damned_institute | Day 43: Courtyard, Third Shift

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Day 43: Courtyard, Third Shift

Once again, Endrance's nurse interfered with his plans. He had been planning to look around the Game Room, but the moment he began to move towards the Sun Room, she had taken him by the arm. "Your family has asked that we make sure you get as much fresh air and sunshine has possible, and you won't get that by staying inside playing video games all day."

He had thought for a moment about protesting, but decided against it. After all, if what had happened to Haseo was punishment for having spoken too strongly the day before, he didn't want to make that worse somehow. So, when given the choice of going out to the recreational field or the courtyard, he chose the latter.

There were a few reasons behind the decision, the most salient being that he wanted to see what the area looked like for a second time - this time without the threat of a brainwashed patient surprising him. The second reason was just as strong as the first, and it had to do with the presence of a second former Demon Palace Emperor. As energetic as she was normally in The World, he couldn't imagine Alkaid not wanting to spend some time outside.

Just as before, he sat down under a tree by the side of the pond, keeping one eye on the door.

[closed to Alkaid]

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There was a bit of silence, because Big Boss didn't respond immediately. Instead he took his time looking Fox over thoroughly once more, his expression unreadable but clearly displaying a hint of worry, and he noticed a few more scars, physically as well as mentally. Years...did that mean that Zanzibar...?

30 days was way too long for Fox to be caged in.

"We got time," he said -- at least judging by what everyone here says, and we won't be bored either, "No rush. And we'll figure something out, like usual." Patience on his part was something that had progressively decreased over the years, but he knew when he had to retreat an rethink his strategy; as well as where and who his priorities were. Big Boss straightened up, closed the last bit of distance between them, and made the first physical contact by laying a heavy hand on Fox's shoulder, because he knew that he wouldn't mind -- even though Big Boss had avoided any form of contact that wasn't hostile ever since, well, that had happened.

He didn't feel much, so he had to fill in the blanks himself. He remembered Frank as being cold and often distant; but despite that he'd always felt a heart beating underneath that shell, and this time was no different.

Squeezing Fox's shoulder reassuringly, his expression softened as he pulled him closer.

I think the last time I did that was after almost breaking your new nose for gunning down the non-involved parents of a little girl.

Edited 2009-08-24 21:58 (UTC)

The physical contact was reassuring, and Fox let himself be pulled closer. This was Big Boss, without a doubt. The Big Boss that had saved him, time after time, the one he had fought for and alongside for years. Fox returned the hug, briefly, before pulling away to speak. "Time's a funny thing here, Boss. There never seems to be enough of it," Although Big Boss would be able to see that for himself tonight.

It was a little bit easier to talk now. Fox wanted to think he'd grown up past that kind of basic, physical reassurance but it was still nice.

"Psychological warfare plays a big part of what they do, but there's a definite undercurrent of research. Medical, psychological, weapons too, probably," Fox hadn't seen much evidence that they were researching traditional weaponry, but the concept of turning a person into a weapon was hardly new. "I'm not even sure where to begin."

"That's what I thought. Not like I'd put it past them to do this for their own entertainment, but if they didn't get any data or results out of this, it'd be pointless -- a wasted effort."

And the only thing expendable are we, he added in his mind. Big Boss completely let go of Fox after a moment, and put on a stoic expression again. It was better to maintain a cold exterior around places like there, he figured, even though he had learned to not hold back emotions anymore, neither on the battlefield not off it. If you could still function while not forgetting the human aspect -- that was a big part of being a soldier, a warrior. Of course, Fox had had to work hard on regaining this humanity, and in this aspect he still wasn't perfect, and that was a good thing. People don't grow any more when they're perfect.

Big Boss idly put his hand in his neck, brushing over the spot where the nurse had plunged in the needle and cracked it to the side.

"I'm of no use right now. Gave me a shot strong enough to put me out of commission for the entire day...hope this wears off soon; preferably before it gets dark." Knowing that Snake wasn't really better off was something, at least.

