damned_institute | Day 40: Greenhouse [Fourth Shift]

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Day 40: Greenhouse [Fourth Shift]

Most days, fish and chips (and a cold beer or three) was pretty goddamned high on S.T.'s list of perfect expense-account lunches. Today, the idea of picking at greasy hunks of unidentified bottom-feeder odds-and-ends (politely known as scrod, to the delight of teenagers all across the Northeast) didn't appeal.

He begged off and collapsed into his bed, after using his damp shirt as an excuse to surreptiously check the contents of his closet. Bingo. His nurse watched his little show, unimpressed but (more importantly) unsuspicious. Not that his hairy chest was much of a catch today, pale and sweating from fever. At least she didn't tuck him in.

The intercom woke up up right on schedule, and pulling the sheets back over his head almost won. But a handful of unanswered missives and a vague sense of duty dragged him out to the bulletin, and from there it was easier to stagger over to the greenhouse.

It was warm inside -- a deep, humid warmth that actually penetrated to the aches in more joints and muscles than he could remember the names of. Like a sauna, without the hassle of finding someplace to look that wasn't a mound of pasty middle-management cellulite. Or a sweat lodge, without the opposite hassle of being conscious that he was the only white guy in the room. In fact, besides the nurses in holding patterns, he was the only person in the room.

He located a tray of tomato seedlings going rootbound in their tiny six-packs, and a potting bench whose location was a quick-and-dirty approximation of equidistantly far from anything blooming. He assured his nurse he knew what he was doing, and after a couple of successful repottings, gently sliding the little seedlings out and loosening the tangled roots, she seemed to agree and backed off. It was, by far, the most fucking theraputic thing he'd found in this hellhole so far, and he let himself sink into the rhythm of the task.

[Free!]

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"I know." And Naruto had been doing a pretty good job of not thinking about it, if his reaction was any indication. So it wasn't that the ninja had been handling his pain; he'd been denying it while he still could. Kakashi closed his eyes for a moment, really wondering if this was such a good idea--but he'd already resigned himself to it. And he didn't want Naruto to learn the truth by having to see it in some perverse fashion. "But there's more you need to hear about before you see it."

"I told you that I'm from a time beyond any of you. It was easy for me to know." Kakashi turned to look at Naruto, choosing his words very carefully now. He had to make sure Naruto heard everything before the boy stormed off in a fit of emotion, however warranted it ultimately was. "A lot has happened since you were taken, Naruto. For me, most recently, Pain of Akatsuki attacked Konohagure...and the results were devastating."

"Oh," Naruto said a little dejectedly. More? He wasn't sure he wanted to hear more. He'd see it all eventually, though, so maybe it was better to hear it from Kakashi and Jiraiya. He squared his shoulders, preparing for what he'd hear.

His eyes widened when Kakashi explained what was going on in Konoha, his fists clenching in his pockets.

"What?! How -- " He wasn't even sure what he wanted to ask, and felt a pang at the knowledge that his village had been destroyed, that people had been hurt, that this stupid man Pain was the source of it, again.

"Is everyone alright?" He needed to know, to make sure everyone had made it out alive. He couldn't protect them from here and it was making his heart clench.

Of course that would be the first thing Naruto would ask. Kakashi really wished he had the option of lying to Naruto just then, of telling him with a smile that everyone was indeed alright, and that they had managed to overcome Pain's attack. But if it was that simple, they wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. I don't know." At least Kakashi could offer the uncertainty, and whatever hope that might be found within it. Somehow, though, he doubted Naruto would be able to see it that way after what came next. Kakashi continued his explanation of the battle, not stopping as he spoke. It would be so much to take in, perhaps too much, but Kakashi knew that if he stopped speaking, Naruto would stop listening. "I was drawn from the middle of the battle. I had been fighting two of Pain's bodies with Chouza and Chouji. It wasn't going well for us." To say the very least. Chouza had sacrificed himself to save his son along with Kakashi, and they had no way of winning the fight themselves.

"Chouji was trying to escape to tell the Hokage about the ability of one of the Pain's, on my orders. The other tried to stop him with a missile, but I used Kamui to stop it. Naruto...I had to use up all of my chakra and my strength to do so." Words that the ninja should know the significance of without Kakashi needing to say more. But if he didn't say the actual truth, Naruto might still try to deny it, up until his eyes revealed it completely.

Kakashi should have said more; he knew that. But even knowing, he couldn't bring himself to say the words themselves. How much of a burden could he put on Naruto's shoulders, when he'd already suffered so much in his short time here?

"I'm sorry, Naruto."

Naruto's first instinct reaction was to misinterpret Kakashi's words. He didn't know why but he suddenly felt panicked, his heart wild in his chest and this deep rooted fear creeping up on him. What Kakashi said just meant that he'd just had to spend a long time in bed again, right?

