damned_institute | Day 60: Music Room (Fourth Shift)

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Day 60: Music Room (Fourth Shift)

It wasn't often that Renji felt less like punching people in general as his day wore on. This was a new experience for him. A not unwelcome one, if he was being honest. And the fact that he felt less like punching Fai? Kind of mind-blowing. The sort of thing Zen masters would probably use as a kouan to reach an all-new level of non-punching enlightenment.

So he was back from the dead, almost everyone he'd known was gone, and yet bizarrely his day felt like it was looking up. Kind of. Renji wasn't sure what to make of this. Maybe his grumpy meter was just nearing empty. That was as good an explanation as the next, considering how this place made him feel.

Whatever the reason, he ended up in the music room. And he remembered oh yeah. He'd always kind of hated this damn shift. He grabbed a little book of music and a drum and retreated quickly to the far end of the room. He put the drum down in front of him just so he looked like he was doing something and opened the book. But he had no idea how to read music, and really, he was more interested in the ongoing puzzle of what the hell had happened in the last four weeks.

And brooding. Of course. There was always brooding to be done.

[Okay Tolten, let me lay it out for you. When there's a mommy and a daddy... or sometimes a daddy and a dadddy. Or, hell, sometimes a mommy and a mommy if you buy the right kind of wood cuts (and a third mommy if you go to just the right shop)... but anyway when they love each other very much, or at least a suitably large amount of money changes hands, there are some things that happen...]

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Nothing had given itself to change. And yet everything had. In the interterm of time’s passing, life had continued to move. As she had known it would. For she was but an outside participant, an observer in place to bear witness to the rotations of the earth. There was little more to categorize it as. She could not think of anything else.

It had even shifted backwards in her period of oblivion traced to nothingness. The military had dispersed and the hospital had regained itself, and she was left to wonder if the military had been dreamed. Except that Ayanami did not dream, not as others did, and for that she was left with the complete and total truth of the matter. Things had changed, and she did not know if she could define them as better or worse.

She had not expected to be told others thought she had been released. She had not expected to lose three days and counting, to have slept as if she were dead. She had not expected to have woken with few recognized in her surroundings, and more to the point--

Rei Ayanami did not expect that she would regain consciousness to find that three she knew were gone.

No, it was not yet known. Not yet a guaranteed fact, but it existed just the same. Ikari was gone. The Second as well. And Kaworu Nagisa. All three gone without a trace, and she knew it for she had watched and waited, and none had appeared. She knew it because the faltering connection held between her and the supposed Fifth had vanished, and Ikari….

Ikari was not here. This, Rei knew well.

So it was that she found herself alone. Even in solitude, there lacked a degree of change, and even in this place, things remained the same. The scar on her neck, the memories of the two entry plugs used in ways they shouldn’t have been. No. Nothing had changed, but. She found herself alone, and it was new to her. Still, it was not something that she should find as strange. She had existed in solitude, and this was but the same.

Except for the fact that she had known bonds, and now they were gone from her.

Should she hold a hopelessness within her for that fact? There had been little show of progress before, and yet, that was due to her and not to them. Would she be able to adjust that herself? The military had been a comfort, a way to allow her to move within bounds rather than freely. Would she be able to place herself anew and push forward in this? Or was it that she should merely give in, allow everything to happen as it would? A possibility yet undenied. It still existed as an option, if in the end, there was nothing to succeed in.

She would be replaced. It was a comfort and a curse. If she failed, here, or at NERV, she would simply be replaced. And her presence would be forgotten, the space left unmissed, and things would move as if she had never been.

There was peace in that, but it was also quietly questioned. Would she be forgotten by that girl as well? Would Aigis forget her face in Rei passed into time and memory? Or would Ayanami be missed, and held as something to be remembered?

It was a fluttering thing, the fact of hope. Strange and shifting, she held a hand to her chest and considered.

[ hay gurlfriend ]

[hei yurself~]

Aigis had little knowledge of music. The closest she had really come to understanding it had been her knowledge that Minato had liked music. He always had his headphones on his person even if they were not placed over his ears. Curious, she opted to go with the institute's planned activity rather than seeking to lose herself in the passage of time in the sun room.

She took a moment to get her barrings and was wondering where she ought to start browsing when a familiar face caught her eye. Rei.

