DAY 36: LIBRARY

[adorkabledragon.livejournal.com]

Keman retreated to libraries almost instinctively. He liked books. Books were simpler to deal with, and they didn't change. No matter what, the ending always stayed the same. Even if it was a bad ending, that ending was still a constant. Constants were good. They didn't surprise him, didn't show up out of nowhere and throw everything off kilter.

This had.

His mother. They'd taken Alara and done horrible things to her. Made her forget, fed her lies. He wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even Myre. And that was what would happen to him, too, if he wasn't careful. He'd lose himself completely. He was already slipping, already more halfblood than dragon. How long before halfblood turned to human, and Keman became Calvin?

At any rate, he needed to tell Shana everything that had happened. Alara was her mother, too. Keman left a note for his sister on the board, letting her know where he'd be, and then pulled the largest book he could find off the shelf: The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. It looked to be a massive collection of plays and poetry. Good. Opening it to a random page, he settled down and began to read.

[for Shana (and Valyn and Shadow?)]

Comments

[el-lolly-eat.livejournal.com]

After Near’s message on the bulletin board, L assumed it would only be a matter of time before he confronted one or both of his heirs in person. He wasn’t particularly interested in seeing them at the moment, but he supposed that it would be inevitable. He would have liked to have spoken to them during the nightshift where privacy was a little more achievable, though.

Mello had not been present in the chapel this morning. So he had not been witness to Matsuda’s outburst nor had heard what was said. All he was aware of Near giving the young man to go on was that L was broken-- An analysis that was not entirely accurate.

He was not all broken… Not the person at least. The letter and all it had stood for within this institute probably was. According to Matsuda, Yagami Light assumed the role of L upon his death, then later one of his heirs likely took it. With everyone from his world being brought from various points in time, it was difficult to distinguish who the current L was and to who. But then, could they really assume the role with its full authority and power within the institute? Of course not. It meant nothing here. The money, authority, man power, security, and equipment had all been stripped, regardless of who was filling the role and when in his world.

L supposed what Near was referring to the letter and not the individual when he tried to inform Mello on the board. He doubted either of his heirs could make the distinction based on how they were brought up in Wammy House. It was difficult for even him to separate himself from that title. Acting as L was essentially all he knew how to do. He had no identity or reason for existence beyond that. It was over when he died. There was no option of retirement. Now within this institute, he was alive again and incapable of fulfilling the role. There was no L.

Naomi and Matsuda needed to invest their hopes into someone who would not fail to return them home and was capable of returning with them. And L…Ryuga just needed to find some way to exist here until he disappeared or died again.

Since Mello was approaching him in Yagami-kun’s presence, he could only Assume Light was aware of everything. The matter of L’s concern was how what his attitude should be towards his heirs. Having not interacted with them much, especially in the institute, it would be difficult for Light to know the type of relationship he had with them. But L was sure if he tried to mislead him, the young man would see though it.

“Most of these are considered classics, but there also appears to be a number of generic titles within the selection It might be good to look into them. In any case, it isn’t any of my concern.” He looked at Mello thoughtfully while chewing on his thumbnail, wondering it the young man would have any use for the results of his experiment. After waiting so long, it would be a shame if it went to waste. “The last time I was here I picked up a rather interesting book. I highly recommend it.”

[cnflctofintrst.livejournal.com]

Interesting. Mello returned his own book to the shelf, sliding it into its appointed place. This was the third time he'd spoken with L within the institute, and once again, he cross-referenced the tone with the one he'd heard as a young adolescent, when L had told him of the BB case. L did not seem to be broken--not as badly as Near had implied, at any rate--but it was too soon to tell. Even the deeply damaged, like B, were capable of hiding their faults behind a facade of mere eccentricity. If it were at all possible to determine the depth of a crack in someone as complex as L, it could only be done by comparing him to a similar specimen. One such specimen had already declared him broken. The second was about to verify or reject that claim.

At first, Mello had blamed his uneasiness on the fact that he was in a library after so many recent revelations about fictionality, and once he'd dismissed that, he blamed it on the visitor session. It took a few seconds for the vague disorientation to reveal itself for what it was: deja vu. He'd been in this situation hundreds of times, but never in this role. Mello wondered if L knew he was being tested.

"Which book?" The method of experimentation wasn't hard to deduce: a dog-eared page, for instance, or a piece of paper slipped between the pages. Supplies were replaced every night, but Mello hadn't thought to see if modifications survived. It could be useful, especially in the more well-stocked rooms, and with enough subtlety there was a chance it could give an advantage at night as well. Of course, that was dependent on the results.

He waited to be led to whatever book L had used for his experiment.

[el-lolly-eat.livejournal.com]

“It’s located in the back.” L said giving the young man a small motion to follow before proceeding in that direction. There was no reason for him to share the title with Light nearby. L was planning on giving Mello this information specifically, meaning he didn’t want Light privy to the results unless his heir wanted it to be made known.