Right? That's what it had to mean. It couldn't be anything else.

"So you spent a long time in bed again?" Naruto asked, a crooked smile he couldn't quite muster crossing his lips. He was shaking again, even if his brain didn't want to understand what his teacher was telling him.

"Right?" He said again, his voice trailing off as if he didn't believe his own words.

And there it was: the denial Kakashi knew would come if he left even the slightly chance for it. It wasn't like he could blame Naruto. He'd just barely learned about his master's death, and now he had to learn about his teacher's. Kakashi could think of so many things he wished he could tell Naruto to somehow make it worth it. That the village had defeated Pain, the they'd overcome in the end...that he really had just spent a long time in bed. But Kakashi knew better. He'd know the consequence before he'd taken the action, at least for the most part.

Telling his student about his death after the fact wasn't something he'd been able to predict.

"No, Naruto. It wasn't..." There was anger in his voice, but not for the ninja he was speaking to. He was furious at this place for ever putting them in this position. He was furious with Pain for killing him in the first place.

He was furious with himself for being too damn weak to have died that way.

"It wasn't something I could recover from. I died, Naruto."

Naruto's mind seemed to blank when Kakashi flat out told him, his eyes wide as he stared at him, but not really seeing him. How the hell was he supposed to take this? He'd learnt of his master and godfather's death the day prior, and now he was being told his teacher had died, as well. By the hand of the same man, no less.

He couldn't even separate his emotions, feeling a rage and hurt he hadn't in a long time. All of this gathered together and gave him the urge to destroy everything in sight. His fists clenched, he grit his teeth and with a roar he kicked at the table in front of him hard enough for it to skid on the ground and for some plants to fall over. He didn't even notice them falling at his feet, his eyes filling with tears and kicking the table hard again, enough that he could've harmed himself in the process.

He could do nothing but yell and swear and seemingly keep trying to break the table in half with his kicks. He'd lost his master and now his teacher, he'd be seeing their deaths and he hadn't been able to stop either of them. It didn't matter that they were here now; it didn't change anything to the fact that they'd died. Both of them he'd considered as being part of his family and losing him felt like tearing a part of himself away.

Kakashi hissed out a curse as he quickly moved to his feet, moving to try and grab Naruto to put a stop to things before the nurses rushed over. In their own world, it was possible that he might not have stood much of a chance with the way Naruto had grown. But here it was more about technique than strength, and Kakashi knew how to disable someone and keep them from moving.

"Naruto, you have to try and calm down!" Next to impossible, the jounin knew. He looked around, knowing that the staff wouldn't miss the boy's outburst for long. Maybe there was still time to prevent sedation, though. It wouldn't do the team any good to have Naruto drugged this close to night time.

Naruto thrashed around, kicked and punched blindly as he kept yelling. He was so angry and so crushed and none of it was fair.

"NO!" He yelled, shaking his head at Kakashi's words. Calm down? How could he? Even if he'd wanted to he wouldn't have been able to. This was too much in too little time, he couldn't push it aside like other things, couldn't find something positive out of it to rely on. They were both going to die and he'd not be able to do anything to save them.

"I'm going to kill him," Naruto snarled, still kicking. There was no way he'd let Pain out of this alive.

"Nathan!" The nurse ran over, syringe already out and ready. "I don't know what you were discussing with Mr. Bolger, but you need to calm down," she said. "I know it can be upsetting to speak with one of your teachers in a place like this, but I'm sure he meant well."

She looked Kakashi in the eye, the look clearly stating 'You did mean well, right?', then continued. "Now. Are you going to calm down, or are we going to have to take further measures?"

Kakashi couldn't help but feel a flare of anger when the staff came rushing over. It was easy to push responsibility on them, after all. They were the ones who had forced Kakashi's hand by forcing their implants into Naruto's eyes. But what good would acting out of that anger do? Revenge never ended well--he'd told that to Sasuke a few years ago, and he'd meant it. So instead of lashing out at the nurse like he was sorely tempted to (especially when she gave him that look), Kakashi just sighed.

"Naruto." He could understand the ninja's sentiment, but unfortunately, he didn't have any wire to tie Naruto down with. "I know it's hard, but they're going to sedate you if you keep this up! We still have to keep going, despite everything that's happened at home."

Naruto had to keep going. He had to be stronger than the pain. He had to be the one to save Konoha from what was to come.

Naruto almost jumped when the nurse ran toward them, wincing as she spoke. What did she know? How could she have any idea of what he'd just been told and what it meant to him and to the future? He managed to stop thrashing around but he was breathing heavily, and he let out a choked sound. He didn't want to be sedated but at the same time maybe he could get rid of the ache in his chest for a while if he let them.

