Day 62: Breakfast

[baniichan]

A misplaced sense of familiarity met Barnaby the moment he opened his eyes, and the sight of the blank, white ceiling from yesterday morning greeted him. After rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, Barnaby sat up and felt around for his glasses. Had he blacked out again and wasted an entire night? Where was Kotetsu? And what had become of the man who had seemingly vanished before his very eyes at the end of dinner?

Once Barnaby slipped his frames onto his face, the world came into clearer focus, even if he didn’t get any answers out of it. He was in his room, and someone had apparently stripped him out of his street clothes in favor of the hideous hospital pajamas. Barnaby wasn't sure what he found more offensive -- that someone here had once again touched his things without his permission, or that he’d been undressed while unconscious for the second time since his arrival.

The thought made his skin crawl.

Just as he looked over to find a lump in the bed next to him, though, his assigned nurse came to retrieve him. He would have to confirm Klavier Gavin's whereabouts later. For now, he had no choice but to allow the nurse to escort him into the cafeteria. Strangely, she seemed to be under the impression that he and the other patients had slept soundly the whole night. While he might have assumed it was an act, Barnaby got the feeling that she genuinely believed what she was saying.

Regardless of her intentions, he knew she wasn't going to be any help. Instead of trying to ask her anymore questions, Barnaby left a note on the bulletin board concerning his roommate. If his observations from yesterday were any indication, he'd get some responses, at least. While he could have taken the time to leave something for Kotetsu, Barnaby didn't feel inclined to do so, especially when he knew he probably wouldn't check the board anyway.

He had no appetite this morning, but his nurse wouldn't leave him alone until she'd assembled a tray of fresh, fluffy pancakes for him. Honestly, Barnaby didn't see why some people felt the need to butt into his personal choices like this. At least there wasn't anyone forcing him to eat -- for now, at any rate. He sat down at an empty table close to the wall after setting his food down, privately hoping that she wouldn't try to find a "friend" for him to eat with this morning. He was tucked out of the way, so maybe she would forget about him for a few minutes as long as he didn't draw any unnecessary attention to himself.

Hands neatly clasped on the table, Barnaby didn't look at anyone in particular as patients filtered into the cafeteria for their morning meal. There were too many questions buzzing in his mind for him to focus on the names and faces of people he didn't care about. If Kotetsu wanted to find him, he could. It wasn't like Barnaby was going anywhere.

[For Kotetsu.]

Comments

BIG SPOILERS HERE! DUN LOOK Dx

[oyaji]

Barnaby’s recollection still made him flinch with all that was implied in his expression. He felt him pull his pale hand out from under his and it seemed to express, too, the great divide that was between them suddenly, but at least Kotetsu had a better picture of what was wrong. It didn’t make him feel anymore relieved. In fact, he was furious. His friend was missing three months of his life and a particularly important month that almost destroyed them both. All of that was lost and there was only one person to blame.

“Maverick,” Kotetsu gritted through clenched teeth, forgetting to censure himself in his anger. He may be "missing" as the papers suggested or dead, yet the damage he had done to Barnaby was still continuing. It was possible that from continuous molestation that his friend’s mind could have collapsed from long-term strain. There were so many possibilities here, but they all revolved around one man.

Dark amber eyes, narrowed, began to survey the institute in a new light. Checking for security cameras or even hidden cameras, checking the expressions on the nurses or anyone who seemed too interested in them, he eventually looked back at Barnaby and shifted his weight on his knees so he could lean closer across the table.

"Nothing after that? At all? C’mon, Bunny, you hafta think!" It was hard to know what to say and what to omit. Licking his lips anxiously, Kotetsu continued. "What about seeing Maverick or, or..." No, he didn’t want to bring up Samantha yet. "... finding me at the docks?" Fighting was a better word for it, but again he didn’t want to jar Barnaby too badly. If the day of their fight was truly the last thing he remembered, the older man was going to have to be careful with how he approached this, and that was bad news for everyone involved.

[baniichan]

Barnaby eyed Kotetsu as he brought his hands down onto his lap, uncertain of how he felt when he ground out the name of the man who had raised him through clenched teeth. “I was on my way to see Mr. Maverick, yes,” he finally admitted. “But that was the very last thing I remember before waking up here. I never went to the docks or saw you again until last night.”