"I guess privacy isn't really known around here, but maybe we should relocate someplace less out in the open." Nevermind that he inconspicuously kept glancing over to Snake and his skinny friend while saying this.

Put it past them... that was odd, considering they didn't really know who was in charge. Unless Big Boss thought he knew who was in charge. The change from a more emotional expression to more stoic one and less expressive body language was a good signal that it was time to get down to business. Business was a lot easier than dealing with an emotional reunion, Fox could figure out how he actually felt about this later.

"If they gave it to you this morning it should run it's course by the time night starts," Fox said. He nodded in agreement with Big Boss, and also spared a glance for Snake and Otacon. He'd need to talk to Snake about this sooner or later, he couldn't just abandon him now that Big Boss was here.

Fox went a little further away so they would both be more obscured by the trees and other obstacles in the courtyard. "I guess I'll start at the beginning here," Fox could trust Big Boss to keep information to himself, both because he wasn't the kind that shared it when it wasn't necessary and because Fox trusted Big Boss not to betray him like that.

"I... haven't been here alone. For a while I was, recently, but it hasn't always been like that. There have been a lot of people that came through here that I've known, and that you knew... I met The Boss, for the brief time she was here."

That left him speechless for a bit. The Boss -- Snake had told him that timelines were screwed here and that people came back from the dead, but he couldn't really make anything of it. In his mind, it didn't make sense -- other people might come back to life, but not The Boss; and as much as he sometimes wished for it, even if it might be possible, he knew that was never allowed to happen.

Big Boss didn't quite know how to categorize his feelings right now. He was as angry as he was sad and disappointed, and for a second he wished that Fox hadn't told him, just as Big Boss himself had never disclosed too much information about The Boss, not even when pressed -- it was too intimate, and even to Fox he had only mentioned her a couple of times at best. What had really happened back then lived on only in his memory now, like she had wanted it.

Everyone else had no damn clue anyway, nor did they understand her.

"She's not anymore?" He said after a while, trying not to let his emotions slip into his voice. It was a sensitive topic, and he had to tread carefully himself in this territory.

"What did you tell her?" There were hundreds of other questions he wanted to ask -- how was she, did she talk about me, is she content -- but for now that one would have to do.

Fox was doing his best to read Big Boss carefully, trying to judge how he was reacting to this. It looked like there were things that Fox shouldn't mention, not even to Big Boss. Well, he'd just have to remember and make sure that things that happened before didn't happen again.

"Most of what I told her... I don't know how much she believed me at first, but I told her... I told her a little bit about Zanzibar, and about Snake. And I need to tell you about Snake too, what he could be, eventually. I don't think she trusted me, or thought I was a very good soldier, but I did my best to help her. I'm sorry she had to go through this but I'm glad I got the chance to meet her," Fox said. "She's out there, somewhere, now." He gestured over the courtyard wall.

Thinking about The Boss also reminded Fox of the changes she'd brought about in Snake, and Fox glanced in his direction again. Well, at least with Big Boss here, there was no way Snake could get it in his head that he needed to be his father. He had to very carefully keep his facial expression blank and his body still to avoid giving away how he was feeling and what he was thinking. There were some things he just didn't want to share.

"That's not what she would think," Big Boss mused, trying to force himself out of his own nostalgia. "She always recognized good and talented people, and I'm pretty sure that's what she saw in you as well. However..."

He didn't want to hear about what Boss might have had to say about Zanzibar -- he was pretty sure of himself, but for some reason she just didn't need to know -- though that tidbit about Snake piqued his interest. But then he remembered something the Boss had told him once, and decided that he did not want to know anything about the future right now. What mattered was what was happening right there and then.

A strong man doesn't need to read the future. He makes his own.

"--However, I think that whatever transpired at Zanzibar is no one's business but our own." Big Boss leaned his head back a bit; talking for so long was tiring...he should probably rest a bit more, especially if whatever happened at night was true. And Snake was still around, and as long as that was the case, he couldn't help but keep an eye on him permanently. As if he feared getting a knife in the back the moment he wasn't looking --

"But I'm glad you got to meet her, too. A lot more people should have," he said quietly, looking stricken for the briefest moment.

