damned_institute | Day 28: Morris Park

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Day 28: Morris Park

[from Kelley Street]

The shinigami quietly entered the rundown park. It looked forlorn and very much like there should be a hollow or two hanging out in it. Yet a quick check of the spirit threads gave her no indication of any present. The gloomy atmosphere was perfect for her to do some deep thinking about herself and what all had happened in Soul Society.

Picking a bench under a tree, she sat and stared off into the park..She needed the quiet.

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Momo let out her breath as Hokuto let go, but reached out to grab the front of the girl's hoodie to keep her close. She was going to have to make herself overcome this aspect of the post-traumatic stress she was just starting to realize she suffered from.

Momo's breathing leveled out as she concentrated on regulating it and she closed her eyes. She drew in a very deep breath and opened her eyes, though she focused them upon her hand gripping Hokuto's shirt.

"I was..." This was really hard to form into a coherent sentence, much less one she could actually say. "B-back..." She fell silent again, squeezing her eyes shut a moment before resuming her attempt to speak, her voice very quiet. "Before I awoke here..."

Just say it! If you can't let your own team know WHY you freak out like you do, because you all watch each others' backs, you'll never start dealing with it, Momo.

"The last thing I remember... is crying in the arms of the man that was my world... happy he was alive... safe..." She swallowed, her body shaking visibly as she tried to hold herself together long enough to finish what she'd started.

"Then he ran me through," she said, her voice cracking as her other hand went to her chest right where she could feel the ache of the wound she knew should have scarred.

And so it came out. Signum had suspected Momo's trauma was something of this nature, but to be so callously dispatched by someone she still loved and trusted implicitly was in its degree worse than she would have guessed.

Betrayal... she'd usually been on the opposite end of that equation, she supposed, though she never remembered how things ended. Whether that had been a mechanism of the Book to keep them functioning, a mercy it did them, or simply another random consequence of its breaking she'd never know... but she did know that because of it she'd played a part in leading all the former masters who'd completed the Book to their deaths.

Outwardly, Signum simply watched impassively. Momo had chosen Hokuto for this; she was but a witness.

Hokuto wondered if the man Momo referred to was at Landels... hopefully not Ichimaru. She hoped not--having to see the man she loved, who had killed her (or tried to), would be beyond hard.

She couldn't quite say she knew how it felt, but she had a pretty good idea.

She put a hand over Momo's; if she couldn't handle being held anymore, they could at least still touch. "I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better," she said, giving her friend a sad smile. Her heart was broken all to pieces, too; what a pair they made. "But any time you need to talk, let me know." Later, she'd tell Momo more about why she could sympathize so well; for now, though, this wasn't the time.

"Thank you," Momo said quietly and swiped a hand at her tears. For the moment, something in her felt a little lighter. "I don't understand... that was really painful and hard to say, but I feel a little better now that I have."

She finally looked up. "Now you know why I... uhh... freaked out the other night and threw you." She looked up at the knight. "Same goes for you and the music room, Signum." She swallowed hard, her eyes steeling just a little so her two friends would understand how serious she was about her next words. "You two know more about the specifics of my... issues than anyone other than Ichimaru - only because he was present for it. It is very important that you tell no one... how vulnerable I was when I was..." She faltered but pushed through the desire to internally flee from this conversation. "... impaled. Yes, most of it is my own pride, embarrassment and pain, but mostly its to protect the others, especially Shiro-chan, from what the knowledge would do to them."

Her eyes dropped. "Some pain is best left to bear alone," she whispered. Though she did just tell Hokuto and Signum, so one would think she wasn't bearing it on her own anymore.

"Please don't expect me to ever willingly talk about this again, but if you must know more and ask, I will answer." Momo paused. "At least somewhat."

Signum frowned. "We're the first you've told? You've only known us for a few days, Hinamori." She wasn't sure she liked being trusted that much. It wasn't that she considered herself untrustworthy- she was, at her core, a person of honor. But Momo didn't know that. And while she wanted the girl to trust her, she'd meant for that to happen on her terms. The development of a respect, and hopefully admiration, not this sudden thrusting of her person into the center of Momo's emotional world.

She shook her head, both at the development and at Momo's words. "If it really is to protect others I can accept your request, but be sure you are not isolating yourself out of shame. It can be overcome." And undoubtedly, those she knew from her old life could be of more help than Signum.

"Sometimes it's easier to tell the people you don't know well," Hokuto pointed out. If either of them had rejected Momo for this, it would have hurt, but she would have gotten over it. Someone like Hitsugaya, meanwhile...

To Momo, she said, "I promise I won't tell. And I won't bring it up again without a reason." She often dealt with her own pain by pushing it aside, by distracting herself; she couldn't fault the other for doing the same.

"But," she added, "if you want to talk--or just have company--I'm here."

Momo shot an annoyed look up at Signum. "Do you really think it was my intention to have a giant emotional breakdown right here in front of both of you? What happened to me just kind of came out as I apparently needed to get it off my chest. I'd freaked out on both of you and since we need to count on each other at night, I had this odd feeling that perhaps you should know why I freaked out." Her annoyed expression turned slightly more toward a glare. "Besides, it's not like I told you everything that happened and I'm not going to."

She sighed, her face going slack, and she let go of Hokuto's hoodie. "I am ashamed, and I will overcome it. On my own. Someone else created who the 5th Division vice captain was before. I have to create who she is now. It's hard and I'm a bit lost, but it's something I have to do. For me."

"I can't... I won't let Shiro-chan know because he'll... Gah! I can't even explain it." She put a hand to her temple and shook her head. "It'll hurt him in ways I can't describe and he'll..." Probably end up getting himself killed.

Momo squeezed Hokuto's hand in gratitude for her words and got to her feet. She took a moment to wipe the tears off her face. "But I've dumped more on you both than either of you deserve, and I apologize for that." She coughed a little and adjusted her sweater. "Now, I'm going to go find Hitsugaya to give him my report and let you two talk about me while I'm not here."

"If you don't hear anything in regards to tonight's mission because of this field trip, we'll meet at F23 as before and I'll have something for us to focus on," the shinigami said to the two women before turning and walking out of the park. She needed to clear her head from the emotional massacre that had occurred in that park.

[to here. (http://community.livejournal.com/damned/245488.html)]

"Good," was Signum's cool reply.

When Momo was gone Signum just looked at Hokuto and walked off.

[[To Kelley Street (http://community.livejournal.com/damned/245488.html).]]

[[Running after her!]]

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Day 28: Morris Park

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