She'd been cheerful for Ururu at breakfast because she needed to be, but once she stopped having to push herself up for someone it just got harder and harder to tell herself everything was alright. No matter how hard she tried, she felt like someone had made a small hole in her heart, something that worried away at the hope she held for Rukia and Ichigo and all her friends who were lost. And yet, stubbornly, she didn't want to let it. It was an uphill fight with herself.

This wasn't the first time someone she loved had died. For Sora, she had tried to remember him every day, and then she had tried to give him the chance to move on too late. She knew clinging to the memories would only bring Renji more pain but if she had to hold it all in much longer she was just going to burst or worse, that hole was going to become wide enough to swallow her heart up.

She couldn't be alone right now. She didn't want to be.

The nurse let her into the sun room and pointed out Keman, saying something about them cheering each other up. After a moment's hesitation, Orihime crossed over to him, her smile a little flat. "K-Keman-kun. Do you mind if I - are you waiting for someone? I..."

Orihime covered her mouth. There were tears rolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry." She tried to wipe them away but they just kept coming once she really started. "I'm sorry. I think I'm just...tired.."