"She wanted to know what happened to you. I didn't go into detail, but I did mention that it was Snake," Fox said, looking at Big Boss. "Why don't you sit down under the tree, it's actually pretty nice out here," Fox sat down as he spoke. Big Boss looked a lot more like he needed to sit down than Fox did, and he felt that sitting down first would give him a better chance of convincing him to do it.

It was certainly time to move away from this topic, even if nothing else Fox had to talk about would be any less painful. It hurt to have to tell Big Boss these things when he knew that it was just going to cause them both more pain and grief. No one's business but our own... perhaps, although Fox didn't regret letting Lyta find out anything she might have seen in his mind.

He sighed, and moved to sit down next to Fox -- a little less gracefully than usual, but that was the last thing on his mind right now. "Did she."

It was weird to talk about her like she was still alive. She certainly was -- within himself, mind, spirit, and heart, but the body was gone. He hadn't heard her voice in over 30 years, but never forgotten the sound of it.

A mild breeze was blowing. Fox was right, it was nice out here -- if you were able to disregard that they were actually trapped in a 'mental institution' most likely run by The Patriots. With the support of the tree in his back, he might even be able to relax for a while.

Zanzibar...not a happy topic, but probably one they'd have to talk about sooner or later.

"You know..." Big Boss started, but paused for a moment in search of the right words. "When Metal Gear D was destroyed, and Zanzibar's fall was imminent, I thought that I had lost everything that I had still left, and maybe I have. I knew I was sending many of my men to their sure deaths, including you, and I'd probably do it again. I stand by my own decisions, and I respect yours, but regardless -- I want you to know that I'm sorry. I wish things could have been different, at least for you...and your fiancé."

But it's never that simple. They'd gone through this countless times before, and Big Boss had stopped trying to convince anyone to stay away from the battlefield when he himself wasn't the best rolemodel when it came to that. It didn't change the fact that he wished that all the fighting would have at least changed something, but in the end, they just kept doing something they knew how to do, and the outcome didn't matter. They were all ghosts, repeating the things they'd done all their life in order to feel alive. Mozambique had been full of them.

"Even so...It feels good to have you here." You and me, against the world... "Kinda hypocritical, isn't it?"

This really wasn't a conversation Fox ever expected he'd have, and he listened silently while Big Boss spoke, about Zanzibar, and about Natasha. It felt like so long ago that he'd loved Natasha, and then what had happened in Zanzibar... he still felt as though it was entirely his fault, it was his fault she'd gotten into military affairs. Talking about this, hearing Big Boss say it, was like being dropped into icy water, there was a little bit of pain and shock before numbness managed to set in so he could deal with it.

"I knew, going in, that it would probably be our last battle one way or another," Fox hadn't been very optimistic about his chances of surviving when he'd decided to go to Zanzibar, but he'd never given up on fighting to win, to live. "I've also accepted that men like us don't have a chance at a normal life, especially if there's a woman involved... I shouldn't have gotten involved with a civilian, it was my fault she was there, but I don't regret going to Zanzibar, or what I did there." Poor Natasha, so beautiful and graceful and she'd gone into Zanzibar because she had loved him. "I thought that we'd be together, again, when the dust settled and we were all in the after life, but they just won't let us rest in peace. I'm glad I can be here for you, Boss."

"I know, Frank," Big Boss just said, before he fell quiet again. Those were things they had delibaretely ignored in Zanzibarland -- just outright refused to talk about, because there were so many battles to fight and so little time left. They both knew that.

"I know. As long as that is what you want to do, what you feel you need to do, there's nothing wrong about thinking that way. And I promise you that someday we will go to rest with the knowledge that we have changed something, that all the fighting wasn't for nothing." For ourselves. "The Boss once told me this: In the end, you have to choose whether you're going to live as a soldier, or just another man with a gun. Being a soldier, a man or woman who fights for something or someone...that's what we are, but that doesn't mean we don't have the right to decide what that something is. Whatever it is, it's important that you don't lose sight of it. Once you do, you're nothing more than a killer -- and a tool. Don't let that happen, look forward and remember what really matters, that's all I ask of you for now."