No, she should be gone now. She was gone before, taken away by the institute if the one who had responded to her note was to be believed. She didn't doubt that response. Rei had not been seen for several days now, and she had failed to leave a trace of herself on the bulletin. The only conclusion that Aigis could come to was that her friend had been returned to her.

"Ayanami-san..." Aigis' greeting was almost breathless in delight. She reached out, wanting to take her friend's hand, but not sure if that was permissible she drew it back before she quite reached Rei's side.

Aigis hovered maybe a bit closer than the acceptable norm, but human interactions were still somewhat foreign to her. Especially when something threw her off and made her forget her manners. Finally, she smiled, satisfied. "You have returned."

As if by thinking it, the mind shifted reality to suit the will, and the girl thought of simply appeared.

There was a beat of loss, of the mind's faltering catch on the the current movements of reality, a blank look and a faraway place, and then Rei's mouth slightly opened in surprise, eyes holding something close to relief. For this was one. One of the bonds created. And Aigis was still here.

If the other was too close, Rei had no mind for it. Human decorum was beyond her, and she wasn't able to tell. "...Aigis." Quieter than was normal even for Rei. A beat, and then she moved her head, shook it firmly. Despite the threat given the shift before, the irregularities lined up before her, she would hold to what she deemed as truth. "I never left."

Aigis smiled and nodded at the return of her name from Rei's lips. So she had not forgotten either. Some had said the people who disappeared would often forget. Like Utena before her, Rei had managed to cling to her memories.

"Never left?" Aigis wasn't certain how that was possible. Surely if Rei had been here someone would have mentioned her. Unless...

"The military. Aguilar. Did he do something to you, Ayanami-san?" Aigis' eyes subconsciously sharpened and her mouth lost its smile, settling into a suspicious frown. If what she suspected was true then her captors were more devious than she had originally imagined. Using her friends to bring her strife. That was lower than anyone could sink. It was on par it Ikutsuki's level of evil.

She awaited her friend's response, hoping to hear maybe a little something more about the institute's hidden agenda.

Ayanami flinched as if struck.

It was the largest outward response she had made, and it came for a good reason. It was as if Aigis had read her mind, saw into a silent fear she hadn't given voice to. Rei had been unconscious for three days. And she had regained consciousness after they had left. Right after they had left. She knew full well that the pilots had been focused on. Both Ikari and Kaworu Nagisa had fallen to torments and tests, to be found in quiet laboratories at night. So she knew. Quite well. And had focused on it for some time.

If she had fallen to those self-same tests, why had there been an extended length? Because of what made up her existence? Because of cells and energies placed and combined to make up the being called Rei Ayanami? Was there something within that they had found useful, to take or copy? Would there be more of her? Were there already? Why had she woken and the rest were gone? Was this only just another version--

She inhaled, eyes dropping. Her voice held more emotion than she wished. "I don't... I don't know."

Rei was visibly just as troubled as Aigis was by the thought. Perhaps even more so, but Aigis had never been terribly good at reading the faces of others. The small responses that Rei displayed were far too human for Aigis to ever fully comprehend but their general feeling was understood.

Perhaps it had been too much to hope that Rei could remember anything from her time away. Likely she had been drugged and kept incapacitated throughout whatever procedures she had been given. It was an unfortunate probability. "Then perhaps we should investigate."

The only question was how. Aigis looked around the room hoping for some inspiration. There was none to be found.

"You do not remember anything? What was your last comprehensible memory?" Her question was completely objective. Certainly she did not want to cause her friend discomfort but even the smallest clue could help.

Aigis's offer came as unexpected. Again, Rei gave a strange show of emotion, strange tingeing her expression. The offer to investigate, for one. That Aigis had said we, for the other. The girl's questions were far easier to come to terms with. "I've been unconscious," she gave by way of explanation. "My last memory is of Saturday night, talking with a comrade." A comrade who was now gone, if the past shifts had shown anything.

But answering Aigis only circled Rei back to her offer, and the pilot's eyes flicked up to her, cautious. "Investigate." The word was said slowly, as if in musing. "Is that even possible?"

Aigis nodded, her frown deepening a bit more at hearing Rei had been gone longer than she had suspected. "This comrade of yours. Do you believe he or she might possibly know anything?" It was unlikely, but every route needed to be pursued.

Aigis paused, her head tilting to the side at Rei's own inquiry. "Investigation is something that I do." It was difficult to describe how she and her friends went about searching for clues as to when and where the Shadows would appear. Investigation was what they called it. Perhaps it was not quite that but Aigis wouldn't know. "It is the only thing I can do in this situation."

