Lily bit her lip and looked down, realizing that she might have made an error in being so frank when she really just meant to explain why she thought the place wasn't so terrible. Was it a bad thing to be a child soldier? It didn't necessarily imply that she lost control, that she was capable of hurting her friends. It didn't reveal anything about the dark voice, about her own weakness against it. There were others, those who weren't a threat...people like Heine, like Giovanni, like most of the others. Anyone would want to be friends with them. They wouldn't be scared. Still, she chose her words carefully, a bit nervously and not entirely free of shame. Her last memory, her hands slick with Heine's blood, coated her memory with warm red. And Giovanni...
But she couldn't talk about that that. Not yet. Not ever. No one would be friends with a person like her, and as much as Lily hated twisting the truth, she hated her loneliness even more. And the voice, it fed on that emotion. It whispered most forcefully through weakness, clamored for revenge against those who would reject her.
So no. She wouldn't talk. She'd answer his question, give the answers Heine might have given. She'd hide for as long as she could.
"Yes," she finally said. Lily seemed to have lost interest in her food, not that it was that interesting to begin with. "I mean...I think that's what you could call it. We were going to escape, though." That, or degrade into monsters. "I didn't want to hurt anyone."
It was safe. A safe enough answer. Mikado couldn't guess the truth from that. Could he? He didn't sound disgusted when he asked the question. She watched him for a second, trying to read his expression, but his mention of cats quickly raced past her anxiety.
"I love cats," she said with a grin. "They make this quiet sound, like their whole body is vibrating, and they have little pink tongues, and they rest against you when they're going to sleep, and-" And again, she'd gotten carried away with excitement. Mikado knew what cats were like. Everyone did. "I'm sorry," she said, glancing down. "It's just that back home, we...I never saw a cat before."
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But she couldn't talk about that that. Not yet. Not ever. No one would be friends with a person like her, and as much as Lily hated twisting the truth, she hated her loneliness even more. And the voice, it fed on that emotion. It whispered most forcefully through weakness, clamored for revenge against those who would reject her.
So no. She wouldn't talk. She'd answer his question, give the answers Heine might have given. She'd hide for as long as she could.
"Yes," she finally said. Lily seemed to have lost interest in her food, not that it was that interesting to begin with. "I mean...I think that's what you could call it. We were going to escape, though." That, or degrade into monsters. "I didn't want to hurt anyone."
It was safe. A safe enough answer. Mikado couldn't guess the truth from that. Could he? He didn't sound disgusted when he asked the question. She watched him for a second, trying to read his expression, but his mention of cats quickly raced past her anxiety.
"I love cats," she said with a grin. "They make this quiet sound, like their whole body is vibrating, and they have little pink tongues, and they rest against you when they're going to sleep, and-" And again, she'd gotten carried away with excitement. Mikado knew what cats were like. Everyone did. "I'm sorry," she said, glancing down. "It's just that back home, we...I never saw a cat before."