He stopped abruptly about halfway down the isle, and turned his head back, his finger pressed against his lips, “And Shhhh! This is a library. We wouldn’t want to disturb the other patients in their reading. We must remain quiet.” Not that he was setting a good example by lowering his own voice as he said that. But he was sure that Mello would get the hint that they should have some privacy if they spoke quietly on the other side of the room

Once he reached the far end of the isle, L pulled the book from its shelf and offered it to Mello, “Tell me what you think.” Although he had no need for such information, L would admit to feeling a little bit curious as to what happened to the mark he had made. And should he meet Edgeworth he imagined the man would be equally as curious as to what the results were.

[cnflctofintrst.livejournal.com]

Mello followed L down the hallway, skimming titles as he considered how vastly different the patient library was from the staff library on the second floor. Understandably, a library in a mental hospital would have a limited selection to avoid overstimulating patients, but the assortment of books in this library was unusual. Aside from being mostly Western literature, its collection of religious texts contained a few conspicuous absences.

When L turned and spoke his caution at a normal volume, Mello frowned. Surely, he didn't think he needed to tell Mello that they were being eavesdropped upon. Was the statement intended for Light, as an announcement that L expected to be listened to? Why?

There was no use hiding Mello's identity, not anymore. L knew that...or, as Near had suggested, he'd simply given up. Implicitly directing Kira to eavesdrop was a bold move, and Mello sincerely hoped that L knew what he was doing.

By the end of the aisle, Mello estimated that they'd passed out of earshot, but he still wasn't going to take unnecessary risks. This time, he had to be the more conservative one. He met L's eyes with an expression of interest but wariness as he took the book and turned a few pages. It only took an instant to realize the task would take him an hour with one hand, so he crouched on the ground to rest the book on the carpet as he scanned. L had always claimed that the position increased reasoning ability, but after trying to imitate it for a few months when he was twelve, Mello had dismissed it as uncomfortable and distracting. He still found it so.

Under different circumstances, he would have rushed through the book, skipping long passages in the hopes of appearing to be a faster reader. Mello still felt the impulse, a reflex to perform like a mouse racing through a maze, but he repressed it. His most important task was making an accurate assessment of L's capabilities. If he allowed his admiration of the man to influence his judgment, it would lead to tragedy.

Let L think that he was slipping. For that matter, let Kira believe it as well. He spent an unprecedented three seconds on each page before closing the volume. Although his legs were sore, Mello didn't stand up.

"It's as boring as it was the first time I read it," he said. "Alien invasion, unnamed narrator, death by bacteria. British colonialism and social darwinism." He opened the book again and turned pages as he spoke. "The ending's awful, too. What am I supposed to be looking for?" His index finger rested below a small dot of ink, presumably left by a ballpoint pen.

So certain things within the institute would remain uncorrected. Was this an oversight on Landel's part, being as it was such a small detail, or indicative of a larger rule? Mello considered the building itself. Damage done to locks during the night was presumably repaired by day. The couches in the sun room were not new, but blood that had soaked the fibers presumably vanished at daybreak and it was returned to a state of casual use. He could think of several other ways to test the occurrence, and made a mental note to do so later. However, the potential usefulness of the experiment didn't distract him from his real purpose. Mello waited for an answer, his eyes never leaving L.

[el-lolly-eat.livejournal.com]

L couched down across from Mello noticing that he had found the mark he had left on one of the pages. This information was likely not very helpful or of much value, but it was at least it was something . There really hadn’t been much L had accomplished here that was noteworthy. And even less so if the doctors knew everything he had been up to. There was a chance that they were watching his actions right now.

He met Mello’s eyes. The fact that he was watching him so intently indicated that he was being evaluated. He reached under his sweater and pulled out a pen concealed within the hidden pocket. Ever since his last visit here where L found himself in need of one, he had always made sure to carry a it with him.

“Let me show you a few key phrases that I believe are of interest.” With the pen held delicately between two fingers, he started selecting words on the page to form a message. When the words were not available he spelled things out by pointing to the letters;

I assume the reason you sought me out is because of Near’s message on the bulletin? I see no reason how my decision to end my investigation should negatively effect either of you. But still, I’ll allow you to ask one question.

Generous, considering the fact that he did not wish to discuss the matter at all. And if L could get away with it, he was only going to tell him what was vital and necessary. He certainly didn’t want Mello aware that he had been a part of last night’s sleep study. It was bad enough that Matsuda and Naomi knew, but there was nothing he could do about that now.

[cnflctofintrst.livejournal.com]

One question? Bullshit. Mello didn't have a history of asking L questions, and he sure as hell wasn't about to start. He didn't need to. The underlined words told him everything he needed to know.

