Day 58: Sun Room (Fourth Shift)

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Peter's lunch meeting with Tear had gone far better than he could have even expected. It was a good thing that he wasn't the sort of person who judged by age, seeing how the girl had proved herself to be very capable despite the fact that she was only a teenager. Not that Peter would ever admit it out loud, but Tear was a lot more mature than his own niece. He could only assume that Tear's circumstances had forced that onto her, though, which was the downside to the whole thing.

Or maybe it had something to do with her being a healer. She'd probably seen a lot of horrific things in her life already, things that some other people would never experience. Then again, Claire had seen her own body mutilated, so personality might have something to do with it too.

Either way, they had a basic plan. He was going to try and look into safe areas while Tear was going to work on their alliance with Search and Rescue. He wasn't too worried about the latter, but the former might be a pipe dream. Seeing how he had no interest in playing with beads and glitter, Peter chose to remain in the Sun Room.

It didn't take him long to draft up a message with his question, and once he'd posted it up (covering a few other replies in the process, but at the end of the day the board was low on real estate) he went ahead and found himself a seat. This way he could keep a careful eye on the replies that he got.

While he had already agreed to meet with Max tonight, Peter realized that the earliest this paramedic group could get going was the following night anyway. That was something to aim for, at least. Even if it was just him and Tear taking care of things at first, that was a start.

[For Haruno Sakura.]

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[unit67.livejournal.com]

Despite the fact that years separated the two, Lily would have recognized the voice anywhere. Anytime. She looked up, wide-eyed, cat forgotten (which, considering her enthusiasm for the cat, was quite a feat), and she grinned broadly before diving forward and attaching herself to Heine in a hug stronger than any preteen girl should be able to manage. "I missed you!" she said, though she'd only been in the institute for a few days. Days were weeks, months, years, when she'd never spent more than a few hours apart from her friends. Petty questions like 'why is Heine a decade older' or 'why does Heine look so nervous' didn't enter her mind, which had no room for any thoughts beyond her excitement. Now, he could see the sky! And flowers! And cats! And he didn't have to fight anymore either, at least not all the time, and they could be safe and happy and they'd never hear Mother's sugary-acid voice again, and, and--

But something wasn't right. She could feel tensed muscles, the type of breathing Heine did when he was being calm, trying to be calm. Not that he ever broke. She could give him the cat by her feet, put it in his arms, and he'd just pet it. No blood. No breaking. Heine was what held things together. Her last memory of her home was darkness receeding, tears and the feeling of heat in her eyes, a heat that burned harder than torn muscle or torn skin. Everything hurting and hurting everything, but Heine was there and he could fix things, he could fix everything. He could fix this. Right?

"You have to see!" she said, voice almost pleading. "Look!" Lily moved only the slightest bit, casting a glance behind her. "Look, it's a cat, and it makes a sound when you hold it but I couldn't...but you could hold it, you wouldn't do anything...and...and" Lily's voice hovered on the borderline of tears, overwhelmed. She could barely comprehend this place...how would one of her friends feel? She wanted to show him everything.

"What's wrong?" Lily finally whispered. Her enthusiasm was muted by concern, but it was clear that her attention was on Heine and Heine alone. Was he mad at her for what happened when she ran away during lunch? He'd seemed to forgive her then, but she couldn't forgive herself, so maybe he'd just...

You pathetic, pathetic little girl. Groveling after scraps.

That awful, red sticky feeling returned, and Lily tried to pull closer to Heine. Sky, she thought. Sky and flowers. She was so glad he was here. He could make everything okay.

[savagestray.livejournal.com]

His feet were rooted to the floor the moment she looked up. She shouldn't have looked up. But then she was running and diving and hugging him like his weren't the hands that'd torn her to pieces. Not her. Not her. Not her.

But she was there and real and just as he remembered. The way she spoke, the way she looked, those wide eyes and innocent smile and-

He couldn't touch her, couldn't look at her, couldn't be near her without seeing those memories as vivid as ever, replaying over and over like an old movie stuck on repeat. Lily dancing amid a sea of corpses, waking to find her torn to pieces, blood and entrails covering him, the taste of her blood in his mouth-

And- And she was still talking, voice nearly in tears, upset, what had-

But she was holding onto him. With arms that still had strength and voice that still had power to speak. Much as his body tried to reject it, his mind screamed that this was insanity, that he was losing, that he'd gone too far, he slowly returned the gesture, arms gripping a little too tightly the body that was still warm and breathing and not growing colder by the minute. He pulled her close, head nearly resting on her shoulder.

He wanted to tell her that he was sorry, that he didn't expect to be forgiven, that he'd let them all down, so many things, though he could give voice to none of them. You'll just break her again. We could do it together this time- you know? At least now I won't have to listen to you bitch about her. Always calling out that name.

[unit67.livejournal.com]

"It's okay," Lily said quietly. She wasn't sure what should be okay, but she sensed that something was not. Heine always cared in his own way, a subtle way that showed itself mostly in concerned glances and more rarely in protective actions, but he'd never returned her hugs with strength that matched her own. That hadn't been unusual; Lily was one of the more affectionate children in the facility and she never hesitated to show it. Heine, however, had been more frugal with his emotions. Could he be worried?