He didn’t entirely know what Kotetsu was getting at. That there was a significant portion of his memory missing? That seemed to be what the evidence suggested. Barnaby would have remembered telling the man those kinds of details, and Kotetsu just wasn’t the sort who was capable of finding out through other means and successfully lying about it -- at least, not to him. Even if Kotetsu were the type to try, Barnaby was simply too sharp to be fooled by such a clumsy old man.

That was why the implications of the discrepancies sat in the pit of his stomach like a sack of stones.

“What is it you’re trying to say, exactly?” he asked, doing his best to keep his voice steady and calm since they were surrounded by “staff” and patients alike. “Are you seriously telling me that you saw me after December 8th?”

[oyaji]

Kotetsu took a deep breath and stared his partner and friend down with serious, unwavering amber eyes. "Yeah, Bunny," he said with a surety that he hoped Barnaby could perceive or else this was going to be a long journey. "I am."

A nurse soon passed by their table slowly and he quickly picked up his fork to poke at his meal so she would keep her suspicions off them as they, rather suspiciously, talked close and in low tones. Kotetsu didn’t have a lot of certainties--No, he had none, let’s be honest. There was nothing to be sure of in this place, who was running it, and why they found themselves stuck here with Barnaby back at square one. The red flags went up to consider Ouroboros as a key player in this, because nothing else really made any sense.

"Look, we can’t really talk about this in public. There’s too many staff, maybe cameras--We need to find some place a bit more private." If this really was connected to Ouroboros, there was no telling who was working for them. It was safest to do this away from any other eyes or ears except their own, and... as much as it pained him to admit... It was a convenient compromise to keep Barnaby from asking too many questions that he wasn’t up to answering right at this minute. It was cowardly, but it was in their best interest to just wait until he could get a game plan together.

For now, though, he bled for the young man. It was so unfair that he just couldn’t be left in peace. If he could, Kotetsu would have gotten up and hugged him, but it couldn’t fix anything! He couldn’t just fix this and it made him feel so feebly impotent. Without power and any way to protect those he loved.

"I... I know it’s hard, but I need you to believe in me, Bunny. All I wanna do is help make this all right. It’s just you and me now and we have to rely on each other. Please... Just for now...”"

[baniichan]

When Barnaby heard Kotetsu’s answer, he was gripped with the urge to deny it, counter it, and tear it down in any possible way. His mind wanted to grasp for straws. Kotetsu just thought he’d seen him, someone must have planted an impostor to take his place while he was blacked out -- something, anything. But one look into the man’s eyes made his blood run cold.

There wasn’t any trace of doubt in Kotetsu’s mind.

He had memories of them together that Barnaby no longer shared with him. Bad enough that his recollections of that Christmas Eve warped and changed at every turn. Now this?

His racing thoughts felt like a derailing train, and suddenly he couldn’t think of anything at all. The surrounding patients’ chatter pressed down on him, like white noise blending into a strange, twisted dream. Barnaby could only stare back in horror, too paralyzed by such a terrifying reality to even want to run away.

Kotetsu’s words should have comforted him. No doubt he intended them to soothe his worries and remind him they had other things they needed to focus on as well. But the man’s pleas for trust only made Barnaby ball his hands, tucked between his knees, into tight fists.

“You say things like ‘believe in me’, and ‘we have to rely on each other’.” His quiet voice was a sharp contrast to the way his eyes brightly burned with the hurt and anger that was beginning to rise to the surface again. “But even after all we’ve been through, you don’t even trust me enough to tell me the real reason why you’re quitting your job. Please don’t patronize me anymore. I’m sick of it.”

[oyaji]

“You’re right, I’m sorry--” Kotetsu hung his head and rung his hands together on the cafeteria table. “--I forgot.” This whole backtracking was hard to remember! If he didn’t focus and approach this gently, it was going to blow up in his face. As much as he didn’t want to peel the band-aid back off, the former Hero had to. There were no other options.

“Bunny, I...” His lips continued to move, but no new sounds came out as he considered what to say. This was a lot easier to approach when they both thought he was dying. It really helped to relieve heavy baggage when you had nothing to lose. But the longer he let them both sit in silence, the harder it was to get this out. Finally, he gritted his teeth and began talking again. “I’ve--My powers have been declining for awhile now. I’m down to like three minute and some seconds now... Can’t really be a Hero without powers, right?” Kotetsu tried to play it off with a laugh, but the words were coated with deep-seeded bitterness despite his effort. “So I... had to quit and find something else to do.