They'd been through this before, too, and it was likely that Big Boss was rather talking to himself than to Fox, in order to remind himself of his own motivations, goals, and dreams. Outer Heaven and Zanzibar had drained him, and this environment didn't help. But how went the saying...third time's the charm?

Edited 2009-08-26 21:27 (UTC)

Fox remained quiet again while Big Boss spoke, letting him go on about things that he knew quite well himself, although he hadn't heard that part about The Boss before. "I always fought for what I believed in, Boss, and I won't lose sight of what I need to do." That was really all there was to say to that, although he had been a killer for a very long time, Big Boss didn't need to be reminded of the fact.

There were other things that Fox needed to tell Big Boss, to show him, but it wasn't exactly easy to approach certain topics. If he hadn't already learned from his mistake about keeping this a secret with Snake he would've been tempted to not bring it up at all, but at night he couldn't hide the effects of the implant on his spine. "We should meet up tonight, I have the tools to turn the radios in the patience rooms into two-way radios. I need to do that for Snake and Otacon as well."

While he wasn't sure it was a good idea to have Big Boss and Snake in the room together, the two did need to learn how to at least be in the same room and not try to kill one another. Perhaps if he got them together for the sake of getting something done they would behave.

"Sounds good. I wanted to ask you about that anyway." He got carried away instead, but he chalked it up to the sedative. Or maybe it really was his old age. He tended to speak a lot more nowadays; no more monosyllablic responses. Thought he'd had the time for that, back then.

"And who's...Octagon? I don't recognize the name." Automatically, he thought back to the guy he'd briefly seen Snake hang out with, but it was too early to jump to conclusions. Might as well be an acquaintance of Fox, but what he really cared about was if that person was trustworthy. There was no way he'd stick around with shady people he didn't know, and even then, that didn't mean anything. The only one Big Boss trusted here was Fox, and of course there was someone else, but he wasn't here right now. And maybe that was for the best.

As for Snake, it was too early to say that the urge to kill him had left him yet.

"Otacon," Fox said, emphasizing the syllables. "He's the man with Snake right now, but I know him as well. He's a scientist, but he won't abandon you in a fight... even if you tell him to. Otacon has fought alongside me before, even though he doesn't remember it. He can be trusted." Fox trusted him, and he hoped Big Boss would too. This wasn't going to work if they were all constantly expecting to be stabbed in the back.

"As for Snake... don't be too hard on him, Boss. I know you can't see it now, and he's got a long way to go, but he'll grow into someone you'd be proud of, if he's given the chance," Fox looked at Big Boss very intently as he said that, wanting to make it as clear a possible without saying it outright that he wasn't going to let the two of them fight one another here.

If they started fighting amongst themselves there was no chance they'd ever be able to take down whoever was behind this. Fox had suspected that Big Boss had been brought here just to make him suffer more, but he wondered if creating tension and undermining the effort to take this place down wasn't the real reason he was here. It was a gamble on the part of their captors if that was the case, if they managed to work together, Fox was sure they would be much more of a threat to whoever, or whatever, was behind this. But if they couldn't, this could stop any chance they had of winning.

"Hn." Big Boss's gaze drifted over to other patients, but he couldn't see Snake from this angle; and he was tired of looking at him, anyway. No matter if the people here suffered the same fate, there was always a slim chance that it was all a setup, that everyone was fake -- including Fox, but for now he wanted to believe he wasn't, because he needed an ally, because he needed to trust someone. Big Boss closed his eye, concentrating on the sounds around him only.

"I wouldn't know. I always hoped he'd do something with the things I gave him and stop turning a blind eye to what is going on around him, and his own nature. He's a warrior. And unlike me, he doesn't have forty years to realize that."

