damned_institute | Day 40: Recreational Field

Kio's breakfast ended on a much happier note than it had started. However, for once the announcement truly surprised him. He blinked as his nurse came to pick him up. Recreational Field? But.. but if they had a greenhouse, he wanted to go there. The prospect of gardening was a truly liberating one, an island of joy in this hellhole. He thought about going to the Sun Room and lying down, but it occurred to him that he hadn't had proper fresh air since being here. With a cheery goodbye wave to Honey, he followed his torturer outside.

It was much better than he had expected. The sun wasn't too hot (what time of the year were they in, anyway?), so he walked slowly along the walls, fascinated by the size of the field. He wondered if Sou-chan was alright. He hadn't even checked the board. Well, if Soubi wanted to apologize, Kio would be willing to listen. The place was so crisp and clean. He had to think if anyone had ever gone over the walls. What was out there? Freedom? Or a different sort of monster?

Leaning against one of the walls, Kio took as much advantage of the sun as he could. He desperately wanted a lollipop. One was quietly nestled in his pocket, but he would need to wait until the nurses were busy with other patients before he tried anything. Soubi had gone to some trouble to get them, the least he could do was make sure they didn't get confiscated. So with bated breath, Kio waited for a shift in the mood. He was, for once, content. Not happy, but not going crazy either.

[Sou-chan! Team Loveless deploy!]

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"I usually respect what others ask of me. Except you. You don't count because you never know what you want." There was a ghost of Kio's old smile playing on his lips. It was all light banter, for all that their conversation was a serious one. Maybe he would find Ritsuka. That would be nice. Seeing the boy again in the fake normality of day, without the fear of being jumped on and munched.

"No. That I cannot give you." It hurt him to say it. But Kio couldn't give that file back. Lies or no lies, it was the closest he had to Sou-chan's past. And he would do anything to keep it. "I'm sorry, Sou-chan. Lies or no lies, I have it now."

Ah, yes, of course he'd find it funny. Did Kio want Soubi to know the truth? Part of him did. But that had been a bit much. Too much for one conversation. "Yeah, Landel does seem to like his jokes. He should know I'm your wife, Sou-chan."

There was the smallest quirk of Soubi's eyebrow. He did too know what he wanted, he just didn't know how to get it was all... Soubi was really quite simple if you took in the whole picture. He wanted to belong, and REALLY belong, without the possibility of being abandoned ever again. Just unconditional love that came from serving a master flawlessly. That was all.

The familiar look was gone in a flash when Kio refused to give the file back. Anger flickered past exhaustion, but exhaustion took the lead again round the next corner and Soubi leaned against the wall before carefully sliding down until he was sitting. He clossed his eyes. Kio was supposed to make things better. Easier.

"I'm taking it back. There's something I need," he told his friend. And he would get it back. Kio was his friend (apparently) but that file was worth something else.

Soubi managed a laugh. "Then why are you so concerned with what's in my file? Why are you so desperate to believe those things?" The actions may have been closer to the truth than Soubi had ever told, but not the meanings.

Kio was getting Sou-chan angry again. This, though, was not much of a surprise and it almost seemed like back home. Except this time Kio wasn't pestering Sou-chan about missing classes or being behind on deadlines or anything like that. This time they were arguing about a file. In a mental hospital which claimed they were both insane. Deluded.

When Soubi sunk to the ground, Kio followed suite. Why not? They were both as miserable as each other, might as well find some comfort in that. Kio put his hand on Sou-chan's shoulder, a weight that spoke of caring and missing him and a need for having him there. "What do you need out of there? I need that file too, Sou-chan. I need it."

"Because I want to believe in something. Even if it's a lie. I don't know why or how I'm here. I don't know who to believe. Those lies? Those are a bridge to a Sou-chan I never met. I don't want you to be this sad. I... I want to make you smile again." Kio sighed and closed his eyes. That had hurt more than he'd expected.

"I need all of it," he stated, plainly. He needed his secrets back, even if they were just shadows of the truth. And...there was that picture. The one of Ritsu could be destroyed with the old file. And then, of course, there was the chance of additional information. Of his visitor and his rather artistic 'self-harm'.

"Why can't you believe in me?" he frowned. Maybe this had something to do with everyone leaving. What was wrong with Soubi...? He wanted to inform Kio that he was making Soubi sad by doing all of this. But it was too self pitying. "Tell me more about your wife," he suggested, smiling. He was tired of fighting and, well, he realised he couldn't argue this one out. He'd just have to take the file back.

"Well, you can't have all of it!" The reply came back quicler and sharper than Kio had intended. He liked being able to talk to Sou-chan again, that much was obvious. But he didn't like being told what to do. As far as he was concerned, the file was now his and until Soubi came clean, it would stay that way.

His friend's words hurt. But he'd caused the hurt himself. One huge never-ending circle of guilt and hurt. Soon they'd cut each other's arms, give themselves 'goffick' names and dye their hair black. He wondered how his nurse would take to it. "I can't believe in me right now. Those things, they're not quite lies. Sou-chan, I just want to go home." It sounded so whiny. So self-pitying. But if he couldn't be honest with himself, then what?

His wife. Heh. She was something special to him, that much was obvious. But just how special wasn't exactly clear, even to him. "Well, apparently we have a daughter together and I'm ignoring them to play to your delusions. It's all such a mess, Sou-chan. I wish they would have something more creative. I mean, apparently I strive to make people happy. Shouldn't I? Is it that wrong?" Kio knew he was lying between his teeth. But it was all he could do to stop himself from blurting out everything.

"At the very least... give me anything that was written since I've been here," he said. Kio would have already read it and...there was nothing suspicious wanting such information.

"We all want to come home," he sighed, closing his eyes. He'd already promised to get Ritsuka and Kio out of here. Perhaps he needed to regain all of his strength and head out during the night. Without Ritsuka. But...he was feeling slightly inferior here. There were stronger people and they hadn't succeeded. Soubi had to at least try... And hope he wasn't killed along the way.

He opened his eyes and looked at Kio. "I'm to blame for your delusions?" Soubi was definitely stealing Kio's file now. He closed his eyes again. "I suppose it depends how you go about it." Wasn't that was Soubi was doing? Trying to keep people happy? Ritsu, Seimei... Ritsuka. He just had to make them happy enough to keep him. And so far, it hadn't worked....

Imagine trying to keep everyone happy. "Hm. Maybe you are crazy."

Day 40: Recreational Field

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