Perhaps she was wrong, though. Aigis subconsciously breathed out a puff of air, her eyes sliding away from Rei for the first time as she began to doubt. "If we cannot find out, I do not suppose it will change things. But it was... difficult, thinking they had changed your memories. Made you into... someone who is not you, Ayanami-san."

She brightened again but only slightly. Not quite to the level she had been at when their eyes had first met this shift. "I suppose I should be thankful. You are still you. They did not alter your memories." You still remember me.

[ scream that icon.... ]

If the Second Child did know anything, she was not likely to share it. And more to the point.... Rei's eyes watched Aigis, then she gave a slight incline of her head. "I am not certain, but all of my comrades may be gone." The males she was more sure on. Soryu, Ayanami had not seen in parts. It could be that the other pilot was still around. Somewhere.

She did not doubt Aigis's claim. For the other had had more luck in narrowing down what had happened to the both of them--which still existed as something to be discussed, though not in this timeframe. Rei gave a perceptible nod to the point, accepting the fact. Though the other continued, and Ayanami listened intently. To words that could be spoken by herself. Did Aigis have any idea of what those things meant to Rei? More than likely not, but it remained all the same. Rei bowed her head, eyes closed. "...I am myself." A reiteration. A fact. A promise. "I cannot be anything than what I am."

It came less as an explanation and more as a want. A need. She would not be any other. She was herself. And would not allow any other's desires or mind to pull her apart. Not again. Not in any way.

[You like it? :3 Also, sorry for late >_<;;]

"Oh." Aigis' brows drew together in sympathy. It was a sad thing to lose one's comrades. She understood very well that pain. "I am sorry for your loss. All my friends from home are gone as well."

Rei seemed to hold onto Aigis' assertion that she would always be herself, no matter what. They were of a like-mind in that sense. However, Aigis was beginning to see that 'change' was possible, but 'change' did not mean becoming a different being altogether. It was subtle and augmented oneself, but it did not change one completely.

"Yes." Aigis nodded again in affirmation. "We should do what we can to gather information on what truly happened in your absence. It may not culminate into conclusive data. However, we may discover at least a little more about the institute's goals for us all."

[ extremely!~ very cute~ ]

Empathy was not an aspect Rei held to, but she could understand. Both she and Aigis were now the only ones left from their comrades. Ayanami nodded slowly. "...We're the ones that were left." Or the ones that were strong enough to not vanish. She could not claim to know what happened to those who disappeared. It was not of her mind to tell it.

She hesitated only for a moment after Aigis spoke again, then gave another nod. "All right," she said softly. "I'll follow your lead in this."

[\o/]

Being left hurt, but it was perhaps for the best that they were not mindlessly following the institute's influences. It still pained Aigis to know most of her friends had succumbed, but she wouldn't let it get to her. She would stay strong. For her friends still here and those now gone.

Aigis was surprised by Rei's sudden proclamation of allegiance in the matter. Pleasantly surprised. "No one has ever followed me before." She was always the follower. Following Minato or Heat or Utena. But this time, Rei was relying on her to lead them in this mission. Well, she would take up that offer then.

Reaching out with a smile, Aigis finally felt she had the the right to hold her friend's hand. She never initiated these things on her own, but right now it felt like the "right" time for such a move. She could have been wrong, but she was willing to take a chance.

Despite Aigis' claim, Rei would hold to what she had said. Aigis was more knowledgeable. Therefore, it would be Rei who followed. She was one who could switch to any role, provide support and backup or move to lead others, but if asked a preference--which had never been done--Rei would move to support more than any other. She would guard another's back wholly and completely, and this was what came as truth.

The other moved, smiling, and Ayanami allowed the touch easily, the clasp of hands. She glanced downward, to the fingers entwined, and slowly returned the gesture. This person was.... Aigis was becoming something in the way of bonds. And in this place, the girl was quite possibly the only possibility of that that Rei had. The others were likely gone, and only this girl, human or not, had reached out to Ayanami in a way that had affected. So it was that-- "Aigis," she said quietly, emotionlessly, as she looked on at the fact of two clasped into one. "If you need assistance, tell me. I will help you if you have need." She would be there, if Aigis needed anything.

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Day 60: Music Room (Fourth Shift)

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