He didn't necessarily mean to say the last part, but it had slipped out. Maybe Fox already knew, maybe not, either way, he'd have to tell him sometime.

"I do know, he will. Even if he doesn't know it yet." Fox said. He'd seen Snake starting to become someone that could fight for what he believed in, and what he'd heard from Snake, Otacon, and even Raiden while they were all here only confirmed it. Even with this situation, Fox held out hope that Snake could still become a good warrior.

Since Big Boss had let it slip just now, Fox decided to head off that discussion. "I know what Snake is, Boss. I also know he's not the only one." He'd also seen that Snake aged more quickly for himself, both in Shadow Moses and here, when Snake had arrived.

It was tragic that Snake's life had to be shorter just because of the way he came into existence. Not that many people in their profession lived to be old men, and even then there was no promise that life would be pleasant at the end.

Edited 2009-08-27 17:42 (UTC)

Well, that came as no surprise for some reason. If he'd have to take a guess, Fox probably had the pleasure of meeting Liquid before, and that guy had been raised with the knowledge of being a clone of the greatest soldier that ever lived. He'd been proud of his heritage, proud and arrogant, and the few times Big Boss had seen him he considered it his duty to bring him back down to earth, with more or less adequate means; and little did Big Boss know or care what that had done to the teenager.

"Good. I'm not in the mood to explain it right now. I was thinking often about telling you, but in the end, it wasn't that important, nor would it have changed anything."

Except that he was able to tell Snake the truth in order to spite him -- or help him.

"It was done without my consent. I was in a coma when it happened. I'm sure you remember the scar; that's the injury that knocked me out cold for several months. Maybe you can understand now why I consider Snake's betrayal the worst I've had to deal with yet," he said, and meant it. Not even EVA or Zero came close in that aspect.

He didn't need to teach Snake what he knew. He didn't need to give him a home, a family. They could have placed him in the unit as their ace in the hole, and Big Boss could have given him the cold shoulder, or made sure that he died in an tragic accident before he ever got to carry out his first mission (nevermind what a mess that would have been, backlash and all).

-- But he didn't. And Snake had nothing better to do than thank him by killing the very man who cared for him on his first mission. Things like these made him wonder if he hadn't been able to pass on the message, that personal loyalty always came before loyalty to a country.

Most likely. The more he tried to be just like her, the more things went wrong.

"I tried, at least."

Edited 2009-08-29 17:09 (UTC)

"I remember," Fox said. He remembered it very well, but he didn't agree with everything Big Boss had said. It was true, there had been a lot of betrayal, a lot of deception, starting in Outer Heaven and ending in Zanzibar Land.

Now wasn't the time to go into it, though. They couldn't keep living in the past if they were going to deal with the present situation. "We should meet up tonight, I'm in room M51, it's the north-eastern most patient block. The third hallway from the entrance, the last room in the hall," Fox voiced it as a suggestion because he couldn't really order Big Boss to do anything, but he really didn't need to. They could talk more at night, and Fox could show Big Boss exactly what was in his back, because he would need to know about it. "But if you know what room you're in, it would be easier for me to come to you."

Fox looked up at the sky to track the sun in an attempt to figure out how much longer it would be before the staff decided it was time for dinner. He wondered if they'd eventually have a situation like what happened in Doyleton, where the staff would leave them out in the institute as night fell. It was unlikely, but it seemed that anything was possible in a place like this.

"M10," Big Boss recalled. He'd been very observant of his surroundings as the nurse had lead him through the institute and right to Snake, reading all the signs he could spot on their way. "Fine by me. I'll be waiting in my room, then. You know this place better than I do." There was no shame in admitting that, and even though Big Boss rarely trusted anyone these days, it wasn't an issue with Fox. Not right now, anyway -- who knew what this institute would throw at him to change that.

"So what's next on the schedule? I guess I won't be getting another tour."

And he wasn't hungry yet. Having fewer body parts and running on artificial blood had his advantages.

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Day 43: Courtyard, Third Shift

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