Nightshift 36: M31-40

[captain-hunam.livejournal.com]

[M39]

Dinner finished, Zelnick grabbed his flashlight and settled down with his journal and a pen, fully intending to catch up on taking down notes-- and finding himself too distracted to do more than scribble out vague doodles in the margins, occasionally jotting down a word or two before becoming distracted again.

Well, supposedly, allies would come by and distract him. And until then, it wouldn't hurt to try and sketch out Talana's smile from memory, the way her eyes should flash, the curl of her hair...

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[nobleman]

When it turned out Claude had more to say than just a quick farewell, Guy could guess where it was going. He made sure to fully face the other man and hear him out, even as Claude stumbled over his words. He knew how it went, after all - it had been hard enough for him to explain his "condition" without faltering and trying to rephrase.

"Amazing?" he asked with a raised eyebrow once Claude had finished. That was kind of an odd thing to say about an embarrassing phobia, but Guy didn't think he should be questioning a compliment. He just wasn't sure where it had come from, exactly.

There were a few explanations, if he put some thought into it. Maybe Claude was impressed by the fact that he didn't let the phobia control his life, or something along those lines. Though really, everyone had problems that they had to deal with, and that was all it was. He didn't need to be impressing it on everyone, and the only reason he'd gone ahead and told Claude was to show his friend some respect.

"Well," he continued, "thanks for understanding, I guess. But when it comes down it, I'm just like everyone else, you know?" He smiled, wanting to make sure Claude understood that. He knew his fear of women certainly made him unique, but he was glad that it didn't seem like it would be changing Claude's opinion of him all that much. If anything, it had maybe improved it -- somehow.

"Anyway, I should probably let you go." That hurdle had been jumped without too much difficulty, and they both had things to do, so he didn't want to delay Claude any longer.

[full-score.livejournal.com]

Claude appreciated that Guy was fully listening, so he made sure to continue looking at his friend directly, too. Judging by the way his eyebrow was raised, though, it was apparent he thought what he'd said was strange. Maybe it deserved a little more explanation.

"But that's just it," Claude replied. "Even though a lot of difficult things have happened to you, you don't seem to let it define who you are."

He didn't know all the details, obviously, but several things that had cropped up over the past few days hinted at a darker past than Claude had initially realized. After all, one didn't have a phobia of half the population, or friends who were clones, or a sadistic enemy biting at their heels, while leading a normal life. There were deep-rooted scars that Claude had been blind to before. And probably others he wouldn't know about for a long time, if ever.

"Actually," he added as he returned Guy's smile, "you hardly show it in your demeanor at all. You've got to admit a person has to have a certain kind of strength to be able to live like that."

In the back of his mind, however, he did wonder if it came at the expense of pushing his own feelings aside, or if Guy had just sorted through them and adapted to way of things. Perhaps it was possible to achieve some kind of healthy balance.

It looked like Guy was ready to head into the clinic, though, and Claude couldn't say he blamed him. He almost wanted to offer to accompany him inside, but he didn't want to look like he was hovering too much. In truth, though, his stomach was turning with dread at the thought of trekking over to Ashton's room, only to find it empty. Even if that kind of thinking was bordering on pessimistic, it was also a very real possibility he had to prepare himself for.

Maybe it was best to get it out of the way. Kind of like ripping a bandage off hard and fast.

"I guess so," he sighed. "But if it turns out that--" Claude stopped in mid-sentence before shaking his head. "Ah, never mind." He grinned. "I hope your arm starts feeling better after tonight, Guy."

[nobleman]

So that was what it was about, huh? Guy figured that there was some truth to Claude's words, but he wasn't one to reflect on his own strength of will or anything like that. When his friends had found out some of his darker secrets, it hadn't always been easy for them to accept, and he wasn't sure if any of them had specifically commented on how "strong" he was.

It was all a matter of perspective. When Guy thought about the things Luke had been through in his (much shorter) life, he figured that he was pretty lucky in comparison. And Jade had all sorts of skeletons in his closet - the swordsman was pretty sure he didn't know the half of it.

He got the feeling that Claude had his share of problems, too. He didn't plan to drill his friend on them or demand to be told, especially since he hadn't gotten into the details about how his phobia had surfaced, but he just had that sense that Claude wasn't giving himself enough credit.

"Believe me, it wasn't always easy," he explained. "I've had a lot of time to deal with my problems and put them behind me." He had been angry for a long, long time - he would be the first to admit that. He was still guilty for wanting to murder someone he now considering his closest friend with his bare hands, but he and Luke had learned to accept each other despite their faults.

Guy frowned when Claude started to say something and then decided against it. He was curious, but he had already taken up enough of his friend's time. "Yeah, me too," he responded. "And... good luck tonight." He would be crossing his fingers that Ashton was safe and sound.

[full-score.livejournal.com]

Claude believed him when he said it hadn't been easy. Few things in life were. It'd probably taken him years to comes to terms with that kind of stuff. Maybe that was part of what made Guy seem a little older (actually, that might have been because he really was, but he wasn't going to bother asking his age).

"Some people go their whole lives without learning to do that, though," Claude said. "Or they just pretend they've let go when they really haven't." Everyone had their own demons to face, didn't they? "You're right, though -- I guess it's something that comes with time and a lot of soul-searching." He paused, shoving a hand into his pocket. "I know I've got things I still regret..."

But closure was always a good thing, too. Killing Indalecio had given him some of that, at least, but there would always be the knowledge that he'd never get the chance to make things right between himself and his father. Even though Claude had tried to take advantage of their "visit" from last week, deep down, he knew it was wrong and unhealthy (and maybe a bit dangerous) to consider the fake life Landel had given him a second opportunity.

It wasn't like his father was going to come visit him again anytime soon, anyway. Not if he was anything like how he'd been back home. That was just one of those things he'd come to accept.

Claude's thoughts had wandered from the original topic, though, and he'd briefly fallen silent without realizing it. He focused on Guy again, giving a small smile. "Thanks. Hopefully I won't need any luck, though."

He turned a little, as if he were about to head off. Suddenly he stopped, however, and looked towards his friend again. "But, seriously. Take care of yourself, okay? We should touch base again tomorrow if we can. Maybe with the bulletin or something."

[nobleman]

Sometimes Guy worried that he was just pretending he had let all of it go. He had to keep reminding both himself and other people that he was at peace now, and he wasn't sure how convincing it was. Apparently Claude believed it, though, and that was good. Guy had been told before that he seemed well-adjusted, and he was certainly more mature than Luke and Tear, but that didn't mean he was perfect by any means.

Guy nodded when Claude admitted to having his own issues. That was typical of everyone, even if some people certainly had lived harder lives than others. Trying to rank who was the most miserable seemed pretty silly, though. Everyone dealt with their problems differently.

Considering some of the heavy topics they had touched at, Guy could agree that they should probably check up on each other come tomorrow. "Sounds good," he responded. "I'll keep an eye on the bulletin tomorrow, though apologies in advance for the bad handwriting," he said lightly, indicating his arm even though the reason for his comment was already obvious.

Then again, if this healing thing turned out well, maybe he wouldn't need to worry about that. One could always hope. Guy used his left hand to wave a final goodbye to his friend and then headed through the open door into the clinic.

[To here.]