Kakashi spoke again, but Naruto right now didn't really see the point. Keep going for what? Konoha was destroyed, Kakashi and Jiraiya were dead, Sasuke was gone...There was Sai and Sakura, and Iruka-sensei, but his mind could only focus on the ones he'd lost, trying to take deep, calming breaths.

Which wasn't about to happen, because he couldn't clear his mind. He'd see their deaths, both of them. He'd have to watch them die in front of his eyes and not be able to do anything. There'd no longer be some arguing with Jiraiya or some training with Kakashi-sensei. His breathing came out all wrong, too fast and shallow, and he felt his heart beat quicken. Cold sweat trickled down his back and he grabbed the ledge of the nearest table for support. He was dizzy, he felt like he could barely breathe and like the air around him was crushing him.

"W-Why," he tried to ask Kakashi, but it just came out as a weak wheeze as his breathing become even more erratic, enough that he was almost gasping for breath. This couldn't be happening. It had to be a nightmare, a bad dream, the most horrible one he'd ever had, in fact. Because Kakashi and Jiraiya were immortal, they were going to be there when he'd become Hokage, they would congratulate him and take him out for ramen, and he'd grin and mock them for getting old.

That's how he'd always thoughts things would be, and learning otherwise wasn't an easy thing to take.

The nurse looked between the two. "Nathan's having a panic attack," she said, shifting to a concerned, almost motherly tone of voice as soon as she realized the boy's actions were no longer a case of simply acting out.

"I think it would be best to give him a low dose of medicine. It should help," she said to Kakashi, not waiting for the reply. She began filling a syringe with a smaller amount of the sedatives than she would normally use - enough to calm the boy, but not too much. "You'll be able to breathe better soon," she said, as she wiped a spot on his arm with an alcohol pad, then injected the sedative as gently as she could.

"Mr. Bolger, please keep an eye on him for the rest of the shift? If he needs a little more medicine, please let me know."

For Kakashi, it wasn't so unusual to see things like this on the field, especially in younger ninja. But Naruto hadn't panicked like this in years, and maybe not even this badly when it'd happened. The jounin couldn't quite fight off the sense of helplessness as he moved to Naruto's other side, letting the nurse do what she had to. His position wasn't just designed to offer comfort to Naruto, however, but to make sure he didn't violently lash out at the nurse before Kakashi could stop him.

Somehow, he just didn't think things were going to end so peacefully.

"I will. Thanks." The nurse made the request of the made-up name, but Kakashi didn't have to be told to watch out for Naruto. He gingerly put a hand on the boy's back, not sure if it was the right thing to do. At the same time, though, he wanted Naruto to know that he was there, now. For whatever little good it might do.

Naruto didn't even have the strength to struggle as the nurse spoke, only shaking his head. He didn't want to be drugged, didn't want to be sedated, not when it'd all just come crashing back to him once it would wear off -- but it was too late, and she was injecting it into his arm.

He felt his muscles relax, felt his breathing slow and his heartbeat return to something more regular. He still felt a little woozy, but that was probably the drug. He could feel Kakashi's hand on his back but was unsure what to make of it. Thinking seemed like too much effort right now.

"Well, that worked," he slurred slightly.

The nurse clucked her tongue sympathetically. It looked like the situation was under control, and the dose of medicine was taking effect. She nodded to Kakashi, trusting that he would keep the situation that way, and stepped away from the pair, but not too far. There was always the chance she'd be needed again.

[and I'm out unless you guys need it again. Ping me if you do.]

Kakashi gave the nurse just enough attention to make sure she was confident he'd heard her. He was much more focused on Naruto, and he didn't miss the little comment the ninja made just then. His eyes widened a bit in shock, and the jounin leaned down closer to address Naruto in a harsh whisper.

"Naruto. You didn't do that just to get sedated..." It wasn't unusual for Naruto to show foresight when he wanted to. Not on Shikamaru's level, but Naruto could at least think a few steps ahead. That the boy might have done something like this on purpose, however, was a serious concern. Ninja had to deal with death all the time, and Kakashi knew how hard it could be. But turning to sedatives definitely wasn't the answer, especially not for Naruto.

Not when the ninja had always had such a strong spirit.

Naruto huffed before laughing a little, shaking his head. He was feeling a lot better now, relaxed and little lighter as well. What he'd learnt was still there but he'd rather focus on the light feeling now. Besides, thinking was still too much work.

"Nah," he said. "But s'nice," he shrugged, wondering if Kakashi would get angry. Probably. But he couldn't deny it -- it was nice, to get a little break from the stress and tension he'd been feeling since first stepping here.

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Day 40: Greenhouse [Fourth Shift]

So many Naruto spoilers. You have been warned!

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