"That's not your decision to make," he said, his voice vicious. He pushed to his feet so abruptly that the spasm of pain through his arm made his stomach clench, though the sensation didn't approach the force of nausea and disgust he felt for the man by his feet. If he'd had a gun, it would have been leveled at L's head. He might have even used it. "Death's not some get-out-of-jail free card," Mello hissed. "You have a goddamn responsibility. You know how many people's lives you've fucked up? How many people died because of you?"

Mello didn't care much about death, but he suspected that part of L did. One of the things he admired most about the man was that he understood the end always justified the means. There was a fucking point to all of this, and that point was winning. If he was going to fold, he shouldn't have paid the damn ante.

"I spent the rest of my life doing your goddamn dirty work, but now you just don't feel like doing it any more. Tough fucking shit. I didn't ask you questions six years ago and I'm not going to ask you questions now. I'm going to tell you to do your goddamn duty, or you're a disgrace to everything you made us. Me." The correction was immediate, but Mello jerked his head away from it with yet another furious hiss. "If you're not an asset, you're a liability. I don't have time for liabilities."

[el-lolly-eat.livejournal.com]

L rarely let his personal feelings affect his choices. And he expected Mello to know that, but perhaps the younger man’s own emotions were getting in the way of him realizing this. To L, this was a matter of protecting those around him from him. His death had nothing to do with it. If it had, he wouldn’t have been studying the institute in the first place. It was his repeated failures and ability to act that had brought him to this choice. He may have ruined lives, he may have killed people, but if he continued investigating it meant destroying, and ultimately distinguishing more. In this kind of place life was far less expendable.

L kept his eyes locked with Mello’s. Despite the young man’s anger towards him, his expression remained unreadable. “Yes. I am a liability, which is why continuing to do my duty is not a reasonable option. Admittedly, at this moment, you are more capable, but if you do not feel you are adequate enough for the tasks at hand I am certain Near would more than likely be up to the challenge.” L brought himself to his feet, “You should quit wasting your time with me and find something productive to do.”

[cnflctofintrst.livejournal.com]

Apparently, L didn't understand the difference between 'useless' and 'liability.' It wasn't enough for him to step down from his position...it wasn't possible for him to step down from his position. As long as he was alive, L was L. He had no choice in the matter, just as his heirs had no choice in succeeding him. They didn't come from a world that permitted career options and sick days and vacation time.

This wasn't the same L he'd spoken to over the radio, whose stubborn determination to catch Kira was so strong that it risked blinding him to the dangers of the institute. This wasn't the L who'd chastised him for arguing with Artemis, who'd given Matt his file, who'd hoped to use and puppet the clubs the way Mello himself was attempting. This was a shadow of L, and even that word was generous. Something was wrong. Something must have happened. Unfortunately, Mello had already wasted too much time feeling sorry for himself in the last day, and he sure as hell wasn't going to waste any more feeling sorry for someone else.

No matter what the circumstances, if L couldn't do what he needed to do, then he was no better than A or B or anyone else who'd pathetically crumpled under the strain. The attempt to manipulate him with mention of Near was not only an insult to Mello's intelligence but an example of L's weakened mental ability, and Mello sure as hell wasn't going to stand for either. He grabbed L's shirt and shoved him back against the bookcase, ignoring the hot pain through his other arm, and when he looked up to speak to the taller man his voice was low and furious.

"I don't know what the hell they did to you, but you're going to fix it, and you're going to fix it right the fuck now." His eyes were dark with characteristic anger, but this was more than just another temper tantrum. Even if L didn't see it, Mello had been backed into a corner by his predecessor's actions and his options were growing increasingly limited. He couldn't afford to get himself sedated, not now, but he had to make sure that L understood the gravity of the situation. "If you don't get your shit together you're going to get all of us killed. I won't let that happen. Do you understand?"

He released L's shirt and pushed back, glancing at the nearby nurse who took a step forward but stopped when she saw that Mello intended no further violence. Besides, even disregarding his injury, Mello was physically outmatched...any intervention would have done more to protect him than to protect the dark-haired man he'd threatened.

[el-lolly-eat.livejournal.com]

L made no retaliation against Mello when he grabbed his sweater and shoved him against the bookcase. Taking action at this time could have resulted in sedation, and L did not have any desire to end up that way without having a good reason. Instead he just held Mello’s gaze as the young man threatened him, showing no sign of backing down from his decision. L was not one to take orders from anyone, especially when those orders came in the form of a threat.

Regardless of who he once was prior to coming here, he would now have to trust Mello’s good judgment to do what was necessary. If it came down to his heir having to kill him, then it would have to be the best and most logical course of action… worth wasting time over.

The intercom came on and signaled the end of the shift. L started off towards his nurse so she could escort him back to his room but he paused a moment, “One of you needs to step out from under my shadow sooner or later.” He said, voice quiet but firm, “Which will it be?”