking at the few things on the board about it, it doesn't seem like anyone was left unscathed after last night. I don't like it...not one bit. The fact that someone could go so far as to..." He had to cut off that last sentence with a hard swallow. Thinking about it was like touching an exposed nerve with a hot poker; it stung and burned and hurt in a way that impossible to describe.

That question caught En off-guard, and he laughed a bit, but the laughter was more awkward than it might have been normally. He didn't like thinking of the fact that in the future, he had apparently done exactly that. "Please, there's no need to thank me. I'm just telling the truth...and I won't, I promise," he said, a little too fast. "I...I still don't entirely understand why I did that - would do that? I don't know - but I won't go that far again without letting you know somehow."

Haseo looked up at Endrance, his eyebrows slightly raised. He didn't want to be thanked? That was certainly a statement to be filed under 'they didn't really mean that, courtesy of prior evidence.' Out of context, right. Moving on.

"I mean it," he said quietly, although he was careful to maintain eye contact the entire time, "Even if the situation looks bad, and like that might be the only option. That's why you did it before." He was almost completely certain of this now, in contrast to how it had been several days earlier, when he'd first shown up at Landel's and the event he was referencing was only minutes old in his mind. Really, Haseo couldn't keep track of what other people knew or not, unless he did something like... carefully consider specific events, and if the person was actually there and stuff. But even then it got seriously complicated... this weird different memories of time thing was a pain in the ass.

He shrugged and went to change the topic, even if in a place like this it was quickly obvious that the choice in conversation pieces tended to be limited. "About the board... have you been reading it?"

Endrance caught that raised eyebrow and returned it with one of his own - a 'what was that?' look that only lasted a moment before it was gone.

He kept his eyes on Haseo's as he spoke, recalling what he knew about this future incident. "I can't speak to what I did in The World after the point I was taken here. The most I can say is that I'm sorry if it ever seemed like I betrayed you, because...it wasn't my intent to ever hurt you. And I won't do that here. If...if the situation gets bad and I feel like the best option is to temporarily switch sides, you'll be the first to know it, and we'll keep in contact. That much I promise you, and I don't ever want to break a promise to you..."

That topic change made Endrance smirk a little, and he pulled a pen out of his pocket and scribbled something on a napkin: 'That was you trolling the one post, right? I had a suspicion...'

What the hell, was he-- taking notes ~~about him~~ on napkins now? Wouldn't a notebook be better for that or...? Oh. Haseo's eyes fell to the words Endrance had scratched out, slowly realizing his mistake. He kind of thought it was his own business about how he was off relieving stress on his own time (or rather, what passed as it in this restrictive hellhole), but... he also guessed it didn't really matter so long as he wasn't about to be lectured. Judging by Endrance's demeanor that didn't really seem to be the case, so he relaxed a bit and scoffed lightly in what might have been amusement. Writing that down must mean Endrance didn't want to be overheard by... whoever though. Fair enough.

"No, it's right here," he replied, and though he didn't force his voice into an entirely serious tone as he pulled the note closer and mimicked studying it, it would have been not at all obvious to someone who didn't know him at all. After a moment his finger landed on the word trolling. "PKK," he said clearly, "Don't forget." Even if that word and the actions attached to it themselves were mostly in the past, the word was definitely easy enough to use as a code without admitting he was acting as a forum troll outright.

"Anyway... did you see the stuff on the 'basement' too, Endrance?"

It definitely wasn't going to lead to a lecture. While it was true Endrance didn't usually spend a lot of time on the BBS in The World, the board here was a different matter. He still didn't have much to say, most of the time, and normally wouldn't have approved of that kind of thing, well. Sometimes people just opened themselves up to it, and really, the post in question was far worse than any of the trolling had been. Despite his own tendencies towards being a bit...obsessive towards objects of his affection, he was more for telling them directly, and not...whatever that was all about.

"I see...and don't worry, I haven't forgotten. How could I, after all?" He couldn't help grinning just a little and even letting out a bit of a laugh before taking the paper back and writing, 'The last post there was mine. If he tries anything, which I highly doubt, he'll find he's in over his head.'

"And I did...it certainly seems interesting, if potentially dangerous...but then again, what isn't, here?" Another slight smirk, but that one didn't last long. "So were you thinking of going?"

Unfortunately, even if intellectually Haseo knew that lightening the mood in general might be beneficial, it made him feel slightly sick again as a result and even a bit guilty- for reasons he definitely couldn't put concrete words to (although he was sure it didn't have so much to do with the so-called "trolling" than with something else- probably involving the place's overall "atmosphere"). His expression seemed to drop off without explanation as he renewed his interest in observing the rest of the patient population.

There wasn't any sign of depression or anything like that, however, when he finally answered; his voice was relatively strong, given the situation. "Yeah, I think we should take Alkaid and check out what we can," he started thoughtfully, "Especially since I haven't really talked to her since yesterday morning." That was real smooth on his part for sure. A little odd, actually. Kuhn hadn't really been around much during the short time Haseo had been teamed up with Alkaid, but the Rogue could practically hear him belting out a lecture about treating a girl right and blah blah blah. He just barely avoided becoming annoyed at his own imagination. A moment later he recognized the girl talking to some other guy, due to her hair and undoubtedly enthusiastic body language. It was weird to think that just a few days ago he wasn't sure if he'd ever see her again....

Edited 2009-09-24 02:51 (UTC)

Endrance nodded in agreement with the plan. "Should we ask Tsukasa to come along, too...?" If the basement was really that dangerous, then it would be a good idea to make sure a healer was on board. They would just have to be careful not to wear him out too much.

He didn't get a chance to say anything else before the intercom rang out overhead - so it was the head nurse this time? Well, that was better than the mechanical voice. En frowned at the announcement, but before he could even protest, a nurse was at his side telling him to come along with her. He sighed and followed, clearly unhappy about the whole thing.

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Day 44: breakfast

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