“But I swear, Bunny, it had nothing to do about trust. I trust you! You were my partner, I just didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t want anyone to worry about me--And what could I have said to you, ‘Hey, sorry, but we can’t be a team anymore because I’m getting old’?” I didn’t want to put that on you...”

[baniichan]

He hadn’t expected Kotetsu to come clean about everything, especially so quickly. Did he remember telling Barnaby all of this already? His speculations were put on hold as he realized that the other man was genuinely struggling with his words. Leaning forward so he wouldn’t have to speak louder than necessary, Barnaby schooled his expression and intently listened.

The reality behind Kotetsu’s reason to quit should have felt like a punch to the gut. His powers were declining. Instead, that knowledge had an odd numbing effect on all of the wounds he’d been carrying since his arrival. It was almost too much to believe, but he knew Kotetsu was dead serious about every mumbled word.

“What?” was all he could manage in a quiet, choked voice, unsuccessfully struggling to contain the sorrowful look on his face. “I--” The implications behind him admitting that he’d shouldered this burden on his own for awhile wasn’t lost to him. “I’m so sorry. Even if you were trying to hide your condition, I should have noticed something like that before it came to this. And yet I--”

There had been times when he’d suspected something was wrong, but Kotetsu had been stubborn about keeping his feelings to himself, and apparently even more stubborn about showing any signs of weakness while on the job. Barnaby was glad he’d already apologized about some of the things he’d said during their fight, because now he regretted them all the more.

“I understand now,” he said as he met Kotetsu’s eyes. “I still wished you’d told me about it sooner. What if I’d done something dangerous while believing you were at full power? I could have seriously injured you!” Or even killed him, but the thought terrified him too much to even consider. Stopping himself from imagining such a scenario, Barnaby made himself mellow out a little more. “But...I do understand, at least.”

His gaze wandered toward his untouched tray. “Thank you,” he softly added, “for telling me.” It meant more to him than Kotetsu probably realized. If only they hadn’t needed to get thrown into a strange prison for him to finally open up, but at least neither of them were on their death bed. Barnaby tried to say something positive, something that he knew would at least make Kotetsu happy in the face of having to give up his career. “I’m sure your daughter will be glad to have you at home with her.”

[oyaji]

"Ah, y-yeah, that would have sucked..." Kotetsu commented dodgedly as he lifted his glass of water to his lips for a sip. It kept him from saying more as his partner continued down this strange and slightly uncomfortable road. It was so surreal how similar this whole scene was, and yet it wasn't at all. More than anything, the older man wished he could take back that day at the ice rink and do it a little differently. Though they may never have caught Maverick if Kotetsu had simply fessed up, the guilt he held for treating Barnaby like an oblivious child--like himself, actually--was immense.

But Kotetsu, saw this as a new beginning--Not for him, but for the blond. He wouldn't be tampered with anymore. Of course, that also meant that telling the young man about Maverick, a literal father to Barnaby, was probably going to be a hard pill to swallow, but Kotetsu knew he would figure something out when the time eventually came.

"Well, I dunno what I can say about Kaede. I think she's already tired of me slothing around the house all day..." Not to mention how tired he was with his unproductive existence. Kotetsu tried to keep busy around town, but with such a small community, most jobs were filled and a lot of them required specializations he couldn't afford to pick up at school at his age. Muramasa gave him a shot at the family liquor store, but it didn't last long. He may as well have been branded a town menace, so he just stayed in his home and tried to help around the house in other ways. But even simple tasks, like helping Kaede with her homework was troublesome. Half the stuff she brought home made no sense to him. In fact, he was pretty sure they didn't even teach this same stuff when he was a kid attending junior high.

All in all, Kotetsu was exhausted with himself.

"Anyway, I'm... I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner--I tried, I did, but... Well, a lot happened between us since then. It's--" A quick glance around revealed no one was in earshot around them. "It's sort of... Hard to talk about. I know that's not a very good answer, but I'll make it up to you! So... For now... If... You could..." It seemed like such an easy thing to ask, but when those thoughts translated into words, his mouth was having a hard time spitting them out. "I don't really have the right to ask you this, but I... I can't do this by myself." Finally, Kotetsu put everything on the table, as far as feelings were concerned. With dwindling power and no reliable information, there was no way the former Hero could unravel this mystery before it was too late.