"I haven't...haven't done anything I shouldn't have, not since I woke up," she said. That could be it, right? That was where she'd left. Lily felt as though she was overlooking something very important, as if she were back home and doing one of those logic tests that always gave her the most trouble. "It's still hard here, but..." She closed her eyes and pulled closer. In the last two days she'd lost count of the times when the voice told her to hurt strangers, to hurt Rose, just to hurt. Hurt everything. Heine knew, though. She'd told him, in the seconds before she woke in an unfamiliar bed. "I'm not as scared, now that you're here."

Her voice remained soft as she continued, enthusiasm replaced by concern. What if he just didn't understand where he was? She'd been scared and confused at first...neither of them had good experiences waking up in foreign rooms. "This place...I don't know what it is, but it's better here. You can see the sky. Right now, even, but there are...are..." Lily searched her mind for the word. "Clouds? And there's glass room, filled with flowers." A deep breath as she tried to keep herself from getting caught in the excitement of that memory. Seconds passed before she spoke again, and when she did, her voice was calm and warm. "I wanted you to come here. I drew pictures so that when they sent me back, I could show you everything."

Their difference in age still hadn't made it through Lily's happiness to see her friend. Even the change in height, several inches, was overlooked. This person was Heine, she knew it was Heine, and for now, that was all that mattered.

[savagestray.livejournal.com]

It's okay.

It was a while before he was willing to let go. Part of him knew this couldn't possibly be real and kept waiting for her to vanish or become someone else or maybe if he closed his eyes or blinked the scene might change to one of blood and tragedy.

But the way she spoke made it sound like none of it had ever happened. Like that pile of corpses was the real illusion and everything was fine. But he was years older and she was still the same; carved from his memories as if not a day had passed.

Much as he wanted to reassure her and tell her that everything was going to be okay because he was here and he would make sure it wasn't scary or bad anymore, he couldn't promise it. He wasn't even sure he could promise she'd be safe from him. At least it gave him reason to be strong and keep the other away.

"Flowers... you got to see them?" he said after a moment, loosening his hold. The thought was warming somehow. His Lily hadn't seen one before. Not one real flower before she died. And to see her so animated and genuinely happy, it was more than enough to justify all the bullshit he'd gone through today.

There was another question eating away at him though, one he had much more difficulty voicing. Still, he had to know. "Lily, what's the last thing you remember? Before you woke up here?"

[unit67.livejournal.com]

"There are hundreds", Lily said about the flowers, again smiling. Her fingers closed around his wrist as if she were eager to lead him, but a cold glare from the soldier gave her pause. No fighting. Not now. "I'll show you. Later, when he's not here. But I'll show you." Still, she didn't release his arm until Heine's second question, when she raised her fingers to her lips while she thought. Why would he even ask that? He remembered as well as she did, right? But-

"I was..." she started, looking to her feet, cheeks turning red and voice weak. "it was after practice, after I almost hurt Gio, and we were waiting for lunch and then things were black and..." Her voice faltered and she shook her head, still not looking up. "But you stopped me. Before everything was red."

Lily dragged one arm across her eyes as she tried to compose herself. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She hadn't wanted to try to hurt him, to fight him like a monster. It didn't matter that he already knew that. She couldn't apologize enough. When Lily looked up, her blue eyes were wet but she tried to be strong, remain focused. "Don't you remember?"

That was when the full strangeness of the situation finally passed the blinders of her excitement, and she blinked a few times, partially to clear her eyes of tears, partially to try to understand. "You look older," she said. Lily tilted her head slightly, expression confused but trusting. "Did they make you like that? When you woke up here?"

[savagestray.livejournal.com]

There was something about that smile; something he'd been missing for several years. But the moment it faded, bringing with it the memories of that place, the difference was like night and day. He remembered. Of course he remembered. Lily had almost snapped then and-

"It's alright," he said quietly, hand resting on her head and gently stroking the blonde hair. He hadn't meant to make her cry, but if she only remembered that far... it was much better than the unpleasant end that came just a bit later.

"I'm sorry for making you remember it. My head's... fuzzy." Understatement of the year. He still couldn't be certain if this was a dream or real or something inbetween. It wasn't until she asked him why he was so different now that things started to click into place, while others only became more fragmented. Memories and dreams, it shouldn't matter what his age was now or what he looked like. Lily looked young to him because that was how he remembered her. That was how it worked. But why was he different then? Nevermind all the other things screaming that they didn't make sense, shouldn't be, shouldn't...

"I don't know. I don't- Fuck, none of it makes sense," he tensed, voice becoming a bit tighter. No matter how much he might want to ask her how she'd come to be here, alive and in one piece, it would only hurt her further. Some kind of genetic experiment? Piecing together Lily from what was left? Cloning? Genetics were beyond him, but maybe it was possible. But could they really duplicate someone so easily? So precisely and with their memories intact?

[unit67.livejournal.com]

Lily calmed more at his touch, sniffing as she wiped her eyes one more time, clarifying the image in front of her. He wasn't angry. He hadn't been angry then and he wasn't now. Relief poured through her body and when she took a breath something in her felt lighter, both in weight and luminosity. "It's okay," she said in response to his apology. "I remember it all the time, it's..." There was nothing to say. Of course the memory dominated her thoughts, but she'd never committed it to words. Somehow, talking about it made it more real.

As soon as his voice tensed, though, Lily pulled back and her hands flew to her mouth. "I'm sorry!" She gasped. It was a bad question. It hadn't seemed bad, but they'd done something to him, and...and...she was such an idiot, why did she ask that? "I was just wondering, I didn't mean to-" To make him angry? To upset him? Truthfully, Lily wasn't sure what she'd done, but she knew she'd done something wrong.