damned_institute | Day 37: Sun Room

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Day 37: Sun Room

Joe had read some of the larger notes stuck up on the bulletin board when the announcement came on the intercom. All things considered, this Landel guy didn't even seem so bad. Even if these people were held here against their will, he was certainly nice about it.

Apparently, the new patients - including Joe - were to hang around in the Sun Room or go to Arts and Crafts with the kids. Well, there was plenty of information on the board, including maps and descriptions of monsters, for Joe to prepare for the nighttime, when he could seriously get going on fighting his way out. He could look for where the boss would probably be waiting, or where his V-watch might be, and figure out how to fight the monsters. In fact, he had plenty of time to work all that out... but this the first time he'd had to really relax since he got his powers. So it couldn't possibly hurt to enjoy the calm period, could it?

The red-head stepped back from the board, and hopped back onto a comfy-looking couch to digest in the sunlight. He reached up to pull his cap down, and sighed when he realized it wasn't there. "Oh well, nothing's perfect. I still wouldn't call this hell."

[free!]

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"Do not touch me you disgusting human," Knives stepped back, away from Subaru, real hatred showing on his face.

Subaru looked surprised for a moment, then smiled sadly and withdrew his hands. "I'm sorry. I should have realised, from the way you responded to the nurse."

"You are assuming that because I use you that we are 'friends' that because I speak with you I like you. You are filth to me, do you understand? Even the humans who laid down their lives for me meant nothing to me. Even the humans that I raised were garbage." He took a deep breath, focusing on the pain and calming himself.

"I did not honestly think that opening my neck would kill me," he changed the subject back to his supposed 'suicide' attempt. "I've survived much worse. I was more afraid that somehow this place had turned me into one of you."

"It must be terribly lonely, to think like that." If everyone around was filth, if no one meant anything, then wasn't Knives just isolating himself? And though he said now that he hadn't been trying to kill himself, that didn't fit with what he'd said before--that he didn't deserve to live anymore. Subaru was more inclined to believe what he'd said then, rather than the things he said now, in anger.

"I wasn't alone," Knives said. "I had my siblings."

"I'm glad. And I can understand, finding it hard to be without them." Subaru looked down at his hands, and the pentagrams marking the backs. "Losing a sibling is... but, you have to go on. Even if it hurts. Even in this place. Can you do it alone?"

Knives looked at Subaru as if he were crazy. "My siblings aren't gone," he said. "I put them inside of me. And Vash...." He considered that for a moment. "Vash would not do well in this place."

Subaru raised his hands, flapping them slightly in negation. "Oh, I didn't mean to imply... but you're here without them, is all I meant. But I guess not. If they're... uhm... inside you." It was hard not to think of his own situation, when the topic of siblings came up, but of course Knives would be different.

Knives didn't feel like explaining himself any more than that. "You seem to disagree about the fact that I shouldn't exist."

Subaru wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know what Knives meant about his siblings being inside him, anyway. Did he eat them...? Surely not. But he said he tried to wipe out the human race, so one never knew. Best to leave that topic alone. "I do. I don't believe there's anyone who has no right to exist." Okay, maybe he sometimes thought that about himself, but that was different than saying it about someone else!

"I know there's quiet a few people who shouldn't exist."

"I don't agree. Everyone should have a chance to live. There's always the potential to become something better, as long as one is alive."

"You're wrong. Humanity suffers from limitations purely because it is humanity. There will always be evil people, people who get off hurting others."

"Maybe. But there are always good people, too. I've seen plenty of both. Even one or two who chose to help others despite everything that they went through, all the pain they suffered. Even after death, they tried to help." Sometimes, that little girl's ghost, the memory of her smile, was the only thing that kept the hate and the grief and the confusion from eating Subaru alive.

"That's ridiculous."

"It's the truth. And the thing is, death doesn't stop people from hurting others, or from suffering hurt themselves. The only thing that ends with death is the ability to grow, to change. All you are after you die is the shadow of what you were in life. And a violent death... it can make even good people into angry spirits, violent spirits. Small children can become shades demanding vengeance, if the circumstances are right. Life is the road to the betterment of the species."

Knives now looked at if he knew Subaru was crazy. "Once humans die that's it, they are gone. It's the best thing about them."

Subaru shook his head again, firmly this time. "I'm an onmyouji. I know all too well that that just isn't true."

Knives seemed unimpressed. "Primitive human cultures believed in spirits and ghosts. I don't."

"It's not a matter of belief. In my time, I've known more dead people than live ones. I've spoken with them, fought with them, even taken very physical harm from them. Others here have had similar experiences." Subaru thought now of Miku's priestesses, and the fact that she'd borne cursed tattoos just a few days ago, tattoos inflicted by a spirit wandering these halls. "And what, then, do you call that thing we ran into two nights ago? It had no physical form. It wasn't a human spirit, no, but it was very much bodiless."

"I don't know what I would call it," he said. "Believing in ghosts is childish where I come from." Then again... just how had Knives and Vash discovered Tessla's body? It had almost seemed like she had led them to her. He shook his head and winced at the pain. It was better not to think about her.

Subaru frowned a little at Knives' wince. "You should sit down. I won't try to touch you, but you're not well." Really, what was he thinking? Arguing about ghosts with a man who's just slit his own throat.

Knives was silent for a moment until he finally moved to sit down. His body was stiff and tense though. "You worry about me as if I am human," he pointed out.

"It doesn't matter to me what you are. You're a being in pain. Isn't that enough?"

Knives was silent for a long moment and then finally he said, very quietly. "You and my brother would get along."

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