[baniichan]

Upon hearing that comment about his daughter, Barnaby couldn’t help but blink in mild surprise. Kotetsu was talking like he’d already retired, packed up his things, and returned to Oriental Town. And then it occurred to him that maybe that was exactly what happened, and Barnaby simply didn’t recall any of it. The thought made his stomach turn, and he swallowed hard as he resisted the urge to ask for clarification. After all, he’d already picked up on the significance behind what Kotetsu was saying, even if the full meaning hadn’t sunk in yet. There would be plenty of time to demand answers from the man in front of him. For now, Barnaby attentively listened to Kotetsu as he shed some rare light on his own uncertainty and insecurities surrounding their new situation. Despite his best attempts to keep a stoic face while they were in public, his intense gaze softened when he realized just what Kotetsu was admitting.

He needed him.

And Barnaby knew he needed Kotetsu too, especially now that he was starting to feel like he couldn’t even trust his own perceptions of reality.

"We're a team, aren't we?" he quietly murmured as he turned his green eyes toward his hands, which were neatly clasped between his knees now. "You have every right to ask for support if you need it. Your retiring shouldn't change that." Such a concept seemed ridiculously simple to Barnaby, particularly with how well they worked together, but at least this was a much more productive conversation than their argument at the skating rink.

"We should exchange room numbers in case we need to find each other later," he added, looking up at Kotetsu again. "I'm in M12."

[oyaji]

His hands that he had begun to wring back and forth grew still and eventually he peeled them off one another and rested them quietly on the cool plastic of the table counter.

“Right... Thanks, Bunny...” After their train wreck of a conversation they had just moments ago, Kotetsu’s insecurities had gotten the better of him. They were a team, always, and that wasn’t going to change even if he made a total ass of himself. That seemed to be par for the course in their relationship anyway.

Clearing his throat, Kotetsu redirected his brain to hunt down a minute detail that it probably didn’t have stored anywhere. It seemed like such a good idea now to have taken a moment to inspect his room number, but he would simply have to his best to recollect.

“Uhh, well that’s... That’s a good question.... There was... a three in there somewhere... Maybe...”

[baniichan]

Barnaby's expression grew flat, which was probably the best nod toward normalcy either of them were going to get this morning. Didn't Kotetsu think to check? Then again, even if he had, there was no guarantee he would have actually remembered. And to think that he disliked it when Barnaby used to call him old man. If the shoe fit, then that wasn't exactly Barnaby’s problem, now was it?

But that was neither here not there. "You should learn your room number as soon as you can," he told him. "They might let us out again tonight. How do you expect me to find you if you don’t even know where you are?" Barnaby was probably lecturing him again, but he didn’t care. This was serious, and Kotetsu needed to cause as little trouble for them as possible by at least pretending he was aware of his surroundings. Honestly...

[oyaji]

“Hey, now!” Kotetsu brought his hands up in defense, but there were no hard feelings to be found. It was hard deny that he enjoyed being scolded, especially from his partner. In his own way, it showed that Barnaby cared about him.

“It’s no big deal, I know where you are so that’s good enough for now, right? So room twelve, I can find that easy!”

[baniichan]

"You say that, but..." Barnaby folded his arms over his chest, looking less than impressed with Kotetsu's assurances that he could find him. "Well, I suppose it can't be helped now. If the doors unlock tonight, I'll be waiting for you."

Although he knew perfectly well that he probably wasn't qualified to give anyone direction in his current state, focusing on things they needed to take care of gave Barnaby some much-needed stability. It provided his increasingly fragmented mind an anchor, and helped keep his fragile emotions in check. As long as he had to force himself to stay glued together, then Barnaby could delay the inevitable fallout for awhile yet. He had enough experience with putting on a public face for the cameras to know as much about himself.

"In the meantime,” he pointedly added, "you need to learn and memorize your room number at some point today." And, yes, there would be a quiz later. "If you could also eventually point out your roommate to me, that would be ideal. We don't know how much we can trust the patients here, which means we should keep a close eye on one another whenever possible."